BLOOD SYNDICATE # 37

Avatar image for docruckus
Docruckus

31

Forum Posts

704

Wiki Points

3

Followers

Reviews: 0

User Lists: 0

Edited By Docruckus

BLOOD SYNDICATE # 37

No Caption Provided

AMERIKKA STILL EATS IT’S YOUNG (PART 2): BACK ON THAT B.S.

**This Story takes place after Milestone Forever # 1 and after Blood Syndicate # 36**

WRITTEN & ARTWORK BY STEVE REEVES

__________________________________________________________________

After Wise Son decides to split the team into two field teams, he promotes Fade as the second in command, and leader of the away team. Though Fade accepted the position, he almost immediately tells his teammates that he’s decided not to be the leader of the away team and instead asked Oro to become the leader of the Blood Syndicate’s ariel team, there was a sound of silence as several members of the Syndicate…including Oro, were shocked by Fades’ decision to make Oro take his spot as the 2nd in command.

WISE: Fade what the hell do you think you’re doing?!? You know this is some disrespectful sh*t right?

FADE: What are you talking about Wise?

WISE: I assigned you as team leader. Me!! Hell we even spoke about it before the meeting. This is like a spit in the face Fade. You’re taking my plan and making it your own.

FADE: Wise…it’s nothing like that at all. I know inside… that I’m not the right guy to lead a team and the best man to do it is Oro. With the Syndicate being the face of a new age of Heroics in Dakota, I think the fact that Oro is a former Police Officer and has worked in Dakota city for several years before the big bang, makes him more than qualified to be team leader of the away team. Just think about how it would look to the media and the masses who still don’t think we’ve changed seeing a team of former gangers turn superheroes being led by a former officer of the law and military solider.

WISE: Yeah but think about all the people who will think we’ve completely sold out. We still got to keep our street cred…I’m just saying.

DOGG: C’mon Wise…lets be serious here. Fade is right. Oro being the face of the away team will help more than hurt. We’re talking about the city of Dakota and there’s a different breed of people out there whom are more likely to accept a Syndicate team being led by an ex officer rather than an ex-gang member. And besides…You have another team in Paris Island, A team that will handle the bad babies a little more differently and without the eyes of the city watching your every move. Believe me Wise, with the team you’ve put together to protect Paris Island, You definitely will not lose any street cred because of that alone.

WISE: Hmm…dammit! I hate to say it; but you may have a point Dogg.

FLASHBACK: Oh sh*t. Look what Fade done started now.

Though it was quite obvious some of the other members of the team had a problem with his decision and they will accept him as a leader because Oro has proven to be a good teammate. Oro, knowing that the others still have an issue with him due to his past as a former Police Officer, does the unexpected and accepts Fades’ decision and become the leader of the Syndicate away team.

While some members of the team were okay with the decision and others really didn’t care, there were a few members who strongly disagreed with it especially Flashback and Third Rail. The two founding members didn’t feel that “Oral” is fit to lead a team of former gang bangers whom he once tried to defeat with the Shadow Cabinet and whom he only decided to run to for help after being from frame for murder. Though Oro has proven to be a loyal teammate, he hasn’t done enough in the eyes of these two to become a Leader of anything associated with the Syndicate.

Third: Ain’t no way I’m taking orders from this pig.

ORO: Hey?! I thought we were cool Third. Now I’m a “pig”? What gives..?

FLASHBACK: I think he was being nice calling you a "pig" Oral. Trust and believe, I would have said a lot worse. Especially since you’re accepting a position that you haven’t even earned as far as I’m concerned. I'd even prefer Boogieto be team leader than you.

BOOGIE: Uhh...thank you...I think.

Third Rail feels as though he got over looked and believes as an original member of The Blood Syndicate, he should have been the one to lead the team rather than Oro. Third tells Fade he disagrees with this decision and then he challenges Oro to a one on one for the leadership of the Syndicates away team. Though Oro thinks this is stupid and it’s really not big of a deal to him to become the Leader of a group of former gang bangers trying to be super heroes. He realize that with the team now fighting for justice, he can do what he intended to do as a cop and help take down the evil that has brought nothing good to the city he calls home. With his military and enforcement experiences, he begins to believe he may just be the man for the job and agrees to fight Third Rail for the rights to be second in command….say whaaat?!?

TO BE CONTINUED IN BLOOD SYNDICATE # 38

NEXT: THIRD RAIL vs. ORO - WHO WILL BE THE FIRST TO BE SECOND?!

Avatar image for cbishop
cbishop

15806

Forum Posts

349993

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 54

User Lists: 1068

I gotta tell ya, I'm enjoying this- I didn't realize how much I missed the Milestone characters. :) ...Here's some suggestions on the writing:

1) Great job on including a link to #36. Many writers on here forget to do that, and it's frustrating. However, remember to go back to #36 and put in a link for #37- if they go back to read #36, you want them to be able to get back to #37.

2) Personally, I'm not a fan of script format. I've said before that I should probably learn it, because apparently that's what they use in comics, but I just don't like it. My personal opinion is switch the script format for actual dialogue quotes. Instead of:

ORO: Hey?!? I thought we were cool Third. Now I’m a “pig”? What gives..?

I'd go with:

"Hey?!?," objected Oro. "I thought we were cool Third. Now I'm a 'pig?' What gives?"

I'd drop the bold on dialogue. It's something they do in the RPG forum, but it's incorrect and distracting in a story. Bold is meant for moments of emphasis.

3) Also, even though some writers in this forum may write fan-fic with an eye towards getting into comics, this isn't comics. We're not writing for an artist- we have to use our words to make the pictures for the reader. Script still strips the descriptions out of the story, and takes for granted that the reader knows who the characters are and what they look like. Granted, that assumption should be 90% safe on this board, but you still want to help them form that picture in their head. Personally, I'm familiar with the BS members up to Boogieman joining, but I don't really remember Oro. I have no idea what he looks like, what his powers are, or even that Oro was a he, until you mentioned it later.

4) If you're going to stick with script (and if you're more comfortable with that, you should) then when you do the dialogue lines, don't shorten the character's names. You established last chapter that the JLA are in this universe, so when you put in "FLASH:" it took me a minute to realize that you weren't talking about Barry, Wally or Bart, but rather Flashback. Same with 3rd/Third Rail (always spell "Third" out btw- it's his name), Wise/ Wise Son and Boogie/ Boogieman.

5) Your sections between the dialogue are an odd mix of narration that gets into the characters' heads, and just you taking a shortcut on something that maybe should have been dialogue and character interaction. You've got an interesting story here- quit taking shortcuts. ;)

Looking forward to #38. Added to my FF Long Box - Authors. :) -cb