Relief

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Inside Carl Anderson’s room lay paper strewn about in a mess. It looked as if someone had rummaged through it looking for a specific item. A lamp provided the only light source in the room. Carl Rae sat at his desk, his brown-blonde hair crumpled like a piece of paper. His bloodshot eyes scanned the room frantically. He drummed his fingers against his desk swiftly. “I…didn’t mean to.” He let out between sobs.

On the other end of the room stood Jay Winston, a tall African American man with a bald scalp, brown eyes and a muscular frame. In his rather large hands he held a syringe, displaying it in front of Carl in anger. He shook his fist in frustration and half-shock. “Are you kidding me, Carl?” he cried. “you don’t just use heroine by mistake!”

Carl spun around in his chair and planted his head on his desk. “I need it.” He stated simply.

Frustrated, Jay darted toward Carl and grabbed him by his shoulders. In a swift movement he hoisted him up in the air and turned him face to face with him. “Why haven’t you told me you’ve been doing this?” he shook him violently. Jay began to shout. “I’m your best friend, man! How could you not tell me something like this?”

Carl’s lips curled into a wicked smile. He smiled slyly exposing yellow stained teeth. His bloodshot eyes pierced Jay’s soul with an ominous look. “What’s the matter,” he half mumbled, “did you want some for yourself?”

There was a long moment of silence, until finally, Jay thrusted Carl back toward his desk. “Dude,” he told him, “you’re a straight A student. Why do you need this something like this?” again Jay showed him the syringe.

Carl wiped the blood off his nose. He was still smirking. “I need it, don’t you understand?” The anger level rose as the two began to shout at each other.

“You don’t need it!”

“I get made fun of constantly! It’s my only escape! The headaches never stop without it.” Carl clutched his head in agony and began to moan. “The noises pierce my skull and they DON’T LEAVE ME ALONE!” In a fit of anger he threw his arm across his desk, sending papers and other memorabilia flying across the room. He heaved heavy breathes. Silence cut their argument in two. “and don’t tell me you’ve never gotten high…” he gritted through his teeth.

Jay was silenced. For at least a minute he had nothing to say. “That’s different.” He finally murmured.

“Weed is a drug. Heroine is a drug. Drugs are drugs, Jay.”

“I only tried it twice!” Jay angrily shouted. “I got off that shit months ago.” Silence encompassed the room. Jay finally spoke the question on his mind from the beginning. “Why?”

Carl turned away, taking a look out of his window at the children playing. He wished he could live a life like that. “Why?” Carl repeated, letting out a laugh. “When you’re picked on at school,” his voice began to rise, “beaten by bullied and your own Father, what would you do to escape? Read a book?!” Carl finally broke down crying. “I just need to do it…it calms me down…keeps me sane—.”

“It kills you.” Jay cut off. “That shit kills you, man.”He let out a long sigh. “So all this time…when you said we couldn’t hang since you were studying…you were doing….this?”

Carl shot Jay an evil glare. “Yes.” He hissed. His bloodshot blue eyes jumped out at Jay, threatening to bite him.

“You could have called me.” He told Carl. “I could have helped. Just then, if approaching a frightened deer (which Carl seemed to act like at that point) Jay placed his hand on Carl’s shoulder. “I still am here.”

Carl looked at Jay apprehensively. Drool dribbled down his chin. Tears began to flow down his cheeks and his whole face seemed to melt. In one swift movement he hugged Jay close, pulling him tight. “Please help me.” He said. “I need your help.”

Jay patted Carl’s head. “I’ll be here.” He said. The two sat down, Carl still embracing Jay. Jay calmed him as if he was helping a frightened infant. “Please,” Carl murmured. “Help me through this.”

Jay looked at him, “I can’t do this for you.” He told him gently. “You have to do your part. I’m here for you if you need me, but the choice is yours…”

Carl heard Jay’s words the rest of the day.

“The choice is yours.”

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#2  Edited By poze

@primepower53: WOW!

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@poze said:

@primepower53: WOW!

is it that good?

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@poze said:

@primepower53: WOW!

or do you mean it's that bad?

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#5  Edited By Project_Worm

@primepower53 said:

@poze said:

@primepower53: WOW!

is it that good?

Probably good... because it is.

However please tell me the whole Carl Rae Stepson thing is coincidental...

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@Project_Worm: Yes it is.

I knew it sounded similar but I was too lazy to change it.

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#7  Edited By Project_Worm

@primepower53: Did you say yes because I told you to?

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@Project_Worm: WHY WOULD I DO THAT ON PURPOSE?

I'm editing it now.

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#9  Edited By Project_Worm

@primepower53 said:

@Project_Worm: WHY WOULD I DO THAT ON PURPOSE?

I'm editing it now.

Maybe you're a fan... Ain't no shame.

WHY!? Stop letting me influence you prime!! Makes me feel like poop...

Of course... Why wouldn't his name be... Mr. Anderson?

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@Project_Worm: THAT was intentional.

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please read this

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#12  Edited By feebadger

@primepower53: Firstly, it needs a bit of proof reading prime. There are a lot of very minor grammar and punctuation mistakes in there which just distract from the piece.

Secondly, it's not that it's badly written at all, it's just that it's a bit cliched. I come from a very large drug background, i've used drugs myself extensively and have lost a brother and friends to drug abuse and the drug use in this story does not ring true to me. The actions and words do not ring true to me as those of a drug user. It's just not how a situation would play out to me when dealing with a potential heroin addict/user. Of course, i don't recommend going out and using heroin yourself to find out what it's like, but perhaps you could read some more books or watch some movies on the subject to give yourself a little more of a grounding in the subject. It's a pretty serious topic to cover and well done for jumping in.

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@feebadger: thanks for reading it. I did it as a sort of test for myself to try and explore darker themes

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#14  Edited By feebadger

@primepower53: Completely understand and have the utmost respect for you wanting to stretch yourself. Keep it up, mister.

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@feebadger: thank you very much! I'm trying to get into realistic fiction right now. One of the only genres I haven't tried (except romance which I REFUSE to try)

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#16  Edited By feebadger

@primepower53: Come on, prime! You can't exclude an entire genre! You've got to just put your own mark on it. Remember, there are no bad genres, just bad writers (or something like that ;P)

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@feebadger: But it's so haaa-aarrrd.

FINE! I'LL TRY IT! MY NEXT STORY WILL BE AN ATTEMPT AT ROMANCE!

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#18  Edited By 4donkeyjohnson

How about a super hero romance? Anyways sorry to say @primepower53, I did not like this. It read a little bit like a cliche'd 80's anti-drugs campaign. The writing is fine, the content is for me: bleck!

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@4donkeyjohnson: Thanks for commenting anyway. I was trying to practice realistic fiction. This is more than a test than an actual story.

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#20  Edited By batkevin74

@primepower53: @primepower53 said:

Inside Carl Anderson’s room lay paper strewn about in a mess.

“you don’t just use heroine by mistake!”

Carl spun around in his chair and planted his head on his desk. “I need it.”

Okay: paper strewn about, that's all you need to say really. Paper strewn about in a mess is, well redundant

You, needs a capital and what exactly is he using? Heroin is a drug, heroine is a female version of hero so..whilst no an actually typo, grammatical incorrect

I need it needs an exclamation point!

On the whole this is not my cup of tea. I can see you trying things, new genres, new ideas but it wasn't something I got onboard with.

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@batkevin74 said:

@primepower53: @primepower53 said:

Inside Carl Anderson’s room lay paper strewn about in a mess.

“you don’t just use heroine by mistake!”

Carl spun around in his chair and planted his head on his desk. “I need it.”

Okay: paper strewn about, that's all you need to say really. Paper strewn about in a mess is, well redundant

You, needs a capital and what exactly is he using? Heroin is a drug, heroine is a female version of hero so..whilst no an actually typo, grammatical incorrect

I need it needs an exclamation point!

On the whole this is not my cup of tea. I can see you trying things, new genres, new ideas but it wasn't something I got onboard with.

I can undertand that. I thank you for reading anyway.

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#22  Edited By tomdickharry1984

Noice!

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@tomdickharry1984 said:

Noice!

thanks!