Captain Car Jacker
By The Angry Comic Book Critic
OH MY GOD YES FIRST AVENGER: CAPTAIN AMERICA!!! FUCKING SICK!!!THIS IS GREAT!!!Wait a minute....I thought out this wasn't out till 2011? "It isn't critic!" Oh my god it's Stan Lee!Wow I've a very special guest here tonight people the father of modern heros himself STAN FUCKING LEE! Say Stan want to stick around and help review this undoubtly amazing film that holds true to America's greatest hero? "Oh no. Oh god no last time I watched this it gave me a stroke so I'm getting the hell out of here...EXCELSIOR!!!" BAM!!! Wow who would have thought Stan Lee could fly huhf...Now where was I ah yes CAPTAIN AMERICA this I can't wait for so let's watch.........
AAHHHHHHHHH!!!No!No!NOOOOO!!!WHY?! WHY YOU SICK BASTARDS?!!!HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO CAP!!! Chalk another one up for the list of movies that raped my childhood! No you know what I'm not letting you fucks get away with this no way fuck you.You do not take a comic legend and fuck him up the ass like this! Now this film is completly retarded where would you think a film called Captain America would start? Logically you would think oh I don't know AMERICA but you know where it starts? try and guess you'll never figure it out in a million years.....Nothing? Okay Italty. Really? Why the fuck of all the places you could have picked that would have made sense would you have picked Italy? And my god the opening was so retarded it was basically a shot for shot remake of stock footage from the Godfather and actually good movie and what happens you ask? Some Nazi fucks kidnap a piano playing genius kid and turn him into the red skull by putting him in what looks like an electric chair. Really? Let me get this straight instead of picking a highly trained S.S soldier or some master general you pick a kid? No wonder you shit heads lost the war you have the master strategy of a toaster oven congrats you fail.But one of the biggest issues I have with this shit stopper is Captain America himself or should I say Dousche mick carjacker I mean everyone who tries to help this asshole gets their car stolen by him what the fuck? you can't just go by a car at dealership what hell?! And my god this guy can't fight for shit I mean I could have both my arms broken and still beat the shit out of this guy he gets his ass headed to him in every single fight this prick isn't Captain America he's Captain suck-a-dick.Now what else beside the obvious is bad oh yeah after the war the Red Skull has a little work done meaning he no longer looks like a guy with a red skull he's now more along the lines of a young gary busey. Okay I've heard of the wonders of modern medicine but come on the guy was a fucking corpse there's surgery then theres fucking miracles guys because my god you can't take fuck ugly and just make it ugly it doesn't work like that.
I'm The Angry Comic Book Critic and This gets the Stamp of approval