Well, first off, I want to wish you all a Happy St. Patrick's Day. Second, I have finally decided, after speaking with one moderator, on posting another of my series up here. This one is one of my more recent starts, having been inspired and started in 2017, last year. You see, this is an adaptation of the first game in the Leisure Suit Larry franchise, and I speak of the original game series, not the one featuring his nephew. While the games target audience is those eighteen and older, the humor that the creator of the series added openly acknowledges that teenagers are most likely playing the game as well. I, myself, was in middle school (6th and 7th grade where I lived) when the first title came out, and there were no age restrictions on game, and computer games were sold in book stores. I approach this with a feel like the Lemony Snicket series, and acknowledge who might be reading it as well. However, to go with the feel of the games, there will be more spoiler blocks.
|General LSL disclaimer|
Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to Leisure Suit Larry, or any of the characters from the franchise. I do not fully know how everyone relates to one another, and this work is complete fiction. I am not making any profit on this publication, and do this mainly out of a love for the games. Also, the fourth wall will get demolished, and it's repair cost will be all on you.
The Modern Day Casanova
Chapter 1: Let's Meet the Man
In the history of all mankind, there have been tales of those who have been legendary in the dating world. We have all heard the name of Casanova, the one ladies man who all others are compared to. It has been said that he knew what to say to every lady he has been with. We have heard of Don Juan, whom was also legendary when it came to his conquests. Known to be a very smooth talker, he could convince a lady to join him in anything. Yet, there is one name that does not get mentioned, yet they are iconic in dating circles as one who stands out from all the others. This is his story.
This is the story of Larry Laffer
Well, before I go into the story of Larry Laffer, I must first say a few things. These must be said so that only people truly worthy of learn about this individual are reading this. Besides, it is my obligation as an author to do this to absolve myself of any troubles.
First off, if you have not reached the point in your life know as puberty, STOP READING THIS RIGHT NOW. Hit back in wherever browser you are using, on what ever website you came across it. It was not meant for you for a reason that I will not go into here. You are too young for this. As long as you put this back, and left no signs that you saw it, life can continue on as normal, or at least as near to normal as it can get.
Second, if you are in those formidable teenage years, I will not be so full of myself to think you’d be swayed by a polite ‘Stop Reading This Right Now.’ Depending on how old you are exactly, I would urge you to stop, and maybe speak with someone older before reading this. The contents of this story is more aimed at adults. I will not be so naïve to think that it wasn’t possible that my efforts stopped you, but if you decide to continue one, I won’t urge you, but I’ll sell you out in a second to your responsible guardian. You aren’t throwing me under the bus.
Now that we have that rather unpleasant business done, we should be left with the rather mature readers. (Snicker) Of course, given who this story is about, I’m sure we will keep a civil mind and remember that this individual was not known to be saintly. To be honest, he was more known to be awkward. He was the original forty year old virgin before that movie made it something of a big thing. He was, well, the stereotypical loser nerd.
I wish that wasn’t the case, but for every stereotype, there is a person who not only lives it, but exemplifies it. That is how Larry started out. He was the peak of stereotypical nerd-dom. He worked as a computer programmer at a quaint little company. He lived at home with his mother, whom he knew adored him (Actually, she wished he would move out and start his own life like his sister had.) Every night, he read the same books to get to sleep.
Eventually, the life long bachelor, mainly due to his fear of asking out the fairer sex, and of rejection, started to come to a conclusion. This conclusion was fueled by the occasional porn Larry would come across. I’m sure you know which one I’m talking about; those issues of National Geographic that features the native women going around in states of undress. Sometimes, late at night, if one were to venture within listening distance of Larry’s room (if one was more pathetic than Larry was), they would hear a meek, whiny, nasal voice say “I’m horny as hell, and I’m not going to take it anymore.”
Larry took bold measures to change his life. He gathered up all his possessions and sold them all. He had gone to the local pawn shop, and due to the care he had given them for most of the years, (he had gotten lax by now), he sold them for a nice penny. He also sold his old beat up car, which didn’t earn him as much as his stuff had.
With a nice chunk of change, Larry’s first step was to get the epitome of swinging single fashion. He got the one outfit he knew no lady could ignore. The outfit that John Travolta rocked the world in: the Polyester Leisure Suit. Larry never considered that the movie he saw that outfit in was set over a decade earlier. He parted with some of his money, and took to wearing the mystical Leisure Suit.
His outfit wasn’t the only thing way out of date. Larry still believed that Disco was in, and the king and queen of music was Barry Manilow and Aretha Franklin. His dating mindset was also in the seventies, but that wasn’t going to stop him. He wasn’t going to miss the sexual revolution, even though he was clueless to what the term actually meant. Just because he was book smart didn’t mean he was common sense smart.
Larry was finally ready. He hailed a taxi, and he had one destination in mind. He got in the cab, ready to pay for his ride to the legendary hot spot for debauchery; Las Vegas. He figured if any place could guarantee his true elevation into manhood, it would be there. It would be there where he would fully transform into the world’s most legendary ladies man.
To be honest, he had no clue what he was getting in to. He had no experience picking up women. He had no experience with the special breed of people that lurk in those centers of sin and debauchery. He was going in there a forty year old sucker. He would need all the help he could get, and to be honest, all those who could help him were sick and tired of him.
Just to prove how little help he would have, his mother, the second he left, closed a secret deal to sell the house, and had moved out. She was actually going to live closer to her daughter. Rumor was that Mrs. Laffer was going to be a grandmother in a year’s time, and that the Lovage family would need her help. Mrs. Laffer just hoped her grandchild would be nothing like her son.
|Next Chapter||Lost Wages|
|Chapter 3||Newbie on the Bar Scene|
|Chapter 4||Bathrooms and Back Rooms|
|Chapter 5||The Realm of Typhoid Va-Jay-Jay|
|Chapter 6||The American Institution|
|Chapter 7||The Slightly Safer Street of Lost Wages|
|Chapter 8||The First Conquest|
|Library Page||RichGenX's Library - The Modern Day Casanova|
|Current Cost of Fourth Walls Shattered: $1000||(If there are any concerns, please contact me, and please be polite)|