J.O.K.E. CaV - Chuck Norris vs Filthy Frank (DivineDebater vs YoungKaiser)

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OldKaiser

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Welcome, each and every one of you, to the most disturbing CaV you've ever seen!

Now, now... I have to give a special thanks to @jucaslucasa, who made the J.O.K.E. Tournament. A round of applause!

Representing Chuck Norris, a new user, @divinedebater!

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Representing Filthy Frank, yours truly, @youngkaiser!

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Rules:

  • Win by any means.
  • All feats are allowed.
  • Photoshop is encouraged.
  • PIS, WIS, memes, and stupid claims are all fair game.
  • Morals on, in character.
  • Standard gear.

Disclaimers:

  • Filthy Frank has performed his daily sacrifice to Chin-Chin, and Chuck Norris is warmed up.
  • Filthy Frank has his trusty flute in hand.

Battle takes place here:

No Caption Provided

Realm 6.2, aka Earth. (More specifically, Tokyo in 1988)

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DivineDebater

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No Caption Provided

HOLY CHUCK NORRIS

I'll begin by showing my ace in the hole. Time manipulation.

No Caption Provided

Based on this totally legit and 100% true scan that wasn't edited in any way, we can deduce that the almighty Chuck Norris can manipulate time to his will.

He doesn't need a watch. Read the captions. He decides the time. If he wanted to, he's decide it was time to kill Filthy Frank.

Unless you have 100% supported proof that FF can resist time manipulation, you die at the very start.

It was a mistake giving Chuck Norris time to warm up.

I will now release Chuck Norrisness

As we all know, bears are omnipotent.

No Caption Provided

Based on this here scan, we can see that a bear can eat the very idea of religions. He ate Christianity, Judaism, Hinduism, Atheism, and Islam. You can't eat ideas. That makes this bear OMNIPOTENT.

NOTHING COMPARES TO OMNIPOTENCE AMIRITE

Nothing except the almighty time manipulator:

CHUCK NORRIS

Omnipotence is scared of Chuck Norris.

No Caption Provided

This proves Chuck Norris > Omnipotence. Let's move on.

Time for some BASIC striking power

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From this here scan, we can see that Chuck's barely trying while moving a touch-screen can cause a galaxy to generate a star larger than itself. This means that, without trying, Filthy Frank will die in 1 shot.

No Caption Provided

While using a spoon, made the Grand Canyon. For reference from Google:

The Grand Canyon is 277 miles (446 km) long, up to18 miles (29 km) wide and attains a depth of over a mile (6,093 feet or 1,857 meters).

He did that alone.

Raw Power

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NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO, YOU WILL LOSE!!!

Chuck Norris > Omnipotence >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> The chances of Frank winning

OMNISCIENT

No Caption Provided

'Nuff said

Conclusions

I have none, as wouldn't Chuck Norris. You can't defy omnipotence.

@youngkaiser

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OldKaiser

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#3  Edited By OldKaiser

Everyone who might be watching, a moment of silence for the death of the entire omniverse before we begin...

Without further ado, let's get roooiiight, into the noose!

Francis of the Filth

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In the distant future, millions of chromosomes ahead of us, lives the absolute madman known simply as b0ss. He is the evil mastermind behind the Harlem Shake and YouTube's three most cancerous channels: DizastaMusic (formerly), PeeeeeeeeeewDiePie (his second channel) and TVFilthyFrank. He is the b0ss of the universe (America) and controls the US Legal System, which is a force to be reckoned with (this was proven in a video which was copyright striked 3.47 billion chromosomes ago).

Tremble as you hear our battle song!

Loading Video...

I mean it, by the way.

Franku's Stats

No weakness

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In the gif above, you can see Frank defeating Dade. What's so important about that? Well, Dade is the God of the Filthy Frank Universe. This means that Filthy Frank easily manhandled the being who created the omniverse and the infinite number of parallel universes, including ours. The Based God also had a power-up due to him acquiring a major in English Literature, which meant he was tiers above TOAA, the Presence, Wally West, and even Stephen Hawking with no wheelchair. This means Frank is a casual omniverse-buster+++, and that he is MFTL+++ while at his base form. Take note that after each SSJ transform he undergoes, he becomes 680.72 times stronger, which means he should lolstomp his base form, along with Batman without prep and MCU Thor while at SSJ1.

Enhanced senses, teleportation, and disguises

(start at 1:21)

Loading Video...

This is but one of Frank's feats, and it demonstrates many of the advantages he has over Chuck Norris. Frank's disguise was so good, that a council of omniscient beings was uncapable of detecting him. He was capable of smelling Pink Guy's sriracha shrimp halfway across the multiverse, and after that he instantly teleported (into another dimension) to where his companions were staying. Sorry Nightcrawler fans. Papa has better feats than you do.

Healing Factor, durability and everything else.

Franku has a very impressive healing factor. He has healed from listening to crappy mixtapes, a weaboo infection, space herpes, cancer, 50+ seemingly uncurable diseases, YouTube comment section hate, crippling depression, diabetes, and himself, someone so disgusting that he causes many viewers to throw up as soon as they think of him. He also has omega-mutant+++ level telepathy, as seen in this video (start at 0:27). As for durability...

No Caption Provided

Here, he takes a slap from the almighty Prometheus. Prometheus was a being created with the sole purpose of defeating Chin-Chin, the god of death, destruction, Hell, Africa, Pakistan, oriental spices, and Jacksonville, Florida (I'm serious). Chin-Chin was an almighty being, comparable to Dade (aka the Filthy Frank Universe God), yet Prometheus was much stronger than him, and curbstomped him with a trash can. This meant that Chin-Chin was omnipotent, while Prometheus was omnipotent+. Later on in his life, Chin-Chin absorbed Prometheus's chromosomes (they are like power levels, but can also refer to lifetimes in TVFilthyFrank), becoming omnipotent++++++++. However, Prometheus won the chromosome lottery, receiving the power of all the Lycra entities of the Filthy Frank Show (Lycras are the guys that wear skintight body suits. Prometheus got the combined power of Salamander Man, Red Dick, Pink Guy, Chin-Chin, and Dade. Do you get how much power that is?He got the combined energy of 3 nigh-omnipotent beings, a omnipotent++++++++ being, and the creator of the universe). Frank took a full-powered slap from the sexy and powerful man that is Prometheus that shattered the bonds between the infinite amount of universes, yet my master, Papa Franku, wasn't even injured, and was merely staggered, and that was Frank at 0.0000000000...0000000012% of his base forms power, seeing how he was merely toying with him. In that gif, though Frank took a full-on hit, he tried to dodge it before that luscious god even moved. This proves that Frank also has precognition. I'd mention how my character is a 5-star chef, or how he has a genius-level intellect and exposed Adam Sandler... but I won't need to. After all...

No Caption Provided

And since Chuck is a pu55y, this should be no problem.

Nuff said, and good luck.

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T4V.

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OldKaiser

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DivineDebater

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@youngkaiser:

No Caption Provided

You wanna talk stats?

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CHUCK NORRIS IS NO PERSON

Chuck Norris is an embodiment.

To put it simply, Chuck Norris is life.

Chuck Norris IS the FATHER OF THE FORCE.

HE IS THE FORCE.

"It's an energy field created by all living things. It surrounds us and penetrates us. It binds the galaxy together"

From here we safely assume any stats you have are immediately not important; Chuck Norris IS everywhere.

Chuck Norris >> Omnipotence > The Force > The importance of your stats in this battle.

Should you question it

No Caption Provided

In this completely unedited picture, we see that Chuck Norris was there before, during, and after the creation of everything. The blue energy is matter, going into that black hole which formed our galaxy. Chuck Norris is part of that energy, before even humans were an idea.

Surviving creation of everything = Chuck Norris >> Frank >> God of FF Universe = Omnipotence >> The Force >> The value of stats.

What goes in between Chuck and Frank?

All of Chuck's powers which he controls.

Creation of Everything = Chuck Norris >> Not needing stats >> Time Manipulation >> Frank >> God of FF Universe = Omnipotence >> The Force > value of stats

Counters

What is there to counter?

You wasted your time on stats, gave Chuck time to warm up, and now he's going to absolutely destroy you. No resistance to time manipulation, and even if he defeated the one who created the universe, Chuck was there before even Dade. With time manipulation as part of the force his durability becomes omnimultiversal++++++++++++ as he can survive anything, and can choose to not be manipulated. As a form of energy he begins VMFTL++++++++++++ without even trying, and his strength was enough to create a sun threatening the universe making it universal++++.

Again

No need for conclusions, as neither Chuck nor I need them.

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StrangeLegacy

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#8  Edited By StrangeLegacy
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OldKaiser

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#9  Edited By OldKaiser

@divinedebater: Look boi, that was my introduction, because I know most people don't know about Franku's glory and power. I'mma counter both your introduction, and your counters tomorrow. After this, can we do conclusions? (reviewing our points, not adding more memes. Ok... maybe 1 or 2 are fine...) I don't wanna stretch this out to much, so I think this is what we should do:

1) I make my counter.

2) We make conclusions.

3) We open voting.

4) First to 5 votes wins, and if we don't reach that, we'll see who has the most votes by Wednesday.

Seems fair?

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DivineDebater

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@divinedebater: Look boi, that was my introduction, because I know most people don't know about Franku's glory and power. I'mma counter both your introduction, and your counters tomorrow. After this, can we do conclusions? (reviewing our points, not adding more memes. Ok... maybe 1 or 2 are fine...) I don't wanna stretch this out to much, so I think this is what we should do:

1) I make my counter.

2) We make conclusions.

3) We open voting.

4) First to 5 votes wins, and if we don't reach that, we'll see who has the most votes by Wednesday.

Seems fair?

Alright.

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#11  Edited By OldKaiser

@divinedebater: I'm going to be restricted to mobile today. I'll post by tomorrow though.

Edit: Nevermind.

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#12  Edited By OldKaiser

@divinedebater

Counturztryke

Based on this totally legit and 100% true scan that wasn't edited in any way, we can deduce that the almighty Chuck Norris can manipulate time to his will.

He doesn't need a watch. Read the captions. He decides the time. If he wanted to, he's decide it was time to kill Filthy Frank.

Unless you have 100% supported proof that FF can resist time manipulation, you die at the very start.

It was a mistake giving Chuck Norris time to warm up.

I will now release Chuck Norrisness

Now, now, don't get ahead of yourself. The Filthy Frank Universe is a universe where all the characters have some sort of time manipulation. This won't be a problem for Papa Franku.

No Caption Provided

This picture proves that Filthy Frank can control time. Let's carry on now.

Based on this here scan, we can see that a bear can eat the very idea of religions. He ate Christianity, Judaism, Hinduism, Atheism, and Islam. You can't eat ideas. That makes this bear OMNIPOTENT.

NOTHING COMPARES TO OMNIPOTENCE AMIRITE

Nothing except the almighty time manipulator:

CHUCK NORRIS

Omnipotence is scared of Chuck Norris.

The unedited bear scan proves that bears eat people, not religions. Even then, if he ate religions he'd be an abstract bear, meaning he is a fruit of your imagination. Chuck Norris > Bears > Mankind. However, Filthy Frank is no man! He is mightier than Omnipotence+++, meaning that Filthy Frank > Omnipotence++ > Chuck Norris > Omnipotence > Bears > Mankind!

From this here scan, we can see that Chuck's barely trying while moving a touch-screen can cause a galaxy to generate a star larger than itself. This means that, without trying, Filthy Frank will die in 1 shot.

While using a spoon, made the Grand Canyon. For reference from Google:

The Grand Canyon is 277 miles (446 km) long, up to18 miles (29 km) wide and attains a depth of over a mile (6,093 feet or 1,857 meters).

He did that alone.

This proves that Chuck Norris is a galaxy buster, but my man Franku beat the creator of the mniverse and its unlimited amount of multiverses.

This was your pokemon card, however...
This was your pokemon card, however...
No Caption Provided

My dad one-shots your card as well.

I have none, as wouldn't Chuck Norris. You can't defy omnipotence.

Exactly, and considering Franku is omnipotent+++, he will win.

CHUCK NORRIS IS NO PERSON

Chuck Norris is an embodiment.

To put it simply, Chuck Norris is life.

Chuck Norris IS the FATHER OF THE FORCE.

HE IS THE FORCE.

"It's an energy field created by all living things. It surrounds us and penetrates us. It binds the galaxy together"

From here we safely assume any stats you have are immediately not important; Chuck Norris IS everywhere.

Chuck Norris > Omnipotence > The Force > The importance of your stats in this battle.

Since the Force is a power that exists in living beings, so he can destroy all the living beings in the universe (Tokyo in 1988) and win!

It's all for the greater good, I promise...
It's all for the greater good, I promise...

Also, Franku is not a part of the Force. The Force is life, but Franku isn't connected to that because he is a loser and has no life.

In this completely unedited picture, we see that Chuck Norris was there before, during, and after the creation of everything. The blue energy is matter, going into that black hole which formed our galaxy. Chuck Norris is part of that energy, before even humans were an idea.

This only proves that a black hole > Chuck Norris, as he was unable to escape its gravity. And about existing before the creation of the universe, do you know who else was there? Exactly... Galactus.

No Caption Provided

And Galactus is pu55y. And as we all know...

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This means that being born before the universe = being a pu55y, and Francis of the Filth is the master of all pu55y. This means my champion > Chuck. To finish this off with a bang, I'd like to mention that Chuck Norris has been beaten before by a man you know about.

Bruce Lee
Bruce Lee

In fact, Chuck Norris was traumatized by his loss.

No Caption Provided

But wait! Bruce Lee is asian, and guess who else is asian? Franku!

No Caption Provided

This is more than enough evidence to support my case. With that said....

Nuff said.

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DivineDebater

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@youngkaiser: Haven't forgotten about this just studying for exams.

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OldKaiser

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@divinedebater: I don't really feel like making a conclusion, so you don't need to make one. However, if you do make one, I'll make one too.

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DeChefMan98

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This is a fine wine

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deactivated-5c8fd6cb3e4f4

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buggydclowns

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Chuck Norris has won this cav battle