The Modern Day Casanova Chapter 11 (A Leisure Suit Larry fic)

Well, it is November 30th, and after a bit of a trying day dealing with a cold, I am able to take some time to post something I have ready. It is the newest chapter in my Leisure Suit Larry adaptation. I hope this chapter puts a smile on your face as much as it puts a smile on my face as I work on it.

Again, in due time, this fic will get an updated look to it. I just need to figure out how it will look.

Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to Leisure Suit Larry, or any of the characters from the franchise. I do not fully know how everyone relates to one another, and this work is complete fiction. I am not making any profit on this publication, and do this mainly out of a love for the games. Also, the fourth wall will get demolished, and it's repair cost will be all on you.

Once Larry recovered from the shock of the drummer knowing exactly what was in his wallet, Larry needed to go somewhere where there would be ladies to woo, since the Casino was for the time being a complete bust. (Get your laughs out now. I know you want to laugh at that choice of words.)

Larry left the cabaret, and promptly made his way out of the casino. Part of him wanted to try to talk to one of the ladies playing the machines, but he had a feeling they were too focused on their game. This was of course true, since it is considered highly risky to interrupt someone playing a game in a casino. (There have been a number of tales of someone who did something so foolish. Some have involved injuries, and some even involve litigation.) Some were open to chatting, but they were looking for big winners who were very susceptible to being slipped a ‘Mickey’. For those of you unfamiliar with that, which actually includes Larry, a Mickey is named after a bartender in Chicago around the turn of the twentieth century who apparently slipped knock out drops into some drinks in order to rob those patrons. Since then, any drink laced with drugs to knock someone out is termed a Mickey. (Mind you, a similar mixture mainly used in sexually related crimes is called a Ruffie. Larry is in no danger of receiving one of those, at least from someone who is sane.)

With that not in mind, Larry left the casino, and against his own better judgement, hailed a cab. As was a sign of the times, the cab arrived in a yellow blur from out of nowhere, and Larry got in, directing the cabbie to take him to the discotheque. Of course, he made sure he was in before he told the cabbie that. (That old gag seen in cartoons where the cab speeds off after hearing the destination before the passenger enters has actually happened. It isn’t documented, however, as the cab company that was involve was shut down for illegal practices.)

As the cab sped through the streets of Lost Wages to its destination, Larry tried to imagine the environment he would be walking into. With Larry fixated on the mind set of the seventies, he imagined a scene like out of Saturday Night Fever, with a dark club, with a flashing dance floor. All the men there would be dressed in leisure suits, while the women would be dressed in tight revealing dresses, or in outfits that allowed their figures to freely move and bounce. This shows more of how Larry’s mind is out of touch with the world.

Of course, since the trip was short, due to how fast the cabbie was driving, it had arrived before Larry could start picturing what the women looked like. Larry made sure to pay the cabbie as he left, although he was a little annoyed that he didn’t have time to try and picture the kind of women he’d see at the discotheque. He didn’t let that bother him too much, as he was sure he was about to find many ladies waiting inside.

Larry quickly walked over to the bouncer, who again eyed him suspiciously. The prior encounter had been informative, but now the bouncer was ready to send Larry packing if he didn’t have a pass. It had been a chat Larry had taken to heart, especially now that he had what he found in the casino. Larry held up the pass for the bouncer to see, fully certain that he would get in with no problem.

Larry was actually right about this, but not for the reasons he suspected. The bouncer, aware of his duties, had scanned the pass, and noticed that it was an old pass. Normally, the freebies were marked with something saying what night it was good for. The pass Larry had was one the bouncer saw handled by many guys. He knew who it really belonged to and was slipped a fifty every night to allow whomever had the badge to enter.

The bouncer stepped aside and pointed towards the door. "Go on in and mind the rules. I already had to throw out one loser who was bugging people.". He said that more as a warning to Larry. He could tell Larry might not survive what he might have to do. The guy he threw out needed an ambulance, and that guy was a bit more built than Larry was. Larry didn't register the meaning of the words, since in his mind, he was entering Nirvana.

The disco was full of people of all sorts, that could be easily divided into groups. Some of these groups could even be divided into sub-groups. At this time, the easiest division to see was men and women since there was only one woman in the place. All the men in the place were sitting on the opposite side of the disco.

When it comes to the dating world, when confronted with a good-looking woman, men are usually subdivided into two groups. These groups were those men who thought the woman was out of their league, and those men who thought they had a chance. All the men there had been part of the first group, as well as the fact that they were actually a group of computer programmers doing research for a computer game. (Research into this group yielded that they were from a computer game company that was developing some sort of dating simulation. Unfortunately, the master copy went missing before it could be released.)

Larry was part of that very rare group of men that were completely clueless about dating and didn't know this girl looked out of his league. To be honest, Larry was the kind of guy some women would take pity on. The woman that Larry decided to approach was not one of those women.

This woman was known to a few people in Lost Wages. Not all of them knew her real name, since outside of Lost Wages, she was wanted on various counts of fraud. The only reason she was allowed to keep her scam running in Lost Wages was the fact that Julius was getting a cut due to the use of the honeymoon suite in the casino. Currently, the woman was going by the name of Fawn.

Fawn was currently eyeing Larry, but ever so discretely. She had received word that her current mark was wearing a Leisure Suit, and looked like he was in his late thirties, or early forties. She wasn’t told how pathetic he looked, but that he did seem clueless. She braced herself, thankful that her scam never involved sleeping with the mark.

Larry, who was unaware that he was targeted for a con, approached Fawn with only one goal on his mind. He was going to use his newfound confidence from his time with Typhoid Va-Jay-Jay to score with this woman. He discretely used his breath spray, (which anyone can tell you is impossible), gave her his most fetching smile (which was actually the only good thing going for him), and sat in a chair close to her.

For a moment, Larry studied her, noting her lovely blonde hair, as well as her lovely figure in the mini-dress she had on. Larry took note that the dress left little to the imagination and took his eyes away from her figure to look her in the eyes. Larry was certain he could get lost in those eyes as well, and in fear of getting lost in them, he dropped them after he said, “Hi ya, Baby. What do say you and me get it on?”

Fawn had noticed how Larry’s eyes had gone down to her chest. She also noticed the lack of creativity in his first approach, so she responded in kind, but hoping that the mark would come up with a better line than that. “Get lost, creep.” Besides, the one man she had removed from the place used the same line twice, thinking she wouldn’t remember it.

Larry, inexperienced in the dating world, did not register the blow off for what it was and didn’t move. He decided to take a different approach however and recalled that asking one’s sign was always worked. He smiled again at the woman, and this time asked, “Hey, sweetheart. What’s your sign?”

Again, Fawn recognized one of the cliché pick-up lines. She was now starting to lose hope in her mark, if Larry was her mark, and responded with her typical response to that line. “Octagonal, like in ‘STOP’.” She was also starting to wonder if she would need to call for that bouncer again.

Larry, this time, recognized that maybe his attempts so far were failing. He didn’t understand that, since they had to be sure fire pick-up lines. (This is probably before shows like ‘Three’s Company’ made these pick-up lines well known.) This time, he decided to take a different approach and introduced himself this time round. “My name is Larry, Larry Laffer.” Unwittingly, he added a small laugh at the end, and almost wanted to smack himself for doing so. (Had I been present at the time, I might have Dinozzoed him myself. If you are unfamiliar with that term, that means giving him a headslap.)

This time, Fawn did smile. It was rare when her marks would mention their names. This was usually because most times her marks were sometimes a little drunk, and easy to fool. Not only did this man mention his name, he mentioned his last name as well. In her experience, any man that gave his last name, especially in the way Larry had, meant he had money. It was quite possible, in her mind, that his outfit was just a front to fool people into thinking he didn’t have money on him. Still, she had to test how naïve he was. She had managed to glance downwards on him, down to his pants, and with a coy smile and a slight chuckle, said, “Say, Larry, is that a Pez dispenser in your pocket, or are you just lonely?”

Larry, being who he was, noticed the statement, and didn’t take notice of the size of what she was referring to, since he had never had any Pez in his life. While a Pez dispenser is much longer than a roll of dimes, (almost twice the length), it is skinnier than a roll of dimes. (While the length might be an improvement, no man wants to think his manhood is that skinny.) What Larry did notice, like last time, was that she was checking out his package. So he decided to hopefully move things along in the right direction by asking, “What’s your name, beautiful?”

Those words impressed Fawn a little, as well as told her how clueless Larry was, or at least gave her a good idea of how clueless he was. He could be clueless enough to part with his money with ease, or he might have been warned about that. She had a feeling he might be a bit of a mama’s boy (even though by this time Larry’s mother wasn’t in anyway able to be reached by Larry) and might have been warned about women asking for money. So, she answered his question with a slightly suggestive tone in her voice. “Fawn.”

Larry took getting the woman’s name as a step in the right direction and decided that the straightforward approach worked best with Fawn. He gave her another smile, and asked, “So what kind of girl are you?”

Fawn gave Larry a smile that was seductive in and of itself. She even placed a seductive tone in her voice as she answered his question. “I’m a girl who can’t say no…”

When she trailed off, Larry thought he might have hit the jackpot with the first (only) girl he actually met there. Would it be that easy to find a meaningful woman to score with? It was then that she finished her statement with “to nice presents.” For a brief moment, Larry’s hopes fell, until he recalled the items he had found so far. He was also certain that if they weren’t enough, he had the funds to purchase more. So, he decided to start off with the rose. It was the best thing he could give to help state his intentions.

Fawn, at this point, had only expected him to present one item to her. She was surprised when he pulled out a beautiful rose. It was amazing since she figured it should have been ruined being in one of the pockets of the leisure suit he was wearing. (Of course, she was unaware of the strange nature of his leisure suit, but that’s neither here nor there.) It was actually a first for her, and it kept her off guard for what came next.

Larry read her shock more as awe at the beauty of the rose. Given where he had found it, he could understand that shock, but he wasn’t about to mention that part at the moment. He could do that later. Since she seemed a sweet girl, he pulled out the box of chocolates he had gotten from Typhoid Va-Jay-Jay, again deciding it best not to mention the source of those chocolates until later. He didn’t want to ruin this, especially since things were going so well.

Fawn had accepted both the rose and the candy, recognizing them as high quality, but neither were the item that would signify that Larry was her mark. Then he pulled out the very item she wanted to see. The diamond ring she had had planted at Lefty’s. The sap probably didn’t know the truth behind it. It wasn’t a real one, but it looked real. She always gushed over it when her mark brought it to her, and this would be no exception. Her eyes lit up, and she said “Ohhh, I just love diamonds, especially diamond rings.”

Larry was on cloud nine now. He was certain her had her in the palm of his hand. He had no clue that he was literally in the palm of her hand. What he felt, however, is that with one of the hippest disco tunes playing (which by the time this story happens was over a decade old), he would lock in scoring with her with a dance.

The two took to the dance floor in what was one of those moments that is talked about in legend. Even after hearing about it from Larry, I had to verify it from someone else who was there. While Fawn could not be found (not that I wanted to approach her), I had been able to find one of the men who had been there that night, a computer programmer who wished to remained unnamed, so I shall refer to him as Al Nomynous, since his first name isn’t Al.

Anyhow, the dance started with Larry taking Fawn’s hand, and swinging her from his left to his right at a speed that almost caused a wardrobe malfunction (SORRY TO DISAPPOINT ALL YOU PEOPLE WHO AREN’T SUPPOSED TO BE READING THIS, AS I TOLD YOU ALL BEFORE). He then performed a dip with her so fast that she went flying up through the ceiling. She remained airborne for quite some time, allowing Larry to do some other dance moves, including some moves believed to be traditional Russian dance moves. Eventually, Larry was in position to catch Fawn when she came back down, and returned her to upright dancing, possibly no worse for wear. He then finished up his dance with a twirling that would make even accomplished ballet dancers dizzy. To date, only an incident at a place called the Coco Bongo comes even remotely close to this dance.

Once the two had returned to where Fawn had been sitting, Larry figured it was time for the score. He was certain he had fully impressed her, and she’d be willing to have a good time with him (provided she didn’t hold the being thrown through the ceiling against him). He took the bold action and asked, “So Fawn, how about we head someplace and get to know each other a bit better.”

Fawn knew exactly what Larry was thinking, and since Larry was her mark, she knew exactly what to do. She gave her sweetest and most seductive smile, and said to Larry, “Oh Larry, I want to make wild passionate love to you, but first we must get married. I could never make love to a man that isn’t my husband. If you can give me some money, I can rent us the honeymoon suite, and we can get married at the wedding chapel near the casino.”

The idea of getting married just to get lucky is not unheard of. While most men who are just looking to sew their wild oats would abandon the idea right there, some men have agreed to getting married just so they could ‘get some’. In fact, some men have even used the excuse that they had ‘needs’ to justify getting married. (I swear, that was the only time I ever heard that my paternal grandmother wanted to hit someone.)

Larry, being as unexperienced in dating as he was, and being unexperienced with women in general, and only wanting to score and not pay for it, didn’t see this as unreasonable. He pulled out a couple of hundreds from his casino winnings, saying, “No problem. Here you go. You go set that up, and I’ll meet you at the chapel.” He had seen the place next to the casino, and Larry was extremely trusting.

In a place like Lost Wages, where there are always people looking for an easy mark to exploit, giving someone the amount of money that Larry gave Fawn was a serious risk. While Fawn could have easily left with just that, she did catch the amount in Larry’s wallet, and if she hadn’t seen that, she would have possibly abandoned him. She got up, however, gave him another sweet, seductive smile, and said, “Thanks, Larry. Meet me at the chapel in a few minutes. I’ll be waiting there once I get the room.” She then left the discotheque, making sure Larry was watching her walk, sashaying her hips and making sure Larry’s mind had only one thing on it.

Once she had left, there was only one thing on Larry’s mind. He was about to have his second time with a woman in one night. He also realized that he would have to wait for a few moments before he would go to the wedding chapel. He didn’t want everyone to see how aroused Fawn had made him. (Mind you, my research had found that Larry wasn’t the only one in that boat that evening, although he might have felt self-conscious if had seen how aroused some of those other men were.) Once he had felt he had calmed down enough, he got up and left the discotheque.