CRANK: The Indomitable Few #2

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stumpy49er

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#1  Edited By stumpy49er

Read the first issue here: http://www.comicvine.com/forums/fan-fic-8/crank-the-indomitable-few-1-1719542/#8

Battle of Alcatraz part 1

Alcatraz Underwater Compound

Warden Amelia Kincaid hangs up the phone, looks across the control room at Security Chief Ray Parish. "Dmenchech says the Panopticons are busy." she informs him.

Ray looks back at his monitor and replies "I don't know if we need them anymore. Six more super heroes just popped up out of nowhere. I think those are the ones you mentioned. What'd you call them?"

"They call themselves the Indomitable Few. They're not as well known as the Panopticons." Amelia replied.

"Is Indomitable even a word?" Ray asked.

"That's what Dr. Quantum named them when he created the team." Amelia replied, then looking at the monitor showing Aaron Moro's cell. "Back before that evil bastard killed the good scientist."

"His cells sceure, Warden." Ray said, trying to ease Amelia's concerns. "I've got eight armored guards on him."

Amelia looked at the other cell monitors on the wall. Alcatraz Underwater Complex had a cell capacity of 336. There were currently 246 inmates, only 53 of which were super villains, though the facility was built specifically to house super villains. The idea was to keep the compound at over half capacity and when more super villains came in, they'd ship the non-powered inmates out.

Amelia looked at the monitors of several super villain's cells. Ro-Babylon, the blue and silver, twelve foot tall robot, with a golden lions head, whose cell was right across from Aaron Moro's. Mr. Mild, the bespectacled, quiet, mild mannered serial killer, with the power to phase through walls. Power dampeners kept him from escaping. The Boa Brothers cells, Hypno-Snake, a snake man with hypnotic powers and Jack Asp, the man-snake-donkey hybrid, with the power to run extremely fast. Then there was Ego Ogre, the suit and blonde wig wearing Ogre who wants to build a wall to keep Red Cap goblins from crossing into this world. Finally, there was Stained Glass Man, who several years ago slaughtered people in the streets of San Francisco, nearly killing Amelia's wife, Yuki, had it not been for the intervention of San Francisco Samurai and a brave old man.

"You're not going anywhere, monster." she whispered at Stained Glass Man's monitor.

Island Surface

San Francisco Samurai stands with his katana drawn as he faces down Clockwork Brigand and Miss Wicked. The rest of the Indomitable Few have arrived in time to back him and the Bengal up against the Feared Horde.

Clockwork Brigand twirls his telescopic staff, while Miss Wicked begins to chant a hex. San Francisco Samurai charges at the couple, slashing at Clockwork Brigand's staff, knocking him to the ground and jump kicking Miss Wicked in the face, causing her to lose a pointed tooth. He chooses his next target quickly, the biggest threat, ten foot tall, robotic, Dynamo Diver.

Clockwork Brigand recovers quickly, pulls out a flintlock pistol, aims it at San Francisco Samurai's back and fires. The bullet bursts through the gun barrel but slows to a crawl in the air. He slowly turns his eyes to the right and sees Hourglass standing next to him, using her time power to slow him down. Hourglass grabs her naboot (Eqyptian quarterstaff) and strikes the bullet, deflecting it to the ground, then she strikes the flintlock from his hand and finally she delivers a barrage of strikes on Clockwork Brigand's face and body.

San Francisco Samurai jumps toward Dynamo Diver, ready to deliver a series of slashes on the robot. The Chain intercepts him with his fifty foot long, telekinetically controlled, force field producing chain, which he named Elsa. The samurai slashes at Elsa, attempting to sever the link to Chain, but he is too late as he becomes trapped in one of Chains force fields. San Francisco Samurai stands calm, staring at his foe, waiting for his opportunity to strike.

**

Milk Girl drinks a quart of Quantum Milk, which causes her to grow to twenty feet. "You coming, Tubby?" she asks Quantum Cat as she charges into battle. Quantum Cat seems uninterested, his body flickers in space and he begins to groom himself.

Milk Girl runs straight up to Dynamo Diver, who is half her height. He fires an electrified harpoon at her heart, which she catches just in time. Electricity shoots through the harpoons wire straight to Milk Girl, who falls to her knees. Milk Girl lunges a left jab into Dynamo Divers helmet, cracking the glass. Dynamo Diver shoots several shoulder mounted missiles right at Milk Girl's face.

"That's my favorite human!" Quantum Cat growls, as he teleports in front of each missile, phasing through them and making them explode.

**

Miss Wicked begins to cast a hex on Hourglass but is interupted when vines wrap around her arms. The vines are growing from a pumpkin, which has attached itself to her back. She looks back to see Dr. October floating behind her.

"October, you are nothing compared to me." she growls as she tears the vines apart with her pointed teeth. Grabbing the pumpkin off her back, she throws it to the ground and stomps on it. "You are nothing but a poor man's Dr. Mute."

Dr. October casts another spell. Multiple pumpkins pop up out of the ground around Miss Wicked. Skeletons with pumpkin heads crawl up from the ground and attack Miss Wicked, who responds by breathing fire at Dr. October.

"Get away from my man!" yells Miss Adventure as she grabs Miss Wicked's neck from behind, flies up into the air and choke slams the witch to the ground.

"Thanks babe!" says Dr. October as he casts a spell, causing vines to ensnare the unconcious witch to the ground.

**

Red Cap throws his pike at Death's Bride, who simply phases through it. "Great, I get stuck fighting the Grim Reapers girlfriend." Red Cap complains, as he dodges a swing from her reaper blade. Red Cap throws smoke bombs all around the ground and hides from the spectre. Taking out his sling, he arms it with spikes and blinding 'capper' bombs and slings them at Death's Bride. She phases through the spikes but is blinded by the cappers.

Off to the side of all these battles, the Bengal and Gold Shark engage each other in a bloody, epic and personal fight.

The battle wages on.

to be continued...

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cbishop

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@stumpy49er: I honestly liked the prison bit better than the battle, but I'm loving your character names. Doctor October is pretty cool. :)

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stumpy49er

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@cbishop: Yeah, I realize now it's not easy writing huge battles with multiple characters. It's hard to keep the reader focused and caring about each individual character when the battle jumps around.

I love writing for multiple characters and I love writing battles. I'm just not so sure about the combination of the two .

Oh well, live and learn.

p.s. Yeah when I thought of Dr. October's name I couldn't resist putting him on the team.

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#4  Edited By ImpurestCheese

@stumpy49er: I concur with cbishop, the combat scene was a little messy, not enough to ruin the story, but enough to make things...well messy

Still your villain naming is fabuloso (sic) not to mention I noticed a Hypno Snake and Jack Asp mention crawling around in there

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cbishop

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@stumpy49er: Yeah, I think team battles are hard to write. It's difficult to everyone screen time and still have the action flow well and make sense for the reader. It's a learning process. :)

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#6  Edited By ImpurestCheese

@stumpy49er: @cbishop: They can work but first you need to make sure the characters (or at least your protagonists) are well known and well developed first/

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@impurestcheese: Absolutely! And you do teams very well! I think I'm okay-ish with them. lol

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batkevin74

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@stumpy49er: "Is Indomitable even a word?" Ha ha ha ha very good

Amelia looked at the other cell monitors on the wall. Alcatraz Underwater Complex had a cell capacity of 336. There were currently 246 inmates, only 53 of which were super villains, though the facility was built specifically to house super villains. The idea was to keep the compound at over half capacity and when more super villains came in, they'd ship the non-powered inmates out. That's an awesome and sensible explanation. Brilliant!

Then there was Ego Ogre, the suit and blonde wig wearing Ogre who wants to build a wall to keep Red Cap goblins from crossing into this world Okay here's where you lost me. Mr Mild, now he's dangerously cool! I like the idea of the Boa Brothers (though Jack's a bit on the silly side), but I don't get this transvestite Ogre and why he does what he does???

"You are nothing but a poor man's Dr. Mute." ha ha ha ha i think Dr October might give Mute a run for his money

The battles are a little confusing. You don't have to write it all if you don't want. Eg Dr October and Miss Wicked trade spells as Dynamo Diver slams a fist into the San Francisco Samurai's head. Occassionally you CAN gloss over the details, highlighting the bits you want.

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stumpy49er

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#9  Edited By stumpy49er

@impurestcheese: Yeah, I couldn't help putting The Boa brothers in this world. Just liked them too much.

@batkevin74"Is Indomitable even a word" -Is an actual quote from my sister when I asked her what she thought of the name. :)

Then there was Ego Ogre, the suit and blonde wig wearing Ogre who wants to build a wall to keep Red Cap goblins from crossing into this world- LOL! Well, he's not a transvestite, but I agree, his motives are questionable. Let's just say he's loosely based on a certain American celebrity.

Good point. My problem was that I really wanted to write each battle. Kind of hard introducing characters in a huge battle though. I just wanted to start this story off with an epic battle, only to realize I kind of dug myself a hole.

It's fine, I'm going to get the next issue up in a few.

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Bumped

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ImpurestCheese

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Oh lordi Ego Ogre is the next President...

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stumpy49er

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@impurestcheese: Sadly yes. :(

Maybe I'll create a character named Birdy Sandstone the Wizard to counter the Evil Ogre.

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