Marvel Iron Age: Hawkeye #1

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RedRobinTimDrake

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#1  Edited By RedRobinTimDrake

Rated t

Traveling circusNew York

"So what is your act going to be tonight?" said Harold the circus owner. "I'll try to hit a target from one hundred meters." Anthony said as he reached for his beer. "How are you going to do that if you are drunk?" Harold said as he laughed. "This is my first beer and last for tonight." "Better be. dont disappoint me tonight Anthony" Harold said while Anthony took the last few gulps of his drink. "I got the hawkeye" Anthony said with a wink. "Ok dont forget that". " I wont you can trust me Harold"

Traveling circusNew York show time

"And now theee amazing Hawkeye!!!!!" Harold said as and iron soldier walked in the circus tent. Anthony stood on the dirt floor and pulled back the bow's string. "is he going to make it!" Harold said over the microphone. The arrow hit the bullseye and Harold yelled into the microphone. "And!! yessss! He made it on the dot folks. On the dot!". "easy shot that he had." said the iron soldier watching. " lets see you make it sir" said Anthony. "Hmph easy" He locked on target making it explode. "well this was my next shot" Anthony again pulled the bow string hitting the next bullseye. The iron soldier did so as well. and they both did so so on and so forth until they reached two hundred meters! " I can make this hopefully " said Anthony. Anthony took a deep breath and shot the arrow and it made it on the dot! " can you believe it Anthony made it !" said Harold over the microphone. Once the iron soldier got up to do the shot when he shot a repulsar blast it missed! "Anthony won!" Anthony had a big smile on his face after he saw the blast miss. The soldier left the tent mad that the suit felled him. Then the iron soldier flew in the air about to leave then he started to smile. And turned around firing a beam out of his chest making the tent explode. after that all that was left was chunks of trailers and burnt down tents covered in rubble.

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joshmightbe

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#2  Edited By joshmightbe

Needs a little work but overall good start

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DickGrayson

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#3  Edited By DickGrayson

I enjoyed it. I believe the armies aren't used by Human's, are they?

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RedRobinTimDrake

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#4  Edited By RedRobinTimDrake

thank you

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joshmightbe

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#5  Edited By joshmightbe

@DickGrayson: They are suits of armor operated by human soldiers

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batkevin74

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#6  Edited By batkevin74

@RedRobinTimDrake Great! I've sent you a PM on suggested minor changes, punctuation and such. Do with it as you will, just edited what you've written and polished the edges for you

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TheCannon

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#7  Edited By TheCannon

Nice.

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batkevin74

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#8  Edited By batkevin74

@RedRobinTimDrake: Should clean this up when you get a chance man, also I'm referencing you in my first chapter of Fantastic Force :)

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batkevin74

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#9  Edited By batkevin74

@RedRobinTimDrake: Sent you a PM about what I mean, but its all squished together. Bit of spacing needed

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joshmightbe

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#10  Edited By joshmightbe

@RedRobinTimDrake: A little space between paragraphs would do wonders for this

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deactivated-5d1828448d5f0

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I read this before, I believe. It's pretty good. You might want to make it longer (add more descriptions, content, language, etc.) but overall it's pretty good.

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tomdickharry1984

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#12  Edited By tomdickharry1984

Short, squished and all over the place. I'm no writer...dont want to rain your parade dude but it's messy and doesn't make sense at the end. Is their people in the tent or just hawkeye and the soldier? You're idea seems good, it does I love hawkeye but this is....I agree withwhat the above people have said about space and stuff, I'll be quite now