caladbolglight's Wolverine & the X-Men #1 - Welcome to the X-Men! Now Die! review

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Welcome to the Jean Grey School for Higher Learning!

I'm doing a review of at least all the first Regenesis books. I'll decide then what books I want to continue with.

The Story:

Wolverine is giving a tour of the almost completed school to the Professor. The Professor gives him a few pieces of advice, and lets him know that he wants this to be Logan's project, not his. The next day, Logan and Kitty greet the inspectors of the Department of Education, who are basically skeptical snot-rags. It's the readers who effectively get the tour, but it's interesting how the inspectors get more and more not impressed with every room. We learn that the school is self-functioning, and that the danger room is incorporated into every inch of the school. We see many of the different students and staff. We see that Hank has gone to town on the tech and that he let in a whole bunch of Bamfs from a different dimension. A new student arrives, Kid Gladiator, son of Shi'ar ruler Gladiator, and his bodyguard Warbird. The twist comes when Kade Kilgore, the Black King of the Hellfire Club, comes to visit Logan at his new school. He explains to Logan that it was he was responsible for all the events of Schism. He promises to destroy the shcool, and seems to almost succeed when immediately after, the school seems to be attacked by none other than the living island Krakoa!

Faculty and Students:

Headmasters: Wolverine and Kitty Pryde

Vice-Principal: Beast

Senior Staff Members: Gambit, Rachel Grey, Rogue, Iceman

Junior Staff Members: Cannonball, Chamber, Husk, Karma

Adjunct Staff: Frenzy, Doop

Janitor: Toad

Students: Armor, Anole, Blindfold, Bling!, Broo, Cipher, Ernst, Gentle, Glob Herman, Graymalkin, Hellion, Indra, Kid Gladiator, Kid Omega, Match, Mercury, Oya, Rockslide, Trance

Others: Warbird

The Classes:

World History (1880-1950): An Eyewitness Account, with Headmaster Logan

The History of Mutant Art: From Jumbo Carnation to Kenji Uedo, with Professor Paige Guthrie

Brain Spelunking: Exploring the Recesses of Your Own Mind, with Professor Rachel Grey

Quantum Biophysics, Molecular Phylogenetics and Other Elementary Scientific Concepts, with Dr. Henry McCoy

Ethics 101: Forgetting Everything You Ever Learned From Emma Frost, with Headmistress Pryde

Algebra Sucks: I Know, But YOu Still Have To Learn It, with Professor Bobby Drake

How to Weaponize Household Products, with Professor Remy LeBeau

Diction and Linguistics, with Professor Rogue

Outer Space Survival Skills: My Time As A Starjammer, with Professor Rachel Grey

Future History 101: Mapping What We Know About the World of Tomorrow, with Headmistress Pryde

Mutant Philosophy: Te Teachings of Xavier, the Lessons of Magneto, with Dr. Henry McCoy

The Art of Fighting Without Fighting, with Headmaster Logan

The Art of Fighting With Fighting, with Headmaster Logan

Zen and the Art of Ice Sculpture, with Professor Bobby Drake

Computer-Hacking 101: ONLY FOR USE TO SAVE THE DAY! With Headmistress Pryde

Downloading Foreign Languages, with Professor Rachel Grey

Sex Ed, with Professor Remy LeBeau

Know Your Alien Races. And How to Kill Them, with Professor Lockheed

Mutant Literature, with Professor Paige Guthrie

Flying INto Things Headfirst, with Professor Sam "Cannonball" Guthrie

Psychic Self Defense, with Professor Rachel Grey

Extracurricular Activities:

Telepathic Debate Squad, with Professor Grey

Fencing Team, with Headmistress Pryde

Alternate Dimension Explorer's Club, with Dr. McCoy

Comic Book Club: Reading the Classics, from Kirby to Morrison, with Professor Guthrie

Polar Bear Club: with Professor Drake

The "Let's All Clean Up After Ourselves" Club, with Custodian Toad

Bamf Hunting Club, with Headmaster Logan

Choir, with Professor Doop

Study Abroad Program: Spend a semester in Attilan, K'un-Lun, Wakanda or Chandilar, the throneworld of the Shi'ar

Special Events:

"Who was Jean Grey?" Special guest lecture by Professor Charles Xavier

Archaeological expedition to the ruins of Genosha

Mount Wundagore rock-climbing adventure

Savage Land photo safari

Inaugural flag football game against Avengers Academy

Class picnic on the Blue Area of the moon

And scheduled Field Trips to the Basxter Building, Asgard, Dr. Strange's Sanctum Sanctorum, Stark Industries, Tabula rasa, the supervillain prison the Raft, Monster Island, Lemuria, the Microverse and Headmaster Logan's "favortie sushi joint in the whole Eastern hemisphere."

The Good:

First of all, I've always liked the idea of the Xavier Institute, and I think it's great that they're reinstating it. The dialogue is the real star of the issue. The banter between Logan and Xavier, Logan and Kitty, Kitty and Hank, is all absolutely flawless and seemingly real. I liked the whole tour of the Institute, as everything from Mutant Literature to Broo's diction is very amusing. And how does Glob go to the toilet. Actually, I don't want to know. Little winks and nudges are neat, like Doop being the secretary, and Broo, the mutant Brood who they rescued in Astonishing X-Men (what happened to that anyway??) is part of the school.

The Bad:

The art. I apologize to al of you who may like it, but I don't. This is a comic, not a cartoon. I also don't like how the Xavier Institute is all future-tech. I mean, when I saw the full shot of it, I was not impressed. This is Earth, not Omicron Persei 8. I realized that I dislike Idie. She is way too fatalistic, I think that it's overdone. Also, is Hellion supposed to be an @$$? And while the Class List etc is really fun, can't the school be somewhat normal?

The Verdict:

A neat little read, who I will be interested in less for the art or the idea, but more for the characters in this. A really good mix of characters. Nice writing, pick it up.

P.S. Does anyone know who/what/when/where/why Ernst is? What are her powers? Have they ever been revealed. That kind of annoys me, to be frank.

P.S.S. Sorry for the really long review.

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