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#1 Edited by LukeStoneStudios (18 posts) - - Show Bio

I am working on a new comic. I have a few pages inked. What do you guys think of the work so far? Is the story coming across clearly?

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#2 Edited by LukeStoneStudios (18 posts) - - Show Bio
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I forgot the images:)

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#3 Edited by zebracloak (32 posts) - - Show Bio

I like it. Are you going to actually publish this or is it just for online? The "BOOM" on the last page looks very rushed and kind of pixelated. I look forward to seeing more.

Just curious, what font is that? I have never been able to find a good graphic novel font.

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#4 Posted by LukeStoneStudios (18 posts) - - Show Bio

The font is a free for commercial use called Evil Genius. It is my fave for graphic novels. I agree about the BOOM. I will be going in and changing it later. It was kind of an after thought.

This book will be published online and in print.

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#5 Posted by zebracloak (32 posts) - - Show Bio

@lukestonestudios: Thanks, I downloaded that font. I love it.

How do you publish your work in print? Do you have a publisher? I'm asking because I am working on my own graphic novel, but I don't understand some of the technical and business aspects of the process. If you can help in any way I would appreciate it.

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#6 Edited by Fiesty_Badger6 (406 posts) - - Show Bio

The hero seems like a bit of a jerk. How does a character redeem himself after killing twelve policemen? Is the question.that springs immediately into my mind.

Second thing... I see a lot of action poses but no close quarter combat. I think you kind of need a bit of that in a fight scene.

Third. I've read a lot of comics and I'm pretty used to seeing characters who are fast enough to dodge bullets but when it's a new character doing it in front of me I'd kind of like to know how he's doing it. Some explanation along with the countdown couldn't hurt.

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#7 Edited by goonage (2085 posts) - - Show Bio

My main problems are that the feet and that the character's pose in the third page look super weird.

Other than that I didn't really have any major problems with the art that weren't mentioned already.

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#8 Posted by LukeStoneStudios (18 posts) - - Show Bio

I would love some feedback on style and how the frames help tell the story. I am not really using a traditional hero comic penciling style. I used something similar in a previous book I did. It was very popular in the market that it was published in. I am trying to develop that "signature" style that folks can easily identify. Just curious if I am on to something or if I need to go back to the drawing board LITERALLY... The writer can of laid out what he wanted in each frame so I am kind of working with that. I have some freedom to change things up in future issues but wanted to see if what was taking place was clear to the reader.

As far as publishing in print... I am not sure what your looking to do, but the creator of this title is using Ka-Blam for running low numbers of print and it will mostly go out in digital to my understanding. PM me if you want more info on the self publishing process.

As to concerns about action, killing the french police ect.. This is the first five pages of a 28 page comic of a 5 issue arc. The action sequences definitely have some close quarters stuff the deeper we get. As to killing the cops... I am not a fan of that either but the way I take this character is he is more of an anti hero. He is good on the large scope but doesn't really tow a moral line in most cases. Plus, no one is mortally wounded here:)

This character CAN dodge bullets:) He actually does more than dodge them as I learn from reading this first script. However, the writer has his story develop over a 5 issue comic. It is a bit more than can be covered in a brief opening sequence. The first 5 issues are covering 2 main characters. This character called CELL and one called OUTKAST. The second comes from a previous mini-series this writer is publishing.

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#9 Edited by BeaconofStrength (12489 posts) - - Show Bio

The feet are a wee bit awkward, but I really like everything else. Nice job.

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#10 Posted by Fiesty_Badger6 (406 posts) - - Show Bio

If he isn't going to kill the police that's better but why does he say that he will? Also the police have police written on their shields and on their shirts so why does the main character call them soldiers. I'd understand if the character has a mental condition that prevents him from thinking and seeing clearly but if that's the way you're going with him maybe you could go even further with it to let the reader know, in no uncertain terms, that the character is nuts and is presenting an unreliable testimony.

As far as the layout goes. If I were you, I'd spend more time on pencil layouts before rushing through to the inking stage.

Page 1 - panel two on page one doesn't seem to show stopped terrorists. Quite the contrary, actually.

Page 2 - is pretty good.

Page 3. I'd switch the action in the last two panels. 2nd L - the main character draws his swords. L face on shot of the police opening fire.

Page 4 -The flying over the police has begun before the police have lulled the triggers, so it's no reasonable to assume that they have stopped shooting and are watching him shooting passed their heads. next he is landing behind the police wiith a thud.You could have a policeman turn around then and inform his sergeant of their quarries relocation.

Page 5. I don't understand the narrative here at all. The police have come in the door. He's leap behind them to the door. But he isn't cheesing it. He's describing the men as being in positions they can't possibly be in as well. Relative to where he seems to be. 'Two providing overwatch by the door" for instance. What's the difference between "point" and "coming down the middle/". And as far as these descriptions goes... the previos page just shows the police running at the character. Not getting in any positions.

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#12 Posted by JakeN7 (15180 posts) - - Show Bio

@lukestonestudios: Pretty impressive stuff. I dig the art, and I think the font and lettering are perfectly serviceable. My only criticism would be on that third page, the panels aren't ordered correctly. When reading a comic, you're going to be looking vertically up to down, and horizontally left to right. So with that series of numbered panels, one's eyes naturally look at "10..." then "9..." then "7..." (as opposed to "10..." then "9..." then "8..."). And since the panel with the "7..." countdown is such an abrupt burst of gunfire, it really accentuates just how backwards it looks.

The way you have the layout on that page makes fixing such an issue a rather large improbability. My suggestion would be to add some sort of design or graphic that makes the reader's brain immediately click that they're supposed be reading that series of panels in a zig-zag pattern. Something like arrows or lines connecting the frames of those panels.

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#13 Posted by Nathaniel_Adam (3754 posts) - - Show Bio

it looks cool keep it up

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#14 Posted by Arinya (509 posts) - - Show Bio

Very nice! A lot of love went into these. There is good pacing and you create tension with the count down to create drama. Well done. The order of your panels are abit difficult to follow. Especially on page 3. You could of used the text balloon to break out of the panel and bleed into the previous panel so the read can follow easier. Maybe also switch the location of the numbers so the readers eyes don't have to jump around so much. Last page has the issue as well. The thought text boxes need to be adjusted. I was not sure what to read first. I want to read left to right but the text on the right is higher so it confuses the reader.

The second point is about details. You have a lot of details that add a lot of grit to your art. Looks great. Personally I would edit it down. Again you don't want to crowd your story with unnecessary details that do not add to the story being told. Looking at the last panel of page four. There is a lot of spatter in the artwork. I think you are trying to fill the page? Which is fine but just as a suggestion. Why not fill it with actual walls or structure. One thing you may think about are your backgrounds. I personally did not have a good understanding of where the action was taking place. Are you in a room? Are their doors, windows or any other type of structures you can draw to ground the reader in? This can help us understand what is going on and help you tell the story as well!

Just a few suggestions. Thanks for sharing! Keep showing us more!

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#15 Edited by LukeStoneStudios (18 posts) - - Show Bio

Thanks for the feedback folks. I will be taking those things into consideration nd making some edits o the final pages before this hits print. This is the first time this writer and I have worked together so his scripts and my style are still clashing a bit. I really noticed it by the end of the comic and kind took some liberties in page layout. Here are the final pages of that act.

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