I do not like the Phalanx Covenant story. It is too long. It deals with an alien race that is too confusing to keep straight. But, alas, here I am reading it again because I just read my 90s comics over and over. So, to make this trip through just as enjoyable as possible, I will be logging anything negative that I can find.

Uncanny X-Men #316

For starters, why are Emma's arms restrained when she is clearly able to rise from the bed?

Oh, you know what? Don't even worry about it. The artist removed the restraints for the next panel:

X-Men #36

Jubilee, like most of us 90s kids, liked doing things that weren't technically illegal but still made us look super edgy. Case in point: Standing on a car (while putting a foot up on a fence?).

Emma Frost, like most adults in the 90s, had no feet only wanted to ruin the fun we kids were having. Emma goes on to explain that Jubilee should not stand on the car because they are trying not to stand out. And then she says this:

Wait, you are masking your presence? So standing on a car won't draw any attention if you are doing your job right? I get the no-talking order, but ordering Jubilee down just because you can sounds like a Comic Vine moderator something incredibly petty -- or like lazy writing.

Let's move out to Kentucky. At the Guthrie Farm, a Phalanx attacks. (The entity looks a bit like N'astirh. If this was intentional then I give the creative team credit.) The family is helpless against the alien. Why?

What's that, Joshua? You have to go all the way out to the barn to get daddy's old shotgun? Why in the world isn't it above your BJORKING fireplace mantle like every other hick family in Farm Country, U.S.A.? I blame the writer for thinking this was a good idea to include.

Uncanny X-Men #317

I don't have any presentation qualms with this issue.

X-Men #37

Jubilee has never been a favorite of mine. I didn't get her in the 90s; I don't get her now. She's just "meh" to me. I do, however, enjoy this faux pas. When Emma Frost and Jubilee board an old destroyer, they find that mice have been assimilated into the Phallanx. Jubilee is quick to dispatch them:

"Mickey-Pizza"? Don't you realize that Marvel will be bought by Disney in about 20 years? You gotta think before you say things, lady!

Life Signs

Let's count the number of panels Cannonball just completely loses his shiz:

• X-Factor #106: 3

• X-Force #38: 2

• Excalibur #82: 2

I'm fine with Sam being the voice of reason, but with each character getting so little by way of on-panel time, it just seems like the only thing he does in this arc is shout at Douglock.

Excalibur #82

Havok, Shatterstar, and Warpath hate that they have to stay behind in France to protect Moira when all their buddies are gone off to fight the Phalanx. No worries, guys. You show up in the end to help clean up anyway. No explanation, just these three dudes magically show up out of nowhere.

*More to come as I read the arc. (I hope.)*