Part 1:http://www.comicvine.com/forums/fan-fic-8/a-a-r-s-s-chapter-1-the-pain-in-1495085/#24
Part 2:http://www.comicvine.com/forums/fan-fic-8/a-a-r-s-s-chapter-2-the-a-a-r-s-s-strikes-back-1496521/#31
King Surfer King Origin tie-in:http://www.comicvine.com/forums/fan-fic-8/the-writers-guild-presents-9-20-13-1498437/
Motor City, Illinois, USA
“Your order is up!” growled Spatulus as he leapt forward and smashed his nemesis across the face with a spatula right hook, rattling Sir Smart’s metallic brain around in his head before the left spatula slapped him across the face leaving a nasty welt on his cheek, followed by a kick in the stomach sending him across the room like a rag doll.
Spinister looked at the urban cook-mando, weighing up whether to attack or not when Penmanship advanced towards the protector of Cookietown twirling two pencils in his hands.
“Always wanted to kill you!” stated Penmanship.
“Better people than you have tried!” snapped Spatulus.
“Oh brother!” moaned Spinister “I’m outta here!” And with that he spun off like a jet powered tornado.
A.A.R.S.S HQ, Coney Island, New York, USA
Dish-Man slumped into a chair at the monitor desk and began to work the computer. Several A.A.R.S.S beacons had been activated: Bistro, Barf Man even founder of A.A.R.S.S King Surfer King.
“This is Dish-Man of A.A.R.S.S putting out a priority one emergency klaxon alert! All A.A.R.S.S’s to call in their locations”
“This is reserve member Bistro, Del Boca Vista Florida” came the first reply.
“This is King Surfer King calling in from Kauō”
Dish-Man smiled “Always nice to hear your voice sir”
“This is Algebraic Man; I am currently in Sandwich, Massachusetts”
“Little busy now Dish!”
Dish-Man tapped the computer and brought up a GPS locator on Grappling Cook, the defender of Champagne City. “Trouble with Scottish ninjas?”
“And then some!”
Dish-Man turned to his sidekicks and his team mate “He won’t ask but Grappling Cook needs help”
“Climb aboard!” said Space Horse and soon they were away.
Motor City, Illinois, USA
Spatulus and Penmanship traded blow for blow; pen stab for spatula slap in a brutal display of martial arts prowess. The pair paused, eyeing each other off, plotting their next strikes.
“I see you’ve studied under Bi-Roe” acknowledged Spatulus as he flipped blood away from his nostril.
“Thank you”
“Wasn’t a compliment!” Spatulus slapped the assassin on the thigh with a nasty thwack. Penmanship back flipped away, flinging a barrage of pens that were only narrowly deflected by the Teflon toolhands.
Slowly Sir Smart staggered to his feet. He blinked, trying to refocus his vision as his metallic brain began to stop vibrating inside his skull. He reached into his belt to get his laser gun when a hand caught his wrist.
“Not yet!” said a firm voice. Sir Smart looked up the offending arm to see Dr Dog! “Really Archibald, you can’t follow a simple plan without making it a convoluted nightmare!”
“Your plan lacked panache! No style!” huffed Sir Smart.
“So you hired Scottish ninjas!” snapped Dr Dog grabbing the evil genius by the collar “Can’t you just kill someone?”
“Like you’ve killed an A.A.R.S.S!”
Dr Dog snapped his fingers and a pair of Pomeranians trotted in dragging the remains of Band Aid Man “Oh really?” Sir Smart stood aghast, shocked by the sight of two hairy balls of fluff dragging in the bloodied bandages one of A.A.R.S.S’s former leaders. “Now let’s leave before Spatulus see’s you’re awake and knocks you out again!”
Champagne City
Grappling Cook looked around at the circle of death around him. About thirteen Scottish ninjas armed to the teeth. Still it was less than the seemingly endless wave that had initially attacked him and trapped him in this alley.
“Yoo are going t’die!” barked one in their terrible Scottish accents.
“I prefer my ninjas silent!” laughed Cook as he fired his last pneumatic grappled hook into his throat; crunching his Adam’s apple and sending him to the ground flapping about like a landed fish.
“KILL HIM!” screeched another and the twelve converged on him.
“NOT TODAY!” roared Space Horse from above as he flew down beside his team mate; Dish-Man, Bus Boy & Bus Girl on his back.
“What are you doing here?” said Grappling Cook gruffly “I…”
“Us A.A.R.S.S’s need to stick together,” interrupted Dish-Man as the fight erupted in the alley like an old school gang fight.
Dr Dog’s Secret Lair, No Name, Colorado
“For a genius, you make some pretty stupid decisions!” roared Dr Dog at Sir Smart who was flanked by a veritable sea of chihuaha’s, poodles, Daschunds and Norfolk terriers.
“That’s what I told you!” added Spinister.
“Oh shut up!” cried Sir Smart “You ran away!”
“Both of you shut up!” snapped Dr Dog “Or I’ll unleash the hounds!”
Spinister raised an eyebrow at the army of “hounds” but decided to keep his mouth shut.
“It seems my plan to separate the A.A.R.S.S members and kill them off one by one has failed!” Dr Dog scratched vigorously behind his ear “And by involving the Scottish ninja clan, you’ve made the A.A.R.S.S clench tightly together!”
“Bah! You fail to see majesty of the grand tapestry I was weaving!” scoffed Sir Smart.
Dr Dog shook his head “Regardless, we are moving into phase two”
“There was a phase one?” said Spinister quite shocked.
Motor City, Illinois, USA
Spatulus stood over the beaten and bloody Penmanship, blood trickling from his mouth “The pen may be mightier than the sword, but it’s useless against a spatula! Now before you pass out, you better start talking or I am going to flip you so hard and so often you’ll think you’re a pancake!”
To be continued......
**
Thanks to Tommythehitman for Dr Dog, joshmight be for Grappling Cook
No Name is an ACTUAL town in Colorado, also Sandwich MA and Cookie Town :)
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