Slag the Orc

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joshmightbe

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Edited By joshmightbe

In the world of Midearth there lies the kingdom of Dagmor, ruled by the dark wizard, Taruman. As the wizard looks out on a massive horde of orcs and goblins he'd assembled for a great assault on the dwarf mines of Minoria he began a speech, "Today we begin to once and for all wipe the world clean of the dwarves and elves..."

"Excuse me."

The horde went silent as the wizard glared down at an orc, named Slag, near the front row who continued, "Yea sorry to interrupt, just hoping for some clarification."

The wizard was stunned but replied, "What is unclear?"

Slag had a confused look, "Why are we attacking the dwarves again?"

"To begin the downfall of..."

"Yea, yea, age of orcs and all that, but is there a reason we have to start with the heavily fortified fortress full of famous heroes? Seems like we should, y'know, work up to that."

Taruman looked flustered, "Look, we have to take out the strongholds to start the age of orcs, doesn't that sound nice? Its a whole age for you and your kind."

Slag shrugged, "Is it really our age? I assume you'll still be in charge right? Wouldn't that make it the age of, well, you?"

The wizard rubbed his temple with his fingers as he sighed, "You're an orc, its just what you do."

Slag was quiet for a second, "But we only do it because you or people like you say we do."

"The elves, dwarves and men want to wipe you from the world."

"Maybe that's because we keep hording up behind every dark wizard and fire eye that comes along."

Taruman threw up his hands, "Look, just go away. You can sit this battle out, just shut up."

Slag dropped his shoulders and moped off the field as Taruman cried out, "Now, to battle."

There was a chorus of cheers as the orcs marched off.

....

Several hours later the horde returned missing a large portion of their number and the wizard. Slag looked up to the first orc he saw, "What happened?"

The orc looked back, "We had them all but defeated but a human made a very inspiring speech...."

Slag nodded, "Then, that wizard that Taruman swore was really, for sure dead this time showed up with a giant army of formerly exiled soldiers didn't he?"

The other orc nodded, "Well, yea. How did you know?"

Slag gave a weary look, "We're orcs, bulls**t like that always happens to us. So did Taruman, die in some easily preventable way that he brought on himself?"

The other orc nodded as Slag stood, "That's it, I'm quitting the horde. I'm done letting some idiot in a robe lead me into arrows to the face."

"Wait, a few of us guys heard about a guy starting a new evil empire."

Slag shook his head, "Another wizard?"

The other gave a stupid grin, "No, its a sorcerer."

Slag turned and walked away,"Morons, the lot of you."

(To be continued. I promise I'll finish this one, its only going to be 3 chapters and the second one is almost done.)

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joshmightbe

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ImpurestCheese

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#2  Edited By ImpurestCheese

@joshmightbe: Ha I love it, this Orc actually is clued into things, fabulous, call me out for the next one

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darkdetective27

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This is hilarious.

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Alexander_Wolffe

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#4  Edited By Alexander_Wolffe

Lmao

Had to see what it was about it cuz of the what I figured would be Middle Earth setting. Once I started reading it I couldn't stop.

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4donkeyjohnson

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