Nuts, the Great Lie

So essentially, there’s no such thing as nuts.

Earlier today I was thinking, “hey, aren’t certain nuts like, beans or whatever?” and I decided that it may be helpful to me, and maybe other people, if I were to do a little research and comprehensibly list what nuts were “true nuts”, and which were not, and categorize the others as well.

Categorizing each different thing that is, in culinary terms, considered a nut? Is like drawing a map of Cedar Point by memory. From what I can tell, about 20% of what we consider nuts are actually nuts, and the others are… different things.

The myth had it that these fabled non-nuts were essentially legumes (beans) but that doesn’t actually seem to be true. They are just… seeds. Seeds from different things. Fruits, flowers, bulbs, beans, pretty much whatever. If any given plant has a little hard nasty thing inside of it, and people eat it, it’s a nut.

What I propose is that we collectively do away with the word “nut” altogether — since nuts, as well, are seeds. They are all seeds, every last thing we call a nut. Peanuts, cashews, macadamia nuts, hazelnuts, brazil nuts, pecans, walnuts, pistachios… only a few of them are actually nuts, but all of them are seeds.

So, allow us to reduce the word “nut” to the same state as legumes, drupes, pods, and all of the other things seeds come from.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go eat a white chocolate and macadamia seed cookie!

------

For more non-comic blogs like this one, visit http://stoicmaniac.wordpress.com

52 Comments
52 CommentsRefresh
  • 52 results
  • 1
  • 2
Avatar image for rulerofthisuniverse
Edited by RulerOfThisUniverse

Whoah.

Avatar image for batmannflash
Posted by batmannflash

oh. my life has been a lie...

Avatar image for dernman
Posted by Dernman

There is no such thing as nuts?!!!!!!!!! *Checks my pants.* Nut uh they so do exist.

Online
Avatar image for yourneighborhoodcomicgeek
Posted by YourNeighborhoodComicGeek

@dernman said:

There is no such thing as nuts?!!!!!!!!! *Checks my pants.* Nut uh they so do exist.

They double as the seeds of life.

Avatar image for wildvine
Posted by wildvine

Issues.....

JK.

Moderator Online
Avatar image for batmannflash
Edited by batmannflash

@dernman said:

There is no such thing as nuts?!!!!!!!!! *Checks my pants.* Nut uh they so do exist.

You must call them "seeds" now

Avatar image for dernman
Edited by Dernman

@batmannflash said:

@dernman said:

There is no such thing as nuts?!!!!!!!!! *Checks my pants.* Nut uh they so do exist.

You must call them "seeds" now

I use the word seed for something else. It's white and fluidy.

How oh how has this thread gotten here? I'm not taking the blame. *runs away*

Online
Avatar image for batman242
Posted by Batman242
3257339-depression-meme.jpg

I.... I.... I just can't.

Online
Avatar image for batmannflash
Edited by batmannflash

@dernman: Seeds within seeds. Seedception

Avatar image for i_like_swords
Posted by i_like_swords
Avatar image for powerherc
Edited by PowerHerc

Seeds, huh?

Avatar image for guardian_of_gravity
Posted by Guardian_of_Gravity

Science has a habit of ruining your view of life.

Avatar image for joygirl
Posted by Joygirl
Avatar image for cattlebattle
Posted by cattlebattle

I thought this fact was common knowledge....

Avatar image for jokergeist
Posted by Jokergeist
Avatar image for joygirl
Posted by Joygirl
Avatar image for silkyballfro94
Posted by silkyballfro94
Avatar image for danhimself
Posted by danhimself

peaseeds? that doesn't have the same ring as peanuts

Avatar image for joygirl
Posted by Joygirl
Avatar image for betatesthighlander1
Posted by Betatesthighlander1
Avatar image for thatguywithheadphones
Posted by ThatGuyWithHeadPhones

''Ahh You kicked me in the seeds''

Doesn't feel the same!!

D*** YOU SCIENCE D*** YOU TO HELL!!

Avatar image for armiv2
Posted by ARMIV2

But...what about Nutella? Seedella just sounds...well, kinda cool actually, but still.

Avatar image for tifalockhart
Posted by TifaLockhart

You're brilliant, Joy.

Avatar image for joygirl
Posted by Joygirl
Avatar image for bruxae
Posted by Bruxae

Somehow I expected pictures of testicles.

Avatar image for ultrastarkiller
Edited by ULTRAstarkiller

Um ok......*starts nodding* Ya I get it ;)

Avatar image for glitch_spawn
Posted by Glitch_Spawn
Avatar image for consolemaster001
Posted by consolemaster001

Uh...okay ?

Avatar image for omega_ray_jay
Posted by Omega Ray Jay

http://24.media.tumblr.com/0e82433c3c6844a9534a9eb1e500fe6d/tumblr_mrwsvdj4Gj1rlti3uo1_1280.jpg

Avatar image for fadetoblackbolt
Posted by FadeToBlackBolt

"Kick him in the legumes" doesn't work as well.

We need the word "nuts".

Avatar image for pyrogram
Posted by Pyrogram
I feel alone
I feel alone

Avatar image for bumpyboo
Edited by BumpyBoo

Awesome blog <3

Also, you can do a similar thing with berries.

Banana = berry.

Strawberry = not a berry.

Damn this harsh, nonsensical world!! :O

Moderator
Avatar image for mrdecepticonleader
Posted by mrdecepticonleader

@bumpyboo said:

Awesome blog <3

Also, you can do a similar thing with berries.

Banana = berry.

Strawberry = not a berry.

Damn this harsh, nonsensical world!! :O

3264965-3045654484-2jmzz.png

STOP IT! DAMN IT!

Avatar image for bumpyboo
Posted by BumpyBoo

@bumpyboo said:

Awesome blog <3

Also, you can do a similar thing with berries.

Banana = berry.

Strawberry = not a berry.

Damn this harsh, nonsensical world!! :O

3264965-3045654484-2jmzz.png

STOP IT! DAMN IT!

MwahahahahahahahahaHAAAA! >:P

Moderator
Avatar image for mrdecepticonleader
Edited by mrdecepticonleader

@bumpyboo said:

@mrdecepticonleader said:

@bumpyboo said:

Awesome blog <3

Also, you can do a similar thing with berries.

Banana = berry.

Strawberry = not a berry.

Damn this harsh, nonsensical world!! :O

3264965-3045654484-2jmzz.png

STOP IT! DAMN IT!

MwahahahahahahahahaHAAAA! >:P

:(

Why don't we call a banana a strawberry and a strawberry a banana. Yeah that is a great idea. I am a genius!

Avatar image for bumpyboo
Posted by BumpyBoo

@bumpyboo said:

@mrdecepticonleader said:

@bumpyboo said:

Awesome blog <3

Also, you can do a similar thing with berries.

Banana = berry.

Strawberry = not a berry.

Damn this harsh, nonsensical world!! :O

3264965-3045654484-2jmzz.png

STOP IT! DAMN IT!

MwahahahahahahahahaHAAAA! >:P

:(

Why don't we call a banana a strawberry and a strawberry a banana. Yeah that is a great idea. I am a genius!

Yes! :D As long as it doesn't confuse the monkeys O_O

Moderator
Avatar image for mrdecepticonleader
Posted by mrdecepticonleader

@bumpyboo said:

@mrdecepticonleader said:

@bumpyboo said:

@mrdecepticonleader said:

@bumpyboo said:

Awesome blog <3

Also, you can do a similar thing with berries.

Banana = berry.

Strawberry = not a berry.

Damn this harsh, nonsensical world!! :O

3264965-3045654484-2jmzz.png

STOP IT! DAMN IT!

MwahahahahahahahahaHAAAA! >:P

:(

Why don't we call a banana a strawberry and a strawberry a banana. Yeah that is a great idea. I am a genius!

Yes! :D As long as it doesn't confuse the monkeys O_O

Pfft I bet its them who came with this whole charade in the first place. On their bloody type writers.

Avatar image for bumpyboo
Posted by BumpyBoo

@bumpyboo said:

@mrdecepticonleader said:

@bumpyboo said:

@mrdecepticonleader said:

@bumpyboo said:

Awesome blog <3

Also, you can do a similar thing with berries.

Banana = berry.

Strawberry = not a berry.

Damn this harsh, nonsensical world!! :O

3264965-3045654484-2jmzz.png

STOP IT! DAMN IT!

MwahahahahahahahahaHAAAA! >:P

:(

Why don't we call a banana a strawberry and a strawberry a banana. Yeah that is a great idea. I am a genius!

Yes! :D As long as it doesn't confuse the monkeys O_O

Pfft I bet its them who came with this whole charade in the first place. On their bloody type writers.

Damn monkeys!! STOP CHANGING OUR FOOD AND WRITE SOME DAMN SHAKESPEARE LIKE WE ASKED!!! :O Someone should spank them or something O_O

Moderator
Avatar image for mrdecepticonleader
Posted by mrdecepticonleader

@bumpyboo said:

@mrdecepticonleader said:

@bumpyboo said:

@mrdecepticonleader said:

@bumpyboo said:

@mrdecepticonleader said:

@bumpyboo said:

Awesome blog <3

Also, you can do a similar thing with berries.

Banana = berry.

Strawberry = not a berry.

Damn this harsh, nonsensical world!! :O

3264965-3045654484-2jmzz.png

STOP IT! DAMN IT!

MwahahahahahahahahaHAAAA! >:P

:(

Why don't we call a banana a strawberry and a strawberry a banana. Yeah that is a great idea. I am a genius!

Yes! :D As long as it doesn't confuse the monkeys O_O

Pfft I bet its them who came with this whole charade in the first place. On their bloody type writers.

Damn monkeys!! STOP CHANGING OUR FOOD AND WRITE SOME DAMN SHAKESPEARE LIKE WE ASKED!!! :O Someone should spank them or something O_O

I am thinking Shakespeare WAS A monkey. It all makes sense, yeah.

Spank a monkey? Hmm that might work. But you do it because you were the one who came up with the idea after all.

Avatar image for bumpyboo
Posted by BumpyBoo

@bumpyboo said:

@mrdecepticonleader said:

@bumpyboo said:

@mrdecepticonleader said:

@bumpyboo said:

@mrdecepticonleader said:

@bumpyboo said:

Awesome blog <3

Also, you can do a similar thing with berries.

Banana = berry.

Strawberry = not a berry.

Damn this harsh, nonsensical world!! :O

3264965-3045654484-2jmzz.png

STOP IT! DAMN IT!

MwahahahahahahahahaHAAAA! >:P

:(

Why don't we call a banana a strawberry and a strawberry a banana. Yeah that is a great idea. I am a genius!

Yes! :D As long as it doesn't confuse the monkeys O_O

Pfft I bet its them who came with this whole charade in the first place. On their bloody type writers.

Damn monkeys!! STOP CHANGING OUR FOOD AND WRITE SOME DAMN SHAKESPEARE LIKE WE ASKED!!! :O Someone should spank them or something O_O

I am thinking Shakespeare WAS A monkey. It all makes sense, yeah.

Spank a monkey? Hmm that might work. But you do it because you were the one who came up with the idea after all.

I'll do it. For humanity!!

Moderator
Avatar image for mrdecepticonleader
Edited by mrdecepticonleader

@bumpyboo said:

@mrdecepticonleader said:

@bumpyboo said:

@mrdecepticonleader said:

@bumpyboo said:

@mrdecepticonleader said:

@bumpyboo said:

@mrdecepticonleader said:

@bumpyboo said:

Awesome blog <3

Also, you can do a similar thing with berries.

Banana = berry.

Strawberry = not a berry.

Damn this harsh, nonsensical world!! :O

3264965-3045654484-2jmzz.png

STOP IT! DAMN IT!

MwahahahahahahahahaHAAAA! >:P

:(

Why don't we call a banana a strawberry and a strawberry a banana. Yeah that is a great idea. I am a genius!

Yes! :D As long as it doesn't confuse the monkeys O_O

Pfft I bet its them who came with this whole charade in the first place. On their bloody type writers.

Damn monkeys!! STOP CHANGING OUR FOOD AND WRITE SOME DAMN SHAKESPEARE LIKE WE ASKED!!! :O Someone should spank them or something O_O

I am thinking Shakespeare WAS A monkey. It all makes sense, yeah.

Spank a monkey? Hmm that might work. But you do it because you were the one who came up with the idea after all.

I'll do it. For humanity!!

GO FORTH! AND MAY THE MONKEYS NEVER SPANK US!

Avatar image for bumpyboo
Posted by BumpyBoo

@bumpyboo said:

@mrdecepticonleader said:

@bumpyboo said:

@mrdecepticonleader said:

@bumpyboo said:

@mrdecepticonleader said:

@bumpyboo said:

@mrdecepticonleader said:

@bumpyboo said:

Awesome blog <3

Also, you can do a similar thing with berries.

Banana = berry.

Strawberry = not a berry.

Damn this harsh, nonsensical world!! :O

3264965-3045654484-2jmzz.png

STOP IT! DAMN IT!

MwahahahahahahahahaHAAAA! >:P

:(

Why don't we call a banana a strawberry and a strawberry a banana. Yeah that is a great idea. I am a genius!

Yes! :D As long as it doesn't confuse the monkeys O_O

Pfft I bet its them who came with this whole charade in the first place. On their bloody type writers.

Damn monkeys!! STOP CHANGING OUR FOOD AND WRITE SOME DAMN SHAKESPEARE LIKE WE ASKED!!! :O Someone should spank them or something O_O

I am thinking Shakespeare WAS A monkey. It all makes sense, yeah.

Spank a monkey? Hmm that might work. But you do it because you were the one who came up with the idea after all.

I'll do it. For humanity!!

GO FORTH! AND MAY THE MONKEYS NEVER SPANK US!

*sheds a single brave tear*

Don't let them forget meeeee!

Moderator
Avatar image for mrdecepticonleader
Posted by mrdecepticonleader

@bumpyboo said:

@mrdecepticonleader said:

@bumpyboo said:

@mrdecepticonleader said:

@bumpyboo said:

@mrdecepticonleader said:

@bumpyboo said:

@mrdecepticonleader said:

@bumpyboo said:

@mrdecepticonleader said:

@bumpyboo said:

Awesome blog <3

Also, you can do a similar thing with berries.

Banana = berry.

Strawberry = not a berry.

Damn this harsh, nonsensical world!! :O

3264965-3045654484-2jmzz.png

STOP IT! DAMN IT!

MwahahahahahahahahaHAAAA! >:P

:(

Why don't we call a banana a strawberry and a strawberry a banana. Yeah that is a great idea. I am a genius!

Yes! :D As long as it doesn't confuse the monkeys O_O

Pfft I bet its them who came with this whole charade in the first place. On their bloody type writers.

Damn monkeys!! STOP CHANGING OUR FOOD AND WRITE SOME DAMN SHAKESPEARE LIKE WE ASKED!!! :O Someone should spank them or something O_O

I am thinking Shakespeare WAS A monkey. It all makes sense, yeah.

Spank a monkey? Hmm that might work. But you do it because you were the one who came up with the idea after all.

I'll do it. For humanity!!

GO FORTH! AND MAY THE MONKEYS NEVER SPANK US!

*sheds a single brave tear*

Don't let them forget meeeee!

We will never forget August 25th 2013 The day Bumpy Boo spanked a monkey for humanity. We shall build a statue in your honour and dedicate the 25th of August to your brave sacrifice and we shall make it an international holiday!

Avatar image for deranged_midget
Posted by Deranged Midget

It's all just food to me. DON'T YOU TRY AND TAKE THAT AWAY!

Avatar image for bumpyboo
Posted by BumpyBoo

@bumpyboo said:

@mrdecepticonleader said:

@bumpyboo said:

@mrdecepticonleader said:

@bumpyboo said:

@mrdecepticonleader said:

@bumpyboo said:

@mrdecepticonleader said:

@bumpyboo said:

@mrdecepticonleader said:

@bumpyboo said:

Awesome blog <3

Also, you can do a similar thing with berries.

Banana = berry.

Strawberry = not a berry.

Damn this harsh, nonsensical world!! :O

3264965-3045654484-2jmzz.png

STOP IT! DAMN IT!

MwahahahahahahahahaHAAAA! >:P

:(

Why don't we call a banana a strawberry and a strawberry a banana. Yeah that is a great idea. I am a genius!

Yes! :D As long as it doesn't confuse the monkeys O_O

Pfft I bet its them who came with this whole charade in the first place. On their bloody type writers.

Damn monkeys!! STOP CHANGING OUR FOOD AND WRITE SOME DAMN SHAKESPEARE LIKE WE ASKED!!! :O Someone should spank them or something O_O

I am thinking Shakespeare WAS A monkey. It all makes sense, yeah.

Spank a monkey? Hmm that might work. But you do it because you were the one who came up with the idea after all.

I'll do it. For humanity!!

GO FORTH! AND MAY THE MONKEYS NEVER SPANK US!

*sheds a single brave tear*

Don't let them forget meeeee!

We will never forget August 25th 2013 The day Bumpy Boo spanked a monkey for humanity. We shall build a statue in your honour and dedicate the 25th of August to your brave sacrifice and we shall make it an international holiday!

That's beautiful ^__^ Suddenly the inevitable PTSD seems totally worth it ;)

Moderator
Avatar image for lvenger
Posted by lvenger

I'm allergic to nuts so I don't have to worry about my life being ruined or my mind being blown by this :P

Avatar image for longbowhunter
Posted by longbowhunter
Online
Avatar image for mrdecepticonleader
Posted by mrdecepticonleader

@bumpyboo said:

@mrdecepticonleader said:

@bumpyboo said:

@mrdecepticonleader said:

@bumpyboo said:

@mrdecepticonleader said:

@bumpyboo said:

@mrdecepticonleader said:

@bumpyboo said:

@mrdecepticonleader said:

@bumpyboo said:

@mrdecepticonleader said:

@bumpyboo said:

Awesome blog <3

Also, you can do a similar thing with berries.

Banana = berry.

Strawberry = not a berry.

Damn this harsh, nonsensical world!! :O

3264965-3045654484-2jmzz.png

STOP IT! DAMN IT!

MwahahahahahahahahaHAAAA! >:P

:(

Why don't we call a banana a strawberry and a strawberry a banana. Yeah that is a great idea. I am a genius!

Yes! :D As long as it doesn't confuse the monkeys O_O

Pfft I bet its them who came with this whole charade in the first place. On their bloody type writers.

Damn monkeys!! STOP CHANGING OUR FOOD AND WRITE SOME DAMN SHAKESPEARE LIKE WE ASKED!!! :O Someone should spank them or something O_O

I am thinking Shakespeare WAS A monkey. It all makes sense, yeah.

Spank a monkey? Hmm that might work. But you do it because you were the one who came up with the idea after all.

I'll do it. For humanity!!

GO FORTH! AND MAY THE MONKEYS NEVER SPANK US!

*sheds a single brave tear*

Don't let them forget meeeee!

We will never forget August 25th 2013 The day Bumpy Boo spanked a monkey for humanity. We shall build a statue in your honour and dedicate the 25th of August to your brave sacrifice and we shall make it an international holiday!

That's beautiful ^__^ Suddenly the inevitable PTSD seems totally worth it ;)

Ah ha ha good :) You will be remembered for your sacrifice.

Avatar image for granitesoldier
Posted by GraniteSoldier

@joygirl:

This was not what I expected. I expected bland, topical male genital humor. I am disappointed. You must now live with my disappointment.

  • 52 results
  • 1
  • 2