The Dark Knight Rises

Avengers, Spiderman, you're movies really were awesome, my god they were, but I'm sorry, even with your combined efforts, Marvel isn't going to win this summer. You guys could throw every movie you've made in the past 3 years at this thing and you still wouldn't have a prayer, that's how awesome this movie was.

So... the movie itself... Wow. I'm honestly not sure where to start. The words to accurately describe this film may not have been invented yet. This film was so incredible that it is quite possible that every single copy of Batman and Robin has now ceased to exist. I honestly wasn't even sure I should do this review because, really what can I say? I suppose I have to give you guys something so, let's just dive right in. By the way, there will be some spoilers, I need to include them here because there's It's necessary to give you an idea of the sheer scale of this film.

So it's eight years after the death of Harvey Dent, Batman has not been seen since, the public still believe he's a killer, Bruce Wayne is now a recluse who's company is tanking and Gotham is relatively free of crime, or so we think. At a gala at Wayne Manor we are introduced to Selina Kyle, played by Anne Hathaway who does a brilliant job. Apparently her goal in this movie is to obtain a device that can completely wipe away her criminal record so that she can start fresh, but to get it, she needs to pull a few jobs for... Owen from Torchwood... okay. Meanwhile in the sewers, we meet our films villain, Bane. I would like to take this opportunity to tell Joel Schumacher to go f*ck himself because clearly he had no idea what Bane was supposed to be. Chris Nolan on the other hand, knows his sh*t. This Bane is more than just a generic thug. This guy is a master strategist who was raised in a hellish middle eastern prison. He is stronger than any mortal man, he snaps about five necks over the course of the film, he has an army of mercenaries ready to die for him, and was personally trained by Ra's Al Ghul until Ra's kicked him out. This is the threat that Bane is supposed to be (even if he does talk like General Grievous doing a Sean Connery impression). This is the man who can break the Bat, and don't worry, we'll get to that part.

During a sting operation, Jim Gordon encounters bane and ends up hospitalized for his troubles, which means it's time for the Bat to come back and confront this monster, but it also means that Bruce needs to start rebuilding his company, and for that he needs help. Enter Miranda Tate, a wealthy woman who helps Bruce fund his company's clean energy reactor, a reactor that in the wrong hands could be converted into a nuclear bomb, GEE, I WONDER WHAT BANE'S PLAN IS!!! Regardless, Miranda is put in charge of Wayne enterprises because she is one of the few who Bruce can trust and eventually they fall for one another. Strange that they'd introduce another love interest who was not in the comics but this character is pretty cool and this actress is very pretty so I suppose I'll let it slide.

After doing some digging, Batman is lead into Bane's lair by Catwoman who was promised her clean slate in he gave him the bat, and true to comic form, Bane beats the living shit out of him and break his back. Bruce wakes up in the prison I mentioned earlier, a Prison which is now controlled by Bane. There is a means of escape, but it means a long and deadly climb up a treacherous stone wall. Legend has it that only one was able to do it before, a child born in the prison, the child of a Mercenary who's wife was sent to the prison in his place. Well naturally they must be talking about Bane right? Who else would they be talking about?

Back in Gotham Bane steals the nuclear reactor and takes control of the city using the threat of detonation, claiming that one of Gotham's citizen's is the trigger man. For five months, Bane and his thugs rule Gotham with an Iron fist, the police are trapped under ground and any attempt at evacuation results in Bane's goons blowing the bridges. These scenes in the controlled Gotham are horrifying. As great as the Joker was in the Dark Knight, he only wanted to cause chaos, Bane has caused pain, suffering, and has done more damage to Gotham than any villain in this entire franchise.

So Bruce escapes the prison, because of course he does, and returns to Gotham to wage war on Bane. He frees the trapped cops and and leads them into battle to free his city. Batman and Bane fight each other and this time Bats is ready. After Batman takes him down it is revealed that Bane was in fact, NOT the child who escaped the prison so who was it. Well, I left out one detail of that story, the mercenary was none other than Ra's Al Ghul. As Bane reveals the truth, Miranda Tate stabs Wayne right in the chest and tells him her real name.... Talia Al Ghul...................... uh.........um............okay, I have to be honest with you people. I pride myself on being able to see plot twists coming. Aside from this there have only been two other instances where I was so completely blind sided by a twist like this. The first was when I read Watchmen way back when and the whole Ozymandias thing. The second was Pirates of the Caribbean 2 when Barbosa came back, the latter of which caused me to stand up in the theatre and yell "No Freakin' Way!" And then there's this. This may very well be the best twist I have ever seen in a movie. It's foreshadowed but never obviously and ultimately it makes perfect sense. Holy Sh*t is all I can say on this development. To make a long review shorter, Talia and Bane are defeated with the help of Gordon and Catmwoman and Batman sacrifices himself to save Gotham from the bomb. I've decided not to reveal the aftermath ending because really I've already spoiled too much, but rest assured there is a lot of awesome.

Overall, I don't I can properly sum up why this movie is awesome, without just repeating "this movie is awesome" a thousand times over. This is everything I wanted it to be and more. This movie is glorious and if you disagree, I ask this of you, "What are you Dense? Are you retarded or something? It's the God Damned Batman!!"