Forever is to DAMN LONG!!!
By The Angry Comic Book Critic
This "Film" man who single handedly butt fucked my favorite hero six ways from sunday none other then the man who nearly ended the superhero film genre Batman's enemy and mine Joel Schumacher and today he's going down along with his pile of ass Batman Forever. But where to begin with this shit bomb? The Acting?No that won't due. The scenery? Nah save that old chest nut for later. The director? No no he's the grand finale. Oh I know the bullshit attempt to make this a kids film. oh yeah because a dark brooding nutjob in a bat suite who gives near death experinces to criminals really sounds like a great role model. You know for kids!Now as we all know Tim Burton was the man who brought the Dark knight into the light and made him a national treasure. Burton tried to steer his films towards a more mature audience and bless for it because he did an amazing job but because of some bitchy parents claimed "oh my little billy is having nightmares of clowns and penguins and its your movies fault." No it's your fault you should have paided attention to the ratings and if you kid has night terrors pop a prozac and he's good to go.
Now in response to this in order to make more money and appease the whiny parents they gave Burton the boot and handed the reins to a far more inferior director Joel FUCKING Schumacher,god they made one big goddamn mistake with oh sure it was a box office success but that doesn't mean jack fucking shit because this film down right sucked. Now the biggest issue I have with this film is Robin I mean he's so fucking annoying and say wasn't Robin supposed to be you know a kid I mean a kid is a hell of a lot more likely to fight crime not a 20 something year old because honestly what self respecting adult would dress up in tights and fight alongside a man who looks like he should be locked up with the guys he brings in? and honestly if they replaced his dialogue with farts for the entire duration of the film could really tell the difference?...Didn't think so. But where would any superhero film be without the Villains well get ready cause this ones a double whammy...The Riddler and Two Face and they couldn't have been more miscast I mean don't get me wrong Jim Carey and Tommy Lee Jones are fucking awesome but they just don't belong in a batman film it's like having Chris Rock play Indiana Jones it just doesn't doesn't work and never will because he's a comedian same for Jim Carey and Tommy Lee Jones is always more reserved of an actor now I will say this I liked how he really cut loose in this but it's just not how two face acts in the comics or the Tv shows. He's fucking insane and not in the fun way. I talking full on fucking demented nutcase not...this. Val kilmir this guy must have been the worst batman I've ev...whoops sorry Adam west that's your title.Kilmers 2nd worst and god he was corny in this film with such bullshit lines as "It's the car right chicks dig the car."...Honestly your using that line...Come on your already a grown man in a fucking bat suite at least leave yourself with some dignity.Now I have to say if I read that line in the script I would have said okay I quit I refuse to put up with this longer a second longer you want this campy shit call Adam West he needs the check more than me.Well thats it and as a great actor once said "It's brand new day the sun is high the birds are singing cause Schmacher gonna die." thank you Neil Patrick Harris.
I'm The Angry Comic Book Critic and this gets the Stamp of approval.
Batman Forever
CERTIFIED SHIT!!!!
