Planet Shrek #1

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Geth

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#1  Edited By Geth

"It's been so long since the war began, when the three kings met. How many years I can't tell, nobody's been keeping track of time. It's about survival now. It has to be. They say hope is all we have left, but when we spend all our time waiting for what will never come, it just makes the real wait all the harder. We're going to die here. They won't let us leave. There's nothing that we can do. It's making me wonder why I even bother to--"

The woman couldn't have been older than 17. Scrawny, dirty, and scared, she quickly stopped writing and covered her mouth as a pair of heavy footsteps bean to thud towards her. Her top priority at this moment was to control here breathing, and say as still as possible. She lay hidden under a long-since abandoned car in a ruined and crumbling parking garage. The footsteps began to grow louder, and she saw a pair of large feet wrapped in brown cloth appear before her. She shivered as they grew nearer, and began to tear up as they stopped in front of the car she had taken refuge under. Realizing she had been found, she let a single sob escape as her pursuer let out a fearsome cry in a heavy Scottish accent.

"What are you doing in my swamp?!"

As his voice echoed throughout the area, the woman began to cry, knowing that her fate was sealed as the car was effortlessly lifted away from her and tossed to the side. Eyes closed and head down, she refused to look at her pursuer, who simply stood before her. His hot, heavy breath washed over her, the stench causing her to gag. Still crying, her sobs interrupted by fits of choking on her pursuer's rancid breath, she looked up through her teary eyes. She had by now accepted her fate, but that did nothing to quell the horror experienced through the simple act of looking upon her pursuer.

No Caption Provided

Her screams of terror were soon replaced by muffled screams of anguish, which were silenced with a snap as Shrek began to devour the woman, crushing her spine between his teeth with one hard chomp, folding her in half as he did and swallowing her whole. "No!" Mouth and chin bloodied from the brutal killing which had just taken place, Shrek's head lifted upwards from his shoulders, stretching his neck. His body still facing the direction it was previously, his head snapped to the direction of the shout on top of his elongated neck. "We're too late!" At that moment, a brightly-clad man revealed himself in the ruined cityscape, hovering above the wreckage.

In his trademark Scottish accent, Shrek taunted the man, spewing fresh blood from his mouth as he did. "Yes, Superman, you are too late!" Shrek's body turned to face Superman as his elongated neck shortened, quickly returning his head to it's position atop his shoulders. Superman's eyes began to glow red with rage. Superman's appearance had been affected by the war, having grown visible stubble as well as having accumulated multiple tears on his suit and cape. He yelled once more, "You don't deserve to live!" to which Shrek replied, "You will know pain!" Before mimicking Superman's hover. In a fit of rage, Superman let out a primal roar, striking his signature flight pose and flying forth at incredible speeds with intent to burst through Shrek, who mimicked this as well.

No Caption Provided
No Caption Provided

Despite in reality moving at faster-than-light speeds, time seemed to slow around the two as they approached each other, arms outstretched. "You can't win, Superman. I am love, I am life!" Shrek roared. "No, you're wrong! Justice will prevail!" Superman yelled back, picking up speed as he did. "Fool! Your lies will not help you now!"

"Your reign as god IS OGRE!"

The two collided, the force of the impact sending a shockwave outward which collapsed the crumbling parking garage in which they dueled. As the smoke cleared, Shrek was revealed to be the victor as he sat atop Superman, mercilessly pounding his green fists into the Kryptonian's face. Enraged, Superman spat blood at his opponent before unleashing his laser vision on Shrek, burning his eyes out of their sockets. Mere moments later, teeth and tongues began to sprout from the empty sockets. The new mouths began to sing in harmony, "Somebody once told me the world was gonna roll me, I ain't the sharpest tool in the shed..." to which the larger mouth replied. "For your information, there's a lot more to Ogres than most people think. Ogres are like onions. We both have layers!"

"Hey now, you're an all-star, get your game on, go, play..." Superman yelled out in pain as the eye-mouths' singing grew unbearably loud. "Layers of evil!" He unsuccessfully attempted to scream over the singing. "Layers of love!" Shrek replied. "No!" Superman yelled in defiance as Shrek rolled him onto his stomach and attempted to remove his tights. His attempts to dominate Superman, however, were interrupted as he spontaneously combusted, and received a judo kick to the back of the head, silencing the singing. Falling forward onto the now-unconscious Superman, Shrek quickly turned to face his assailant. Regrowing his eyes, Shrek saw Bruce Lee and Super Mario standing before him. Unleashing a primal roar, Shrek charged.

Could these new opponents defeat him?

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Geth

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Yeah. Lol that jut happened.

Anyway, how would you guys feel about this being a series? Because I've already got it planned out.

Basically, this series is going to be about the war between Chuck Norris, Batman, Weegee, and their forces. The war in question is going to be over Shrek's swamp which is in the center of the war, as well as a group of peacekeepers trying to end the war comprised of Bruce Lee, Superman, and Super Mario.

Next episode we get to see Shrek take on Bruce Lee and Super Mario. Lemme know what you think so far.

You can definitely expect more weird shite out of me.

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AdmiralLogic

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@geth: What?!!?!?!? Just what.

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AdmiralLogic

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@geth: Still...just what. I don really like shrek. Or superman. But this is really freaky. What were you doing when you thought of this. Did you watch the bloopers for shrek? Cause that's the weirdness I remember on it. I'm not sure of a different explanation except pure weirdness/creativness.

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Geth

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@admirallogic: Just search Shrek SFM compilation on YouTube wand watch all three by HorrorFull, and follow up with Shrek is Love, Shrek is Life.

If you still need convincing look up The Shrektacular Swamp and the Shrek Anthem

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#7  Edited By AdmiralLogic

@geth: Maybe later. But can I just say people think up some of the strangest things and put them on the internet.

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Geth

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@admirallogic: Indeed.

Part 2 should be up tomorrow if all goes according to plan.

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AdmiralLogic

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@geth: I'll probably read it. It's very odd...but then again so am I.

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Geth

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@admirallogic: Yeah, I never meant for anything in this series to be taken seriously XD

This is basically just my own perineal weirdness fix. I'll tag you in part 2 if I can remember.

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AdmiralLogic

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@geth: Yup! Weirdness galore.

Thanks!

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cbishop

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Geth

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cbishop

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@geth: It seems like Superman almost got Shrekt, and that's just...just...brrrr.

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Geth

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@cbishop: Shrek is love.

Even if it isn't mutual. Or consensual.

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deactivated-57b9eaaf41cf6

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This is possibly the weirdest thing I have read so far on this forum.

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Guardiandevil83

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#17  Edited By Guardiandevil83

This sh!t is fking awesome! I'm dying over here!

Write some more sh!t!

Lmao!!!

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Geth

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Guess what I didn't do today!

Part two is tomorrow, then. Probably.

You'll all come to accept that nothing I say concerning release dates can ever be trusted lmao.

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Guardiandevil83

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You mean we can't edit the swears either?

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Geth

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@guardiandevil83: Nope, sadly.

Pretty sure it's only the almighty "F" that's been officially banned though, so shit and bitch your heart away!

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#22  Edited By wildvine

@geth:

Her screams of terror were soon replaced by muffled screams of anguish, which were silenced with a snap as Shrek began to devour the woman, crushing her spine between his teeth with one hard chomp, folding her in half as he did and swallowing her whole. "No!" Mouth and chin bloodied from the brutal killing which had just taken place, Shrek's head lifted upwards from his shoulders, stretching his neck. His body still facing the direction it was previously, his head snapped to the direction of the shout on top of his elongated neck. "We're too late!" At that moment, a brightly-clad man revealed himself in the ruined cityscape, hovering above the wreckage.

Its not clear here who is yelling. We know in a moment its Superman, but in this context it could very well be Shrek. If you want to save the reveal, you should say Shrek heard someone shout "No." Make it obvious its a new character. Making that a new paragraph, like so--

Her screams of terror were soon replaced by muffled screams of anguish, which were silenced with a snap as Shrek began to devour the woman, crushing her spine between his teeth with one hard chomp, folding her in half as he did and swallowing her whole.

"No!"

Mouth and chin bloodied from the brutal killing which had just taken place, Shrek's head lifted upwards from his shoulders, stretching his neck. His body still facing the direction it was previously, his head snapped to the direction of the shout on top of his elongated neck.

"We're too late!" At that moment, a brightly-clad man revealed himself in the ruined cityscape, hovering above the wreckage.

You also are having different characters speaking in the same paragraph.

No;

In his trademark Scottish accent, Shrek taunted the man, spewing fresh blood from his mouth as he did. "Yes, Superman, you are too late!" Shrek's body turned to face Superman as his elongated neck shortened, quickly returning his head to it's position atop his shoulders. Superman's eyes began to glow red with rage. Superman's appearance had been affected by the war, having grown visible stubble as well as having accumulated multiple tears on his suit and cape. He yelled once more, "You don't deserve to live!" to which Shrek replied, "You will know pain!" Before mimicking Superman's hover. In a fit of rage, Superman let out a primal roar, striking his signature flight pose and flying forth at incredible speeds with intent to burst through Shrek, who mimicked this as well.

---

Yes;

In his trademark Scottish accent, Shrek taunted the man, spewing fresh blood from his mouth as he did. "Yes, Superman, you are too late!" Shrek's body turned to face Superman as his elongated neck shortened, quickly returning his head to it's position atop his shoulders.

Superman's eyes began to glow red with rage. Superman's appearance had been affected by the war, having grown visible stubble as well as having accumulated multiple tears on his suit and cape. He yelled once more, "You don't deserve to live!"

To which Shrek replied,"You will know pain!" Before mimicking Superman's hover. In a fit of rage, Superman let out a primal roar, striking his signature flight pose and flying forth at incredible speeds with intent to burst through Shrek, who mimicked this as well.

Here too;

Incorrect;

Despite in reality moving at faster-than-light speeds, time seemed to slow around the two as they approached each other, arms outstretched. "You can't win, Superman. I am love, I am life!" Shrek roared. "No, you're wrong! Justice will prevail!" Superman yelled back, picking up speed as he did. "Fool! Your lies will not help you now!"

Correct;

Despite in reality moving at faster-than-light speeds, time seemed to slow around the two as they approached each other, arms outstretched. "You can't win, Superman. I am love, I am life!" Shrek roared.

"No, you're wrong! Justice will prevail!" Superman yelled back, picking up speed as he did. "Fool! Your lies will not help you now!"

And once more.

Wrong;

"Hey now, you're an all-star, get your game on, go, play..." Superman yelled out in pain as the eye-mouths' singing grew unbearably loud."Layers of evil!" He unsuccessfully attempted to scream over the singing. "Layers of love!" Shrek replied."No!" Superman yelled in defiance as Shrek rolled him onto his stomach and attempted to remove his tights. His attempts to dominate Superman, however, were interrupted as he spontaneously combusted, and received a judo kick to the back of the head, silencing the singing. Falling forward onto the now-unconscious Superman, Shrek quickly turned to face his assailant. Regrowing his eyes, Shrek saw Bruce Lee and Super Mario standing before him. Unleashing a primal roar, Shrek charged.

Right;

"Hey now, you're an all-star, get your game on, go, play..." Superman yelled out in pain as the eye-mouths' singing grew unbearably loud."Layers of evil!" He unsuccessfully attempted to scream over the singing. "Layers of love!" Shrek replied."

No!" Superman yelled in defiance as Shrek rolled him onto his stomach and attempted to remove his tights. His attempts to dominate Superman, however, were interrupted as he spontaneously combusted, and received a judo kick to the back of the head, silencing the singing. Falling forward onto the now-unconscious Superman, Shrek quickly turned to face his assailant. Regrowing his eyes, Shrek saw Bruce Lee and Super Mario standing before him. Unleashing a primal roar, Shrek charged.

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Geth

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@wildvine:

;_;

Proper dialogue formatting, my greatest enemy.

Lol thanks for the feedback. Not too concerned about it in this series but will keep in mind for future, more serious projects.

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@geth: wow! :) That's really funny and good. A few errors, as pointed out by @wildvine but pretty good.

Sorry it took me so long to see this