Splicers: The green chapters part one

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Comiccrazeraze

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#1  Edited By Comiccrazeraze

Daniel Green pulled his jacket closer to his body, his tall, slim body did not mix with the cold. He breathed deeply and thought about his life.... (He was more thinker, didn't like talking when it wasn't needed.) He never could remember his parents, they died when he was two, only thing linking him to them was the jacket he know wore. From then he hopped from orphanage to orphanage, he wanted no one to adopt him and for all that mattered they seemed to not want him either. So one day when he was ten, he always remembered that day, he just left hoping to find more evidence into the past he never knew.

At first when he hit the cold, gray world on the outside, he was afraid. His mind wondered about all the muggers, rapist and other terrible things that may happen to him. That was, until he discovered his "gift". It was a strange thing, this "gift", he could control, something he remembered being told by an old crazy couple he stayed a few days with, on the street, Magnetism? Yes! Magnetism, that was it! He could lift and pull and throw and even change any kind of metal. With this power he knew he could keep himself safe, and survive until he learned more about his past.

"Give us, all the money you have and that jacket." A rough voice said, snapping him out of his thoughts. He looked up to see a muscular, tabooed man, with three others close behind him. "Did you not hear us kid, money, jacket.... now." Daniel didn't want any conflict so he turned and ran. He heard yelling and wooping behind him, as the men gave chase. Daniel knew the neighborhood relatively well, but he simply couldn't out run the four goons. They cornered him in a deserted alleyway,

"Gave us a good chase there kid, now strip." The head goon said pulling a switch blade.

"N...no please." Daniel said.

"Hear this punk boys? He wants sympathy!" The head goon said smiling, a crooked yellow tooth grin.

"Just stick em Georgy! Hes a runaway, no one will miss em!" Another said. Daniel realized he was gonna have to use his gift,

"Please, I don't want anyone getting hurt." Daniel pleaded.

"Kid the only one who looks like he is about to be hurt.... is you." The one named Georgy stepped forward, Daniel didn't take another moment to think, he reached out with his hand and ripped a steel pipe off of the wall, the loud noise made his attackers turn...

"Wha..what the fu," Georgy started, cut off by the swinging pipe catching him directly in the ribs, the force sent him flying into a nearby wall, he did not stand back up.

"what, what...." The second one pointed to him, "you freak, you killed him!!" He charged Daniel as the others ran, Daniel brought the pipe back low, swiping the man off of his feet, then bringing the pipe down hard on his chest. More pop noises followed. Daniel shook himself, had he just blacked out? Why did he feel somewhat sleepy? Must have been the running, he looked around at the damage. The one named Georgy wasn't moving and the other one was jerking sporadically on the ground. Daniel walked to him to see if he would make it, Daniel saw that he was oozing blood from his mouth, sweating profusely and his chest was rising up and down quickly. Daniel didn't realize he had done this much damage, the man grabbed his ankle and staring at him with bloodshot eyes said,

"There is a.....a.... special p..p..lace in hell for freaks like you." With that he was gone, his eyes glazed over. Daniel heard sirens and sprinted, sprinted as hard as he could putting distance between himself and that alleyway.

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AweSam

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#2  Edited By AweSam

@Comiccrazeraze said:

"Gave us a good chase there kid, now strip."

Riiight. Good story.

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#3  Edited By Comiccrazeraze

@AweSam: Lol what do you mean by that?

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AweSam

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#4  Edited By AweSam

@Comiccrazeraze: Just found that line funny.

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#5  Edited By Comiccrazeraze

@AweSam: Oh well hey thanks! Glad you enjoyed it!

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joshmightbe

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#6  Edited By joshmightbe

looks good so far

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batkevin74

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#7  Edited By batkevin74

@Comiccrazeraze said: This is good, nice start! I think Daniel has a lot of potential. But, this line doesn't make much sense, like it's missing a word like "Just stick HIM Georgy!" or "Just stick IT TO HIM Georgy!" something like that, unless of course it's young people's slang that an old Generation X'er has NFI about like LOL, Twitter, Y2K and such :)

"Just stick Georgy! Hes a runaway, no one will miss em!" Another said. Daniel realized he was gonna have to use his gift,
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Comiccrazeraze

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#8  Edited By Comiccrazeraze

@batkevin74: Hahaha yeah sorry it was supposed to be stick him lol

@Comiccrazeraze said: This is good, nice start! I think Daniel has a lot of potential. But, this line doesn't make much sense, like it's missing a word like "Just stick HIM Georgy!" or "Just stick IT TO HIM Georgy!" something like that, unless of course it's young people's slang that an old Generation X'er has NFI about like LOL, Twitter, Y2K and such :)

"Just stick Georgy! Hes a runaway, no one will miss em!" Another said. Daniel realized he was gonna have to use his gift,
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#9  Edited By Rusty_Irons

Pretty good start.

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joshmightbe

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#10  Edited By joshmightbe

bump

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@Comiccrazeraze: I think you're improving. Great work!

Only thing I would suggest it build up the suspense a bit more.