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@mrmonster:

Thanks! Like cbishop said, I'm not a frequent visitor here anymore, nor a frequent poster. Sorry! But who knows, maybe I'll write a fanfic here from time to time. Don't keep your hopes up though.

@batkevin74:

You're welcome.

@cbishop:

Time, that dastardly thief!

@cbishop
I think what this story needs is pathos. The main character dies, but it doesn't feel like it's a big deal. I WANNA SEE REAL TEARS DAMN IT!!!
The villain is alright. I like campy villains, but he's not campy enough for my tastes. I think this guy would benefit from having the camp-level of, let's say, Gaston from Disneys Beauty and the beast.
Maybe you're thinking that if you turn the camp of the villain in to the extreme, and the pathos of the heros death in to Shakespearean heights, that it will just result in a clusterfuck.
Or, maybe you agree with me, that if done right and written with care, those two polar-opposite elements can actually work really well together. Like salty toffee!

So, even though the execution lacks this time imo, this isn't a bad premise for a story, or a villain.

As for the construction of the story, it works fine.

I vote for @batkevin74. Love a guy doublewielding machetes for combat.

EDIT
Harrison Moxleys motivation for revenge raises questions. He claims The Phantom ruined both his and his fathers life. How come? He never states HOW the existence of a skull-mark in his fathers chin managed to ruin their lifes. This makes him an unreliable narrator. What does he retain from telling us and why?
That's why I can't really comment on whether the character of Moxley works on a thematic level and so forth, because we don't have enough info on him. That's fine though. No characters first appearance has to be an indepth origin-story.

Thanks for the words man, means alot.
Also, the weirdness in chapters 1-72 is an intentional artistic decision. = D I'd explain why I wrote it like that, but I never write Artists Statements*.
It's understandable that you don't like the beginning though, I don't take it personally. = )

* In case you're not familiar with the term: "An artist's statement(orartist statement) is an artist's written description of their work. The brief text is for, and in support of, their own work to give the viewer understanding."
From this Wikipedia-article: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Artist's_statement

@the_impersonator:

Thanks! I never continued the story, 'cause I couldn't come up with anything good. And now-a-days I'm not interested in the slightest to continue this, lol. Sorry!

@cbishop:

Yes, I did. And yet you continued on in to that dreadful unknown. The sign of a true adventurer!

"It definitely needs some details as a print story."

When I envision it as an animation it's just a very simple back-and-forth-dialogue between two characters that is suddenly interrupted by a monster attack. Nothing too trippy if you ask me.
Maybe it feels trippy to you because I wrote it in a confusing way. Like, maybe it's difficult to understand which of the lines belong to which character. Trust me, it would be much easier to understand what's going on if I made this in to a comic instead. = D
I wasn't very good at writing prose 9 years ago. = D

@ficopedia:

Yeah, I deleted it from this thread, but I have it saved on a portable hard-drive, and since it's pretty clear you wanna read it I got it for you. Here you go!
But be careful! It's kinda silly and kinda bad.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A stick figure woman (made of liquorice) sits in an outdoor laboratory (a white tent in a forest). Ponders. Then she ponders no more. She continues her latest work. A robot. She makes an intentional error to its programming. What for? You`ll find out soon enough.

It`s finished after two more months. The woman says, in a low, hopeful voice:

"Time to insert the power source."

She puts a battery to the standing robot.

"Now it`s time to...pull the switch."

She pulled a switch in the robots back. It started to:

Hummmmmmmmmmmm...

She was excited. Robots eyes started to glow pink.

The robot said: "What is this?"

The saga of the robotic mango-man. Part 1: Let`s call it an origin story

She had succeeded. It felt wonderment. She smiled."You have been born." Said the scientist, her voice trembling, trying not to shout of joy, because it might scare it.

Robot asked: "Oh. What does it mean, exactly?"

Scientist said: "Oh, silly me! I forgot to put the flash drive in place."

She took a green flash drive, and put it to a USB-gate.

Scientist said: "After 50 minutes, you will have 4000000000 terabytes of information in your brain."

"Is it alot?" Robot inquired.

There was a second of silence.
"Oh, I see that it is relatively alot." The robot understood.

"Good, the flash drive is in action." Said the intelligent female of her species.
"What do you feel?"

Robot said: "What is fe-Oh, I see. Well...Nothing."

"Nothing? Yeah, right." She snorted. "What do you think if I say...50 kittens?"

Robot said: "Nothing."

She said: "Obviously you do. You can`t use tones of voice, but for some reason, I know that you clearly have feelings. I can sense it, somehow. Which means that I`ve succeeded in creating an emotional robot."

Robot said: "I can assure you that I do not feel anything."

She said: "Nothing at all?"

Robot said: "Nothing."

Woman was a bit surprised. After being in this state for a minute, she said:

"We can easily find out if you have any emotions...by using an Emotio-meter."

Robot asked: "Is it your invention?"

She answered: "No. Okay, lets put this helmet to your head..."

This was done. Then she nibbed nables and dialed phone numbers. Then the numbers started to blink on the screen (meaning, they appeared on the screen for less than a second). Then they stopped blinking, and only number 57 was on the screen.

Scientist said: "I was right. You have emotions. I, succeeded! Hahah! In your face my mother, who never believed in my talents!"

Robot said: "I`m not your mother."

She didn`t know what to say.

She decided to say something nonetheless: "So...anyway, the point is, that I succeeded. Let`s celebrate."

Robot said: "I`m still not feeling anything."

Scientist was silent for a moment.

Then she said: "Yes you do..."

"No." Said the robot.

"Yes, you, do..." Said the woman.

"Not really."

"Y-e-s...yes."

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"Yes..."

"No."

"YES..."

"No."

"If I say yes, it`s a YES!!!!!"

"But I do not."

Once, again, silence...

Then our woman of science figured: "I see. You don`t know how it feels to feel."

Robot rebuked: "Yes I do. The information that I got clearly documents me how to feel."

"There must be an unintentional error in your brain...You don`t how it FEELS to feel.." The woman said, mostly to herself. She pushed her arms against her head, like you might do if you`re incredibly frustrated.

"What`s my name?" Asked the robot.

She said: "Ennnh...call yourself with any name you like."

Robot said: "Very well. I shall call myself Serial number 456805345."

Woman: "Why?"

Robot: "It reads on my leg."

Woman: "Yes well, I used second hand parts. The serial number shouldn`t be seen in it, I guess. But...I forgot to erase it."

Robot: "I see. I also hear. But I don`t smell, taste or feel. Some would consider it terrible. I don`t, because it would require an emotional reaction."

The scientist stared at the robot. She said:

"You know-"

Then, a Quarli man (A tank sized, soft, scallop looking creature. They have sharp teeth, a bait that they get with birth (many Anglerfish have it), seaweed like appendages, 17 eyes and eight legs. You`d think that these creatures would have originated from the seas, or have ancestors from there, but it isn`t so at all.) barged in and ate her. Then it barged away, moving at the speed of 150 miles per hour (they can keep on going without slowing down for six hours in a row).

Serial nro. looked at the few remains of her body that she had left. They weren`t bleeding, `cause this kind of liquorice doesn`t bleed.

It didn`t think it felt anything. Actually, it felt terror, massive sadness and was directionless.

But how could it be possible?

I guess that all of us will find out as we go on.

Serial nro. stayed there for 15 minutes and 27 seconds (and buncha smaller seconds, but let`s not get in to those) before saying...

"Well, can`t stay here. Stuff to do, world to see." It took a few important things that robots need, and left the place.

LoL ok I wasn't too late. I just checked what time it is in Sydney right now. Sorry for spamming guys.

I noticed this contest only a couple of hours ago, lol. You can disqualify it if you want, if I was too late. I wrote it mainly because it seemed like it fun.

I hope I wasn't too late with my entry!