My MCU Red Hulk story

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basicfan30

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#1  Edited By basicfan30
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*Poorly lit office lighting flashes show General Ross looking out window *

Ross : The World Council has fallen since the blip and the world has gone mad as a result. Allowing those criminals to be pardoned. And why because they saved us from Thanos? Thanos wouldn't have even came here if it weren't for those criminals.

Stammering soldier in corner : Um....... yes sir. You wanted to be told if anything new has been discovered.

Ross : Yes well?.....? Soldier : We discovered Killian's lab.

Ross : Dose SHEILD know about this? Soldier : Not yet sir but the shared information act is still in effect right sir.

Ross : NOOOO I mean. Those that would pardon the so called avengers can't be trusted. Soldier : Yes sir.

Helicopter landing in abandon empty used car parking lot.

Ross : This is it? Soldier : It has a basement sir.

* Ross holding a vile * Ross : This day is too good to me. The lab even has one dose of the Extremis serum.

Ross to military scientist : What do you mean we can't replicate what Banner did to become Hulk? You've had 17 years to figure this out.

Scientist : It's not enough that we have figured out exactly what happend to Dr. Banner but the Gamma radiation can be thousands of different frequencies and it interacted at a cellular level. Meaning Bruce's exact DNA structure was needed to cause the Hulk.

Ross : You mean only Banner can be the Hulk?

Scientist : No sir just that how those two factors match up to get the right results is like one out of a billion sir. Also without testing we can never be sure. And we can't test without killing millions or yes even billions of test subjects.

Ross hold vile : What if the subject didn't have to die? Scientist : Then probably like ten test runs or so sir. But that's impossible.

Ross injects himself with the serum : I can survive now. Do it.

No Caption Provided

Scientist : Yes sir..............

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basicfan30

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no thoughts ? :(

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Bronze_Surfer

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@basicfan30: so I do like the premise but I think one of the things that would definitely help is writing it more like prose as opposed to a script to make it easier on the eyes at least for me. So instead of Ross: This is it? Soldier: It has a basement sir, I'd instead write it as

General Ross walked up to the once used car building and looked inside the dust-caked windows. A broken coffee machine, some turned over furniture, and a broken open register next to a door with a large lock on it was all that was inside.

"Is this it?" Ross asked as the soldier stammered to get an answer on time.

"It has a basement, sir..." The soldier spat out like a mouse.

Maybe not that exactly but just something that dives a little more into the scenery and breaks up the pacing a bit. I hope you continue with this fic.

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basicfan30

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@bronze_surfer: Thank you. I think you are right about the writing style.