“..and that concludes our broadcast of Chattanooga Boogie here on Old Timey Radio. Next, stayed tuned for another exciting installment of Sergeant Fury and His Howling Commandos; as narrated by actual Howling Commando himself, Jonathon Juniper. But first a message from our sponsor:"
Turner D. Century Cigarettes.
The Way Smoking Used To Be!
“Hi! I’m Clifford F. Michaels, founder of Turner D. Century Cigarettes. Some of you may remember me from my more colorful days as the costumed crime fighter Turner D. Century. Ha ha, recognize the name? You may have seen footage of me on my flying bicycle or tussling in the streets of San Francisco with that fearsome menace, Spider-Woman.
After years of fighting crime and lax morals, I’ve since given up my crime fighting ways, after one fateful night I had in a Bar with No Name. It was my intention to gather information on the scoundrels of this bar, so that I could bring these criminals to justice, but before I could, I was shot by a serial killer known as Scourge.
Those were dark days for yours truly folks. While I lay in my hospitable bed recovering from my wounds, I came upon a revelation. Instead of fighting crime and the loose morals of today’s youth with just a flying bicycle and an umbrella, I could fight it as a business man.
That’s when I founded my very own cigarette company. A company dedicated to the morals of yesterday; the morals of the turn of the century. Heh heh no, not this century folks. Last century. The early 1900’s.
Did you know that in the early 1900’s, cigarettes were the largest growing enterprise in America? Now, that was a time when people had decency, good morals, and great taste.
When you smoke a Turner D. Century cigarette, you’ll take a trip back to a simpler time. A time when a man could smoke wherever he wanted and he didn’t have any nancy boys telling him it was ‘bad for his health’ or ‘cancerous’.
Take back the America that once was. Stand up to these nancy boys who tell you not to smoke.
Grab a pack of Turner D. Century Cigarettes.
The Way Smoking Used to Be!"