Marvel Mayhem: Bullseye #9

Avatar image for batkevin74
batkevin74

15457

Forum Posts

1712

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 2

User Lists: 13

#1  Edited By batkevin74

RATED M.

Owned by Marvel etc etc. Please read AND comment. Thanks

A week ago

Bullseye handed the man a wad of cash “Anything you need to tell me?”

The man in his late fifties with the receding hairline at the storage depot took the cash “Been quiet is all”

Bullseye glanced up at the surveillance camera pointing down on the desk “Going to need that removed.”

The man shrugged as he pulled up the frayed cord from under the counter “It’s just for show. Damn raccoons chewed the dickens out of it few years back.”

Bullseye smiled and handed over three hundred dollars “What’s my name again?”

“Reed Richards” replied the man.

**

No Caption Provided

Bullseye opened his unit to see a petrol tanker. He smiled, the Roxxon logo on the tank was a nice touch. His phone beeped.

(Still in the game?)

He rolled his eyes “Don’t kill anyone for a few weeks and they think you’ve retired!” He texted a {YES!} reply as he wandered around the truck checking it.

(Canada eh? Got two “co-workers” with bounties on their heads near your location. Interested?)

{Send me the details, could do with some practise}

See what happened next here in Deadpool #2 by Irishlad http://www.comicvine.com/forums/fan-fic-8/marvel-mayhem-deadpool-2-1528460/#16

**

“Excuse me sir,” said Major Mapleleaf as he rode up alongside Bullseye, dressed as a Roxxon driver, as he stood beside his tanker taking a leak “But there is a perfectly good functioning toilet just fifty meters away.”

No Caption Provided

Bullseye looked at him “Are you Super Mountie?”

“Major Mapleleaf sir. Now I am going to have to issue you a ticket”

“For taking a whizz?”

“Yes sir. Judging by your accent you’re not from around here and not use to our local customs, like hygiene.”

Bullseye gritted his teeth as he zipped up, “You want to show me this toilet so I know for next time?”

“Well sir, its ju…”

“Could you show me?” said Bullseye “I got a glass eye, don’t see too good.”

“Certainly sir” Major Mapleleaf dismounted and walked along with him, his horse Thunder in tow.

“So can you fly or something?” asked Bullseye as he pulled out an apple from his pocket.

“Oh no eh! I’m just a regular mountie”

“Always get your man huh” he joked through a mouthful.

“That’s a Hollywoodism,” said the major “Our motto is actually Maintiens le droit, which is French for defending the law”

“That is just fascinating!” replied Bullseye as he offered the core to Thunder “Does horsey want some apple?”

“Oh no thank you sir. Not while he’s on duty”

“Beautiful animal, be a shame to kill him.”

Major Mapleleaf stopped “What?”

Bullseye smiled “Not you though, you’re just annoying!” And he rammed the apple core straight into the major’s eye bursting the pupil. The Canadian hero wobbled on his feet before falling to the ground like a felled tree. Thunder neighed and reared up but Bullseye caught the reins.

“It’s okay big fella,” eased Bullseye “I ain’t gonna hurt you.”

**

Thor wiped the sweat from his brow and looked up at the sun. It was hot. He grabbed the plough and continued pushing. Since he’d left the “custody” of SHIELD after the attack by the Wrecker and the death of the goddess of healing, he launched Mjolnir into the air and let fate take him wherever it wished. The Uru mallet slung him to Enid in Oklahoma, Wheat Capital of the United States. And since then he’d worked the land, free from the constant battle that had been his life**. It also gave the thunder god time to contemplate his place. Toiling alongside the mortals felt good.

No Caption Provided

“Hey Thor!”

Thor stopped to see Steve Holden the owner of the property roll up in his pickup truck, several other farm hands in the back.

“Aye?”

“Bout lunch time. We’re headin into town”

Thor smiled as he clambered into the back and thumped the side to signal they were ready.

“Where’s your cape?” sneered Mark, a big, dumb, nasty piece of work who resented the fact that Thor was here and hogging all the attention.

“Where are your manners?” replied Thor as he gazed up to the sky. The other farm hands chuckled leaving Mark to simmer as the truck bumped along.

**

It’d been a long careful drive from Fort Erie Canada, across the border and into the States. Nothing on the airwaves yet about Major Mapleleaf but it would only be a matter of time. Someone busting for the john would eventually kick open the door to find the Canadian super schmuck partially stuffed into the toilet, apple core through the eye. That or his horse locked in the other one making a ruckus.

Bullseye checked the GPS. He was near the Elmwood Country Club about twenty minutes from his destination. But it was not the right time. Peak hour would be perfect so he’d have to wait until 9am tomorrow, but that’d give him the whole day to set up. Bullseye dialled a number.

“Ummm hullo?”

No Caption Provided

“Hoopsnake?”

“Yes…who is this?”

“Does it matter?” Lester looked at the phone wondering if he’d dialled correctly “Want to make some cash?”

“Who is this?”

“Listen here you cyborg snake freak! This is BULLS-^%$#-EYE!” The line went deadly silent and Lester smiled “Must be out of my mind, you still there?”

“…yes sir”

“Good boy! Now listen carefully as your life depends on it…”

**

Thor sat at the bar sipping his beer with the other farmhands at CW Scooters. It’d been a good day. He could’ve done everyone’s job in mere seconds but his self imposed restraint was teaching the thunder god more about humility that his father’s wayward attempt when he created Dr Donald Blake. Thor raised his glass as the house band belted out John Denver’s “Take Me Home, Country Roads”. His arm got bumped and spilt beer on himself, turning to see Mark trying to look innocent.

“Thou hast spilt my ale.” stated Thor as he thumped the glass on the bar.

“So?” scoffed Mark shrugging his shoulder and smiling like a rat.

Thor stood up and grabbed Mark by his collar and lifted him into the air “Thou will apologise and refresh my drink”

“Get your damn hands off me!” whined Mark struggling like a mouse caught by a cat.

“That ist not an apology” said Thor holding him over his head with ease.

“Let him go big guy!” warned one of Mark’s larger friends, though know where near the size of Thor who easily held Mark aloft. The band slowly faded away as they knew that something was about to kick off.

“Or what?” asked Thor.

The response was a chair cracking him over the back of the head, sending splinters everywhere. Thor was unmoved and unhurt by the attack. He dropped Mark like a stone and turned to face his attacker.

“Thou wouldst attack from behind like goblin!” he stated raising his fist. The man flinched and Thor lowered his hand; a single punch would turn this man to paste. Thor shook his head “The son of Odin will not sully his hands on the likes of yee”

“You’re a big, dumb, funny talking dumbass!” yelled Mark as he got to his feet “Why don’t you go back to where you came from huh?”

Thor’s eyes narrowed “I warn thee for the last time; apologise and refresh my drink.”

**

No Caption Provided

E 149th St New York, The Fallen Angel Tavern

Lester took a seat at the bar, looking at the large poster that said 'Magneto IS right' and rolled his eyes as he waved a hand for service. He grabbed a handful of nuts and began lining them up.

“What can I get you?” asked the bartender.

“Beer,” Lester dropped a hundred dollar note on the bar.

The bartender looked at Lester and his money “My prices are above average price but not that expensive” he joked.

Lester laughed along with him until the bartender realised he was being mocked. He snatched up the note and trudged down the end of the bar to get him a beer. Bullseye flipped open his phone.

“Bout time you called me back”

“I am a busy man”

“Well so am I!” said Bullseye as he watched the beer and change hit the bar “Hold on, hey!”

The bartender exhaled in frustration and slowly made his way back to the man who had killed for fun and profit “Something wrong?”

Bullseye slid eighty four cents across the bar “Here’s a tip. Go buy yourself something nice.” He smiled waiting to see what the bartender would do. The bartender returned the same hollow sarcastic smile, gathered up the coins and dropped them into a jar labelled “Save Seattle”.

“Thank you, sir”

Bullseye sipped his beer as he returned to his call “So?”

“When do you need them?”

“Tomorrow. Seven am at the latest. Shouldn’t be too hard for you Tink”

“Tinkerer!” corrected the voice on the phone “I don’t shorten your name do I? And no it’s not hard to build a car bomb, why ask me?”

“Because I want quality, I need precision and I’m happy to pay for the best.” said Bullseye.

“Very well. Transfer the funds and I shall get to work.” the line went dead.

Bullseye stood up “Hey! You got Wi-Fi in this $#!+#0%?”

**

Manhattan Mini Storage, 420 East 62nd Street

Hoopsnake stood uncomfortably waiting for the clerk to hand him his keys. He was wearing a Muumuu to hide the fact he was essentially a snake man with cybernetic arms, outfit was Bullseye’s idea; “They’ll be suspicious of a %$^& snake man renting a garage but a fat ugly woman in a tent dress, they’ll think she’s storing cakes! But don’t dress like an Arab! No burkhas! Get a wig.”

“Here you go…ma’am” the clerk handed the ugliest woman he’d ever seen the keys “Cash or…”

“Cash!” Hoopsnake said in his best falsetto as the gloved hand shoved money to him.

The clerk took the money, smiled and waited. Hoopsnake waited there awkwardly before realising their business was done “Thank you young man!” and walked off, well as best a man with a snake tail for legs can walk.

**

No Caption Provided

The Library Hotel, 299 Madison Ave

“…us tax is six hundred and seventy five dollars” said the bubbly receptionist whose name badge said ‘Paige, Customer service liaison’.

Bullseye smiled “And my wakeup call is for…”

“Four am sir”

“Because if not,” Bullseye smiled “I’ll kill you!”

Paige laughed “Rest assured sir, you will get your call.”

Bullseye made a finger gun and pointed it at her “Hope so.” He headed to the lift leaving Paige feeling a tad uncomfortable.

To be continued

**Thor does goes and help out in the next chapter of 5th Column out soon by @impurestcheese

Avatar image for impurestcheese
ImpurestCheese

12542

Forum Posts

2824

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 0

User Lists: 14

@batkevin74: Wow between Hoop Snake, Tinkerbell (LOL) and Bullseye things are looking bad in New York. How could they get any worse? :-) Thanks for the reference I'll be taking that jar very soon :-)

Avatar image for irishlad
Irishlad

661

Forum Posts

2005

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 4

User Lists: 2

@batkevin74 Another great chapter, I love how you write Bullseye and his unpredictabilty. Also while it wasn't played up too much I found Hoopsnake in a muumuu to be hilarious xD

Thanks for dropping in the link and writing a good Thor, there are some pretty cool references dropped in all around as well.

Avatar image for batkevin74
batkevin74

15457

Forum Posts

1712

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 2

User Lists: 13

@impurestcheese: "Save Seattle" probably has about sixty three dollars in it :) And yes, it's going to get much worse for NYC!

@irishlad: Nothing says funny like an ugly mutant snake man in drag!

And Bullseye is to use a cliche predicatbly unpredictable. He kinda thinks he's a god I reckon, able to snuff out life whenever he chooses to and very few can stop him. "Thanks for dropping in the link" well it kinda ties directly into my story so :)

Avatar image for impurestcheese
ImpurestCheese

12542

Forum Posts

2824

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 0

User Lists: 14

#5  Edited By ImpurestCheese

@batkevin74: Just a quick question why did Hoopsnake (of all the villains in Marvel) get chosen. Also will we soon see that list of assassins you were creating?

Avatar image for wildvine
wildvine

14893

Forum Posts

2609

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 3

User Lists: 50

@batkevin74

This was really dark and funny. Really good stuff.

Avatar image for batkevin74
batkevin74

15457

Forum Posts

1712

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 2

User Lists: 13

#7  Edited By batkevin74

@wildvine: Thanks. It's the way Bullseye works, that morbid gallows type humour. And I wanted to kinda show what a super villain does when setting up for a caper because usually in comics we just see the plan but not the prep.

@impurestcheese:Like you, I enjoy a lesser known character with lots of room to explore. Also he's only ever appeared in 2 issues in regular continuity. And there is a third reason which we'll see shortly....cue evil laughter

Avatar image for tommythehitman
TommytheHitman

7007

Forum Posts

104

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 0

User Lists: 4

Well at least he didn't hurt the horse! Coolio!

Avatar image for impurestcheese
ImpurestCheese

12542

Forum Posts

2824

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 0

User Lists: 14

Avatar image for batkevin74
batkevin74

15457

Forum Posts

1712

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 2

User Lists: 13

Avatar image for impurestcheese
ImpurestCheese

12542

Forum Posts

2824

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 0

User Lists: 14

@batkevin74: No what I meant is a Fall Guy for Bullseye's evil scheme. :-)

Avatar image for batkevin74
batkevin74

15457

Forum Posts

1712

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 2

User Lists: 13

@impurestcheese: Ahhhh no, not a patsy at all. Sometimes you need a cybernetic snake man to help you set up a nefarious plot :)

Avatar image for impurestcheese
ImpurestCheese

12542

Forum Posts

2824

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 0

User Lists: 14

@batkevin74: What about the other assassins you were collecting?

Avatar image for batkevin74
batkevin74

15457

Forum Posts

1712

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 2

User Lists: 13

@impurestcheese: Oh that is in the pipeline, the groundwork is being laid as we speak

Avatar image for wildvine
wildvine

14893

Forum Posts

2609

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 3

User Lists: 50

@impurestcheese: Ahhhh no, not a patsy at all. Sometimes you need a cybernetic snake man to help you set up a nefarious plot :)

I have had some many nefarious plots that would have worked if I had know a cybernetic snake man.

Avatar image for impurestcheese
ImpurestCheese

12542

Forum Posts

2824

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 0

User Lists: 14

Avatar image for 4donkeyjohnson
4donkeyjohnson

2025

Forum Posts

0

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 0

User Lists: 0

#17  Edited By 4donkeyjohnson

@batkevin74: I hope you didn't kill the horse! And a slight shame about Mapleleaf also :)

Interesting set up for something, well quite terrible I feel.

@wildvine said:

I have had some many nefarious plots that would have worked if I had know a cybernetic snake man.

Hear hear!

Avatar image for batkevin74
batkevin74

15457

Forum Posts

1712

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 2

User Lists: 13