DC Re-Imagined Martian Manhunter #3

Avatar image for tommythehitman
TommytheHitman

7183

Forum Posts

104

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 0

User Lists: 5

#1  Edited By TommytheHitman

Rated M

The Security Guard was bored, his boss had made him drive all the way to Midtown New York for THIS! He had to watch this old doctor Erdel or whatever his name is as he turned some weird toaster or whatever.

"I really don't understand why you're here, I've taken all the precautions it's perfectly safe." Muttered Dr Erdel

He frowned looked like the doc was having his afternoon rant again.

"Sir, with all due respect your trying to create a teleporter to Russia. We need to be here in case anything gets through from..." The Security Guard started.

The security guard rolled his eyes as Dr Erdel started to explain what his device was for as he pounded a few simple buttons in.

Dr Erdel: The 5th dimension, it's my theory of where all teleporting temporarily leads to.

The Security Guard rubbed his head and thought

"God, why do I always get the boring assignments?"

The Guard turned his head slightly as the strange machine started to hum and return to life. He didn't know these would be his last few minutes alive...

-------------

J'onn raised his head slightly off of the floor, Martian's didn't sleep often no matter how... strange it had been. "J'ONN!" he heard Malafic shout in his ear, it was louder then usual possibly a gift Hromneer had forgotten to mention. J'onn found himself being helped up by Malafic as he started to get up off the stone cold floor. Suddenly J'onn's brain felt like it was on fire he heard strange sounds when nobody was talking. He could hear Malafic's thoughts!

"What happened J'onn?"

J'onn turned towards Malafic who just stared at him clearly worried about him. J'onn pondered whether or not to answer Malafic's thought. He decided against it. J'onn steadied himself against the wall which Malafic noticed.

"You're not going to collapse on me again are you?"

J'onn turned towards Malafic who stared angrily his eyes beaming with anger.

"I'm sorry?" J'onn said.

"You touched the wall again, did... HE talk to you?"

J'onn frowned and lowered his head, he had bad news.

"I... I think the great lord Hromneer is dead."

Malafic's eyes widened and he suddenly started to act depressed, this news would have to be held back if it was know to the populace of Mars it would cause chaos. J'onn smiled slightly Malafic would not believe what he was about to say.

"Malafic. There's something else as we-" J'onn managed to say before a portion of the wall next to him exploded. KABOOM!! J'onn noticed several bricks from the wall heading towards him and braced himself for pain. J'onn waited a few seconds. He still hadn't felt anything, he opened his eyes and found he'd somehow become intangible! He glanced up and saw several White Martians standing where the wall had been. They hadn't noticed him.

"MAAALLLAAAFIICC!" One of the White Martians gargled. Malafic had unfortunately had his legs crushed by a large portion of the wall. J'onn faded into the wall and used his telepathy to locate the exact area of where the Martians were. He could hear Malafic nervously threatening the Martians as they stared down at him. Quickly J'onn flew through the wall and tried to grab one of the Martians, however he flew right through him. This alerted the White Martians to his presence and they turned to face him. He quickly morphed back into his normal form and charged straight at them. He punched the ringleader of the group in the face, he felt stronger and faster. He felt alive. He turned towards the White Martian to his left and smashed his hand straight through the Abomination's skull, however he then felt pain as he was struck in the back by some kind of energy weapon. He fell to the ground screaming in pain, as the White Martian walked over him curious of this strange new foe that it was about to scalp. It turned J'onn over, it wanted to have a quick and clean trophy. J'onn's eyes closed with fear. He knew he was going to die and braced himself for the end.

--------

The Security Guard looked shocked, the teleporter was working! A strange red dust was seeping out of the filters as if the machine was breathing and Dr Erdel was grinning with disbelief.

"I KNEW IT WOULD WORK!" Shouted Dr Erdel. The Security Guard stared at the doctor for a few seconds and then glanced back expecting something to happen. It did. The Security Guard froze in terror and thought

"Oh god John, what the hell is that thing?!"

Inside of the teleporter was the body of a strange green creature...

To Be Continued...

Okay guys that's issue 3 of Martian Manhunter, this is also my first attempt at writing the story like this since you guys won't stop telling me to! (Evil glare) Please tell me what you think in the comments below and be sure to check out the rest of DC Re-Imagined, but check mine first!

http://www.comicvine.com/forums/fan-fic/8/dc-re-imagined-revived-library/752564/#17

Avatar image for tommythehitman
TommytheHitman

7183

Forum Posts

104

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 0

User Lists: 5

#2  Edited By TommytheHitman

By the way this doesn't mean I'll be writing like this in my other books like Wildcat and The Flash.

Avatar image for ekrolo
ekrolo

488

Forum Posts

0

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 0

User Lists: 0

#3  Edited By ekrolo

And so John comes to Earth, one complaint I have is that in a couple of places you wrote it like this:

Dr Erdel: I like pizza!!

In the rest of it you wrote it like this:

"Dr Erdel really likes pizza doesnt he?"

A minor complaint but it did leave me sligtly confused while I was reading it.

Avatar image for tommythehitman
TommytheHitman

7183

Forum Posts

104

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 0

User Lists: 5

#4  Edited By TommytheHitman

@ekrolo: I have no idea what you're talking about. (wink)

Avatar image for batkevin74
batkevin74

16959

Forum Posts

1712

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 2

User Lists: 13

#5  Edited By batkevin74

@TommytheHitman: Story form! Excellent

said:

"Sir, with all due respect your trying to create a teleporter to the Russia. We need to be here in case anything gets through from..." The Security Guard started.

Teleporter TO Russia, the Russia is grammatically incorrect. Also security guard doesn't need capitals.

said:

Dr Erdel: The 5th dimension, it's my theory of where all teleporting temporarily leads to.

And then back to script form???@TommytheHitman said:

"Malafic. There's something else as we-" J'onn managed to say before a portion of the wall next to him exploded. KABOOM!! J'onn noticed several bricks from the wall heading towards him and braced himself for pain. J'onn waited a few seconds. He still hadn't felt anything, he opened his eyes and found he'd somehow become intangible! He glanced up and saw several White Martians standing where the wall had been. They hadn't noticed him.

This paragraph is a little clunky

Overall well done with MM so far.