Evil Wolverine

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DanteKesha

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Another normal day for this world, when, at night, something peculiar has happened. Wolverine slaughtered 3 people in New York. Wolverine is smoking by an alleyway. Chameleon decides to challenge Logan, so he runs up for a quick 3 punches. He uses pigment change to surprise Wolverine, when the animal senses work, so he uses a smoke bomb to further stall Wolverine. He shows up and slams Wolverine's face into a fire extinguisher. Wolvie attempts to stab, but Chameleon dodges then shoots him with 2 tranquilizer darts, temporarily knocking him out. Professor X hears about this. He contacts Hawkeye and Wong, and so he makes an agreement that they will work together and battle with Wolverine. Logan is on a bridge, smoking a cigar, when Hawkeye uses his snipline arrow to kick Wolverine in the back, and he falls off the bridge onto the dry ground. Wong rushes in to give Wolverine an uppercut then hit him with the staff.

Wolverine: Nice try, bub. Get ready to lose like that Russian. Wong throws his sword at Logan's chest, but Logan pulls it out, and Hawkeye shoots him in the leg, which then explodes.

Wolverine: Is that all you got, Clint?!

Clint fires putty arrows at his feet, then thr PYM particle arrows, which stab Logan in the legs, arms and chest. Wong hits him in the pelvis with his staff, and Logan has entered the beserker rage. Hawkeye uses the adamantium arrow, which hit's Wolverines arm, then uses the electric arrow to weaken Wolverine.

Clint: You've learned your lesson, haven't you, Logan?

Wolverine: What happened? Hawkeye, why am I seeing you and Wong?

Hawkeye: Well, Logan, you were in New York slaughtering people, so you battled with Chameleon, who barely won by firing at your leg with a tranquilizer dart, then me & Wong were sent by Professor X, and we battled.

Wolverine: Galactus could have possesed me.

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batkevin74

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@dantekesha: Huh?

Asides from some formatting errors, lets look at what has happened here. Chameleon Vs Wolverine, then Wolverine Vs Hawkeye & Wong.

This is your fight: Chameleon decides to challenge Logan, so he runs up for a quick 3 punches. He uses pigment change to surprise Wolverine, when the animal senses work, so he uses a smoke bomb to further stall Wolverine. He shows up and slams Wolverine's face into a fire extinguisher. Wolvie attempts to stab, but Chameleon dodges then shoots him with 2 tranquilizer darts, temporarily knocking him out.

So Wolverine just takes the 3 punches? My guess is after the first surprise one, he's clawing and snikting his way through the white faced villain. A smoke bomb won't do much to Wolverine. And whilst he heals he can be taken out via tranquilzers but 2?

And then suddenly HE'S EVIL? And Professor X sends two underqualified NON X-MEN to deal with him?? You need to explain this or is it the old "oh I bumped my head and now I'm evil" routine?

But here's the bit I don't get. Clint shoots Wolvie with Pym Particles. It's a clever tactic. But NOTHING HAPPENS! You say it hits and nothing! Does he shrink down to wasp size or grow to 60ft tall? Why shoot him with a really good capturing tactic and not follow it through. Pym arrow shrinks Wolverine to the size of a pea. Wong picks up Wolverine and drops him in a beaker of ether and they take him back to Charles who rewires his brain and they all live happily ever after.

Hawkeye: Well, Logan, you were in New York slaughtering people, so you battled with Chameleon, who barely won by firing at your leg with a tranquilizer dart, then me & Wong were sent by Professor X, and we battled. You need to work on your dialog because asides from manga/anime nobody talks like this.

Keep writing. Use or ignore any and all of what I've said as I'm no expert, just a guy who writes FF himself.

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DanteKesha

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@batkevin74:

The PYM arrows turn into multiple other arrows. Also, tranquilizers don't work immediately, so chameleon needed to speed up effects. To be honest, me, you and @wildvine are like debate partners, who entertain each other when debating, but also constantly also use our own logic to make good arguments.

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batkevin74

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@dantekesha: Okay but you need to TELL us that in the story, just like the Pym arrows. There are times where you need to assume the audience is a bit slow and tell them what's going to, but not like you had Hawkeye explain the whole plot like a bad anime character!

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Eg: Hawkeye pulled back his bow, his fingers holding a trio of Pym arrows. He aimed at the small Canadian mutant who was watching him like a hawk. "Dodge this!" Clint said as he released them. The Pym Particles in the arrow heads reacted to the sudden acceleration, triggering the change that turned three arrows into a barrage of three thousand arrows. Wolverine leapt, cartwheeled and spun to avoid the wall of spikes but was turned into a pin cushion by the violent voilley. Wong shook his head.

"What?" Hawkeye shrugged. "I stopped him"

Wong shook his head and pointed. "No, you've just made him madder."

Wolverine screamed, throwing his head back in animalistic rage, claws extended. He glared at the archer with eyes that were no longer human.

"At least it's not the Hulk," Hawkeye gulped as Wolverine shot forward in a berserker frenzy.

See the difference?