Dateline NBC: TCAP: Wolverine: Post-Schism

Jubilee's voice: Come on in, Logan! I'm just looking for my raincoat!

Logan: Of course my dear, after all I'm just here to say goodbye...mwahahaha.

(Chris Hansen enters)

Chris: Goddammit Scott Summers If I catch you in here again I'm going to remove your testicles and throw them into the Bog of Eternal Stench...oh (looks at Wolverine). Where's Cyclops?

Logan: He's playing Pretty Pretty Princess with Deadpool, bub. Wade blackmailed him by threatening to post pictures of Summers wearing Emma's costume, and covering his junk with a copy of "Breaking Dawn." Personally I thought that's exactly where that book belonged. So, he's not here.

Chris: He isn't but why are you? Come to see Jubilee have you?

Logan: Jubilee aint a minor, bub.

Chris: Come to see Shadowcat then?

Logan: Aint a minor either.

Chris: What about your little girl, X-23?

Logan: Ok, THAT you can get on my ass for. Not that I'd ever touch her. No way in heck.

(Daken enters the room)

Daken: Doesn't mean I wouldn't. Giggity!

(Wolverine punts Daken out a window).

Armor: One sec Logan I'll be right down!

Logan: Dammit, Hisanko quiet! He's still here!

Chris: Ah-ha! The jig is up.

(Logan shakes his head)

Logan: Aint the only thing up, bub.

Chris + Daken: GROSS!!!

(Chris clears his throat)

Chris: So you're here for the Armor girl. That's sick. You personally attacked Scott for being a pedophile and yet here you are doing the same thing. What about the other girls over the years? Was it all just a father figure or is there more you aren't telling us?!

Logan: Let me tell you, I'm the best there is at what I do. And what I do ain't pretty.

Chris: So that's a yes.

Logan: That's a shut up before I gut you. In nice terms of course. X-Men policy.

Chris: X-Men have a policy?

Logan: There's an official X-Men handbook. Written by the author of the official Saiyan handbook.

Chris: Let's see, X-men come back ten times after they die, Scott Summers Pwnz you, Guess who it is? Ghost Phoenix, there is a homo sapien standing behind you kill it like the rest, and there's a shut up before I gut you policy. Who the hell would read this?


Logan: We also have health insurance. And our own theme song.

Chris: What is that called?

Logan: Shut up before I gut you.

Chris: I see. Wait a minute! THIS WAS ALL A DISTRACTION! Don't try to pull a fast one on me, I know you're here to do bad things to a minor.

Logan: Bah, there's no point in fighting, but you know there's someone in charge of all of this. Someone controlling both Cyke and me.

Chris: Well!? WHO IS IT!? Because this is an obvious lead to a cliffhanger that'll be picked up in a sequel that will be most likely nowhere as near as good as this story.

Logan: The mastermind is.....?