"Where is the one called Thor?" The man in bluish-white armour holding his katana aloft declared, peals of lightning danced from it that sent the busy New York street into chaos. Civilians fled, cars mounted the sidewalk to get away from the man tearing up the city.
"NYPD!" roared an amplified voice from a police cruiser. "Put the weapon down!"
"BAH!" The man pointed and lightning shot from his hand. The officers scattered as the massive blast exploded the car. "I will speak with Thor, and Thor alone!"
"THOU HAST MY ATTENTION!" Thor roared from above, his mighty weapon Mjolnir spinning above his head to slow his descent. The man watched the thunder god carefully. As Thor touched down the man took a knee and bowed.
"Kaminari-ō, Sūzanō no musuko!" He said solemnly.
"Rise and be recognised, Lightning King, the son of Susanoo god of the storm and sea," Thor replied in All-tongue. "The son of Odin greets you."
"You honour me, Odinson," Lightning King replied as he stood.
"Why dost thou threaten the Midgardians?"
"I was unable to reach the Eternal Realm to issue my challenge," Lightning King replied. "This seemed appropriate."
"Challenge?" Thor looked at him quizzically.
"If I am to ascend to the Eternal Chrysanthemum Throne to take my fathers place, I must be tested in battle," Lightning King said.
"If it is battle, then thou shouldst seek Hercules!" Thor laughed. "He doth crave battle for pure pleasure."
Lightning King shook his head. "I must battle one of the lightning, and add their power to mine."
"You seek to kill me?"
Lightning King nodded. "I take no joy in this."
Thor looked at Lightning King. "If thou raise..." Thor paused as Lightning King's katana came up to eye level. "Thou should rethink thine actions."
"I have no choice, Odinson. To fulfil my destiny and honour my father, you must die!" Lightning King stated as he dropped into a stance.
"Thou must know that I didst not come alone," Thor said as nodded behind Lightning King. He glanced over his shoulder to see Iron Man with his cannons ready, Hawkeye aiming a bow, Vision hovering above, Scarlet Witch readying a spell and She-Hulk cracking her knuckles.
"Say the word Goldilocks," She-Hulk said. "And we'll kick his tail til his nose bleeds."
"THIS IS HOW YOU HONOUR A CHALLENGE BETWEEN GODS!" Lightning King screamed and exploded a ball of lightning upon himself that radiated out like a bomb. Iron Man shielded Hawkeye as Scarlet Witch threw up a shield to protect herself and She-Hulk, Vision copping the brunt of the attack. "YOU MANGY CUR!"
"HAVE AT THEE!" Thor hurled Mjolnir only to watch it be deflected away by Lightning King's sword. The mighty mallet slammed into the forcefield erected by Iron Man sending him and Hawkeye who he was protecting flying. Lightning King leapt forward slashing his weapon.
"I must fulfil my destiny!"
Thor grabbed Lightning King by the wrists and summoned Mjolnir back to his hand. Sensing that an attack from behind was coming, Lightning King headbutted Thor cracking his nose and sending blood everywhere.
"That'll make a list on Buzzfeed," She-Hulk remarked to the reader. "Fastball special, Wanda!"
Scarlet Witch wove her hands like they were covered in taffy, ruby sparks and red energy spun through her hands as she magically lifted She-Hulk into the air and tossed her at Lightning King.
"How dost thou like it?" Thor remarked smashing his forehead into Lightning King's nose, with the same result. The Asian god staggered back to step into the path of the jade cannonball who smashed him across the street.
"I bet he gets up in two panels," She-Hulk stated as she brushed off debris.
"FACE ME LIKE A GOD!" Lightning King roared, a column of lightning ripping up into the darkening sky. "THIS IS MEANT TO BE A WORTHY CHALLENGE, NOT A BRAWL WITH YOUR PETS!"
"See, two panels," She-Hulk pointed out as she grabbed the bottom corner of the page. "Oh and there's more..."
Thor tackled Lightning King and the pair traded blows like schoolboys. Uru stone clanged with immortal steel showering sparks on every exchange.
"This is getting out of hand," Iron Man said. "Wanda, can you send our new friend somewhere."
"Anywhere you have in mind, Tony?" Wanda flexed her fingers.
"He likes to fight, why not send him to someone that needs a good kick up the tail," he said cheekily.
"I'm not sending him to Latveria!" Wanda declared.
"I WAS thinking somewhere else, but now you mention it..."
Lightning King's fingers struck Thor in the eye, which sent the thunder god backwards, leaving his throat exposed. The blade flashed and sliced low across Thor's neck. If he hadn't been moving back the attack would've decapitated him. Thor roared in pain and frustration and uppercut Lightning King in the jaw with Mjolnir sending him skywards.
"NOW!" Iron Man barked from the air.
Vision flew through the god intangibly, slight increasing his density to disrupt the god's nervous system. Lightning King yelped only to be hit in the face by a mace arrow courtesy of the world's best archer. Iron Man flew in and belted the god towards the ground, which put him on a path with She-Hulk who smacked him towards a glowing red portal created by the Scarlet Witch.
"NO!" Thor roared as he raced after his foe but it was too late, the portal winking out of existence. "WHERE DIDST THOU SEND HIM, WITCH?"
Wanda was startled by her teammates fury. "I sent him somewhere he can break whatever he likes and he won't cause any harm."
"WHERE?" Thor grabbed her by the shoulders.
"Remove your hands from my wife, Thor," Vision said as his hand latched onto Thor's shoulder. Thor unclenched his fists and looked down at the crimson curtain flooding down his chest and pooling at his feet.
"Od's...blood..." Thor went white and keeled over.
__
Lightning King stood on a bridge that bent like a corkscrew. The world around him could only be described as drug-adled hallucination given form. "THOR! SHOW YOURSELF!"
Upon the horizon he spotted a cloud of bat wings heading towards him. He raised his sword to call down the lightning but found that something was amiss.
"You shall pay for this, Thunder God!" Lightning King declared as he spun the sword in a circle. "First your pets for their insolence to touch me, then you for being an honourless dog of the lowest order! I shall fulfil my destiny!"
The cloud of wings came closer, a massive purple and green monster at the forefront.
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