rhino vs hippo

vs

Hippo fairly easily.

Ends in sex.

Also this^

ya haha i just wanted to know some opinions been thinking about it for some time

"Yes, it's true that hippos look like big, docile burritos. Yes, it's true that they spend most of their time lounging in muddy water holes, occasionally surfacing to spray poop around like lawn sprinklers. Yes, it's true that, despite this, they're still kind of adorable, with their sweet cow eyes and big squishy faces and hilarious little baby legs. This is all a ruse. They want you to think they are the silly, dumpy mud-cows of Africa. Their secret: Hippos are goddamn killing machines.

What I am saying is that the hippopotamus would yawn at the rhinoceros, the rhinoceros would take one look at a mouth large enough to cram a goddamn barbershop quartet into it and powerful enough to section a friggin' crocodile, and the rhinoceros would decide that maybe this watering hole isn't so great after all. A rhino might be dumb, but it's not that dumb."

"Look, hippos can scrap a little bit. No one's gonna sit here and say hippos can't scrap. But compared to rhinos, hippos are bullshit.

Let's all agree that, yes, when science and time intersect, awesome, unexplainable things can happen, and so yes, hippos have a sweet little evolutionary quirk that allows them to both hop and bite things very hard when partially submerged. Cool. Good.

When we talk about fighting in these hypothetical African jungle streets, though, we're talking about context. We're talking about circumstance. Let's all agree that if a rhino were to engage a hippo, it would do so on land. Yes? Yes. That's settled.

Experts all say that the rhinoceros would almost certainly outweigh the hippo, and maybe by as many as 1,000 pounds. Weight classes exist for a reason. The argument is over, but I'll continue.

Let's call a spade a spade: hippos are fat as hell. Just look.

Like, have some pride, you know?

Rhinos, however, all seem to be born already having done a dime upstate. Look at the traps on this dude.

Next, let's talk about natural defenses. Hippos appear to be made of discarded football bladders. That's skin that can only come from years of gentle living. That's blogger skin. That skin doesn't know struggle. I'm sure you'll make noises about how that seemingly ain't-shit hide is simultaneously supple and rugged or whatever, but rhinos are walking around in a suit of ashy-ass leathery armor. You know who else wears body armor? 50 Cent. And 50 Cent has seen some shit."

link

funny stuff

hippo

Ends in...

Rhino and I don't think its as close as most people think

@dawnone: Also I just checked the op picture, what type of Rhino are we using here?

white rhino

@dawnone: Might want to change your picture then, it's currently an Indian Rhinoceros which is significantly smaller (yet would still win).

White rhino stomps.

Sex

Probably a stalemate or a rhino slight majority due to better stats (better agility albeit slightly, averagely heavier, tougher skin.)

Could go either way, but the Rhino might take a slight majority.

The Rhino is too dumb, Hippo should take the majority

@tcharlie: No rhinos are dumb as hell, you can see this in Rhino Hippo interactions where the Rhino's often run away from Hippos. The rhino will never charge the hippo once the hippo starts charging at it as well, it will always turn and run away.

Rhino's are shy and often act like a jobber to other animals.

I know.

rhino on land due to horn and armor, hippo in the water bc of how well they do there

Assuming both are trying, rhino wins on land.

Rhino jobs, like usual.

Rhino probably

rhino

Probably STALEMATE

Both animals will mock charge each other and both will likely retreat.

I think the hippo has more attitude and will prolly be more aggressive

Doubt this fight would end in death... thinking stalemate here!