Batman vs. Deadpool #1

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#1  Edited By Gordyman

Batman, The Joker, and all related characters are the property of Time Warner and DC Comics. I do not own any of them.

Deadpool is the property of the Walt Disney Company and Marvel Comics. I do not know him.

Although the characters aren't mine, the story that you are about to read is of my creation.

Batman vs. Deadpool #1

By: Gordyman

Rating= Teen +

An uprising breaks out at Arkham Asylum. Some of Gotham’s most dangerous criminals are housed here. The asylum’s guards stand no chance against the savage inmates and they are massacred. At the head of the uprising is none other than the Joker, along with some of Gotham’s other criminals: Scarecrow, Penguin, and Harley Quinn. Dead guards litter the floor as the inmates go on a rampage.

“We need backup!” “We need back argh!” One of the guards cries after getting smashed in the head with a metal bar.

“No, please!” “Don’t kill me!” A guard shouts as the Joker brutally beats the man with a metal bar.

“HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!” the Joker maniacally laughs as he savagely bludgeons the man, “HEEHAHA…HA”.

After five minutes, the man finally dies.

“HAHAHA, WOO!” The Joker screams, “That was fun!” The Joker says.

“Looks like everyone’s dead Mr. J!” Harley Quinn says, “Where’s that friend of yours?”

“Calm down Harley!” He says, “He’ll be here!”

“So Joker”, the Scarecrow asks, “what’s the plan?” “Why do you need my toxins?”

“Geez!” the Joker cries, “What is this 21 QUESTIONS?!” “I’ll explain everything later, right now we need to bust out of here.”

Suddenly the chained door is blown open, a man clad in a red spandex costume, a mask with black rings around its eyeslots, and armed with two revolvers on his holster and two katanas on his back walks in the room.

“So… you guys had a party”, the man says, “and you didn’t invite me?”

“Who the hell is that?” The Penguin asks, “Is that Deathstroke?”

The man replies, “No, I’m his copycat from Marvel.” “Call me Deadpool.”

“Marvel?” The Penguin asks, “Where the hell is that?”

“Yo, it’s a freakin’ crossover!” Deadpool says, “didn’t anybody tell you guys?”

“I take it you’re the mercenary we hired?” The Joker asks.

“Yep” Deadpool asks, “I take it you’re the Joker, I mean… you are the Joker right?”

“The one and only!” The Joker replies.

“O…M…G” Deadpool replies, “I’m like your biggest fan! I like look up to you! I loved you in The Dark Knight. That cool pencil trick thing you did, remind me, you’ve gotta show me how to do that later. Oh yea and, WHY SO SERIOUS?! You have no idea what an honor this is!”

The Joker smiles and blushes and says “Oh stop!”

“So… When are you guys gonna finish your little discussion, we’ve got a city to take over.” Penguin says.

“Oh yea, right” Deadpool says, “Anyway so, like, I stole a HUMVEE on the way here; bunch of crazy inmates, a HUMVEE, and a big city full of people and stuff I mean do I really need to go any further?”

“HA, I like this guy already!” The Joker says, “Alright boys and girls let’s go!”

Deadpool jumps in the driver’s seat, while the rest of the inmates go into the back of the HUMVEE. They drive into Gotham, where they immediately burn, loot, and plunder the city. Not even the police are any match for the crazed inmates and the city’s protector, Batman, is nowhere in sight.”

At a conference room at a hotel in New York, Bruce Wayne is securing a business deal with a chemical manufacturer.

“Thank you gentlemen”, Bruce says, “It really has been a pleasure doing business with you.”

“Yes Mr. Wayne!” the one of the men in the room says, “It truly has been a pleasure.” “Hopefully this is the start of a beautiful and prosperous partnership.”

The other men in the room nod their heads and smile in agreement. Bruce Wayne shakes each of their hands and takes the elevator to his hotel room. Once he gets in his room, he suddenly gets a phone call from Gotham: His butler Alfred.

Bruce answers the phone “Alfred, how’s the estate?” “Is anything the matter?”

Alfred replies, “I’m afraid yes Master Wayne, there is trouble in Gotham.”

“What!” Bruce cries, “What is it?”

Alfred replies, “Sir, the Joker and his cronies have broken out of Arkham and now they’re trying to take over the city!” “The police are no match for them!” “Hundreds have already been killed.”

“Joker, he just never quits does he?” Bruce thinks to himself, “Alright, I’m on my way back.”

“Wait Master Wayne!” Alfred cries.

“What is it Alfred?” Bruce replies.

“The Joker has a new accomplice” Alfred tells him, “I don’t think he’s like anyone you’ve ever met or faced before.” “He’s almost as crazy as the Joker is!”

“We’ll see about that” Batman says, “That’s never stopped me before.” “We’ll talk more once I return Alfred.”

“Hurry sir!” Alfred replies.

Bruce Wayne drives his Ferrari to his mansion outside of Gotham, in order to prepare for what may possibly be the greatest challenge he has ever faced.

Continued in #2…

Please share your thoughts and give honest criticisms. Thank you.

-Gordyman

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Gordyman

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Nobody?

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Blayze365

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#3  Edited By Blayze365

Nice

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Nice

Thank you, what did you like about it?

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batkevin74

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@gordyman: It's good but a bit of a tidy up is needed on the punctuation/grammar department.

Eg: “Calm down Harley!” He says, “he’ll be here!” Needs a capital

Same with “Thank you gentlemen”, Bruce says, “it really has been a pleasure doing business with you.”

And there's no need for two speeches like this: The man replies, “No, I’m his copycat from Marvel.” “Call me Deadpool.” Just remove the " marks in the middle and you're fine.

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#6  Edited By Gordyman

@gordyman: It's good but a bit of a tidy up is needed on the punctuation/grammar department.

Eg: “Calm down Harley!” He says, “he’ll be here!” Needs a capital

Same with “Thank you gentlemen”, Bruce says, “it really has been a pleasure doing business with you.”

And there's no need for two speeches like this: The man replies, “No, I’m his copycat from Marvel.” “Call me Deadpool.” Just remove the " marks in the middle and you're fine.

Gotcha, only thing is I thought you were supposed to put quotation marks after each statement.

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#7  Edited By cbishop

I like your dialogue between Deadpool and Joker, but your Bruce Wayne seems a little distressed. Main problem I'm seeing is in your quotes, like this:

“O…M…G” Deadpool replies, “I’m like your biggest fan!” “Like, I literally look up to you!” “I loved you in The Dark Knight.” “That cool pencil trick thing you did, remind me, you’ve gotta show me how to do that later.” “Oh yea and, WHY SO SERIOUS?!” “You have no idea what an honor this is!”

You don't need quotes around every sentence. It only needs to look like this:

“O…M…G” Deadpool replies, “I’m like your biggest fan! Like, I literally look up to you! I loved you in The Dark Knight. That cool pencil trick thing you did, remind me, you’ve gotta show me how to do that later. Oh yea and, WHY SO SERIOUS?! You have no idea what an honor this is!”

I crossed out "literally," because unless Deadpool is shorter than the Joker or standing below him somewhere, he is not literally looking up to him.

P.S. Added to my FF Long Box. :)

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@cbishop said:

I like your dialogue between Deadpool and Joker, but your Bruce Wayne seems a little distressed. Main problem I'm seeing is in your quotes, like this:

“O…M…G” Deadpool replies, “I’m like your biggest fan!” “Like, I literally look up to you!” “I loved you in The Dark Knight.” “That cool pencil trick thing you did, remind me, you’ve gotta show me how to do that later.” “Oh yea and, WHY SO SERIOUS?!” “You have no idea what an honor this is!”

You don't need quotes around every sentence. It only needs to look like this:

“O…M…G” Deadpool replies, “I’m like your biggest fan! Like, I literally look up to you! I loved you in The Dark Knight. That cool pencil trick thing you did, remind me, you’ve gotta show me how to do that later. Oh yea and, WHY SO SERIOUS?! You have no idea what an honor this is!”

I crossed out "literally," because unless Deadpool is shorter than the Joker or standing below him somewhere, he is not literally looking up to him.

P.S. Added to my FF Long Box. :)

Edited all of it just now.

Joker and some other crazy guy he doesn't even know are trying to take over his city. Shouldn't he be distressed?

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#9  Edited By cbishop

@gordyman: Yes, he should, and I am a big fan of Batman having emotions, because...well, he's human. DC doesn't typically let him show emotion though, unless it's anger. So more in character, he'd have been p.o.'d, his eyes would have narrowed, and he'd have answered, "I'm on my way back to Gotham." lol

Oh, and that wasn't the only spot where the quotes are a problem. You should fix the entire story for that.

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@cbishop said:

@gordyman: Yes, he should, and I am a big fan of Batman having emotions, because...well, he's human. DC doesn't typically let him show emotion though, unless it's anger. So more in character, he'd have been p.o.'d, his eyes would have narrowed, and he'd have answered, "I'm on my way back to Gotham." lol

Oh, and that wasn't the only spot where the quotes are a problem. You should fix the entire story for that.

It's kinda hard to not give him emotions, considering the fact that there aren't any pictures. So I kinda had to make him a tad more emotional, so that he would be less boring.

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@gordyman: Not necessarily, but I do get where you're coming from on it. Personally, if I wrote Batman for anything more than a scene, I'd likely give him a full range of emotions. I just don't think the guy could be an emotional cripple like he is, but be the world's best detective, best fighter, and as highly effective as he is.

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#12  Edited By Gordyman

@cbishop said:

@gordyman: Not necessarily, but I do get where you're coming from on it. Personally, if I wrote Batman for anything more than a scene, I'd likely give him a full range of emotions. I just don't think the guy could be an emotional cripple like he is, but be the world's best detective, best fighter, and as highly effective as he is.

Exactly.

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@gordyman: Well, to clarify: I would do it that way because I think the character is a tad more realistic with a full range of emotions. But as he is normally portrayed: dark, brooding and angry- I think that can be done in writing, without the assistance of pictures. I just don't think it's as fun.

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#14  Edited By Blayze365

Well, the whole idea seems pretty neat...and the set-up of the meeting's cool, that's my opinion anyway..

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I liked it. Going to part 2

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@cbishop said:

@gordyman: Well, to clarify: I would do it that way because I think the character is a tad more realistic with a full range of emotions. But as he is normally portrayed: dark, brooding and angry- I think that can be done in writing, without the assistance of pictures. I just don't think it's as fun.

It really isn't as fun, but in my opinion without pictures the taciturn and emotioless Batman that is popular in most interpretations just wouldn't really work.

Well, the whole idea seems pretty neat...and the set-up of the meeting's cool, that's my opinion anyway..

Yea, I wanted Joker and DP to click immediately. I thought that was the best way to do it. Glad you liked it though.

I liked it. Going to part 2

Thank you, part 2 should be up sometime this week.

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@gordyman said:

@cbishop said:

@gordyman: Well, to clarify: I would do it that way because I think the character is a tad more realistic with a full range of emotions. But as he is normally portrayed: dark, brooding and angry- I think that can be done in writing, without the assistance of pictures. I just don't think it's as fun.

It really isn't as fun, but in my opinion without pictures the taciturn and emotioless Batman that is popular in most interpretations just wouldn't really work.

Nah, it'd work. Someone has to write it before it's drawn- it can totally work just in writing. There's umpteen Bat-novels out there to prove it. It's not what I prefer, but it is workable.