New Marvel Villain: King

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#1  Edited By Gordyman

Name: King of Mutants, or simply King.

Real name: Bryan McDonald

Powers and skills: King is one of the most powerful mutants in existence, his strength rivals that of the Hulk and the Juggernaut. His powers include superhuman strength and durability, energy projection (blasts), and flight. He is also an effective leader, strategist, and tactician.

Personality: He is a complete sociopath. He manipulates his followers and uses all sorts of means to control them. He is also extremely sadistic, not stopping until all who stand against him are wiped out. He sees himself as the savior of mutants, and sees humans as inferior and seeks to launch a genocide against them; creating a utopia in which only mutants exist. He often acts on impulse and is extremely psychotic, showing signs of Bipolar disorder and megalomania; although this is his greatest downfall, it also makes him an extremely dangerous and unpredictable adversary for the X-Men.

I can't really come up with a good origin story, so I'll just get into the gist of it: Bryan McDonald is a 25 year-old omega level mutant who has been an outcast for most of his life. Having witnessed the events of M-Day and AvX, he sees both the X-Men and Magneto as weaklings and sellouts who have failed in their primary mission to protect mutant kind. He forms a group of other mutants, calling themselves the Covenant: A cult like group of mutant outcasts, who see Bryan as a King and worship him. In his first official appearance, he attacks Utopia, defeats all of the X-Men almost singlehandedly, and beats Magneto within an inch of his life. He declares himself to be the King of all mutants and gives the X-Men two choices: That they serve him or die. Some such as Hope Summers, who at this point has become disillusioned with the X-Men, join him. but the core X-Men such as Cyclops, Wolverine, and the others outright refuse to join him. So instead of killing them, he expels them from Utopia. He eventually gets his hands on nuclear missiles, aims them at various major cities, and orders that all of the world's governments relinquish power to him or suffer the consequences.

This leads to the Avengers and all of Marvel's other heroes teaming up with the X-Men and invading Utopia. After a brutal battle, King and the Covenant are defeated. Hope Summers and King fall in love, and King makes her his queen. King, Hope, and the rest of his followers are able to escape to an uninhabited island in the Pacific Ocean where they regroup. Vowing to return and annihilate both the Avengers and the X-Men.

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I'll be blunt, King sounds like a...what do they call them, marty-stus? He has no flaws, no (mentioned) personality, and is frankly kind of boring. In other words, he needs serious work.

King already exists, by the way, and his name is Emperor Vulcan.

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#4  Edited By Gordyman

@squares: Thank you for your honesty and I just added his personality. I can't really come up with an origin story though, I'll probably do it some other time.

Just looked up Emperor Vulcan, these are two completely different people personality wise. Did you mean they are the same as in they have the same powers?

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#5  Edited By MisterAnderson

He sounds like a berk. Is he meant to be a berk? Why does he spell Brian with a "y"? King and Covenant have implications I like, but I have to say that the cult-like group of followers and the all-powerful evil poomba is a bit overdone. Brother Blood in DC, Apocalypse, Magneto himself, others. McDonald has potential, ee yi ee yi oh, but I am with @squares; some revision is in order. And he should spell his name right. Brian is good, but Bryan is a berk name (Gods, I hope your name isn't Bryan).

The only "King" I knew was the one who was a dead-ringer for Wilson Fisk and lived in the sewers of New York. Completely different concept from this, except maybe for the adherents.

Later...

I've reached my daily post limit, so to respond to later posts, I either have to wait or time travel and edit this one. Pathetic, I know. @gordyman, metal bands that spell things with umlauts over odd letters and girls named Tiffany who emphasize that they end their name with an "I" have jaded me with regards to Bryans with "y"s. I was being a berk. Bryan probably wouldn't be a berk if he wasn't threatening the world and running away to islands with his prat followers. I like the name King and I like the group name Covenant, as I said... er... two paragraphs ago. The concept just seems derivative.

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@gordyman: Oh? Omega-level mutant, survived M-day etc, can fly, very strong, energy manipulation, ruthless leader, ambitious...they sound very similar.

@squares: Mary Sue.

That's the female version, there's a different name for males.

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#7  Edited By Gordyman

@squares said:

@gordyman: Oh? Omega-level mutant, survived M-day etc, can fly, very strong, energy manipulation, ruthless leader, ambitious...they sound very similar.

You only mention their personality and powers. This is like saying the Lex Luthor and Kingpin are the same person because they are both wealthy criminals, bald, and wear suits.

@misteranderson said:

He sounds like a berk. Is he meant to be a berk? Why does he spell Brian with a "y"? King and Covenant have implications I like, but I have to say that the cult-like group of followers and the all-powerful evil poomba is a bit overdone. Brother Blood in DC, Apocalypse, Magneto himself, others. McDonald has potential, ee yi ee yi oh, but I am with @squares; some revision is in order. And he should spell his name right. Brian is good, but Bryan is a berk name (Gods, I hope your name isn't Bryan).

The only "King" I knew was the one who was a dead-ringer for Wilson Fisk and lived in the sewers of New York. Completely different concept from this, except maybe for the adherents.

Why does it matter how his name is spelled?

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batkevin74

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@gordyman: "In his first official appearance, he attacks Utopia, defeats all of the X-Men almost singlehandedly, and beats Magneto within an inch of his life."

Well this is pretty standard for most villains when they arrive, big flashy show, kick everyones a$$ but as you've written him, he has no flaws. It's like Superman popped over from DC just to smack everyone around with no real chance of beating him.

As powerful as you make a guy, a flaw even minor goes a long way. Juggernaut it's psychics, Mr Sinister is his obsession with the Summers gene, Deadpool is chimichangas etc.

Also why does Hope fall in love with him?

Write this story though. Plot it out and write it

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Dayvid3

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Just my 2 cents, he'll need something that guards against psychics, or he'd get knocked out fast. Please none of that I'm immune to psi because I am nuts or go crazy crap.

Just tossing out an origin, what about a geneticist that builds a body with splices or whatever from mutants who's powers he/she wants to incorporate? Can build new bodies in future incarnations. It's probably a tacky idea, but all I got at the moment for getting all the powers you might want. Or maybe someone who combs the marvel u for all sorts of mutant upgrade formulas, trinkets what have you, collected from all the past marvel stories. Such as supersoldier serum, artifical healing factor, cyttorac gem, armor etc? It seems like someone in the loop, maybe a shield type agent, would have a line on all that stuff.

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#10  Edited By Gordyman

@batkevin74: He does have a flaw, he's a crazy sociopath; all you need to do is play with his head and he'll lose his cool. Hope falls in love with him because she, like King, sees the X-Men as failures and being that she and King are two of the few mutants to survive M-Day; they hope to get married and have children so that they can revitalize mutant kind. Here's the thing though, King is just using her for this exact purpose, making her believe that he truly loves her.

He's still a WIP though, and I'll try to come up with an origin for him soon.

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@dayvid3: Didn't think about the Psychic thing lol, I'll have to come up with something. Regarding his origin: I was thinking about him being a kid who had been abused and persecuted all his life for being a mutant with particularly destructive powers, as a result he develops a hatred for humanity. After watching a few of Magneto's old speeches, he sees him as a hero. However, he sees the reformed Magneto as a weakling and a sellout who failed in his primary goal of protecting mutants by any means necessary. Which is why he targets Magneto in particular.

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@gordyman said:

@batkevin74: He does have a flaw, he's a crazy sociopath; all you need to do is play with his head and he'll lose his cool. Hope falls in love with him because she, like King, sees the X-Men as failures and being that she and King are two of the few mutants to survive M-Day; they hope to get married and have children so that they can revitalize mutant kind. Here's the thing though, King is just using her for this exact purpose, making her believe that he truly loves her.

He's still a WIP though, and I'll try to come up with an origin for him soon.

No really a flaw, but a long convulted plan.

Let me know when you've written it up as a story though

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#13  Edited By Gordyman
@batkevin74 said:

@gordyman said:

@batkevin74: He does have a flaw, he's a crazy sociopath; all you need to do is play with his head and he'll lose his cool. Hope falls in love with him because she, like King, sees the X-Men as failures and being that she and King are two of the few mutants to survive M-Day; they hope to get married and have children so that they can revitalize mutant kind. Here's the thing though, King is just using her for this exact purpose, making her believe that he truly loves her.

He's still a WIP though, and I'll try to come up with an origin for him soon.

No really a flaw, but a long convulted plan.

Let me know when you've written it up as a story though

Will do, it probably won't be for a while though.

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@gordyman: This character definitely seems too powerful, and the personality traits are in conflict with each other. "An effective leader, strategist and tactician," who "often acts on impulse and is extremely psychotic, showing signs of Bipolar disorder and megalomania?" You're simply not going to see all that in one person. The character that comes in and wipes the floor with everyone right off the bat simply isn't believable. And Hope- the current possibly-all-powerful mutant- falling in love with him? Seems even less likely. This definitely needs work.

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#16  Edited By Gordyman

@cbishop said:

@gordyman: This character definitely seems too powerful, and the personality traits are in conflict with each other. "An effective leader, strategist and tactician," who "often acts on impulse and is extremely psychotic, showing signs of Bipolar disorder and megalomania?" You're simply not going to see all that in one person. The character that comes in and wipes the floor with everyone right off the bat simply isn't believable. And Hope- the current possibly-all-powerful mutant- falling in love with him? Seems even less likely. This definitely needs work.

This is silly. It is possible to be a great strategist and leader, and still be batshit insane. One needs to look no further than Napoleon: Arguably the greatest military commander of all time, whose brilliant strategies and tactics are studied by militaries all around the world even to this day. He was also a borderline sociopath, a neurotic wreck, highly unpredictable, and very often acted on his impulses. This argument holds no water. I've explained why Hope falls in love with him in a previous post, you can go look at it again.

"The character that comes in and wipes the floor with everyone right off the bat simply isn't believable."

Yes it is: Doomsday killed Superman in his first appearance, he was a success. Bane broke Batman's back and freed all of the prisoners in Arkham in his first major storyline, he's a success. Superboy-Prime, whether you like him or not, destroyed pretty much every hero the entire DC Universe by himself both in Infinite Crisis and the Sinestro Corps War. None of your arguments really hold any water.

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@gordyman: Because the character existed before does not make it a believable character. Doomsday and Superboy-Prime were gimmicks at best- I did not find them one bit believable. Your character is a Mary Sue, and needs work, because it is also a gimmick.

Bane, on the other hand, was much more believable as a character- prone to anger, yes, but not fits of impulse. He planned and strategized to the hilt. He did not come in right off the bat- he planned his challenge thoroughly, and waited for Batman to be too tired to beat him. That story arc was not his first appearance either.

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@gordyman said:

@batkevin74: Hope falls in love with him because she, like King, sees the X-Men as failures and being that she and King are two of the few mutants to survive M-Day; they hope to get married and have children so that they can revitalize mutant kind.

That's not a reason to fall in love, and that's not consistent with Hope's character in the least. Do some research about characters before you incorporate them into stories.

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Guardiandevil83

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@squares: Wouldn't his fanfiction be an alternate reality? So characters might be somewhat different then normal.

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#20  Edited By Gordyman

@cbishop said:

@gordyman: Because the character existed before does not make it a believable character. Doomsday and Superboy-Prime were gimmicks at best- I did not find them one bit believable. Your character is a Mary Sue, and needs work, because it is also a gimmick.

Bane, on the other hand, was much more believable as a character- prone to anger, yes, but not fits of impulse. He planned and strategized to the hilt. He did not come in right off the bat- he planned his challenge thoroughly, and waited for Batman to be too tired to beat him. That story arc was not his first appearance either.

Lolwut? Bane went after Batman during because he thought he was the monster that haunted him in his dreams when he was a kid; classic schizophrenia and paranoia. As great of a villain as Bane is, you seriously need to get your head examined if you think that is a more believable origin than King hating the X-Men and Magneto for failing mutant kind. In addition, I said it was his first major storyline not his first appearance.

While I do agree that he probably needs to be nerfed a little bit, there is nothing in his personality that isn't seen in most villains. So sorry, but you're wrong on that aspect.

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#21  Edited By Gordyman

@squares said:

@gordyman said:

@batkevin74: Hope falls in love with him because she, like King, sees the X-Men as failures and being that she and King are two of the few mutants to survive M-Day; they hope to get married and have children so that they can revitalize mutant kind.

That's not a reason to fall in love, and that's not consistent with Hope's character in the least. Do some research about characters before you incorporate them into stories.

Yes it is: Both of them survived M-Day, they have something in common. Hope is seen as the "Mutant Messiah", King understands that and wants to use her. In this story, Hope sees King as the only person who can protect the mutants; seeing the X-Men as failures in this regard. She comes to admire him, how does this not make sense?

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#22  Edited By cbishop

@gordyman: Needs to be nerfed a lot, but whatever. It's your Mary Sue.

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@gordyman said:

@squares said:

@gordyman said:

@batkevin74: Hope falls in love with him because she, like King, sees the X-Men as failures and being that she and King are two of the few mutants to survive M-Day; they hope to get married and have children so that they can revitalize mutant kind.

That's not a reason to fall in love, and that's not consistent with Hope's character in the least. Do some research about characters before you incorporate them into stories.

Yes it is: Both of them survived M-Day, they have something in common. Hope is seen as the "Mutant Messiah", King understands that and wants to use her. In this story, Hope sees King as the only person who can protect the mutants; seeing the X-Men as failures in this regard. She comes to admire him, how does this not make sense?

Because that's not Hope. She wouldn't behave that way.

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@squares: Wouldn't his fanfiction be an alternate reality? So characters might be somewhat different then normal.

That's not generally how fanfiction works, to my knowledge.

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#25  Edited By 4donkeyjohnson

@gordyman:

I think you just want to kill all the X-Men with your creation! He has no depth asides from being a cunning pyschopath. Yes this is fan-fiction and you CAN do whatever you like, but it doesn't always mean you SHOULD!

But in saying that I do hope to read your story to see HOW you go about this. Because it initially has all the hallmarks of an impending train wreck, I would honestly like to be surprised with my fingers crossed that it will be good. Take all of the critiques, comments & advice onboard (you did ask after all) and write your epic.

Surprise us!

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Guardiandevil83

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#26  Edited By Guardiandevil83

@squares: Well I do agree with you on that. I was mostly asking due to some creators different views on a character and their behavioral patterns/speech. I myself try and stay as close to a characters speech, mannerisms, ect as possible. Which is why I hate when writers have Wolverine use correct grammar. If there is no "ain't", "darlin" or "bub". It is not WOLVERINE!

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@squares: I myself try and stay as close to a characters speech, mannerisms, ect as possible.

I'd call that proper writing, myself. It's silly when fanfiction writers think they can completely ignore characters' established personalities, history, etc.

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#28  Edited By MisterAnderson

@gordyman I suppose this conversation also depends upon your purpose. If you're writing for fan fiction or a role-playing character, have fun creating King. If you are submitting a manuscript to Marvel, @squares and @batkevin74 are right that you might want to lean more towards originality than a character who seems awfully derivative of characters who have made similar contributions to the X-plot. I apologize for my earlier comments; they really didn't contribute to improving on your ideas. @batkevin74 is definitely right about the advantages of a good flaw. Even God in Preacher wasn't completely bullet-proof.

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@squares: I'll have to look into her character more then.

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@misteranderson: I appreciate the criticism, what I don't appreciate is people pulling stuff out of their asses and finding reasons to shit on my character.

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@gordyman:

Fair, and I certainly did just that by making unnecessary comments about how his real name was spelled. My apologies.

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#32  Edited By Gordyman
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#33  Edited By NeonPheonix

@gordyman said:

Name: King of Mutants, or simply King.

Real name: Bryan McDonald

Powers and skills: King is one of the most powerful mutants in existence, his strength rivals that of the Hulk and the Juggernaut. His powers include superhuman strength and durability, energy projection (blasts), and flight. He is also an effective leader, strategist, and tactician.

Personality: He is a complete sociopath. He manipulates his followers and uses all sorts of means to control them. He is also extremely sadistic, not stopping until all who stand against him are wiped out. He sees himself as the savior of mutants, and sees humans as inferior and seeks to launch a genocide against them; creating a utopia in which only mutants exist. He often acts on impulse and is extremely psychotic, showing signs of Bipolar disorder and megalomania; although this is his greatest downfall, it also makes him an extremely dangerous and unpredictable adversary for the X-Men.

I can't really come up with a good origin story, so I'll just get into the gist of it: Bryan McDonald is a 25 year-old omega level mutant who has been an outcast for most of his life. Having witnessed the events of M-Day and AvX, he sees both the X-Men and Magneto as weaklings and sellouts who have failed in their primary mission to protect mutant kind. He forms a group of other mutants, calling themselves the Covenant: A cult like group of mutant outcasts, who see Bryan as a King and worship him. In his first official appearance, he attacks Utopia, defeats all of the X-Men almost singlehandedly, and beats Magneto within an inch of his life. He declares himself to be the King of all mutants and gives the X-Men two choices: That they serve him or die. Some such as Hope Summers, who at this point has become disillusioned with the X-Men, join him. but the core X-Men such as Cyclops, Wolverine, and the others outright refuse to join him. So instead of killing them, he expels them from Utopia. He eventually gets his hands on nuclear missiles, aims them at various major cities, and orders that all of the world's governments relinquish power to him or suffer the consequences.

This leads to the Avengers and all of Marvel's other heroes teaming up with the X-Men and invading Utopia. After a brutal battle, King and the Covenant are defeated. Hope Summers and King fall in love, and King makes her his queen. King, Hope, and the rest of his followers are able to escape to an uninhabited island in the Pacific Ocean where they regroup. Vowing to return and annihilate both the Avengers and the X-Men.

You character needs, FLAWS. He feels no emotion, he loves the people more than himself(Superman), Ages Fast, something.

Whatever you do, DON'T USE A KRYPTONITE WEAKNESS. This is so corny, well not corny unoriginal, and quite frankly stupid. use something that other people are vulnerable to like Martians and Fire.

Your character could be really good, he's just rough around the edges

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#34  Edited By Gordyman