Please and Thank You
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@saint_wildcard: The content is good and the story is engaging but the fact that it's written in script form detracts from that. Your writing is good (no one can deny that) but the one flaw of scripts is that emotion and narrative often got forgotten.
Thanks. Don't worry, I'm plenty harsh on myself. I know that this is something I whipped up in only 2 hours and listening to Van Halens "Dance the Night away" but I really need to put more effort into describing things.
It's a trick when pitching ideas on sketch shows. Don't build yourself up, always sell yourself short. Thanks but the problems I have with it
-Too short in some parts,
-The part when she starts hearing things loudly is not as good as it can be.
-The dialogue when she's talking about having sex feels weird to me.
-The reveal is kind of lame but I think that's mostly due to it being short.
But then again this was just a half assed attempt. And I only wrote it in hopes that it would help the creative juices flow towards the Superman story.
@saint_wildcard: The progression felt natural, even if some parts were short like you said, and I liked the amount of questions I was left with by the end.
Well at least it did what it was suppose to do. Those questions are a sign of that.... unfortunately there will no part two. But if you want PM me the questions and I might answer most. In the meanwhile I have to start working on that Superman story.
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