Captain Carrot and His Amazing Zoo Crew in: The Menagerie
"Alley-Kat Abra, what is that?" asked Captain Carrot.
Abra looked at the sword in her hand with a sadness in her eyes that made everyone in the room want to scratch her behind the ears. Then with a light sigh, she answered, "It's the sword of Catana."
Holding his pointer finger in the air, Rubberduck said, "Ah! You mean that cat fu vixen from the Outsidecats?"
Fastback scratched his head and said, "Ah thought Vixen was a member of Just'a Lotta Animals?"
"Wrong universe," said Yankee Poodle.
With one finger on his great, metal lip, Pig-Iron said, "I thought it was 'quack fu.' "
"Gah!" blurted Captain Carrot. "Wrong universe, Pig-Iron! Whattaya trying to do? Get us sued?"
"Huh?" asked the giant purple pig.
"A'right then," said Fastback, quickly stepping back into the conversation. "So Catana was with the Outsidecats. Weren't they led by Bat-Bat?"
"YOU GUYYYS!" screamed Captain Carrot, almost pleading. "Wronguniverse! It's not bad enough that we lost the Z-Building when those turtle ninjas sued us over Fastback's Halloween costume last year? Now you're trying to tick off the Mouse?!"
"I'm not mad," squeaked Little Cheese from a nearby hole in the wall.
"Duh, and The Tick is the wrong universe, Captain," said Pig-Iron.
A green arm suddenly shot out, coiling three times around Pig-Iron's mouth. "Hey!" shouted Rubberduck. "Listen, you big dumb ox--"
"--He's not an ox," came Little Cheese's voice from the hole.
"I don't know how you know all these other universes," continued the flexible fowl, "and I don't wanna know. What I do know is the Zoo Crew is currently headquartered in the fabulous Califurnia home of Byrd Reynolds, an--"
"Isn't he dead?" Fastback asked no one in particular.
Rubberduck's head stretched over until he was nose-to-nose with Fastback, and he yelled, "WRONG UNIVERSE!"
Putting his hands up in front of him in mock surrender, Fastback's head sank into his shell as he said, "Okay, sorry, y'all." As Rubberduck's head and neck curved back around to Pig-Iron, Fastback's eyes peeked over the edge of his shell, and he added, "Actors. Such primadonnas."
"I'm surprised you know that word," said Yankee Poodle from nearby, "but you're not wrong, dahling."
"As I was saying," continued Rubberduck, "we're headquartered in the well-feathered nest of my Byrd Reynolds alter ego, and I don't plan on losing it to some corporate lawyers because you guys can't keep your traps shut about other universes! SO SHUT UP!" he bellowed.
"Can we get back to the sword now?" asked Captain Carrot. "Abra, why do you have Catana's sword?"
"She doesn't," came a voice from the living room's doorway.
The group looked over at a Siamese cat in a samurai-like costume, and a short-haired Persian floating beside her that trailed rainbow colored energy behind her.
"Catana!" gasped Alley-Kat Abra.
"Yes," answered the Siamese. "And this is my friend and teammate, Hola."
"I thought it was Halo," said Fastback.
"Ah thought Halo was a video game," said Pig-Iron.
"Wrong universe," said Hola.
"I thought your soul was in your sword!" cried Alley. "How did you get out?"
"Nevermind that," said Byrd in a mild panic, looking around quickly. "How did you get in?!"
"Nevermind that," said Captain Carrot. "We have to keep this story moving. So what's the story with your sword?" he asked.
"Quite simple, Captain," answered Catana. Reaching behind her back, she pulled a weapon from its sheath, and said, "That is not my sword."
"My Magic Wanda revealed to me that this sword holds the souls of all those that it's killed," said Abra.
"Ew," said Yankee Poodle. "Really, dahling."
"That is kind of gruesome," came Little Cheese's voice from the hole.
"There's only one sword like that in all the world," continued Abra. "Yours," she said to Catana.
"Correct," said Catana. "So what does that tell you?"
Looking at Hola, Fastback said, "Ohhh, I get it! It's from another planet!"
"No," said Alley, slapping her forehead. "Of course! It's in the--"
"--Wrong universe," said the entire group.
Captain Carrot's ears perked up straight as he pointed a thumb towards the sword in Abra's hand, and asked, "Uh, then wait. Who does this belong to?"
"Hola?" Catana asked her friend.
"Si," she answered as she formed a weird glowing sphere.
"It belongs to Hola?" asked Pig-Iron. "An' she speaks Spanish?"
"Espanol," came the voice from the mousehole.
"I thought she was Persian," continued the pig.
"Buddy," said Fastback, patting his pal on the shoulder, "let's not get ourselves in any more trouble, okay?"
Pig-Iron shrugged. "Okay, Beagly-Beagly."
"Huh?" said Fastback.
Pig-Iron hunched his shoulders and grimaced. "Sorry. Wrong universe," he said with a weak smile.
Fastback shrugged.
The sphere glowed brighter as it grew, and then a large moose-like being stepped through the portal.
"My friends," said Catana, "This is Carrie Boo."
"Of course she's a caribou," said Yankee Poodle, a bit perturbed, "but what's her name, dahling?"
"My name is Carrie," answered the caribou. "Last name: Boo. Carrie. Boo."
"No need to get testy, dahling," answered Poodle.
"I thought it was BumpyBoo," said Byrd.
"Wrong universe," said Little Cheese from his hole.
"And that's my sword," Carrie added, pointing to the weapon in Alley-Kat Abra's hand.
"How is it that it has the same ability as that of Catana's sword?" asked Abra.
"I don't know. Lazy writing?" answered Boo. "It's true that it holds the souls of all those it has killed. And like Catana's sword, they can be brought back with a ritual. All those held in the sword, and the sword itself, are called The Menagerie. I need it back."
"To do more killing?" asked Captain Carrot. "I don't know if we can allow that," he said with grim determination.
"I only use it to kill mosquitoes," she said.
"Couldn't you do that with a flyswatter?" asked Fastback.
Whipping a flyswatter out of a sheath on her back, Carried said, "Yes, but the sword is for the main mosquito. I have to trap his soul in The Menagerie to free the souls of my Caribou Clan that he's enslaved."
"Enslaved how?" asked Rubberduck.
"By biting them, and turning them into mosquitoes."
Looking at the team, Rubberduck said, "Do mosquitoes do that here?"
"No," said Alley-Kat Abra. "Magic Wanda reveals to me that in another universe, they'd be called 'vampires.' Grisly creatures that drink blood."
"Well, they do that here," said Rubberduck.
"Yes," said Yankee Poodle dryly, "but you don't turn into one afterwards, dahling."
"Ah, I see now," said Byrd. "Continue!" he said happily.
"It's imperative that I have The Menagerie back if I am to win my battle," said Carrie Boo.
"Well, of course," said Captain Carrot as Abra gave the sword back to Carrie. "Maybe the Zoo Crew should go back with you to help you fight this menace?"
"What? And get my writer sued? Are you kidding?" she asked as she headed through the portal. "Thanks, but no thanks," she said with a wave, and then the portal closed behind her.
"I still think we could have helped," said Captain Carrot.
"We have our battles here, Captain," said Alley-Kat Abra. "There, we would have merely been in the..." she paused, smirked, then continued, "...wrong universe."
The group groaned loudly, and pelted Abra with pillows.
Log in to comment