An adventure of a robot (Rated T) Part 1

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zandor

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#1  Edited By zandor

(Okay so I suck at this but don't be afraid to tell your opinion)

A nearby taxi drops off a battle droid, he get's out stretching his limbs before paying the man''Let's see what happened while I was gone''the robot walked forward to a house

it was old,dusty,moldy, and falling apart from what he saw''Dam it I've only been gone for three months, what the hell has Tricorder been doing?'' he walks toward the porch that could barely support him, pushing the door slightly ajar he peaks in''Hello any body home''hearing no answer and seeing no movement in his radar he walks in''Heh toasty bodies''he reads the name tags that were on the bodies only feet away from the main door, there name tag names were Trollz,Toll, and Drake''Most be some new recruits''the droid said to himself aloud, he than hears several thuds up stairs he un-holsters his blaster rifle and sneaks his way up the thuds got louder as he walked up he than saw a door moving in sequence with the thuds as he was getting closer the door swung open and a gust of wind knocked the droid down and a man walked out ''The names Chuck.....Chuck Norris'' the droid stood up dusting himself ''Well what are you doing here Chuck?'' Chuck stared at him with his eyes glowing in the dim hall way ''None of your business'' the man than floated down the stairs like if he was a ghost of some sort ''Douche bag'' the droid thought when all of a sudden a lamp flew out of it's position and knocked the droid down ''I heard that!'' chuck's voice echoed through the old house, the droid got back up and went to the room chuck was in earlier he saw the corpse of a man in green armor with a yellow visor his body was ripped in half, the droid shuddered at the sight of it he then saw writing in blood above the corpse''YOU ARE NOT CHUCK NORRIS B***H YOU ARE NOT CHUCK NORRIS B***H'' it was written several times across the room, the droid ignored it and found the mail room he found a letter for him recently put it seemed, he opened it and read it ''Dear General B1 if your reading this letter it's probably that I'm not there and it came already I can't tell much right now the creature probably found this letter solve this riddle to find the next letter,The more there is...the less you see, love Tricorder .''

TO BE CONTINUED

(If you like I'll make a part 2!)

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Jackson_Hartley

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#2  Edited By Jackson_Hartley

Not sure what to say, other than I'm very confused. But, I'm partially a details man. I'd want to know the robot's name, where he's been, why there's a ghost, why are there bodies spread through the house.

Of course, if the intent is to explain more in the second part, then I understand the holding back.

All in all, it could use some more spacing between paragraphs and maybe a touch more detail in some matters (save the ones ya wanna keep to your chest). Other than that, I say keep writing and see where it goes.

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Project_Worm

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#3  Edited By Project_Worm
@zandor:  
I'm confused too!! But I kind of like it... (that sounds dirty) 
Little piece of advice, instead of using bold make a knew paragraph when using dialogue. It will make things alot easier to read, trust me.
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zandor

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#4  Edited By zandor

@Project_Worm: @Jackson_Hartley: Thanks for the advice!