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Edited By Docruckus


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**This Story takes place after Milestone Forever # 1**






As the Blood Syndicate meet in the dead zone an area outside the factory to watch the battle between Third Rail and Oro for leadership of the Syndicate. Wise tells third that this is stupid and disrespectful to his decision. Third, as usual, disagrees with wise son stating that he believes as one of the original founding members of the syndicate, someone's who has been there thru it all...that he is more than qualified for to lead a field team. Especially since; Fade chose not to take the position.

FB: Hmm...well since Oro is the guy to fight, I'll be more than happy to take my chances before Third. I mean, Third's not the only one who thinks Oro should not be Blood syndicate leader.

F: Sara, stop it. I looked at the team I was leading to protect Dakota city and I came to the realization that he was the best man for the job.

FB: Well maybe it's not a man who should be leading the team.

While Fade and Flash go back and forth, Kwai and Oro have a brief discussion.

ORO: You know, I'm beginning to think that maybe this isn't such a good idea. It’s really not that serious.

Kwai: I would be a better leader than you both. But I don't want to have to kick your @ss to prove it.

O: 'nuff said.

Meanwhile the two siblings continue to talk...Fade tells FlashBack; ”I'm not arguing with you no more Sara. I'm done!”

FB: Good. 'Cause you know that I'm right Fade. I’m really getting tired of the lack of respect my @SS gets as a member of this team.

F: Just chill sis, you're a BIG part of this team, and you're right. I was wrong not to ask for your opinion. My bad. But just trust me on this.

FB: Apology accepted. Now are we going to see a f**kin' fight or what?!?

Brickhouse asks Third to "Drop it.". She reminds him of the time, Oro risked his life to save him while Third was possessed by the Soul Breaker. Third looks at Brick and says “Don’t worry babe. I promise I'll go easy on him.”. Third walks towards Oro who is standing in the center of the Dead zone as the others watch from the side and stands in front of him. Oro still reluctant to fight is caught off guard by a left hook from third. Now realizing how serious this is, Oro avoids another hit by Third by flying above him. Oro fires a solar blast towards Thirds feet knocking him back, and then shoots a second blast at his chest. Third is initially stunned by the blast but begins to absorb the energy from it and grow in size. Oro then flies toward Third catching him with an solar punch which knocks Third down. The others watch in awe as it appears that Third may be out for the count.

Brick: Oh Pu!!

Wise: Fall back Brick. You know the rules. Besides, this fight is far from other.

FB: It'd better be. I bet Dogg and Boogie 20$ each that Third would win this fight.

Dogg: Looks like you going to have to pay up. I'll take my money in all singles as DMZ and I plan to make it rain on these bitches at the strip club tonight.

DMZ: Shakes heads with a thumbs up.

FB: Hah! I think you barked a bit too soon Dogg. Take a look at Third Now.

Dogg: Ruck No!

Third grabs Oro by the legs and slams him into the pavement. As Oro attempts to get up, Third punches him back down, allows him to gather himself together, then punches him down again.

Third: This is a lot easier than I thought. Are you ready to give up Oro. I really don't want to kick your @ss anymore.

As Third continues to brag about his apparent victory, Oro thinks about the best way to win this fight. He decides he has to take his chance and blast Third with everything he have.

O: You think I would give up that easy Pu, guess you're a lot dumber than I thought..and I think that you're really dumb.

T: Thats it. I'm about to put your light out Oro…Literally.

O: I'm counting on it. Oro then uses a solar flash to blind Third as he flies up from the ground and catches a giant sized Third from the chain up knocking his down. Still blinded by the flash, Oro still in the air and blast Third with everything he has. The radiance is so powerful that the others close their eyes and are unable to see the power being shot. Though it does't seem to be doing much as Thirds body growing from absorbing the energy.

Wise: Oro you got to stop it. He'll get too big and f**k up the damn factory.

O: No...I..will....not lose.

Third: I'm going to kick you’re a...Arghh!!

Thirds body begins to shrink down as Oro overcharged his absorbing abilities to its limit. Oro flies down and punches the wobbled Third into the wall before he himself falls down from over exhausting himself. Bricks yells out “Pu?!?” as she begins to run towards her man. Fb begins to yell “Third get yo' @ss up man. I'm counting on you.”

Dogg: Speaking of counting..I like all ones. Okay.

FB: Ruck off Dogg!

Oro struggles to get on is feet but stands up as the others await to see if Third is out of it.

Fade: It doesn’t look like Third is getting up wise.

Boogie: Damn…Third got knocked the f*ck out.

Wise: Well I guess that's it. Seems like we finally got an official leader for the away tea...

As Wise is about to announce the winner of this fight, Third interupts him: “Not just yet.”. Third stands up strong and starts walking towards Oro, ignoring Bricks pleas to “Stop”. Oro looks as Third inches closer and closer to him but he's too weak to fight back. He used so much of his powers to overload Thirds absorbing abilities in an attempt to put him down...Which was only a temporary solution and is in no shape or form to go another round with Third.

O: Third I...

Third: Wait. If you try to punch me, kick me, or shoot me I'll just absorb it and you are in no position to win this fight. This is something we both know. So be smart…stupid.

Third than extends him hand to Oro and tells him congrats on becoming the leader of the Away team. The two shakes, then Third turns away, locks eyes with Brick, wipes his brow, blows out a sigh, then winks at her with a smile on his face, and begins to walk towards her. Wise announces Oro as the leader of the away team as Oro is greeted and congratulated by his Syndicate teammates

...with the exception of FlashBack who snarled I'm still not listening to that muthaf**ker.”



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Okay, I'm still enjoying the story, but the writing still needs a lot of work. Here's what I'm seeing this time:

1) Decided between prose and script. You're going back and forth, with dialogue in your narration sections. Either put the dialogue in script, or change your story to prose format.

2) It's good that you left a key at the top, explaining the name abbreviations, but my personal opinion is spell out the names. That's a pain, I know, but it takes the reader out of the story to have to say say to themselves, "Was 'F' for 'Fade' or 'Flashback?' Oh yeah, 'Fb' is for Flashback." Anything that takes your reader out of the story is a bad thing, unless you are intentionally breaking the fourth wall, like when Deadpool talks to the readers.

Something you can do is type your script in Word first. You can use your abbreviations while you're typing, and do one of two things:

a) You can replace the abbreviations when you're done. For instance: choose your "replace" option, and replace "O:" with "Oro:," "Fb:" with "Flashback:," etc.

b) Or you can set up your auto correct so it automatically replaces the abbreviations as you type.

3) This one's a story gripe: Third just gave up leadership to Oro? That doesn't ring true. If he was able to get up from Oro's final shot, and could put Oro down at that point, why wouldn't he do it? If he really wanted leadership, looks like he would have pummeled Oro at that point. <shrugs> But whatever. Looking forward to next issue. Added to my FF Long Box - Authors. :)