How many 9 year olds could you beat up?

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The_jackolantern

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#1  Edited By The_jackolantern

You wake up after a day of drinking,your in a empty nightclub and the doors burst open,there is a infinite amount of blood thirsty 9 year olds running at you trying to kill you how many could you take out before the swarm you and kill you? You are missing a shoe and hungover The children have whatever toys that are cool at the moment and blood thirsty No morals

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The_Lunact_And_Manic

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I would keep using the This-is-Sparta-Death-Kick til they die...

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YoungJustice

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#3  Edited By YoungJustice

It depends, what is your durability like?

Sorry mods, but saying flagged for spam is boring.

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Strider1992

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#4  Edited By Strider1992

I'd just scream "Santa isn't real!" and watch them all break down into tears leaving me free to one-shot them...........cruel but effective!

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tomlikesfries

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#5  Edited By tomlikesfries

Since I'm in a nightclub, I'd play multiple Nicki Minaj and Justin Bieber songs and watch their ears bleed, while I'd cover mine with cotton and headphones! Yeahh... that's right... I'm that cruel! MWAHAHA! MWAHAHAHA! (evil laugh)

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The_jackolantern

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#6  Edited By The_jackolantern

@Strider92 Santa isn't real would spear them on they would wan your blood even more. @youngjustice depends what your like on a hangover? I think I could take 40 down.using chairs,empty bottles,bitch slaps and spinning children around by there legs hitting other children

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Bossmonster

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#7  Edited By Bossmonster

I carry two knives on me at all time and have a Black Belt in 2 martial arts that I still study weekly. I'm pretty sure that I could kill enough to make them fall out of blood lust and not want to keep fighting me.

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The_jackolantern

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#8  Edited By The_jackolantern

How many is enough tho?

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Jayfournines

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#9  Edited By Jayfournines

How many 9 year old could I beat up?

all of them

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The_jackolantern

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#10  Edited By The_jackolantern

A never ending amount and you could bet them all up?

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whydama

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#11  Edited By whydama

I could KO around 50 with no weapons. Beyond that, my stamina will be gone.

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TheCheeseStabber

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#13  Edited By TheCheeseStabber

Nine year olds don't fight fair

Lots of Crotch shots....

Anyway I'de grab a broken bar stool from last nights debacle and stab about 5 of them before being pinned down and killed...

My last thought would be "Where the hell is my other dam shoe anyway..."

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N0tS0An0nym0us

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#14  Edited By N0tS0An0nym0us

if all the people here were nine year olds, I could take...

bout that many with my benny hin fus ro da......

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smokinclone

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#15  Edited By smokinclone

slam the door shut to buy myself a few moments. let's be realistic a mob will take down anyone eventually even if it's munchkins. while they're breaking down the door i'll use the bar rag the highest proof alcohol i can get my hands on and my trusty zippo and start chucking moltovs at them. i'd run out the back and make for higher ground moltovs in hand and begin carpet bombing the little bastards from the rooftop. then i'd smack em off the roof till exhaustion which probably is realistically about half an hour.

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_Lucent_

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#16  Edited By _Lucent_

If all of them are attacking me at the same time, probably 35 at maximum...

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Shark_Repellent_Bat_Spray

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@The_jackolantern said:

You wake up after a day of drinking,your in a empty nightclub and the doors burst open,there is a infinite amount of blood thirsty 9 year olds running at you trying to kill you how many could you take out before the swarm you and kill you? You are missing a shoe and hungover The children have whatever toys that are cool at the moment and blood thirsty No morals

I have to say I laughed so hard at "The Children have whatever toys are cool at the moment"

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Captain_Awesome85

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How many now?
How many now?
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EssentiallyHeroes

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Bane_of_sith

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#20  Edited By Bane_of_sith

At least 73,, I know this because I "ruined" a fourth grade field trip once

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Dracade102

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#21  Edited By Dracade102

Wait... They're coming after my toys?

Every last one of them.

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ThanoStomp

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#22  Edited By ThanoStomp

I could probably handle quite a few. But it only takes one shot from one of those little buggers to put a grown man down. Believe me as I speak from experience. I was roughhousing with my 8 year old girl and I got distracted for a split second and she landed a very clean shot square on my right ball. I went down and didn't get up for a good 3-4 minutes(EDIT: Happy to say I did father another child after that)

9 year olds are at the perfect height to land bombs on your family jewels. And it is not fun.

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Esquire

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#23  Edited By Esquire

It depends largely on how hungover I would be. With morals off and at, say, 80% functionality, I'm confident that I could drive off a 9-year-old in two shots, max. They're tenacious but they can't take a hit. I'd estimate 50, with a ceiling of around 100. With 5 minutes prep I could do a lot more damage.

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DocFatalis

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#24  Edited By DocFatalis

Just toss them an Ipad and watch them fight to death for it. Go have a beer, clean up the mess and get the bar ready for the 18:00 opening will you?

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Matchstick

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#25  Edited By Matchstick

I don't know how many for sure, but it would sure be fun as hell. Let's be honest, who hasn't wanted to beat a 9 year old with another 9 year old.

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Doctor!!!!!

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#26  Edited By Doctor!!!!!

Like... a whole lot! just give me some time!

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jobiwankenobi

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#27  Edited By jobiwankenobi

It depends on how big they are. I could take down about twenty if they're average. My stamina just isn't good enough to go any further.

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YourNeighborhoodComicGeek

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@ThanoStomp said:

I could probably handle quite a few. But it only takes one shot from one of those little buggers to put a grown man down. Believe me as I speak from experience. I was roughhousing with my 8 year old girl and I got distracted for a split second and she landed a very clean shot square on my right ball. I went down and didn't get up for a good 3-4 minutes(EDIT: Happy to say I did father another child after that)

9 year olds are at the perfect height to land bombs on your family jewels. And it is not fun.

LOL That's hilarious.

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Mercy_

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#29  Edited By Mercy_

@Strider92 said:

I'd just scream "Santa isn't real!" and watch them all break down into tears leaving me free to one-shot them...........cruel but effective!

Or send them into a berskerker rage

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AmazingScrewOnHead

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My little brother could probally kill all of you.

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JamesKM716

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#31  Edited By JamesKM716

I feel like i could go indefinitly. 9 year olds aren't very durable....

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Strider1992

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#32  Edited By Strider1992

@Mercy_: I'd be willing to take a gamble besides they're already bloodlusted I don't have much to lose! I could throw in some Yo Mama jokes or some cracks about the Easter Bunny too!

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heroesgold

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#33  Edited By heroesgold

I'm the best so all of them. lol jking Maybe around 80/90

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deactivated-5d921c81bd12c

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Embarrassingly few, I've been beaten in an arm wrestle by a 7 year old before (and yes, I was trying).

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Dark Cloud™

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#35  Edited By Dark Cloud™

I volunteered at the local Children's Nursery and managed to spoil lunches for 26 grade school kids (around the ages of 8 and 9). I also beat my 9 year old nephew on a routine basis, until his 14 year old brother gets home from high school and destroys me on Black Ops 2.

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*Void*

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#36  Edited By *Void*

I remind them that if they hurt me Santa will put them on his naughty list, as they start to leave I jump into my Hummer and over the little demons whilst hurling yo mama jokes with a drunken slur.

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tomlikesfries

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#37  Edited By tomlikesfries

@Captain_Awesome85 said:

How many now?
How many now?

Holy $@#%! That's disturbing.

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sync1

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#38  Edited By sync1

I curbstomp via "I'M TELLLING!!!!!!"

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steelhound56

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#39  Edited By steelhound56

I take out a few hundred given some minimal prep time.

9 year olds are not very durable, and I can say with good confidence I can cause serious trauma with a single punch/kick to certain vital areas

I immediately dive behind the bar area and grab the crowd control/ self defense weapon that almost all clubs stash behind the bar. Depending on the area, this weapon can range from a club to non lethal crowd control (stun guns or shotguns with rubber slugs/shot)

When in danger of being overwhelmed by sheer numbers (I will work to create a choke point to limit the amount of children that can enter the club at once), I take a bottle of overproof alcohol and a bar rag, making an impromptu Molotov cocktail. I lob one at the entrance, where the relatively low temperature fire will create an opening for me to escape to a more defensible location (9 year olds will scatter when they see the fire). I sprint through the fire, shedding any clothes that may have caught fire. I sprint to a fire escape, pulling up the ladder behind me to ensure I am not pursued. I then raid the nearest apartment for anything I can use for a potential long range projectiles to brain the 9 year olds below. I eventually succumb to superior numbers and siege tactics however, and die a slow death from starvation

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Crimsonlord53

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#40  Edited By Crimsonlord53

Do I have to kill them or just stop them from killing me?

Break a couple dozen legs and arms maybe a few ribs even blood lusted little s... well see me as the bigger monster.

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Pharoh_Atem

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#41  Edited By Pharoh_Atem

100

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jeanroygrant

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#42  Edited By jeanroygrant

@Bane_of_sith said:

At least 73,, I know this because I "ruined" a fourth grade field trip once

Lol

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cameron83

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#43  Edited By cameron83

@Mercy_ said:

@Strider92 said:

I'd just scream "Santa isn't real!" and watch them all break down into tears leaving me free to one-shot them...........cruel but effective!

Or send them into a berskerker rage

this^

@ThanoStomp said:

I could probably handle quite a few. But it only takes one shot from one of those little buggers to put a grown man down. Believe me as I speak from experience. I was roughhousing with my 8 year old girl and I got distracted for a split second and she landed a very clean shot square on my right ball. I went down and didn't get up for a good 3-4 minutes(EDIT: Happy to say I did father another child after that)

9 year olds are at the perfect height to land bombs on your family jewels. And it is not fun.

0.o

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Kingshark

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#44  Edited By Kingshark

You guys would beat up 9 year old's? Disgusting child abusers!

Joking. About 20 I'd say. :P

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WaveMotionCannon

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#45  Edited By WaveMotionCannon
@The_jackolantern
@Strider92 Santa isn't real would spear them on they would wan your blood even more. @youngjustice depends what your like on a hangover? I think I could take 40 down.using chairs,empty bottles,bitch slaps and spinning children around by there legs hitting other children
This. Perfect tactics
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steelhound56

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#46  Edited By steelhound56

@Crimsonlord53 said:

Do I have to kill them or just stop them from killing me?

Break a couple dozen legs and arms maybe a few ribs even blood lusted little s... well see me as the bigger monster.

You could also use the bodies as armor upgrades for yourself.....

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ComicStooge

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#47  Edited By ComicStooge

20-30.

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nerdork

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#48  Edited By nerdork

I took an online test like this once...except it was "How many Justin Biebers can you kill"? 46 was the result i got. But, seeign that he is looking more and more like a sexually confused woman, i am pretty confident that i could double that number.

As for 9 year olds...i'd become a whirlwind of death with broken bottles and chair legs...and if they get too close, ill bite them in the jugular.

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PlasticBag

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#49  Edited By PlasticBag

More than 50 for sure seeing as I could one-shot most of them.

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tomlikesfries

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#50  Edited By tomlikesfries

@nerdork said:

I took an online test like this once...except it was "How many Justin Biebers can you kill"? 46 was the result i got. But, seeign that he is looking more and more like a sexually confused woman, i am pretty confident that i could double that number.

LOL