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Halloween Costume Extravaganza 2012: The Sexy

There's lots of sexy costumes out there for Halloween. This year we take a look at costumes that in no way should have ever been made into something sexy.

Halloween is next week. Are you prepared? So far, we've taken a look at some cool costumes for this year and some pretty darn terrible ones. Now, it's time to check out an age old tradition for some women where wearing as little as possible, for Halloween, is the norm, while completely ruining comic book and video game characters. Last year, we saw some decent looking costumes and some downright terrible ones. 2012 is a new year, though.

This year's crop of winners range from utterly ridiculous to mind numbing madness. These costumes are more than just professions with the word "sexy" attached: sexy nurse, sexy librarian, sexy teacher, sexy butcher, etc. These are costumes from the world of nerd, slimmed down and turned into many young boy's awkward fantasy.

Chucky as a Hot Chick. Yeah... I'm Confused too.

I wonder how I would look in this? Other than sexy, I mean.
I wonder how I would look in this? Other than sexy, I mean.

Well, now I've seen everything. This costume is wrong for a number a reasons. To start, this costume is based on a character that is 24 years old. Sure, there's been a few sequels, even reaching into the 2000s, and another one coming out next year, but how many people actually remember Chucky? When you think of horror movie monsters, Freddy, Jason, Michael Meyers, Leatherface, and Pinhead come to mind, but Chucky? Not so much.

Apparently, women just want to be sexy versions of male characters. This is a repeating trend you'll see here. For the pretty cheap price of $35, you get the fake overalls and the striped shirt underneath. That's the reason it's only $35, I guess. Sadly, you'll have to find your own go-go boots, thigh highs, and wig, in order to truly pull this costume off, if you plan on vaguely resembling this character.

This costume is incredibly close to being completely unrecognizable. Sure, it says "Good Guys," which was the name of the toy line that serial killer, Charles "Chucky" Lee Ray found his soul trapped into, on the overalls, but unless you're explaining the costume to everyone you see, most people are just going to think you're dressing up as "Sexy Axe Murderer."

  • Adaptation from original character: 4
  • Sexiness: 7
  • Amount of times you'll have to explain who you are when wearing this: 45
  • Overall: 6/10

Hipster Cowboy's Girlfriend

That's not a proper stance when holding a katana! You're going to hurt someone!
That's not a proper stance when holding a katana! You're going to hurt someone!

If you remember last week, I mentioned how much I hate the idea of wearing t-shirts as costumes, including a Woody, from Toy Story, shirt which I labeled "Hipster Cowboy." Until now, I've only seen these marketed towards men. Well, a new day is upon us as we catch the first glimpse of t-shirt costume made for women who are too lazy to buy an actual costume.

For $25, you too can become a Ninja Turtle, kinda. You'll still have to buy your own weapon, and apparently, you don't need the mask, but you can be a Ninja Turtle. When you purchase this, you get that sweet shirt dress, so that's why it's so cheap. After buying a weapon, you just need to find three other friends who also don't care about Halloween, but if you're the type of person who thinks this costume is a good idea, then you probably have tons of lame friends with the same mindset.

It's pretty recognizable, but only because it says "TMNT" on the belt. If it weren't for that, I'd have no clue who you were representing. A few of you may be thinking that this costume isn't sexy, but I say otherwise. It looks like something you'd (well, not me... a lady) would wear to bed, which in my eyes, ups the sexiness level like 75%. You don't have to show everything off in order to be sexy.

  • Adaptation from original character: 6
  • Sexiness: 7
  • Fact she's dating Hipster Cowboy: -12
  • Overall: 7/10

A Whole Lot of Sassy!

No Caption Provided

"Oh no you didn't! Talk to the hand because the face don't understand! You ain't all that and a bag of chips!" These are the things I expect the person wearing this costume to say when I am in their presence because this is one sassy Bumblebee costume. Don't hate the player, hate the game because this is marketed as the Transformers Sassy Bumblebee Costume, and this is how they describe it: "This sassy costume is hot - be careful - you never know who might get stung! Be a busy Bumblebee - did you know Bumblebee is highly agile, warm-hearted and human-friendly?" What?

Sorry to burst all your sassy-bubbles, but this $60 costume is sold out. The costume comes with everything but the shoes in order to make you look like a Christmas tree that received the Midas touch. Sassy pose is not included with the price of the costume. You have to provide that yourself.

If it weren't for the Autobot logo on her dome, I would have guessed "Sassy Two-Handled Tea Pot" or "Sassy Oscar Award." This is one of the worst costume adaptations I've ever seen, and because of that, it brings down the sexiness level quite a bit. I know you're thinking "Why is it on this list, then?" Because it's ridiculous and it needs to be talked about. Everything about this costume is laughable. It makes no sense. Do they people who made this costume know that Bumblebee is yellow, not gold? Maybe a sassy version of yellow is gold?

  • Adaptation from original character: 0
  • Sexiness: 4
  • Number of times I wrote "Sassy": 9
  • Overall: 5/10

Do You Have to Get Punched in Both Eyes to Wear this?

Your safe word is
Your safe word is "ouch."

Riddle me this: When does the Riddler wear a dress? When he's dressed to kill! Sorry, I'm awful with making up riddles. The first thing I noticed on this model were the black eyes, or whatever you want to call them. The second thing I noticed was this was the first time a male character has a costume for a female that works. Sure, it's a bit weird, but hey, it looks a whole lot better than everything else we've seen so far. This costume also boasts the most pointless tie every committed to cloth. It's the exact opposite of what a tie should be.

The costume you see comes with everything you see here except for the shoes and apparently the question mark mini-cane. That's a bummer, since the mini-cane is pretty dang sweet. The costume costs $55, but sadly, just like old sassy gold skirt, this too is sold out.

Finally, we have a costume that I can look at and recognize right away, sure it looks a bit like a dominatrix celebrating St Patrick's Day, but you get the point. It's a solid adaptation, and on top of that, it's pretty darn sexy, if you're into S&M, I guess. Apparently, it doesn't fit too well, as stated in a couple of reviews, but almost every costume review makes that same point.

  • Adaptation from original character: 8
  • Sexiness: 8
  • Number of black eyes you need to wear this: 0
  • Overall: 8/10

I'mma Gonna Win!

Erotic crossing guard.
Erotic crossing guard.

This leads us to this little beauty. I can't tell you how many times, in my own life, I've been sitting around, playing Super Mario Bros and said to myself, "I would enjoy this game so much more if they just found a way to make Mario sexy." Alas, my wishes have come true as we catch a glimpse at Heroic Maria Costume. Stomping on Goombas is no longer a job for an overweight, hairy plumber! Now, and woman, in an awkwardly short skirt, can do it.

For $40, and yes, there are still Maria costumes available, you can own this delight of a costume. When you purchase this item, you will receive the dress, the hat, the gloves, and a mustache necklace. Wait. A mustache necklace? So, women have no problem dressing up as a sexy version of a male character, but they draw the line at wearing fake mustaches? There's no problem with portraying an over-weight plumber, who goes from castle to caste, jumping on turtles, in order to save a Princess who is never where you think she is, but a little extra hair on their upper-lip is a no-no?

Even though this costume burns my inner child with acid made of nightmares and Justin Bieber, the one good thing you can say is that you know it's based off of Mario, even though she's not wearing a mustache. Out of all the costumes, this costumes has the best adaptation. On the down side, I didn't know there was a demand for a female version of Nintendo's mascot.

  • Adaptation from original character: 9
  • Sexiness: 6
  • Mustaches on your face: 0
  • Overall: 8/10

Well, thanks for taking time out of your busy schedule to shake your head in disbelief at some bizarre costumes for women this year. Here's the thing though, if you want to dress like a character you like that is the opposite sex, why not just go for it? If you like Black Cat and want to dress as her, go for it! If you're a lady and like Mario, dress as Mario! It's Halloween! Who cares if you cross-dress. It doesn't matter. I say go all-in. I'm sorry I tried to put some sort of life lesson into this write-up.

What do you guys think of these costumes? Would you wear any of them? (I would)

Mat "Inferiorego" Elfring is a writer, teacher, comedian, and founder of the Barely Watchable Network. Follow him onthe twitter.