You vs A Silverback Gorilla

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#1 Posted by skywalker95 (5300 posts) - - Show Bio

You have one weapon to pick- Wood Axe, Metal Baseball Bat, Spear, Kitchen Knife or a Whip and Chair

You're both bloodlusted

Fight takes place in an airport- 50 feet apart

Which weapon do you pick and do you win or lose your fight?

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#2 Posted by green_skaar (12675 posts) - - Show Bio

I'd pick the spear for range, but ultimately lose because I'm not trained at all with spears.

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#3 Posted by batmansolosall (378 posts) - - Show Bio

I'll choose the spear.

Imma still die tho.

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#4 Edited by DiarrheaRegatta (6958 posts) - - Show Bio

You know how muscular and strong a Sliverback is, right? Even the strongest men in history couldn't lift what a average adult male could.

I doubt a chair (useless) a whip (that'll only annoy it more) or sharp objects are going to do to it unless you somehow get a lucky shot with the spear and kill it in one shot. Otherwise, it's just going to maul anyone on the inside.

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#5 Posted by jay_z94 (8414 posts) - - Show Bio

Spears are relatively easy to use compared to other weapons. I’d lose but the Gorilla would die soon afterwards if I land a clean stab in the chest/stomach.

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#6 Posted by Daisy_Johnson (1373 posts) - - Show Bio

I take the chair and then put it on the ground. I then sit on the chair and begin to sing nursery rhymes to the Silverback until it falls asleep.

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#7 Posted by VineC1993 (230 posts) - - Show Bio

This is horrendous

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#8 Edited by ourmanuel (12626 posts) - - Show Bio

The spear gives the best chances of survival

But you’d need to get like an eyeshot to do that

Gorilla still probably stomps either way.

KoL just oneshots with banana bait.

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#9 Posted by TheSerbianEmpire (1262 posts) - - Show Bio

Gorilla gets oneshotted by any weapon here.

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#10 Posted by TakenStew22 (3223 posts) - - Show Bio

Mismatch. I get stomped either way.

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#11 Posted by Paytience (5190 posts) - - Show Bio

Anyone who doesn't pick the spear dies. Anyone who picks a spear stands a decent chance if they are reasonably athletic.

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#12 Posted by Dr_Shenanigans (536 posts) - - Show Bio

With an axe you pretty much only get one shot, a solid blow to the head with a wood axe could probably do the trick but it's a pretty big gamble.

The only good a bat would serve is to keep the gorilla from biting by shoving it in it's mouth.

A spear is probably the best bet here but if the gorilla gets past it & grapples me I'd rather have a knife.

Not really sure what a whip is suppose to do to a bloodlusted gorilla, I doubt he's even feel it & the chair might actually be a liability when that gorilla yanks it out of your hand.

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#13 Posted by AvatarOfDeath (426 posts) - - Show Bio

No one is winning this with anything less than a firearm. You will die with any of these weapons vs. a bloodlusted Silverback gorilla....

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#14 Posted by mexcomics2078 (3285 posts) - - Show Bio

The Gorilla breaks every bone of my body. It would be a painful way to go

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#15 Posted by Koays (11764 posts) - - Show Bio

I stomp

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#16 Edited by Paytience (5190 posts) - - Show Bio

@avatarofdeath: Step 1...point spear at gorilla.

Step 2...stand on end of the spear.

Step 3...let Gorilla charge onto spear.

Step 4...hope you move away fast enough.

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#17 Posted by AvatarOfDeath (426 posts) - - Show Bio

@paytience: They're not dumb though they might just slap that spear away lol

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#18 Posted by FaradaySloth (11199 posts) - - Show Bio

Gorilla one shots

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#20 Posted by WorldofRuin6 (3974 posts) - - Show Bio

I don't always use spears, but when I do, I use them to kill gorillas.

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#21 Posted by jplaya2023 (775 posts) - - Show Bio

lol we die a horrible death. I'm using a chair and the whip to flee to safety

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#22 Posted by Paytience (5190 posts) - - Show Bio
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#23 Posted by RedHood_JayTodd (1720 posts) - - Show Bio

Gorilla stomps no matter the choice of weapon.

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#24 Edited by SpiderKing (95 posts) - - Show Bio

Gorillas are normally gentle creatures, so I grab the chair, stand on it while making myself look as big as I can. Also, I scream, and whip ferociously to intidimate the beast.

Once I manage to do so, I call the police to subdue it.

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#25 Posted by Reap_ii (462 posts) - - Show Bio

The gorilla will not charge into a sharp spear. He can tell it is sharp and if you thrust it at him he will only avoid it and most likely grab it and I'm positive nobody here has better grip strength than a gorilla so the spear will be tossed or snapped like a twig. Only way to win is to throw the spear and get a lucky shot to the vitals and hope he dies before ragdolling and ripping me apart. I prolly miss with the throw anyway.

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#26 Posted by FireStarLord73194 (5588 posts) - - Show Bio

Give me the Infinity Gauntlet and the gorilla would still win

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#27 Posted by AvengersAsssemb (449 posts) - - Show Bio

I don't see why I couldn't choke out a Gorilla.

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#28 Posted by skywalker95 (5300 posts) - - Show Bio

Bump

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#29 Posted by skywalker95 (5300 posts) - - Show Bio

Bump

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#30 Posted by BOC (2022 posts) - - Show Bio
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#31 Edited by KingLouie (3567 posts) - - Show Bio

Silverback is too op

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#32 Posted by Rockette (6277 posts) - - Show Bio

First choice is Spear. Second choice is Axe. Watch: Gorillas in the Mist.

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#33 Edited by Alavanka (2674 posts) - - Show Bio
@avengersasssemb said:

I don't see why I couldn't choke out a Gorilla.

Gorilla's necks are way too broad for anyone's arm to choke. If we're talking about a human with gorilla strength, there's nothing stopping you from sinking a rear naked, but that neck is way too broad to secure a choke. It's like...almost as wide as a man's torso. It'd be more a hug than a choke.

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#34 Posted by Shadow411 (1016 posts) - - Show Bio

There’s a reason we’ve been at the top of the food-chain for so long. Anyone here, could win with a week of training and a spear. Anyone athletically adapt should win w/o training. As long as we use what’s put us atop the food chain

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#35 Edited by Saiyan_Prince510 (283 posts) - - Show Bio

The Spear. It won’t help me though, only a gun can and even than he can still one shot me and takes me with him.

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#36 Posted by LJayG (1373 posts) - - Show Bio

A well placed spear could kill it 4/10

Same with the bat. 3/10

The others I'm not so sure about. 0/10

Either way, I still get beaten like a pair of bongo drums

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#37 Edited by azrael1973 (2977 posts) - - Show Bio

@shadow411 said:

There’s a reason we’ve been at the top of the food-chain for so long. Anyone here, could win with a week of training and a spear. Anyone athletically adapt should win w/o training. As long as we use what’s put us atop the food chain

What put us on the top of the food chain is that we used to fight in groups and not in 1v1 vs a gorilla. I die, some of use will die with a delusional smile on their face.

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#38 Posted by Subline (9047 posts) - - Show Bio

I'd one shot via pressure points.

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#39 Posted by Redshift_Bacon (1061 posts) - - Show Bio

Is the spear a full metal shaft or just like a sharp rock point on Wood?

If its the Former, I take the fight but probably with some broken bones, using the Gorillas own weight to drive the spear into his neck or head.

If its the later, I die from pummeling but also manage to kill the Gorilla with bleed-out.

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#40 Posted by Rockette (6277 posts) - - Show Bio

Everyone here is underestimating the wood axe. Js.

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#41 Posted by Rockette (6277 posts) - - Show Bio
No Caption Provided

Gorillas aren't the OP creatures you all think they are. Have tissues on hand.

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#42 Posted by Shadow411 (1016 posts) - - Show Bio

@azrael1973:

Yea, a great example of what I was referring to, using what put us on the top of the food chain. There’s men in Spaniard countries, you just give them a red flag and they can totally control the most blood-blusted bulls on the planet (Bulls that would stomp a silver-back any day of the week).

What I’m saying is, we can see the weakness to certain things, we can recognize patterns, mobility, etc. and we have the rationale to manipulate the situation in our favor to better capitalize on said weakness. There’s many times throughout history where gladiators were put in arenas against lions and the gladiators gutted the beasts (A 500 lb male lion would be much harder to deal with than a freakin silver back, which has nothing defending it’s vital areas).

For example: watch 2 humans fight, then watch 2 silverbacks fight. The humans are doing more dodging than straight blunt force brawling. That’s because we can make strategic cuts/hits and avoid injury to ourself, whereas gorillas/lions don’t fight like that.

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#43 Edited by azrael1973 (2977 posts) - - Show Bio

@shadow411 said:

@azrael1973:

Yea, a great example of what I was referring to, using what put us on the top of the food chain. There’s men in Spaniard countries, you just give them a red flag and they can totally control the most blood-blusted bulls on the planet (Bulls that would stomp a silver-back any day of the week).

What I’m saying is, we can see the weakness to certain things, we can recognize patterns, mobility, etc. and we have the rationale to manipulate the situation in our favor to better capitalize on said weakness. There’s many times throughout history where gladiators were put in arenas against lions and the gladiators gutted the beasts (A 500 lb male lion would be much harder to deal with than a freakin silver back, which has nothing defending it’s vital areas).

I can see a trained african warrior winning, but I think most of us keyboard warriors will just die in a 1v1 fight with a gorilla. The gorilla is not really stupid after all they share 98% of our DNA. And a silverback is suppossed to have fought a lot of rivals. That's the strength we are talking about. A gorilla breaks security glass casually.

A human hit with this strength would be DEAD in instant.

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#44 Edited by Shadow411 (1016 posts) - - Show Bio

@azrael1973:

But not 98% of our intellect. You obviously didn’t even watch the video yourself, one of the zookeers said the glass often breaks itself overnight. And if you steadfastly held a spear on the gorillas stomach when he made that jump, you gutted him. GG fam

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#45 Posted by AlexTheBoss (18888 posts) - - Show Bio

I pick the spear, but since I don't really know how to use it and the gorilla is bloodlusted, I probably lose. Give me some spear training and put me against an in character gorilla and I should win.

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#46 Edited by azrael1973 (2977 posts) - - Show Bio

@shadow411 said:

@azrael1973:

But not 98% of our intellect. You obviously didn’t even watch the video yourself, one of the zookeers said the glass often breaks itself overnight. And if you steadfastly held a spear on the gorillas stomach when he made that jump, you gutted him. GG fam

I did watch the video. If you were the zookeeper would you tell anyone that the visitors might have been in danger? What I know is that humans would need a hammer to smash security glass. Chimps do use sticks as a weapon. Why shouldn't the gorilla just grab the spear, disarm you and proceed to rip off your limbs?

It's not like I say that humans with a spear would always lose, but a average untrained human male would lose 9/10.

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#47 Edited by Shadow411 (1016 posts) - - Show Bio

@azrael1973:

Now that I think about it, you may be right. I forget how many people can’t even bench press 225 lbs. Me and my little brother (Who I’m 5 years older than) both passed that milestone in 8th grade. Cause I have many friends who never broke 225 as seniors whereas I got 385. My little bro is a senior now and gettin 335 (He broke his shoulder over the summer on my dirt bike). So, analyzing the average male (Let alone “Keyboard warrior as you put it lol”) I can see where the AVERAGE plain Jane guy would lose. But I did say 1 week worth of training with a spear and we’d win. Although I have a lot of martial arts training with my unnatural strength lvl’s and a strong sense for fighting. So I’m 90% positive I’d be able to kill a silverback with a spear. I work on a farm, I deal with 2,000 lb bulls all day. I’m not underestimating the silver-back here, and trust me when I tell you, a 2,000 lb angus bull, would’ve completely shattered that glass had he hit it head first like that.

I can see where you comin from, to me it may seem simple, but to others it wouldn’t be. Kinda like someone trying to explain aviation to me, I wouldn’t understand s*** no matter how many times they explain it. Anything confrontational I’m good with lol that’s why I’m pursuing a forensic accounting degree, I graduate in 2 months finally!!!

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#48 Posted by azrael1973 (2977 posts) - - Show Bio

@azrael1973:

Now that I think about it, you may be right. I forget how many people can’t even bench press 225 lbs. Me and my little brother (Who I’m 5 years older than) both passed that milestone in 8th grade. Cause I have many friends who never broke 225 as seniors whereas I got 385. My little bro is a senior now and gettin 335 (He broke his shoulder over the summer on my dirt bike). So, analyzing the average male (Let alone “Keyboard warrior as you put it lol”) I can see where the AVERAGE plain Jane guy would lose. But I did say 1 week worth of training with a spear and we’d win. Although I have a lot of martial arts training with my unnatural strength lvl’s and a strong sense for fighting. So I’m 90% positive I’d be able to kill a silverback with a spear. I work on a farm, I deal with 2,000 lb bulls all day. I’m not underestimating the silver-back here, and trust me when I tell you, a 2,000 lb angus bull, would’ve completely shattered that glass had he hit it head first like that.

I can see where you comin from, to me it may seem simple, but to others it wouldn’t be. Kinda like someone trying to explain aviation to me, I wouldn’t understand s*** no matter how many times they explain it. Anything confrontational I’m good with lol that’s why I’m pursuing a forensic accounting degree, I graduate in 2 months finally!!!

Exactly! I believe that some guys like you could do it just most people can't.

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#49 Posted by Dr_Shenanigans (536 posts) - - Show Bio

@azrael1973: Why do you seem to think a gorilla would have the reflexes to dodge a full speed spear thrust?

It's a pretty broad target.

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#50 Posted by Dr_Shenanigans (536 posts) - - Show Bio

@rockette said:

Everyone here is underestimating the wood axe. Js.

Yeah but it's pretty much over for someone if they miss or the gorilla charges faster than they swung & it only took a blow from the handle.