Somewhere on a little blue planet situated far from the cosmic wars and trails of the universe, there stands a creature. This creature stood alone, the last survivor of a dead planet, slayer of the space mime cult of Fargor V, brave enough to face the entire Avengers in order to save his friend, alone at Fifth and Third bank stands…
“Lunatic?” The tellers voice was laced with a thick coat of annoyance, something that our wayward hero had long ago become use to. “Uh, spelled with a K and an explanation mark instead of an I.” Lunat!c explained as the teller gave him a look. “That’s the legal spelling, I uh, was a little drunk when I registered to be an Earth citizen.” Lunat!k towered over the teller, his massive body stuffed into a suit three sizes too small, his face covered in what from far away looked like shadow, but was actually a thick layer of ink produced from his glowing red eyes. His bright orange hair shoved itself into the air, making gravity question just what the heck it was even doing. Seriously he was just a weird looking ugly alien. Lunat!k shoved a fist full of dollars at the tellers face. “So let’s cut the jib jab pal and just tell me, can I get an account?” Lunat!k gave his best heroic grin, and by that I mean he looked like a shark baring it’s teeth. The teller sighed, giving Lunat!k a glare that drilled into his skull and filled his mind with fear. “Sadly, yes.” Lunat!k tossed the money at the teller. “Radical.”
Lunat!k burst out of the bank, destroying the only door he’d left standing in the process. “This day is pretty bodactous, soon I’ll be getting that TV show deal and everything. No more mercenary work for me, now it’ll be all about the money and chicks.” Lunat!k’s mind wandered to the image of himself hanging out in a gold plated farm house. He’s stupid is what I’m saying. Suddenly a mysterious assassin blasted a laser at Lunat!k’s head. Luckily for Lunat!k he was the protagonist of this story and thus was able to avoid the laser, causing it to hit the teller who’d come out behind him to explain the costs of the property damage he’d caused. The teller fell over in pain, her body suddenly changing. When she stood up again she was no longer the nameless teller, but The Teller, the Terror of Banks! Lunat!k’s eyes widened as he spotted this strange event. “What the @#$%?” Why he was censored is beyond me, given he cursed in alien gibberish, I guess we’re going to pretend he’s not a rip off of a certain other space bounty hunter. “Crap, I missed.” The assassin said, reloading his giant laser. “You won’t survive this next shot Lunatic!” He pointed the gun point blank at Lunat!k’s face. “Prepare to fall to my RetCanon!” And then the assassin pulled the trigger.
Will our hero survive!? Just who is this assassin!? How will Lunat!k escape this one!?...He’s going to dodge the laser, seriously what do you expect? Anyway find out how this train wreck goes next with Lunat!k: The World’s Greatest Rip-off!