Marvel Knights: The Punisher #1

Avatar image for tommythehitman
TommytheHitman

7183

Forum Posts

104

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 0

User Lists: 5

#1  Edited By TommytheHitman

One Man Army: Part 1 of 5.

Years Ago...

It hadn't taken long for the bodies to start to pile up...

2 weeks after the shooting in Central Park and half of New York's greatest Crime Lords had wound up dead.

Each of them, shot, stabbed and blown to bits.

Rigoletto had known he'd end up the last one standing... it was just his luck. Sometimes being the first to go wasn't so bad... it saved you from the paranoia and worry that would start to spread like wildfire. After 4 weeks, it was like a plague had struck Manhattan, you couldn't turn a corner without finding some poor sucker bleeding to death in the street. And every single person that was dying... was a sinner.

Now it was Rigoletto's turn, being the Kingpin of Crime didn't mean a goddamn thing when all his employees were dead. It wasn't some sort of shield against danger... it didn't make him feel powerful, or wise... it just placed a target on his back. It meant even less when he was staring down the barrel of a shotgun.

"Please..." Rigoletto gasped, the pain from his shattered kneecaps causing tears to roll down his cheeks. He ignored the corpse of his bodyguard that was keeping him pinned to the ground... he even ignored the flames surrounding him that were slowly burning down the foundation he'd spent years of his life creating. Instead... Rigoletto focused on the man dressed completely in black (with the exception of a large white skull on his chest) that was currently glaring down at him, pure hatred shooting from the man's cold, grey eyes. "...why are you here?" He asked, immediately regretting the futility and pointlessness of his last words.

The vigilante tilted his head slightly to get a good luck at the Kingpin's face. His body shaking with raw, uncontrollable power as he held a person's life in his hands. It was a glorious feeling.

He squeezed the weapon of his trigger before replying.

"I'm here to punish you." He answered.

__________________________________________

Hell's Kitchen, New York City, 4:00AM.

Now.

Frank Castle bolted up from his bed in a deep, cold sweat, his eyes quickly darting around the room, searching the dark shadows covering the walls for any potential threat, a Glock 17 pistol already in hand, at the ready for anything that might be waiting for the former Marine.

Silence echoed throughout the room... with the only noise being the sound of Frank's quick, panicked breath. There was nothing in the room. Slowly, Frank placed the weapon back under his pillow case... and for what felt like the first time in decades... Frank Castle took a deep breath. He'd been visited by the dreams again... memories of a better time... a better place. By this point, those memories were the only thing that Frank had of his old life.

Nowadays he tended to focus on the new.

The scent of stale, cold coffee filled the air... an after effect from Frank's previous evening. He'd been exhausted when he'd stumbled in, he'd barely had time to even pour the cup before passing out on the comfort of his soft mattress. He hadn't even had time to lock the door. Frank drew the blinds to his hotel room's window, letting silver moonlight flow into the room, illuminating the battered, scarred body that belonged to the infamous vigilante the Punisher. Wounds from the previous evening, including scratches, bruises and a hastily stitched stab wound decorated the former War Hero's torso.

"Time to go to work." Frank muttered while reloading several of the pistols sat atop the kitchen table in the center of the room. He quickly munched on a fruit flavoured energy bar and gulped down the remainders of his coffee. The cold and bitterness helped wake him up. It got him in the mood for what the job required. Slowly he pulled on his black, trademark body armour while looking at himself in the mirror. The soulless eyes of the skull atop his chest stared back, it stood out in the darkness surrounding him... and most importantly... it let the people Frank was hunting know where he was. Frank did a last check of his ammo before holstering a miniature Sub Machine Gun onto his back and heading out the door, making sure to double lock it.

Just in case.

There was no time to lose. Hell's Kitchen was in dire need for some much needed pest extermination.

_______________________________________________

4:57AM

"Punisher War Journal, Volume 17, Entry 1. So... here I am again. Standing in the ashes of the old... and getting ready to step into what's new." Frank stood across the street from his target, a small warehouse with a chain fence surrounding the perimeter. A gang of Drug Pushers had taken the abandoned building as their own personal headquarters and started cranking out their foul poisons from the same location. It was a shame they hadn't improved security... even a new born infant could get past the current state of their defenses.

"The old... are the drug pushing leeches responsible for the deaths of thousands.... the new..." Frank cleared his throat and lowered his head as a black van carrying several of the gang Frank was targeting passed by and unlocked the fence, driving into the warehouse through the delivery doors. "The new..." Frank continued, gripping his voice recorder as he started to cross the street, ignoring the invitations of a nearby prostitute. "...are the new scumbags and rapists that'll replace them once I wipe them from the face of the Earth."

"Hey man! You got any juice?" A junkie yelled to Frank as he stumbled across the street, clearly on something.

"No." He replied.

Frank pushed open the security gate located next to the fence's vehicle entrance and started to approach the warehouse. Keeping out of sight of the light beaming from the inside of the building. His large, black trench coat helped him blend in with the darkness... an advantage he couldn't afford to lose at this current time. "In conclusion... these murderers aren't going to be around long enough to pollute this City with any more of their filth..." Frank pulled out a grenade that was clipped to his belt and walked to the side of the warehouse, standing directly below several large windows leading directly into the main section of the building, where the majority of the gang happened to be standing. "...and by tomorrow I'll have some more vermin to exterminate."

KLICK!

With a twitch of his finger, Frank sent the grenade's safety pin tumbling to the ground... after that he tossed the grenade up through the window, letting it bounce off the shutter and bounce down into the building. Frank pulled his Glock from the back of his jeans and made his way towards the building's back exit.

"What the frak is this?!" A voice yelled from inside the building, it was referring to the grenade that had just landed in front of the gang.

"I dunno man..." Another said, his voice sounding sluggish and lazy, probably on something. "Looks kinda like a pineap-"

BOOM!!!

Orange fire blasted through the air as the entire world shook from the grenade's impact. Frank gritted his teeth as the door to the back exit was blown off its hinges and sent flying into the air, crashing into the perimeter fence and causing the two to smash into the ground.

This was it... this was where Frank belonged. His blood began to pump with adrenaline... and he readied his weapon before storming through the door, ignoring the meaty chunks and body parts flying everywhere. As expected there were still a few of the dealers standing, all seemed dazed and confused at the sudden assault that seemed to have come from nowhere.

"Holy sh!t!" The closest dealer yelled upon seeing the tall, unmistakeable, armed figure of the Punisher step into the door. "It's freakin' Daredevil!"

BLAM! BLAM!

A bullet burst from Frank's pistol in a quick, blinding flash, it quickly tore through its target's jaw and caused one of his cheeks to explode from the sheer force of the impact, sending red blood splatter flying everywhere. Less then a second later and it was followed by its brother, another bullet which quickly burrowed into the already dead gang member's chest, knocking him off his feet and sending him crashing into the ground. The dope dealer was dead before he even knew what hit him.

"Alright...." Frank wiped blood and dirt from his skin, the stunned faces of several of the dealer's friends filled his vision as he took cover behind the burning wreckage of the van that the dealers had arrived in. "Who's next?!" He yelled. A flurry of bullets whizzed by his body, all missing their target due to the metal barrier Frank had placed between himself and his opponents.

The Punisher pulled his SMG from the holster on his back and burst out from behind the smouldering vehicle, quickly he fired off dozens of bullets while charging towards his quarry, blood spraying through the air as Frank's bullets tore their way through the gang's bodies like a swarm of angry hornets tearing through a dying animal.

Frank's enemies returned fire, their bullets bouncing off the armoured skull protecting his chest. After a few seconds of battle, Frank Castle was the only one standing. His targets lay on the ground, battered, bloody and dead... like a slab of raw meat that had just been butchered. In fact... that was exactly how it was. These idiots were simply livestock... and Frank was their butcher. Frank looked at his handiwork, wiping sweat from his forehead and nodding with satisfaction at what had been a good day's work. Several dealers were off the streets... and nobody would miss them.

"H... he... help me..." A voice moaned. Frank looked down to see one of the dealers still breathing, several bullets lodged in his torso and waist.

"Still alive?" Frank kicked a pistol out of the poor man's reach, leaving him completely defenseless, his cold eyes seemed to stare directly into the man's soul, making the dealer remember every single atrocity he had commited. "Shame." Effortlessly Frank plucked the dealer up from the ground, making sure to put pressure on the bloody wound in the man's shoulder.

"GAH! JESUS!" The dealer sobbed. "GOD!!"

"I want you to give everyone a message." Frank instructed, ignoring the man's cries of pain. "Tell them who did this to you. Tell them WHY I did this to you... tell ALL the lowlifes in Hell's Kitchen EXACTLY what I did to your friends... and make sure you tell them that I'm back. Tell EVERYONE that the Punisher is back... and I do mean everyone. Tell Owlsley, Fisk and all the psychopaths in HYDRA that I'm gunning for them..." He pulled the dealer right up close and looked directly into his eyes.

"...and tell them that I'm going to make up for lost time."

Frank released his grip on the dealer, letting him collapse to the ground. The dealer let out a little gasp as he rolled onto his stomach and started moving towards the exit. "Start crawling." The Punisher muttered as he pulled a piece of C4 from his coat pocket.

Yes... the Punisher was finally back in New York. He'd been gone for awhile... and the criminal underbelly had rejoiced.

They wouldn't be rejoicing any more.

After a few minutes of patient work, the walls of the warehouse were lined with enough C4 to blow a hole in the side of the Empire State Building. It was a bit excessive... but it would draw attention. Every person in New York would know that the Punisher was back in his home territory. People like the Avengers... and people like the Maggia.

Good.

Frank stepped out the warehouse, ignoring the freezing rain pelting down from the heavens. After getting a reasonable distance away from the building, Frank pulled out the C4's trigger and threw the switch, sending up a bright orange explosion into the sky, sending ash and shrapnel flying everywhere, almost swallowing the entire area.

Some would see it as a sign of death... some would see it as a sign of hope. Frank looked up at the fire and brimstone he'd left in his wake and only had one thought.

It was good to be back.

Next Issue: Old Friends! New Enemies!

___________________________________________

If you want to join Marvel Knights be sure to head to our Sign Up Thread and leave a comment!

Avatar image for cbishop
cbishop

21442

Forum Posts

395096

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 92

User Lists: 1268

"Hey man! You got any juice?"

^^^Wasn't sure who this was coming from or what it was about. Other than that, just some minor quibbles with sort of contradicting statements, but nothing big. Good story so far though. :)

Avatar image for tommythehitman
TommytheHitman

7183

Forum Posts

104

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 0

User Lists: 5

#4  Edited By TommytheHitman

@cbishop: Thanks. Sorry, will edit that now. Or whenever I can.

Avatar image for impurestcheese
ImpurestCheese

12542

Forum Posts

2824

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 0

User Lists: 14

@tommythehitman: The F word is now banned even in censored form, got a friendly warning last week about it so I'm passing it on.

Avatar image for boschepg
boschePG

6340

Forum Posts

0

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 0

User Lists: 12

@impurestcheese: I did notice the F bomb, but man you got the warning, huh?

Avatar image for alexander_wolffe
Alexander_Wolffe

349

Forum Posts

0

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 0

User Lists: 0

@impurestcheese: Wait, what? Even in FanFic we can't use it in a censored form?

Also: Will read when I can, tommy.

Avatar image for cbishop
cbishop

21442

Forum Posts

395096

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 92

User Lists: 1268

Avatar image for alexander_wolffe
Alexander_Wolffe

349

Forum Posts

0

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 0

User Lists: 0

@cbishop: Do you think "fuq" would be an acceptable replacement?

Avatar image for cbishop
cbishop

21442

Forum Posts

395096

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 92

User Lists: 1268

#10  Edited By cbishop

@cbishop: Do you think "fuq" would be an acceptable replacement?

Here's the New language rule thread that Wildvine referenced. There's six pages of thread there, but there are plenty of examples asked about there. Although I don't remember seeing "fuq" specifically. But basically, they said bring out your inner geek for creative replacements. I don't use the F-word very often (and censored it when I did), but I want a viable alternative, so I already have a story in the works that will establish my replacement word for every story I write in the future. :)

Avatar image for stumpy49er
stumpy49er

2352

Forum Posts

0

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 0

User Lists: 0

#12  Edited By stumpy49er

@tommythehitman: Welcome Back Frank. ;)

Loved the details. Great first chapter. Definitely channeled Ennis in this.

I hope you use Barracuda at some point. My favorite Punisher villain.

@cbishop I was told you can use Frak.

Avatar image for cbishop
cbishop

21442

Forum Posts

395096

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 92

User Lists: 1268

@stumpy49er: There's a whole list of suggestions on the thread, or you can make up a replacement of your own.

Avatar image for boschepg
boschePG

6340

Forum Posts

0

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 0

User Lists: 12

@tommythehitman: Good stuff. The whole "Oh snap its Daredevil" had me laughing.

Question, is your time period after his South America masked punisher stint?

Avatar image for tommythehitman
TommytheHitman

7183

Forum Posts

104

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 0

User Lists: 5

@stumpy49er: Personally I would have to say Barracuda as well. The guy is just pure evil and absolutely amazing.

@boschePG: Yeah definitely. It's not really important when the series is set, however if I had to choose a period I would say right before Civil War.

Avatar image for tommythehitman
TommytheHitman

7183

Forum Posts

104

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 0

User Lists: 5

@boschepg: But that doesn't mean it ACTUALLY takes place before Civil War.

Also about the 'it's Daredevil!' thing, good. That was the intent.

Avatar image for waezi2
waezi2

27808

Forum Posts

14527

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 1

User Lists: 1

Avatar image for tommythehitman
TommytheHitman

7183

Forum Posts

104

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 0

User Lists: 5

Avatar image for batkevin74
batkevin74

16899

Forum Posts

1712

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 2

User Lists: 13

@tommythehitman: Okay, I'm going to pick it apart, mainly coz I like you :)

2 weeks: It's TWO. Two. 1986 is acceptable but one through to nine is written as the number. Again here After 4 weeks

get a good luck at the Kingpin's face: good look. Words are right, just wrong ones

He squeezed the weapon of his trigger before replying. "I'm here to punish you." He answered.: Okay you don't really need the replying and then he answered. It's more powerful if you just end it with "I'm here to punish you" or even "I'm here to punish you all"

Personally I like war journal entries in either bold or itallics, breaks it up and well it's a personal thing, nothing wrong with the way you've done it. Just my preference

"In conclusion... these murderers aren't going to be around long enough to pollute this City with any more of their filth..." Huh? Is he narrating it? If this was a comic it'd work but as written I don't get this last piece from the journal

the grenade up through the window: Frank's usually a lot more careful, because he only kills bad guys. Honestly this bit I don't like, it's something that Mr Payback would do

"It's freakin' Daredevil!" BLAM! BLAM! Ha ha ha ha very good

"Alright...." "Who's next?!" Again these bits remind me more of Duke Nukem or someone doing a bad Clint Eastwood impression

Overall I liked it. Good action but a few too many...ellipisises...elipsis's...to much dots. A coma works fine, the ellipsis is for dramatic effect and too much drama in a sentence is annoying. Let's see another. Oh and I'm back, got me a working computer for the moment

Avatar image for cbishop
cbishop

21442

Forum Posts

395096

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 92

User Lists: 1268

#20  Edited By cbishop

@batkevin74 said:

@tommythehitman: Overall I liked it. Good action but a few too many...ellipisises...elipsis's...to much dots. A coma works fine, the ellipsis is for dramatic effect and too much drama in a sentence is annoying.

And if a coma seems like it might take away from other things for you, you might try a comma instead. ;)

P.S. Welcome back, Batkev'. :)

Avatar image for tommythehitman
TommytheHitman

7183

Forum Posts

104

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 0

User Lists: 5

@batkevin74: Thanks BK! I'll be sure to edit when I can!

Avatar image for alexander_wolffe
Alexander_Wolffe

349

Forum Posts

0

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 0

User Lists: 0

Meant to ask: Are 1st or 3rd person required?

Also, reading this issue now, but don't know if I'll finish it tonight. Will finish as soon as I can.

Avatar image for alexander_wolffe
Alexander_Wolffe

349

Forum Posts

0

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 0

User Lists: 0

Finished it. Punisher is one of my absolute faves, so this was really fun to read. I'm glad you were able to throw in some of your humor a couple times too.

Great stuff so far, excited for more.

Avatar image for tommythehitman
TommytheHitman

7183

Forum Posts

104

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 0

User Lists: 5

@alexander_wolffe: Either 1st or 3rd is fine.

Thanks very much. Will read your sign up thread comment later as I have college.

Avatar image for batkevin74
batkevin74

16899

Forum Posts

1712

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 2

User Lists: 13

bumped purely for easy access since most of the MK's are together at present

Avatar image for guardiandevil83
Guardiandevil83

9481

Forum Posts

0

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 0

User Lists: 0

This was dope Tommy! On to chapter 2.

Avatar image for tommythehitman
TommytheHitman

7183

Forum Posts

104

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 0

User Lists: 5

Avatar image for knightofthechronicle
knightofthechronicle

1396

Forum Posts

4152

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 2

User Lists: 3

@tommythehitman: He certainly seemed happy to be back, that's for sure. Badass first chapter, Tommy

Avatar image for tommythehitman
TommytheHitman

7183

Forum Posts

104

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 0

User Lists: 5

#30  Edited By TommytheHitman
Avatar image for knightofthechronicle
knightofthechronicle

1396

Forum Posts

4152

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 2

User Lists: 3

Avatar image for tommythehitman
TommytheHitman

7183

Forum Posts

104

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 0

User Lists: 5

Avatar image for knightofthechronicle
knightofthechronicle

1396

Forum Posts

4152

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 2

User Lists: 3

Avatar image for tommythehitman
TommytheHitman

7183

Forum Posts

104

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 0

User Lists: 5

#35  Edited By TommytheHitman
Avatar image for wildvine
wildvine

15352

Forum Posts

2609

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 3

User Lists: 50

#36  Edited By wildvine

@tommythehitman:

Each of them, shot, stabbed and blown to bits.

Extra unnecessary coma after "them." Shouldn't this be-- 'or blown to bits.'? I guess it works as is, but it also sound like these guys were seriously over killed.

standing... it was just his luck.

Unnecessary ellipses. Possibly helpful. Now can I be really persnickety? This--

And every single person that was dying... was a sinner.

--is kinda heavy handed. If this was from the diary or P.O.V. pf Frank then I would let this pass. But, all indications are this is from a third person narrator, and one sympathetic to the criminal element at that. Also third ellipses in a row are overly dramatic. If you want to do a religious analogy with 'sinner' you could say something like, "It was like Judgement Day had come, bringing punishment for the sinners." Yes I worked the word punishment in there to be cheeky, but it does go with the sinner/judgement theme. Mind you this is more of a personal opinion then a professional one. You did ask my thoughts though.

Now it was Rigoletto's turn, being the Kingpin of Crime didn't mean a goddamn thing when all his employees were dead.

Turn a phrase dude. "Now it was Rigoletto's turn to-- pay for his sins/answer for his life/dance with the devil/face the inevitable/etc etc etc.

It wasn't some sort of shield against danger... it didn't make him feel powerful, or wise... it just placed a target on his back. It meant even less when he was staring down the barrel of a shotgun.

See ellipses above ^

He ignored the corpse of his bodyguard that was keeping him pinned to the ground... he even ignored the flames surrounding him that were slowly burning down the foundation he'd spent years of his life creating. Instead...

See capitals and ellipses above ^ (Except the ellipses at the end. Those are done right.

The vigilante tilted his head slightly to get a good luck at the Kingpin's face.

Typo.

Silence echoed throughout the room... with the only noise being the sound of Frank's quick, panicked breath. There was nothing in the room. Slowly, Frank placed the weapon back under his pillow case... and for what felt like the first time in decades... Frank Castle took a deep breath. He'd been visited by the dreams again... memories of a better time... a better place. By this point, those memories were the only thing that Frank had of his old life.

See ellipses above ^

The scent of stale, cold coffee filled the air... an after effect from Frank's previous evening.

^

decorated the former War Hero's torso.

Unless he used to hold war hero as a proper title, this does not need to be capitalized. Not sure war hero is a military award or recognition, but I could be wrong on that one.

The soulless eyes of the skull atop his chest stared back,

I believe atop refers to the horizontal rather then the vertical? Again, I could be wrong, but I don't think it could be atop his chest unless he was reclined. So this should be emblazonedon , or spread across, or decorating his chest.

it stood out in the darkness surrounding him... and most importantly...

See ellipses above ^

"Punisher War Journal, Volume 17, Entry 1. So... here I am again. Standing in the ashes of the old... and getting ready to step into what's new."

^ Also, kinda dramatic a narrative for Frank, what with those pesky dots and all. Not harping to be a butt to you here. Just saying Frank is writing in his journal like he's writing a story. Actually that could be a hilarious idea. I'd love to read Frank's MLP fan fiction... *Ahem* moving on.

A gang of Drug Pushers

Drug pushers are not a proper noun. So no need for capitals.

It was a shame they hadn't improved security... even a new born infant could get past the current state of their defenses.

Unnecessary ellipses. Also 'newborn. And now I want to read a story about a fan fiction about a baby that breaks up drug rings, as written by Frank Castle.

"The old... are the drug pushing leeches responsible for the deaths of thousands.... the new..."

Unnecessary ellipses. And now I feel like I'm being racist to certain punctuation marks.

"The new..." Frank continued, gripping his voice recorder as he started to cross the street, ignoring the invitations of a nearby prostitute. "

And I am immediately put to shame by the proper use of ellipses. Curse you for foiling my humorous corrections! I shake my fist at my computer screen in angry defeat.

His large, black trench coat helped him blend in with the darkness... an advantage he couldn't afford to lose at this current time.

And again unnecessary ellipses. What a roller coaster ride. Also, this current time? Is this alluding to a time when Frank screwed a mission because he stepped into a spotlight or something? And now I'm thinking of Frank escaping from gun toting gang members by tap dancing away from some random stage light. I need to watch less cartoons or start writing my own Punisher fan fics. But that's just a sin on me, not you.

"In conclusion... these murderers aren't going to be around long enough to pollute this City with any more of their filth..." Frank pulled out a grenade that was clipped to his belt and walked to the side of the warehouse, standing directly below several large windows leading directly into the main section of the building, where the majority of the gang happened to be standing. "...and by tomorrow I'll have some more vermin to exterminate."

Frank ends his tape journal like he's wrapping up a lecture. And now I'm thinking about him teaching a college class on being a vigilante. Also, its important to not be seen, but its fine to be heard? Are drug pushers senses based on movement? Is the drug lord a T-Rex? My god what a wellspring of silly fiction ideas this has become. Also, unless the name of the city is "city" then there is no need to capitalize. The ellipses work in this context, but the final line makes me scratch my head. Wouldn't Frank have less vermin to exterminate tomorrow?

With a twitch of his finger, Frank sent the grenade's safety pin tumbling to the ground...

Ellipses.

Frank gritted his teeth as the door to the back exit was blown off its hinges and sent flying into the air, crashing into the perimeter fence and causing the two to smash into the ground.

What two men? The two from the inside? Were they against the door? I thought you were using hyperbole when you said the explosion rocked the entire world, but it to be a humdinger to blast two guys into a door hard enough to knock the door what i assume was several feet away.

This was it... this was where Frank belonged. His blood began to pump with adrenaline... and he readied his weapon before storming through the door, ignoring the meaty chunks and body parts flying everywhere. As expected there were still a few of the dealers standing, all seemed dazed and confused at the sudden assault that seemed to have come from nowhere.

Ellipses. There are people still alive after that explosion? And still standing no less? After an explosion that blew at least one guy apart, and blasted a door off its hinges? In an enclosed room? I need to do drugs then.

"It's freakin' Daredevil!"

Frank is not doing enough brand selling. That's a sin on Frank, not you.

and caused one of his cheeks to explode from the sheer force of the impact,

Yup. That's what happens when you get hit by a bullet. Or any object moving at sufficient speeds really, but that's just physics.

Less then a second later and it was followed by its brother, another bullet which quickly burrowed into the already dead gang member's chest, knocking him off his feet and sending him crashing into the ground. The dope dealer was dead before he even knew what hit him.

The final line is redundant.

A flurry of bullets whizzed by his body, all missing their target due to the metal barrier Frank had placed between himself and his opponents.

No. They missed because they went off target. Unless you are suggesting that dazed, possibly stoned, and temporarily deafened drug dealers are crack shots and are just missing because the van is deflecting the bullets just off course enough to miss Frank's large frame.

The Punisher pulled his SMG from the holster on his back

Wait, did he re-holster his gun, or did he have two guns behind his back? And why? If I was gonna stalk around as the Punisher I would have hip holsters. Have you ever tucked something into your back waistband? Its murder on your back.

Frank's enemies returned fire, their bullets bouncing off the armoured skull protecting his chest.

I have no issue with this. A torso shot is easier then a head shot, and the huge skull would draw the eye. After all the corrections and jokes I just wanted to commend you on a very logical scene, given the situation.

Frank Castle was the only one standing. His targets lay on the ground, battered, bloody and dead... like a slab of raw meat that had just been butchered. In fact... that was exactly how it was. These idiots were simply livestock... and Frank was their butcher. Frank looked at his handiwork, wiping sweat from his forehead and nodding with satisfaction at what had been a good day's work. Several dealers were off the streets... and nobody would miss them.

Ellipses. Don't you mean slabs (plural)? Frank the Butcher would be a great name for a vigilante, or a wrestler, or even a butcher. However Frank can't even sell the Punisher brand, so I would think twice before rebranding.

his cold eyes seemed to stare directly into the man's soul, making the dealer remember every single atrocity he had commited.

Franks steals the Penance Stare. Ghost Rider is gonna be pissed. Also type. *committed.

"I want you to give everyone a message." Frank instructed,

Now see, here's Frank's problem. He wants to kill all the baddies, but since one accidentally lived now he wants to send a message? I appreciate his ability to save face here, because how embarrassing to mess up and not kill one guy. That's how you get low stars on Yelp. But why the gear change? Why not kill this guy? Is he out of ammo, or just improvising at this point. Frank needs to reassess his goals is what I'm saying. Maybe write out a mission statement.

"Tell them who did this to you. Tell them WHY I did this to you... tell ALL the lowlifes in Hell's Kitchen EXACTLY what I did to your friends... and make sure you tell them that I'm back. Tell EVERYONE that the Punisher is back... and I do mean everyone. Tell Owlsley, Fisk and all the psychopaths in HYDRA that I'm gunning for them..."

See capitals and ellipses above ^ Also, Frank says he's "gunning for them" but then doesn't say "no pun intended." That's a banter foul. : P

He pulled the dealer right up close and looked directly into his eyes.

Still a better love story the Twilight.

"...and tell them that I'm going to make up for lost time."

Unnecessary ellipses and unnecessary line break.

The dealer let out a little gasp as he rolled onto his stomach and started moving towards the exit. "Start crawling." The Punisher muttered as he pulled a piece of C4 from his coat pocket.

Wasn't he already?

Yes... the Punisher was finally back in New York. He'd been gone for awhile... and the criminal underbelly had rejoiced.

Ellipses.

After a few minutes of patient work, the walls of the warehouse were lined with enough C4 to blow a hole in the side of the Empire State Building. It was a bit excessive... but it would draw attention. Every person in New York would know that the Punisher was back in his home territory. People like the Avengers... and people like the Maggia.

Ellipses. Also Frank sends messages to the Avengers by explosion. Frank needs to get on Gmail like the rest of us.

Some would see it as a sign of death...

Only the sane ones. Also, ellipses.

Frank looked up at the fire and brimstone he'd left in his wake and only had one thought.

Fire and brimstone? Holy s#it! Frank really is Ghost Rider. I was just joking about that.

Its not a bad start/reboot. It shows new readers who Frank is and what he does. Couple phrases felt awkward, and the whole thing had a Sin City narrator vibe (not a terrible thing) Overall I generally enjoyed reading this and I think its fine for the casual reader. I did go over it with a microscope because you asked my thoughts, but if I had just read it for fun I probably would not have minded say, the truckload of ellipses, or the ending where he suddenly wanted to send a message, even though he sent one with his explosion anyway. Yeah though. Fun read.

Avatar image for tommythehitman
TommytheHitman

7183

Forum Posts

104

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 0

User Lists: 5

#38  Edited By TommytheHitman

@wildvine: Oh god, all the ellipses. I didn't realise I'd used that many. Wildvine, I'm so sorry.

And thanks for reading.

Also you noticed a thing that's going to be brought up later in the series. So feel proud.

Avatar image for wildvine
wildvine

15352

Forum Posts

2609

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 3

User Lists: 50

#39  Edited By wildvine

@tommythehitman:

Its fine. I've gone over with ellipses myself. They're just so much fun to use.

Avatar image for tommythehitman
TommytheHitman

7183

Forum Posts

104

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 0

User Lists: 5

Avatar image for 4donkeyjohnson
4donkeyjohnson

2063

Forum Posts

0

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 0

User Lists: 0

Avatar image for tommythehitman
TommytheHitman

7183

Forum Posts

104

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 0

User Lists: 5

Bump for the series!

Avatar image for batkevin74
batkevin74

16899

Forum Posts

1712

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 2

User Lists: 13