amazing_webhead's Captain America: Civil War review

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The REAL war: great new heroes VS an extremely poor villain

I'm just going to come right out and say it: I went into this movie looking for something wrong with it. I admit it. But isn't that really the entire point of critic reviewing? I'm not saying I didn't enjoy parts of it. I'm not saying that at all. Hell, the airport fight alone was worth the ticket price. Particularly two of Scott Lang's moments. Namely, the recreation of an iconic cover...

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...But also when he went into Giant-Man mode! Especially when he went up against our favorite web-swinger! And speaking of which, Spider-Man was... well, he was amazing! There's no better way to put it. He was full of wisecracks, to the point where Falcon got annoyed by it. And despite his inexperience, he put up a pretty good fight, even holding his own against Captain America for a while. He was just perfect. ...Well, except for one, itsy bitsy* detail: I don't care if it was for a joke about how young he is, Peter is losing some serious nerd points for calling Empire Strikes Back a "really old movie" and not knowing what an AT-AT is. But again, it's such a little thing that it barely matters.

*Pun fully intended

Black Panther was also very well handled. His fighting skills and vibranium suit made him quite the force to be reckoned with. And his character did feel like both warrior and king. Plus, it was refreshing to finally have a hero who didn't ruin every dramatic moment with a crappy joke. My only complaint about him was that Klaw wasn't the one who killed his father, not for the first time I might add, making his appearance in "Age of Ultron" a total waste. Why do adaptions always ignore that?

I kinda liked how Tony seemed to have a little trouble understanding the concept of Peter's Secret Identity, since nobody else in this version (except Daredevil) has one. And I absolutely LOVED how Zemo's plan was made possible by Widow putting all S.H.I.E.L.D.'s files online. I am SO glad that came back to bite them in the ass.

...But sadly that was the only thing about Zemo that I liked. You'd think at this point in the saga we'd have a more high-stakes villain. But no, he was just your generic 'ex-military guy out to avenge his dead family and nothing else' type villain. He didn't even wear the mask. Seriously, this was how they chose to adapt the guy that founded the freaking Masters of Evil? And his scheme barely required any pushing at all from his part. All he really did was frame Bucky, then set him loose, and everyone just turned on each other. It's basically exactly what Lex Luthor did, minus about 90% of the effort. The only reason it even worked was that he conveniently decided to strike around the time of the Sokovia Accords, which he had absolutely no way of knowing they were so divided on (even though they didn't even bother to read the damn thing first).

And in regards to what little pushing he actually DID do... Were they trying to make it a big reveal that it was Howard and Maria Stark in the car during that flashback? Because I saw it coming literally the whole time. And how the twist was used? Good god, how can I possibly explain my entire problem with it? Let's see if I can sum it up as short n' sweet as possible...

Batman v Superman:

Superman: Luthor has been manipulating us from the start, turning us against each other to fight to the death! But he had a backup plan: he's still got my mother held hostage and even as we speak he's creating a monster to destroy us!

Batman: Well, now that we know we've been duped, it looks like we're going to have to put our differences aside and work together to stop him!

Civil War:

Captain America: Zemo has no defenses, no weapons, and he actually killed the only other bad guys here himself. There's literally nothing stopping us from going in there and kicking his ass.

Iron Man: Nothing except me finding out that Winter Soldier killed my parents!

Captain America: ...Okay, first of all, Zemo literally just talked about tearing us apart from the inside, so he's clearly just showing you this to manipulate you. Second, you already knew he killed plenty of people, so only just now caring because they were YOUR parents is extremely self-centered, even by your standards.

Iron Man: Don't care. DIE, BARNES!!!

Yup, that's our big climax. While DC gave us the grand Trinity of heroes uniting to save the world together, in this movie we get Cap and Tony pointlessly pounding away at each other (phrasing?) while the villain... just sits there and watches. He doesn't even put up a fight when Panther arrives to take him in, he just tries turning the gun on himself. Speaking of which, I was surprised by how Panther actually decided to spare Zemo's life. When have the MCU heroes ever had any problem with killing the bad guys? Hell, in the opening scene alone, I counted about 9 or 10 thugs purposefully murdered by the Avengers, give-or-take.

So, in summary? Yeah, there were some really great parts to this movie! However, it also had a lame villain and an incredibly stupid climax, which takes a rather large chunk out of the final score. So i'm giving it a good 3 stars, making me the only reviewer on Earth who didn't just give it a full 100% score and claim it was the single greatest achievement of mankind since sliced friggin' bread. Hate me all you want for it, but this is my rating and I'm sticking to it!

Other reviews for Captain America: Civil War


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