Ancestor Profile: Ewan Caldwell


Name: Ewan Wallace Caldwell

Lifespan: 1591 to 1646

Eye Color: Icy Blue

Hair: Sandy Blonde

Gender: Male

Nationality: Scottish (Highlander)

Profession: Assassin, Leader of Clan Caldwell

Place of Birth: Castle Caldwell, Scottish Highlands.

Place of Death: Castle Caldwell

Cause of Death: Succumbed to wounds sustained after assassinating the Earl of Essex in London

Weapon of Choice: Naval Cutlass

Base of Operations:

  • Castle Caldwell - A fortress hidden away in the mountains of the Scottish Highlands belonging to the Assassins of Clan Caldwell.
  • Black Arrow - A fast yet heavily armed, tall masted ship owned by the Caldwell Clan for missions abroad.

Weapons and Equipment Carried:

  • Naval Cutlass
  • Caldwell Clan Bow (Sometimes supplemented with a Crossbow)
  • A pair of ornate Flintlock Pistols strapped to his chest or stuck in his belt
  • A hidden blade secreted up his sleeve
  • Smoke bombs
  • Numerous Throwing Knives
  • Poison Tipped Darts

Skills and Attributes:

  • Expert Archer
  • Average Marksmen
  • Hand to Hand Combat Expert
  • Expert Free Runner
  • Charismatic Personality
  • Stealth Expert
  • Expert Sailor
  • Ruthless Fighter
  • Excellent Physical Conditioning
  • Escape Artist

Powers: N/A

Misc. Facts:

  • Ewan speaks Gaelic, English, French and German exceptionally well and can carry a conversation in Italian and Greek.

Start the Conversation

My Alts:


- Ravek: The Intergalactic Warrior who has driven entire species to extinction and left whole systems uninhabitable


- Retcon in Progress


- A copy of Mike created by Clara Mass


- An relatively young Empire by galactic standards, the Keresh have gained a reputation as some of the fiercest and best trained fighters in the Galaxy.


- Assassin, More info to come


- A former Keresh Commando living on Earth, Currently a member of the League of Shadows.


- The half mutant/half god son of Mike and Clara Mass


- The half Keresh/half Demon son of Ravek and Azrael, Brother of Dreya (Acolyte_D). Canon-wise he doesn't exist yet.


- Billionaire CEO with a dark side


- He's a shark, He's a shark, He's a #^&% SHARK!


Gir Quotes

 Here's a few quotes from everyone's favorite little insane robot:

"Aww, It likes me!"                    

"He's gettin' eaten by a shark"

"I loveded you piggy, I loveded you"

"It's got chicken legs"

“Where are my walnuts?”

“Can I be a mongoose dog?”

"But I need tacos! I need them or I will explode, That happens to me sometimes!"

"Aw, Somebody needs a hug"

"Why is his head so big?, Why is his head so big?"

"The plug thingy, It's not plugged."

"Hi Floor! Make me a sandwich."

"It's got chicken legs..."

"I'm dancin' like a monkey"

"Yay!!!! Brains!!!!!!!"

"Me and the squirrel are friends!"

"Your friend's in the window..."

"I saw a squirrel, he was doin' like this..."

"I'm gonna' sing the doom song now.. Doom...Doom....."

"I'm gonna roll around the floor a bit, k?"

"I gotta' go pig. I'll see ya' later."

"I must have them or I'll explode. That happens to me sometimes..."

"Yes...Wait a minute........No."

"I was a chubby lady hiding in the bushes."

"Then the squirrel ate Dib's greasy head."

"I wanna be a mongoose, Can I be a mongoose dog?"

"I miss you cupcake."

"Aww...I wanted to esplode.."

"Taco. Taco. Taco."

"I got chocolate bubblegum."


"I love the little tacos. I love them good."

"What's this do? What's that do?"

"Where's my mouth?"

"No wait-come back. I need stuff."

"I'm making the cake."

"Yay-I'm gonna' be sick!"

"Aww, your little robot boy's broken..."

"I'm runnin'-I'm runnin', I'm naked, And I'm Runnin'. "

"You say weird like its a bad thing."
"I don't wanna behaaave and I'm don't wanna live up to your ssstandards."
"Let's go to my room pig!"


The Dolphin War... It will come

Dolphins are considered by most people to be one of those creatures in nature that humans can peacefully co-exist with, like Turtles, Dogs and Birds. As opposed to Tigers, Sharks and the French.

What Most People Think of Dolphins

- Dolphins appear to be adorable creatures of the sea that want you spend large sums of money to watch them act normal and do simple tricks at Sea world.
- They seem playful and are competitive enough that they will race ships, Which most people find fun to watch, If not "Majestic" you might say...
- A Dolphin will help someone trapped in open ocean and even do as far as to defend someone from a Shark.  
 So Majestic... ITS A TRAP!
 So Majestic... ITS A TRAP!

These are just a handful of the common misconceptions about Dolphins....

The Ugly Murder and Rape filled Truth...

- Dolphins are capable of killing a Great White Shark. 
- Dolphins are highly intelligent
- They've been known to kill the offspring of other animals such as Seals and play catch with them... 
- Dolphins have been known to RAPE swimmers without in provocation what so ever.   
 One of the Dolphin's primary tactics, Ambushing its prey. This man was lucky, but will You be? 
 One of the Dolphin's primary tactics, Ambushing its prey. This man was lucky, but will You be? 


Once again, These are only a few of the uncommon truths about Dolphins. 

Why This is bad for Us.

- Well I mentioned RAPE, as in they RAPE swimmers. A Dolphins junk is not like a humans. A Dolphins is a solid piece of BONE, Enjoy that startling mental image.  
- Dolphins are intelligent, As in our weapons would only be effective against them for so long, then they would find a way to avid them. 
- They can KILL Sharks, The Shark is typically regarded as the badass of the ocean, but these razor toothed predators are no match for... 
 This? Look at him! he's even smiling!
 This? Look at him! he's even smiling!

                                                                                                                                                                                           Smiley here  -------------->
    would be more than happy to murder you, rape you (Not in that order) use your child (or you if you are a small child) as a fleshy beach ball

The BIG Problem

Recently Dolphins or Playfulus Rapeyoumuch have been spotted in what scientists are calling MEGA Pods, Scientists do not use words like Mega for just any old abnormally large gathering of animals. When scientists start using the word Mega... The S*** just got real. 
 Yes... More Real than This
 Yes... More Real than This
These so called "Mega Pods" can be several miles wide and just a thick. 

 This what several Miles of Rape & Murder looks like....
 This what several Miles of Rape & Murder looks like....
Now you may be saying "But that's not a mile, maybe 100 yards max!"  well did you ever think of what might be out of the shot?  *Que Dramatic/Suspenseful Music*
In the trailer for Battle: Los Angelos, Did anyone else notice the "Alien" infantry marching out of the Pacific? I believe Jonathan Liebesman (The Director) is trying to tell us something... 
Leave Comments!

Deadpool..... Shoes? =D

I was surfing the internetz and came across something I didn't think could possibly exist... Deadpool in shoe form... 
 Here's a picture:


 If ANYONE  knows where to go to purchase a pair of these please let me know! 
You will have my thanks. 
- Mikepool