The Immortal Part 3

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mikesterman

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#1  Edited By mikesterman

Part 3 of an original series of an original character. It's Mine's :D

click here for Immortal Part 1 and Immortal part 2

Rated pg-13

Prologue

ERRRRRRRRR! A Russian prison cell rang as it was opened and a Russian man dressed with Military clothes entered the cell.

“Nikolov Nekeyev” The man said in Russian. “I have good news on your case.”

A man with long hair and a full grown beard got up from his cell bed and looked the Military official in the eye. “What case.”

The military official gulped. “We have found evidence that suggests that you were innocent. That you did not kill President Brychov’s brother.”

Nikolov got closer to the Military official. “I have been telling everyone that I didn’t kill him. That it was my comrade. But since he killed himself and you had nobody else to blame, you dismissed any evidence that could have helped my case.”

“We apologize for the-”

“Apologize?” Nikolov interrupted. “I saw armed KGB break into my home. I saw my wife get dragged on my own living room, and get beaten, raped, and then killed. I witnessed my children, even my two-year old, get beaten to death. Then I was tortured in a way no amount of Spetsnaz training could prepare you for. Then I was thrown in this Hell-hole for seventeen years!” Now Nikolov was screaming at the Military official, who closed his eyes as Nikolov was talking.

“Hmph, ‘Sorry’.” Nikolov said with a disgusted look on his face. And then he spat on the Military officials shoes.

The official just sighed. “Again, Mr. Nekeyev, We apologize for your suffering. Tomorrow you will be exonerated. You will be released from your prison; we will give you a large some of money to get yourself back on your feet. And if you are willing, you may regain your position as Spetsnaz captain.” The officer saluted Nikolov, and left. Nikolov just got back on his cell bed, and had a long restless night. Thinking about how he was going to get his revenge.

Chapter 1

DING! DING! DING! DING! The bank alarm rang, as two armed thugs ran out of the building; having just robbed it. The Police were at the scene and ordered the thugs to put down their weapons. The thugs just fired at them and the policemen ducked for cover. The thugs ran to their getaway car. When they turned the corner, they both stopped. Demetrious was standing right in front of their van. One of the thugs raised his weapon.

“Don’t shoot you idiot.” The other thug said.

“Why not?” The thug with the raised gun asked.

“That’s the Immortal.”

The thug with the raised gun just stared at Demetrious with a wide mouth and they both dropped their money bags and guns. The lifted their hands in the air in surrender, and police officers proceeded to arrest them. Jane Dallas was one of them. When she saw Demetrious, she just smiled and rolled her eyes.

“You didn’t have to be here.” Jane said as she cuffed one of the thugs. “These guys don’t exactly do magic tricks.”

“No, it’s just I-” Demetrious stuttered. “W-Was in the neighborhood aaaaand just wantedtoknowifyouwerehungry so maybe we could both go and-”

“Demetrious?” Jane interrupted. “Are you asking me on a date?”

“Yes.” Demetrious said dumbly. “I’m just really bad at this. I haven’t done this in thousands of years.”

“I could tell,” Jane said jokingly, and then smiled at Demetrious. “I’d love to.”

“Ok, great. I’ll pick you up at six?”

“I’ll be ready.” Jane said. Then she walked away.

Chapter 2

Nikolov looked at himself in the mirror when he finished getting dressed. He decided to take back his position of Captain. He was wearing his uniform and red beret. He hated what he saw in the mirror. A uniform that soldiers of a horrible government wore; a uniform of a government that ruined his life; a uniform of a government that took everything from him. Now he was going to take everything from them. He knew were Russia’s biggest underground power plant was. He had a plan that was sure going to hit Russia were it hurts. Hopefully his former training wasn’t too rusty.

Before Nikolov got in, he looked at a picture of his family. He put his forehead against it and sighed. Then he crumpled it up and began his mission.

Nikolov drove up to the guarded entrance where two guards were in a booth blocking the passage.

“Can I help you?” one guard asked Nikolov in Russian.

“I am here with official business from the president.” Nikolov replied.

The guards looked at him suspiciously. “What kind of business?”

“The kind you don’t get to ask about.” Nikolov answered.

The guards still looked suspicious. “You wouldn’t mind if I called it in then, would you?”

“Go right ahead.” Nikolov said. “He’s just going to tell you the same thing I told you.”

One of the guards reached for a cell phone, so Nikolov took out his silenced pistol, and shot the other guard.

“Hang up the phone, and open the entrance.” Nikolov said to the remaining guard. And the guard listened. Nikolov then shot the guard in the head.

Nikolov drove his car toward the official entrance of the plant, and put in the passkey. The doors opened, and he was greeted by an inside man that was going to help him.

“Hello Nikolov,” the inside man said. “Here’s the hazmat suit. This is a map to the core. Where is the timer-bomb?” The inside man asked

“I’m not going to use one.” Nikolov answered. “I’m not planning on walking away from this. My car is outside, take it and get as far away as possible from here.”

His friend just looked at Nikolov and gave him a respectful nod. “Just in case you change your mind, do svidaniya.” And then his friend left.

Nikolov put on the hazmat suit, and reloaded his weapon. He put a grenade in his pocket, and began his killing spree.

He exited the room he was in and started shooting hazmat scientists. One-by-one they were dropping. Some guards tried to shoot back at Nikolov, but they lacked the skill and utter rage Nikolov was feeling. They dropped like flies with the scientists.

Finally Nikolov made it to the reactor-core. There were only two guards there, and they were waiting for the intruder. Nikolov shot one, and he fell off a railing. The other one was un-armed and he rushed at Nikolov with a knife. Nikolov used his hand-to-hand training to disarm the guy, and then he smashed his head against a railing and broke the glass part of the hazmat suit. The Russian military heard of the intruder and sent in reinforcements. They all flooded into the room and pointed their guns at Nikolov, who was using the hazmat guard as a human shield. Nikolov jumped into the reactor with the guard, and the soldiers couldn’t do anything about it.

As Nikolov was falling into the reactor pit, he grabbed the grenade from his pocket.

“This is for my wife Alexia, and my children Denis, Dima and little Dunya.” He said and he removed the pin with his teeth, and it exploded, causing the whole entire power plant to meltdown.

Chapter 3

Demetrious was on his way to Jane’s house. He recently earned his learner’s permit, and Jane taught him how to drive. He passed the test, with a few errors, but passed. When he reached Jane’s house he nearly hit her mailbox. Jane was doing her makeup when, she heard Demetrious knock. Jane rushed to put her final touches on, and ran down the stairs to greet him. When she opened the door, Demetrious was standing there with flowers.”

“Hey Demetrious.” Jane said as she hugged him.

“Hi,” Demetrious said shyly. “I got you some roses, I don’t know if you like them.”

“Thanks,” Jane replied, “But I’m very allergic.”

Demetrious looked at the flowers, then tossed them. Jane looked behind him and saw his car inches away from her mailbox. “Nice parking job by the way.” Jane said jokingly.

“Well,” Demetrious replied “I had a good teacher.”

“Should I be offended?” Jane asked, and they both laughed, but an awkward silence followed.

“We should get going,” Demetrious said breaking the silence, “We have dinner reservations.”

When they got to the restaurant, the first thing Jane noticed was how fancy it was. Something she didn’t expect from Demetrious. They walked up to the clerk, and got their table. When Demetrious opened his menu, the first thing he noticed was the price of everything.

“I think I’m having the chicken.” Demetrious said. It was the cheapest thing on the menu.

Jane knew Demetrious was having money problems. She didn’t want to order anything expensive. “I’ll have the chicken too.” She said.

“Excellent.” Demetrious put his finger up and a French waiter walked up to their tables.

“Allight Mistel Lippio, what will it be?” The waiter said, but then he looked at the place card, then back at Demetrious. He connected the dots and was excited.

“Wait a minoot, ju are Zee Immortel?”

“Yes,” Demetrious answered proudly. “Yes I am.”

“Oh my goodness?” the waiter exclaimed. “I wos at ze Coney Island when ju fought zee magicion. Ju saved my daughtel flom ze ‘oller coastel.”

“No need to thank me, I was just doing my job.”

“So what are ju ‘aving today?” the waiter asked a second time.

“Oh, we are both having the chicken.”

“Ze chickon? Hmm.” The waiter whispered to both Jane and Demetrious. “I know super ‘eroing doesn’t make a lot of money, no? Ordel whatevel ju want. Don’t woree about zee bill.

Demetrious looked at Jane who looked back at him. “Well in that case, I’ll have a lobster.”

“And I’ll have a salade de printemps, with the vinaigrette on the side.” Jane said.

“An excellent choice.” The waiter said. “And I will bring ze finest wine in ze building for ju.”

The waiter left and bought back their orders. It was the best lobster Demetrious ever tasted. But he still couldn’t find something to talk to Jane about. It was there first date. Finally Jane spoke up.

“Tell me a story. Like a war story or something.”

“Well, I’ve been in a lot of wars. Which one do you want to hear?” Demetrious asked.

“How about, World War two. That one was my favorite.” She said. And Demetrious began telling her about how his division found out about his powers. They were so busy talking; they didn’t notice the news footage on the restaurant TV. It was showing the destruction of a Russian nuclear power plant.

Chapter 4

President Brychov was in his office when somebody barged in.

“This better be important Covich.” Brychov said, and he was handed a telegraph that told him what had happened at their underground power plant.

“The power plant was destroyed, but the collateral damage is small." Covich said. “It was underground.”

“It wasn’t just nuclear energy in their.” The president said. “It also had some experimental Bio-weapons. Now that is going to be thrown into the air.” The president crumpled the paper threw it away.

“What do you want us to do Mr. President?” Covich asked

“Get some scientists to get down their and clean the area up ASAP. I don’t want another Chernobyl in our hands.” Covich saluted, and proceeded to carry out Brychov’s orders.

Chapter 5

Demetrious woke up the morning after his date, and there was Jane next to him. Demetrius had one arm around her, and her head was resting on his chest. Demetrious looked at his alarm clock, and saw they only had twenty minutes left before Jane had to go to work. Demetrious closed his eyes and held Jane closer.

Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! The alarm rang and Jane struggled to get up.

"Come on Jane, you have to get up." Demetrious said.

"Nnnnnoooo!" Jane mumbled. "I'll call in sick."

"Jane you've used all your sick days already." Demetrious smiled and then he stroked her in the arm."

"Fine, I'll tell them I'm in bed with The Immortal. They'll understand."

Demetrious smirked at that. "I don't think they'll be as understanding as you think."

"Well then I'll quit my job. It stinks anyway."

"Jane." Demetrious started. "If you don't get up, I'll have to use my strength to take you off."

"Do your worst." Jane said. Then Demetrious grabbed her and lifted her from the stomach with one hand.

"Demetrious, no stop." She laughed and Demetrious got up from the bed, still holding her up. Now he was standing up, and he let go of her gently. She landed in front of him with her arms around his neck, and they kissed.

"Okay I'll get dressed. But you're taking me to lunch today." She said as she poked his nose.

"Don't worry, I will." He answered and he watched Jane walk out of the room to brush her teeth.

Demetrious jumped back in his bed, and turned the TV on. He was flipping trough channels when he saw a live coverage of some sort of disaster that was happening in Moscow. Apparently the President of Russia is un-accounted for. The news-cast showed something flying in the air, and it was shooting green beams. The beams would hit its target, and then explode like a nuclear weapon. Jane walked out of the bathroom and started watching the news-cast. Whatever was causing the chaos shot a beam toward the camera man, and the newscast was replaced by static. Jane just looked at Demetrious, who looked back at her. Both of them had a worried face.

Chapter 6

Covich was with the team of scientists at the destroyed nuclear power-plant. They had some gear that could isolate, and neutralize the radiation in the air. It would only take a few months to completely clean the place up.

The scientists decided to investigate the explosion. When the scientists got to the core, they found out the cause of the explosion. There was some movement amidst the rubble. Scientist dug through the rubble and found a man, alive. It was Nikolov. He was wearing a glowing green hazmat suit without the headpiece. The suit seemed to have been filled out by a huge gain in muscle mass. And he had a glowing green beret on. Nikolov finally gained full consciousness and looked around. When he saw the scientists grabbing him, he panicked and punched one. The punch sent the scientist flying. When Nikolov saw how hard he punched, an evil smile formed on his face. He then back handed the other scientist, and he too went flying. The third one tried to run, but Nikolov grabbed his head and smashed it against the ground. He punched once, and his skull shattered. Nikolov noticed that as he punched the scientist, his legs were levitating off the ground. He moved a little up, then a little to the right. Then he flew 4 stories higher.

“How did I get this great power?” He thought, and then a bullet bounced off his chest. Covich had his handgun out and was shooting at Nikolov. Nikolov outstretched his hands to block the bullets from hitting his face when green smoke started forming on them. Nikolov felt a surge of power go from his chest, to his arms, to a green beam that shot from his hands. The beam hit the ground next to Covich and exploded. Covich’s body flew several yards away, and hit the ground hard. Covich was fried. Nikolov saw the mushroom cloud that formed from the explosion and came to a conclusion. He has nuclear powers. Nikolov took a couple of shots at nearby trees, and they exploded, taking a lot of other trees with them. Nikolov charged a shot, and it left an explosion bigger than Hiroshima.

Blowing up the Nuclear power plant wasn’t his revenge, it was just the beginning. Now with his new powers, he could get his true revenge. Nikolov started flying to Moscow. It’s time to meet the President.

Chapter 7

“Mr. President, We have to go. We are under attack.” One of Brychov’s secret service agents said.

“Under attack? By Who?” Brychov looked outside and saw buildings all over the city exploding.

“No time to explain, Mr. President, We have to get you out of here.”

Then the roof of the Kremlin exploded, and Nikolov descended down. The secret service agent attacked, but Nikolov killed him with one punch. The other tried to shoot him, but the bullets had no effect on Nikolov. Nikololv extended his finger and shot a small green beam, which blew the agent up and splattered his blood all over the President.

“Hello Mr. President.” Nikolov said with a smile on his face. “It’s a pleasure to see you again.”

Immediately Brychov recognized who it was speaking to him. “Nikolov?” The President asked. “Why are you doing this?”

“Isn’t it obvious old man?” Nikolov asked. Then he grabbed the president by the shirt, and ascended. He took the president so high, that they were over the tallest building.

“Put me down Nikolov.” Brychov ordered. “You are betraying your country.”

“MY COUNTRY?” Nikolov screamed. “MY COUNTRY BETRAYED ME!”

“Please, don’t do this.” Brychov pleaded.

“Please don’t do this.” Nikolov repeated. “THOSE ARE THE EXACT WORDS ALEXIA SAID AS SHE WAS GETTING RAPED!”

With that, Demetrious tossed Brychov up high. While Brychov was falling, Nikolov charged up his shot. When Brychov reached Nikolov’s level, He was shot with a huge nuclear beam. Nikolov used both hands to shoot him. The shot was turning Brychov glowing green. Soon his entire body disintegrated. When Nikolov finished the shot, the spot where Brychov had been exploded. The explosion was the equivalent of twenty atomic bombs exploding simultaneously. Nikolov looked down to the people evacuating. He killed the president, but he still wasn’t finished.

Chapter 7

“Two hotdogs.” Demetrious told a guy at a hotdog stand. He handed Demetrious two, and he gave one to Jane. They started walking and eating together.

“What’s going on over in Russia is horrible, right?” Jane asked Demetrious.

“Yeah, I wouldn’t be surprised if the man was some ‘Experiment gone wrong’.” Demetrious answered. “I wish I could go over there and stop him.”

“Have you ever taken a nuke to the face?” Jane questioned.

“Well, no but I have taken a lot of powerful weaponry and come out unfazed. This guy shouldn’t be any different.”

“Demetrious, taking on a flamboyant magician is one thing. Taking on a man with city destroying powers is something entirely different.”

“Are you saying, you don’t think I could stop him?” Demetrious asked.

“I just don’t want to see you get hurt.” She answered.

Demetrious stopped, and grabbed Jane’s hand. “You never have, and you possibly never will.”

Jane smiled, and they continued to walk. A van pulled up right in front of him, and five men wearing ski masks jumped them. Four of them piled on Demetrious, and one of them grabbed Jane.

Demetrious grabbed two, and slammed them together. He backhanded another one and sent him flying. The fourth one, Demetrious grabbed by the head and squeezed hard. Not enough to kill him, but enough to make him pass out. The last one put Jane in the van, and tried to drive off, but the van wouldn’t go. He slammed on the gas, but it still wouldn’t budge. He looked behind him and saw The Immortal, holding back the van with one hand. Demetrious pulled the van back so that the driver seat was right next to him. He then pulled the driver’s door off.

“Where were you going to take her?” He asked sarcastically.

“I can explain.” The masked man said

Demetrious grabbed him by the shirt and lifted the driver to his face. “Then explain.”

The driver pulled out a phone. “We were supposed to grab the girl, drive off and leave this. You were to follow whatever instructions Charles Henderson gave you.”

“What a crappy plan.” Demetrious said. “Let’s see what Mr. Henderson wants.”

Demetrious dialed the only number in the phone, and Henderson picked up the phone.

“Hello, Mr. Lippio.” Henderson said. “By now we have you’re-”

“Save it, Henderson.” Demetrious interrupted. “Your little plan failed. Say hi to Jane.” Demetrious put the phone to Jane’s ear.

“Hi.” Jane said cheerfully.

“Dammit!” Henderson cursed.

“What did you want?” Demetrious asked, annoyed.”

“We need you to stop the nuclear man in Russia.” Henderson replied. “He’s killing a lot of people.”

“And you thought kidnapping my girlfriend and blackmailing me was a better idea than actually asking me?”

“Look.” Henderson said sternly. “You didn’t cooperate last time we sent for you. We didn’t think you would this time either.”

“If it means saving innocent people, I will come in.” Demetrious said.

“Ok.” Henderson replied. “Tell the person you didn’t knock out, to drive you over here.”

Demetrious hung up the phone and grabbed the driver. He pushed him into the front of the seat, and then got into the passenger seat. “Looks like you get to drive after all.” He said.

Jane opened the back of the van and got in.

“Why are you coming?” Demetrious asked. “I thought you didn’t want to see me get hurt.”

Jane answered. “I never have, and I possibly never will.”

Chapter 8

Demetrious walked in to the safe house Henderson was in.

“Glad you can finally join us.” Henderson said.

“Let me get one thing straight.” Demetrious started. “The only reason I’m here is to stop this guy from killing more people. This doesn’t mean I’m going to be your personal flying monkey. You got that?”

“Understood.” Henderson replied. “Now, the man’s name is Nikolov Nekeyev. He was recently-”

“I don’t care about his origin story.” Demetrious interrupted. “Just tell me the plan.”

“Fair enough.” Henderson said, annoyed. “We are going to fly you in out of his range, on a jet. Then you are to eject from the jet, and parachute down to confront Nucleov… Uh Nikolov.”

“Nucleov?” Demetrious asked.

“The man has nuclear powers and his name is Nikolov. You can see the tongue twister this made.”

“So what should I do after I confront him?”

“We assume you can handle the rest.” Henderson replied.

“That’s it?” Demetrious asked.

“We don’t have the time to think of a better plan. You are the only one with the ability to take him on in such short notice.”

Demetrious looked at Jane, who looked worried.

“Ok I’ll do it.” Demetrious said. “But I can’t fight him like this.” Demetrious pointed out his black T-shirt and jeans. “I’ll be naked by the end of the fight.”

“Don’t worry.” Henderson said. “Dr. Walters has something for that.”

A scientist walked in holding a pair of black tights.

“These,” Dr. Walters started “Are made out of a super durable fabric. We tested it on temperatures hotter than twelve suns. It made it out just fine.”

Demetrious grabbed the tights, and looked disgusted. “If there’s one thing I hate, its tights. Do you have anything looser?”

Henderson gave the Dr. Walters an annoyed face.

“Well, I think I could integrate the fabric on a pair of jeans. It should be just as effective but you’ll still have to wear the top.” Walters said. “It should take no more than twenty minutes.”

“Do better.” Henderson said.

Fifteen minutes later, Walters came back with a black pair of jeans. Demetrious put them on, and they fit comfortably. Demetrious put on the top, but ripped the sleeves off. He also took the “Feet” part of the suit that was cut off, and stretched them over his work boots.

“Will this stop the shoes from melting Doc?” Demetrious asked.

“Oh sure, the fabric regulates a constant temperature for the wearer. Your boots should be fine.”

“Good.” Demetrious looked at Henderson. “Okay, I’m ready.”

Chapter 9

“Are you good back there?” The jet pilot asked Demetrious, as they were en route to Moscow.

“Never better.” Demetrious replied.

“That’s good.” The jet pilot said. Most people are too busy puking during there first time flying at the speed of sound.”

“I’m not most people.” Demetrious replied. “And I used to be a pilot.”

“Really? When?”

“Before your time.” Demetrious answered. And his mind wandered off to his World War II days. This was the story he told Jane.

Back in WWII he was a Fighter Pilot for some time. During the battle of Manila, he was ordered to join his squad in an air-raid. He was flying his plane and his squad was dominating the skies, until he heard rat-tat-tat-tat. Demetrious looked behind him, and there was a Japanese plane shooting at his wing. Demetrious tried to shake it off, but his wing was preventing him from escaping. The plane took a few more hits, and the red light in the cockpit went off.

Demetrious just sighed. “This plane is going to blow up.” He said to himself.

The plane did blow up, and sent Demetrious flying in the sky. Demetrious aimed himself and landed on top of another Japanese fighter plane. Demetrious crawled his way to the cockpit, and broke the glass. He killed the Japanese pilot with one elbow, and then Kamikaze’d the plane at an enemy tank. The combined Jet and tank explosion sent Demetrious flying again, this time in front of the barrel of another Japanese tank.

The tank shot a shell that hit Demetrious right in the chest. Demetrious dropped a few feet back.

“Wow.” Demetrious said. “That’s the hardest I’ve been hit in this war.”

Demetrious got up and there was a group of American soldiers watching. They were just shocked.

The tank shot another shell at Demetrious. The shot made Demetrious’ shoulder jerk to the side. The tank fired again, this time Demetrious head butted the shell. The Immortal started walking toward the tank, and the tank used it’s machine gun. The bullets just bounced off Demetrious’ chest. As Demetrious got closer, the tank started to back up. It kept shooting Demetrious with everything it had, but The Immortal was still coming. Finally Demetrious grabbed a hold of it by the front, and lifted. The front of the tank was over Demetrious’ outstretched arms. Demetrious inched his way to the middle and lifted the entire tank over his shoulders. The friendly soldiers looked at Demetrious with amazement and disbelief.

“You should be glad I’m on you’re side.” Demetrious joked. Then he saw the Japanese fighter jet that shot him down. Demetrious tossed the tank at the fighter jet, and the tank smashed against the jet’s side. The two vehicles exploded in mid air.

“Let’s go.” Demetrious told the dumbfounded allies. “We have a bay to take.”

“We’re almost there.” The jet pilot said, interrupting Demetrious’ flashback. “You see that dot all the way toward the end of the radar? That’s him.”

“I want to eject right on top of him.” Demetrious said boldly.

“Are you crazy?” The pilot questioned. “I’ll be in his range and he’ll kill me.”

“Don’t worry; I’ll have all his attention. Just go right on top of him.”

“I hope you’re right.” The pilot said.

“Me too.” Demetrious answered.

“Ok we’ll be on top of him in three, two, one, now!”

Demetrious pulled the lever under his seat, and his seat went flying up. The pilot turned his afterburners on, and jetted out of there.

The seat’s parachute popped up, but Demetrious broke it off, and dived off the seat. He kept his head pointing down, and he aimed for the glowing green dot flying in the air.

Chapter 10

The whole city of Moscow was almost completely desolate. Everybody was either dead, or evacuated. The destruction Nikolov caused was near irreparable. But He did not want to stop until every foundation had crumbled from his power. Nikolov heard a jet above. He saw the jet and was going to shoot it down, when he saw somebody eject from it. Whoever it was abandoned his parachute, and was diving toward Nikolov.

“This is funny.” Nikolov said. “I’ll just let him hit his target and go splat.” Nikolov went to wherever Demetrious was going to land and extended his chest.

Demetrious saw this, and outstretched his arms. “This is going to hurt!” He yelled.

Nikolov heard the American’s threat and he replied back in English. “You more than it does to me!”

Demetrious braced himself for impact and rammed Nikolov in the chest. The force of the impact severely winded Nikolov. Demetrious grabbed a hold of Nikolov and the both of them crashed through a destroyed building. Demetrious let go of the Russian, and Nikolov went tumbling several miles away.

When he finally got up, he thought to himself. “Who the heck hit me? Well whoever it was, he has to be dead.”

Then Demetrious leaped and landed right in front of him. They both stared at each other, for a while. Each trying to figure the other one out. Finally Nikolov spoke up.

“Who are you?” He asked.

“I’m The Immortal.” Demetrious answered. “I am the one who’s going to stop you’re killing spree Nucleov.”

“Nucleov?” Nikolov asked.

“Nik-Nuke-Nikolov.” Demetrious stuttered. “It was a tongue twister,” he thought.

“Hahaha! Nucleov huh? I like it.”

Demetrious rolled his eyes. “Well Nucleov, you’re not going to live to hear people chant that name.”

Nucleov gave a hostile look. “We’ll see about that!” He said as he flew up to Demetrious and punched him square in the face. The force of the punch knocked The Immortal down. In all his years fighting, no man has been able to do that to Demetrious using his bare hands.

The Immortal got up, but Nucleov wasn’t finished. Nucleov unleashed a fury of punched and kicks. He’s ex spetsnaz so he knows how to fight skillfully. The Immortal took a punch to the stomach followed by a right cross to the face. The Immortal spun around from the force, and Nucleov tackled him. The Immortal was slammed to the ground, and Nucleov started hammer fisting The Immortal in the face. Nucleov’s fist was glowing with each punch. Finally The Immortal grabbed one of Nucleov’s punches.then kicked him in the face. Nucleov went flying from the kick. Then The Immortal leaped to the air and punched Nucleov to the ground. Nucleov landed face-first, then The Immortal landed feet first on Nucleov’s back. Nucleov’s back arched in pain as The Immortal slammed his feet onto his back. Nucleov got up and tried to punch The Immortal, but it was Demetrious’ turn to attack now.

The Immortal blocked the punch, and countered with a menacing punch to the gut. Nikolov kept trying to punch him, but The Immortal was a brick wall. The Immortal gave him a left hook to the face, followed by an uppercut that sent Nucleov flying up again.

The difference between Nucleov and The Immortal is: The Immortal feels Nucleov’s attacks at the moment it’s given and that’s it; Nucleov feels The Immortal’s punches at the moment it’s given, and it lingers throughout the whole fight.

Nucleov saw that he wasn’t going to win in a standing up fight, so he started shooting his beams at The Immortal. It hit The Immortal straight in the chest, and it was pushing him back by the force. When the shot was finished, it exploded and sent Demetrious flying. Nucleov flew speedily under The Immortal and shot him from below. The force of the beam pushed The Immortal up, and then it exploded again. Demetrious was sent flying up, then crashing down hard.

“What is he made out of?” Nucleov thought to himself. “Not even his clothes have a scratch.”

The Immortal landed hard with his back to the ground. He got up gingerly, and smiled.

“Is that all you got?” He yelled.

Nucleov was frustrated. Why on Earth wouldn’t this guy just die? Nucleov decided that in order to kill him, he’s going to have to go all out. Nuclear sped at The Immmortal, and started punching and kicking, then shooting beams after beams. Before the Immortal could recover, Nucleov punched and kicked some more. Then he shot more beams that seemed to overwhelm The Immortal; at first anyway.

After ten minutes of Nucleov winning, something seemed wrong. Nucleov connected a punch, but The Immortal’s face wouldn’t budge. Nucleov’s hand even started hurting because of the punch. Nucleov tried a head kick. The kick didn’t even make The Immortal blink, but it seriously hurt Nucleov and he started limping. He tried shooting him but the shots exploded on Demetrious without any sign or effect of pain. The Immortal walked closer and closer to Nucleov. Nucleov threw another punch, but The Immortal caught it and tackled him. Nucleov was severely outmatched in the ground game. The Immortal was hammer-fisting, pounding, punching, and elbowing. Nucleov was defenseless.

One punch caught Nucleov in the jaw, and he was spitting out green glowing blood. Soon Nucleov was a green glowing bloody mess. Nucleov tried to fly away, but The Immortal caught his leg, and slammed him to the ground. Nucleov managed to escape after his second attempt, and flew really high.

“Time to end this!” Nucleov yelled, and he shot Demetrious with a beam as wide as a skyscraper. Nucleov could see The Immortal’s silhouette inside the beam. First it looked as if he was actually getting hurt by the beam. But then Nucleov saw the silhouette outstretch his fist. The Immortal was holding back the entire beam with one fist.

“I think I charged it enough.” Nucleov said and he released the beam, causing an explosion that turned whatever was left of Moscow into a crater. Nucleov gave a loud sigh of release. “Now,” Nucleov said. “There is absolutely no way he survived that.” Then what he saw dropped his jaw. In the middle of the crater was The Immortal, walking as if nothing happened.

“Come on!” The Immortal yelled. “I’m getting bored.”

Nucloev saw this, and just yelled out loud. He rushed toward The Immortal at high speeds.

The Immortal got into his wrestling stance, and let Nucleov come in contact with him. Nucleov collided with The Immortal’s chest, but Demetrious didn’t move. He just clasped his hands together and slammed them on Nucleov’s back.

At that moment, Nucleov knew he was on the losing end of this fight. He could do nothing to hurt this man, and this man could hurt him severely. He didn’t want to make his revenge remembered as the day an Immortal stopped his rampage. He wanted to make it the day all of Russia went extinct because they crossed the wrong man. He overloaded the nuclear energy inside him.

The Immortal saw Nucleov’s eyes and moth start glowing green.

“There will be nothing left after this.” Nucleov said.

The Immortal saw that Nucleov was planning on blowing himself up and knew he had to think fast. Demetrious grabbed the Russian, who looked as if he was having a seizure, and tossed him as high and far as he could. The Immortal leaped and caught Nucleov, only to toss him again. He kept tossing and leaping until they got to the Arctic Ocean, where Demetrious sunk Nucleov all the way to the bottom. This should keep everyone safe from an explosion. Demetrious held his breath under water; the pressure couldn’t hurt him like it hurt regular people. The Immortal saw a glowing light start to tear through Nucleov’s skin.

Demetrious just sighed. “This man is going to blow up.” He thought.

Finally the light tore through Nucleov and The Immortal braced for the explosion.

Chapter 11

After Henderson sent Demetrious to Moscow, he tracked him with a satellite. He watched everything on a big screen with Jane. He has no reason why she even came, but he had no other choice but to let her stay. Henderson saw the entire battle Demetrious had with Nikolov. Even the very end when Demetrious sunk into the arctic ocean with Nikolov. They were under water for a good ten-minutes, when he saw a huge water explosion. Water shot up in a big wave, and then there was nothing. Henderson waited a couple of minutes but Demetrious wouldn’t surface. Jane was awfully close to the screen, hoping Demetrious would come up, but he didn’t. Henderson was secretly relieved. Maybe he just killed two annoying birds with one stone. He started to walk away, when he heard Jane squeal.

“I see him!” She yelled.

Henderson looked at the screen and there was somebody floating in the water. Henderson sent a chopper to check on it, and sure enough Demetrious was alive, and was floating on his back to rest. They picked him up, but he had to be quarantined because of he smelled like nuclear fallout.

Chapter 12

Jane was in a waiting room, waiting for Demetrious to finish his quarantine cycle.

“Demetrious can take a nuke and still be fine?” She thought to herself.

She was amazed because she didn’t know he was this powerful. Sure she has seen him lift cars and toss them, but this was an entire different level.

“He can save the world if he wanted to.”

Finally Demetrious finished his cycle. He walked into the waiting room, and Jane ran up to him. They shared a long kiss.

“I told you I’d be fine.” He bragged.

“Now I know.” She answered, and they went home.

After reached Jane’s place, he held her hands and told her: “I love you.”

Jane was delighted to finally hear that from him. She put her hands around him and pulled his face to hers.

“I love you too.” She answered.

Epilogue

Back at the Arctic Ocean, there was a cloud of green smoke swirling above the water. It looked as if it was forming something. Amidst the smoke you can see a blurry image. It was Nucleov’s face.

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@mikesterman: Woohoo! New story! It may be a few weeks before I read this, because this month is busy for me, but in the meantime, added to my FF Long Box - Authors. :)

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@mikesterman: The writing is much better in this one! Still not perfect, but better than it has been. You still have punctuation, spelling, and word use errors, but that stuff comes with practice. You asked for specifics last time, so this is the stuff that jumped out:

  • I hadn't wondered this before, but is English a second language for you? I only ask because some of the word use errors seem like the kind where maybe a word's translation was off or misunderstood. Like the part where Demetrius was deciding what to eat at the restaurant. You said he was looking at a "recipe." Unless "recipe" has a meaning in another language that I'm unaware of (and I admit: that could be the case [ I am, after all, unaware of it]) then the word should be "menu." A menu is what's used to list the food choices at a restaurant. A recipe is a list of ingredients and instructions that someone uses when cooking.
  • Cleaning moths sound great. Where can I get some of those? You used "moth/moths" in two places. You said it would take "moths" to clean- that should be "months." Then the driver opened his "moth"- that should be "mouth."
  • You way overstate the destructive power of things. Nucleov (I like that name, by the way) shoots a blast equal to Hiroshima, but doesn't level the city? Because that's what that size blast should do. Later, he shoots a blast equal to twenty nuclear bombs. This should have cratered much of Asia, I would think.
  • In other spots, you understate the destructive power of Nucleov's blasts. He shoots blasts that destroy only one building at a time, or only one person at a time. Either he has very fine control of his new powers (which is comic possible, I admit) or you haven't really considered the power of nuclear explosions.
  • In one spot, you called Nucleov "Nuclear" instead.
  • During the big fight, Demetrius holds back an energy blast the width of a skyscraper, using only his fist. That's very cartoon-cool, and made me envision a cartoon style similar to Samurai Jack or Powerpuff Girls. However, it doesn't seem right for this story. I know that sounds weird- it's your story, and you can do whatever you want with it (and indeed, use that advice above all others)- but so far, you've been more "realistic" about damage done, and the effects on people and such. An energy beam doesn't have weight and mass to be lifted away by someone's fist. Being super durable, it's possible that he could shield himself from the blast, but only in an area the width of his fist. The rest of it would touch him, the ground, and the area the width of a skyscraper. Again, I only point this out in the interest of previous "realistic" effects. I kind of like the more cartoony feel to this story though.
  • I get two very different mental pictures when I think of a Japanese pilot "shooing" at a wing, than when I think of a Japanese pilot "shooting" at a wing.
  • This is just a personal preference for me, but I suggest being sparing with something like rape. You mentioned it twice with Niklov's wife, and granted, you only mentioned it and moved on, but still... Rape is a brutal, evil act, and there are some readers who can unfortunately identify with it personally. It's not invalid to use it in a story, but don't just throw it out there casually. There are other techniques that could imply the same thing, and be perhaps more terrifying to the reader. Alfred Hitchcock was known for an "off panel" technique of implying bad things. For instance: a man raises a hammer to strike his wife, but when the hammer comes down, what the viewer sees is a picture of the family on the mantle, and the shadow of the man raising the hammer and bringing it down several times. They hear the initial scream, the crunch of the blows, and see some blood spatter the picture. The actual, physical attack is never seen, but what the viewer imagines is always going to be infinitely worse. At the same time, it shields those who'd rather not see it. It's sort of a win/win for the two sides of your audience.

Overall, I enjoy the characters that you come up with. There's something very basic about them, but you manage to move a bit beyond the basic with the story. Very nice. You improve constantly. :)

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#4  Edited By mikesterman

@cbishop said:

@mikesterman: The writing is much better in this one! Still not perfect, but better than it has been. You still have punctuation, spelling, and word use errors, but that stuff comes with practice. You asked for specifics last time, so this is the stuff that jumped out:

  • I hadn't wondered this before, but is English a second language for you? I only ask because some of the word use errors seem like the kind where maybe a word's translation was off or misunderstood. Like the part where Demetrius was deciding what to eat at the restaurant. You said he was looking at a "recipe." Unless "recipe" has a meaning in another language that I'm unaware of (and I admit: that could be the case [ I am, after all, unaware of it]) then the word should be "menu." A menu is what's used to list the food choices at a restaurant. A recipe is a list of ingredients and instructions that someone uses when cooking. wow fail i meant menu O_o need to edit that. English is my first language btw
  • Cleaning moths sound great. Where can I get some of those? You used "moth/moths" in two places. You said it would take "moths" to clean- that should be "months." Then the driver opened his "moth"- that should be "mouth." will fix that as well :p
  • You way overstate the destructive power of things. Nucleov (I like that name, by the way) shoots a blast equal to Hiroshima, but doesn't level the city? Because that's what that size blast should do. Later, he shoots a blast equal to twenty nuclear bombs. This should have cratered much of Asia, I would think.
  • In other spots, you understate the destructive power of Nucleov's blasts. He shoots blasts that destroy only one building at a time, or only one person at a time. Either he has very fine control of his new powers (which is comic possible, I admit) or you haven't really considered the power of nuclear explosions. i guess i should just say the destruction it causes instead of trying to measure the power
  • In one spot, you called Nucleov "Nuclear" instead. thank you
  • During the big fight, Demetrius holds back an energy blast the width of a skyscraper, using only his fist. That's very cartoon-cool, and made me envision a cartoon style similar to Samurai Jack or Powerpuff Girls. However, it doesn't seem right for this story. I know that sounds weird- it's your story, and you can do whatever you want with it (and indeed, use that advice above all others)- but so far, you've been more "realistic" about damage done, and the effects on people and such. An energy beam doesn't have weight and mass to be lifted away by someone's fist. Being super durable, it's possible that he could shield himself from the blast, but only in an area the width of his fist. The rest of it would touch him, the ground, and the area the width of a skyscraper. Again, I only point this out in the interest of previous "realistic" effects. I kind of like the more cartoony feel to this story though.
  • I get two very different mental pictures when I think of a Japanese pilot "shooing" at a wing, than when I think of a Japanese pilot "shooting" at a wing. shooting was the intended word
  • This is just a personal preference for me, but I suggest being sparing with something like rape. You mentioned it twice with Niklov's wife, and granted, you only mentioned it and moved on, but still... Rape is a brutal, evil act, and there are some readers who can unfortunately identify with it personally. It's not invalid to use it in a story, but don't just throw it out there casually. There are other techniques that could imply the same thing, and be perhaps more terrifying to the reader. Alfred Hitchcock was known for an "off panel" technique of implying bad things. For instance: a man raises a hammer to strike his wife, but when the hammer comes down, what the viewer sees is a picture of the family on the mantle, and the shadow of the man raising the hammer and bringing it down several times. They hear the initial scream, the crunch of the blows, and see some blood spatter the picture. The actual, physical attack is never seen, but what the viewer imagines is always going to be infinitely worse. At the same time, it shields those who'd rather not see it. It's sort of a win/win for the two sides of your audience. i never thought of it like that. now i feel bad :( no i know though so thank you.

Overall, I enjoy the characters that you come up with. There's something very basic about them, but you manage to move a bit beyond the basic with the story. Very nice. You improve constantly. :)

thank you so much for reading my stories. its nice to have an audience (even if one person only comments)

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  • ...English is my first language btw

Then perhaps you see the need to treat it with more care. :P ;)

  • i never thought of it like that. now i feel bad :( no i know though so thank you.

Don't feel bad, just learn from it. Besides, that's what revisions are for.