Marvel Mayhem: New Warriors #4

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TommytheHitman

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Ma and Pa's Pancake Plaza!, New York City, April 30th...

No Caption Provided

"Stop staring at me."

Night Thrasher plunged his fork into a pile of steaming American pancakes. Every single person in the restaurant was watching him as he ate. He liked that. He liked the positive attention.

"Did we really have to come here in our costumes?" Justice asked as he drank a cup of coffee whilst sitting across the table.

"Well... what if a crime happens on the way? I'd have to spend 5 minutes getting dressed while YOU go and save the day! I don't like that."

"Well... why don't you want to join the team?"

"Because YOU'RE in it Astrovik! Same with Firestar, that kid who picked a fight with Iron Man that one time... and Goliath."

"When did you start to hate me Dwayne? Is it because of Stamford?"

"No. It's not because of Stamford... it's because you went and supported that goddamn registration act thing!"

"Well... the SHRA was never created. It never came to that.... have you talked to Speedball recently?"

"Is it Speedball or Penance now? I have no idea... I talked to him a few nights ago. He was the one who talked me into getting back in the costume."

"Right... what about... Rage? How's he been?"

"I haven't seen him in mo-"

AHEM!

Night Thrasher glanced to the right to see an old woman carrying a clipboard looking down at him.

"Payment please." She said coldly.

"Right. For the pancakes." Night Thrasher muttered as he pulled out a couple of dollars. "Here."

"It's not enough."

"What?! That money's more then enough!"

"We charge extra for terrorists..."

__________

"Goliath! Get off the street! You're disrupting traffic!" Firestar yelled as hovered above the streets.

"I'm sorry Firestar!" Goliath muttered as he turned towards her. "But this is the only way I can get around!"

"Why not just run across the buildings with your acrobatics?"

"DO I LOOK LIKE AN ACROBAT TO YOU?!"

"Same for you too Prodigy! You need to stop almost landing on people!"

No Caption Provided

"Well! The only way I can get around is by jumping really far!"

"And...?!"

"Well... HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW WHERE I'M GOING TO LAND?!" Prodigy yelled as he climbed up the building's fire escape.

""Sigh." You two need to invest in some useful super po-"

BOOM!

"What was that?" Prodigy asked.

"No idea." Firestar muttered. "Time to find out."

___________

"Look. I'm just saying! The terrorism thing was a bit too far." Justice muttered as he followed Night Thrasher down the street.

"LOOK! I was drunk okay?! I wasn't thinking clearly!"

"There's another thing! When did you start drinking? I remember when you almost took down the Punisher in hand to hand combat! What's happened to you?!"

"I... grew up."

Justice hovered down to the pavement and placed his hand on Night Thrasher's shoulder.

"Dwayne... how did you survive Stamford?" He asked.

"...I let one of my friends die..."

___________

"THIS IS STUPID!" Prodigy yelled as he sprinted across the rooftop. "WHY ARE WE EVEN DOING THIS?!"

"Doing what?!"

"Working for Iron Man. I mean... he doesn't like us! Well maybe he does... but I don't like him!"

"Oh my god can you shut up?! We're nearly here!"

"Oh good." Prodigy muttered. "A loser for us to beat the crap out of!"

"You'll all flee in fear..." A voice said.

No Caption Provided

"BEFORE THE POWERS OF MR DOLL!"

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ImpurestCheese

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@tommythehitman: Yes the C-List Villains are back. A solid addition to the story and an interesting look at how events at Stamford differ from those to those in the canon. I bet Night Thrasher used Goliath as a human shield the sick puppy.

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TheManInTheShoe

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Great chapter. Don't hate me now, but there is one thing. Only ONE. The terms you are using at some points seems a bit unnatural. For example, I don't think (maybe they do) that people refer to a fight as hand to hand combat.

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TommytheHitman

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@themanintheshoe: Well... Justice is a boyscout. Which means he MIGHT have used it!

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TheManInTheShoe

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TommytheHitman

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#6  Edited By TommytheHitman

@themanintheshoe: Hey maybe Ma and Pa's Pancake Plaza should be a place where all the heroes hang out!

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TheManInTheShoe

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@tommythehitman: That is...that is a wonderful idea! Tell the others in the PM.

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batkevin74

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@tommythehitman:

You're a bit like me in terms of your stories are dialogue driven. The dialogue is good, your description of the surroundings, atmosphere etc is very light (I suffer from this too) Ma & Pa's Pancake Place is an excellent setting but I have no idea what it looks like! Is it like the Seinfeld diner or more Happy Days? Is there a permanent maple syrup stain on the wall where Pa threw a plate of pancakes at a young Wilson Fisk who insulted his cooking. Is Ma a rotund woman with masculine hands that once grabbed Captain America by the ear and dragged him back inside after he left a paltry tip? Are there photos on the walls? Bit of atmosphere

Also eg: "Because YOU'RE in it Astrovik! Same with Firestar, that kid who picked a fight with Iron Man that one time... and Goliath."

Try this occassionally: "Because YOU'RE in it Astrovik!" Night Thrasher stabbed the stack of pancakes and glared at his team mate across the table "Same with Firestar, that kid who picked a fight with Iron Man that one time," He grabbed the fork and jammed a wad into his mouth "Ahnd Gowiathh"

"Gowiathh?" Justice's eyebrow raised in confusion.

"GOLIATH!" spat Night Thrasher, flecks of pancake hitting the polished wooden table top

Adding some, well padding isn't the right word, but filling in the details make the Marvel Mayhem Universe realer, give it substance. Try finding a balance between dialogue and description

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batkevin74

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@tommythehitman: "There's another thing! When did you start drinking? I remember when you almost took down the Punisher in hand to hand combat! What's happened to you?!"

No Caption Provided

Since I'm writing Punisher and Bengal was in the Secret Defenders, I feel a rematch between the three of them is on the cards eventually. I remember that story arc vaguely.