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That Time Lois Lane Married Batman

It really happened. Sort of. Let's look back at this momentous occasion.

Comics in the 1960s were pretty fascinating. One particular series we love reading back issues of is SUPERMAN'S GIRL FRIEND LOIS LANE. The series often ventured into entertaining and usually bizarre territory. Many were imaginary tales although it wasn't always immediately labeled as such. Other issues just had some pretty wacky adventures.

In 1969's issue #89, Lois Lane gets married, but it's not to Superman or Clark Kent. Lois marries Bruce Wayne, aka BATMAN instead.

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"The Bride of Batman" was written by Leo Dorfman with penciled by Curt Swan. With an opening page showing Lois in the Batcave with Batman and Batman Jr. swinging by (with Superman creepily watching from a hidden vantage point), it appears to be another wacky story. How the story lays out actually does make some sense.

This issue actually makes it clear it's not a real story. It's stated that it takes place on "One imaginary day, which may or may not ever happen." When Batman and Robin return from a mission, we discover Batman has a hidden room in the Batcave. The contents of the room are so secret, not even Robin knows what's inside.

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It turns out Batman is actually in love with Lois. Because of his friendship with Superman and the fact that Lois only has eyes for Superman, Bruce has never acted upon his feelings. That night there is a masquerade party Bruce plans on attending but is saddened to think that Lois will likely save every dance for Superman.

Bruce Wayne finds Lois, dressed as Joan of Arc with an actual 'war-horse,' at the party and she says Superman is on a mission but promised he'd arrive. When some other party guests, each dressed as Superman, goof off and frighten Lois' horse, Bruce, dressed as Achilles, manages to shield Lois from being trampled.

Superman then arrives with Wonder Woman and Lois immediately asks him to dance, forgetting how Bruce just saved her life. Superman says he can't because they're on their way to a secret Justice League mission. She then becomes outraged since this is the fourth time in one month Superman's broken a date with her. Being in Wonder Woman's company doesn't make things go any smoother. They leave and she asks Bruce to take her home. This is Bruce's chance.

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Bruce Wayne and Lois begin dating and getting closer over the next several weeks. Lois is becoming enamored with him due to his tenderness and affection. He's been treating her as a 'queen' eventually asks to kiss her goodnight.

The romance continues and inevitably Bruce asks Lois to marry him.

Batman confronts Superman and explains how his feelings for Lois are the "real thing." He explains they're going to get married and wants to know if Superman has any objections. Superman dismisses it all and gives his blessings since Lois is "free to marry whomever she pleases." The truth is, Superman is upset. He also has a secret Lois room hidden in the Fortress of Solitude (what's up with these two and their secret Lois Lane shrines?).

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Superman admits to himself he was in love with her. He failed to follow through on his feelings and "blew it" with Lois.

To make things worse, Superman ends up standing in as Bruce Wayne's best man during the wedding ceremony.

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It's interesting to note that Batman was originally intended to be Bruce Wayne's best man. Who knew that Bruce and Batman were such good buddies?

As they prepare to leave on their honeymoon, Bruce reveals his big secret to Lois by taking her to the Batcave. She mentions finding out she's Mrs. Batman is "the nicest wedding gift any bride ever received. He promises to give her a complete tour of the cave along with telling her all of the secrets as Robin overhears. He begins to wonder what this will mean for his place with Batman and contemplates striking out on his own.

Robin's fears are put to rest for the next year. The day comes when Bruce Wayne Jr. is born. Robin, again, wonders what this will mean for their partnership and whether or not Batman will quit being a crimefighter in order to devote more time to his actual son. It seems the situation is really going to sour as Batman brings his son down into the Batcave.

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Batman mentions his son will one day take his place as a crimefighter and Lois even made him a little costume. As Robin wonders what that means for him, Batman explains he'll be his instructor as well.

It appears to be a happy ending. Robin even mentions that in a few years the Dynamic Duo may have to change to the Titanic Trio.

Believe it or not, that's the end of the story. There's a bit more involving the rise of a new leader in Gotham's Crime Syndicate. A new leader takes out his competition and declares he'll take out the entire Justice League. Starting with Batman, he puts a plan into motion involving several people that appear to know Batman best. This includes people such as Batman's E.S.P. expert that has helped Batman on cases, a producer of several Batman movies, and Lois Lane, the former Daily Planet reporter that has written about him. You can see where this is going.

As they come close to discovering Batman's true identity, Lois manages to throw them off (by giving them poor Clark Kent's name). Batman and Superman manage to put a stop to the Crime Syndicate but that doesn't mean the danger is over.

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This reinforces Superman's fears that if he ever married Lois, her life would be in danger. If you think about it, it's a little farfetched. Lois being Bruce Wayne's wife isn't more dangerous than Bruce Wayne taking in a child as his ward. To the public, there's no reason to believe that Batman is married. That means Lois wouldn't be a target. The fact she was singled out just because she wrote about a costumed crimefighter is a little ridiculous. The real danger would result if it was discovered Bruce Wayne was Batman. Then Bruce Wayne's wife a target.

The message of the story tries to convince us it's a good thing this was an imaginary story, for Lois' sake. It seems more like Bruce Wayne getting married in this situation could actually work. The real question is, would Batman be able to find the time to be married when he's always busy with some adventure or another? If you ever come across SUPERMAN'S GIRL FRIEND LOIS LANE #89, do yourself a favor and pick it up so you can read the full story.