I hate Batman. Well, that is not entirely true. I hate how he has grown over the years. I hate how he can lift this much weight, counter that much gunfire. How he is everywhere at once and whenever the Justice League needs an answer, how ole Deus ex Machina Bats comes to the rescue.

In other words, I hate Batman fans. You have ruined Batman. Your devotion to him has caused cult like status. Every fan wanking Batboy mutters in comic circles and blogs, whether you wanna hear them or not, about how he can beat anybody with prep. Said folks scour the comics to show divinity for their champion. They quote the Dark Knight Returns like it was the Bible (but it was kinda awesome).

And Batman continues to grow. As fans worship him, writers inflate his ego, abilities, and successes. Fans feed on it, buy more books, writers inflate him even more. The cycle continues. Hence power creep.

The point of this essay is not to bash Batman, but use him as a tool to illustrate power creep, and how we fans cause it. I know that as comics advance so do their characters. Growth is natural and good. But inflation is bad. And some characters are just too inflated. So much time is spent kissing their asses that many other characters fall by the wayside. Other characters who have never been given the chance to shine because Deadpool needs 5 comics a month or Batman needs to dominate the DC train. Or Captain America needs to punch out some diety.  Or Wolverine needs to be in half he marvel books out there.

Ugh, Wolverine,

I love the ole cannucklehead, but come on. When I was a kid he was listed in OHOTMU as 5’3” 195lbs. 8lbs of adamantium ‘laced’ to his skeleton. He was a brawler and a scrapper. He had touches of showing the man within he beast. And over time, he is the super mutant. 300+lbs and looking taller by the day. The spy, the leader, the father, etc etc. And why? Is it natural character progression or is it because he sells comics and needs to be in X-men, Avengers, Secret avengers, X-Force, his own comic and fuck all how many spin offs and mini-series. Again power creep. Remember when Spider Man knocked the crap out of Wolverine during Secret Wars? Wolvie was meant to be a street level tough guy.

But I digress.

So, as comic fans we worship our spandex idols, and year after year the writers up them to unbelievable levels. I do not know if there is an answer. But in the meantime, I will continue my disdain for Batman, who has been trounced by Deathstroke and many other characters. And I hope that the power creep will one day be fixed or hell, maybe some damn continuity. 
 
Ok, let the vitriol flow because i dared say anything bad against the beloved Batman.

Say Gibson,

“Yes”

Why are you about to rip on a movie that has been out for a few months, and has already been reviewed, discussed, dissected, and is generally well liked?

“Dunno. Maybe I am a caustic assshat?”

Perhaps. Anyway…

This summer has brought us many comic movies. A lot of hope coupled with some disappointment. And the one that really got to me was X-Men First Class. From the first trailer and images I was SURE it was going to blow.

“What is this? Those aren’t the original X Men! Azazel? Mystique is little girl with ‘ole Chucky X?! Hogwash and poppycock! I said.

Since it is a comic movie I still support them and I went to see it. I knew there was no way I was going to like it, but hey, let’s see how this goes.

So I am watching the movie and from the beginning…I was impressed. Magneto was awesome. The re-creation of the original concentration camp scene plus Kevin Bacon’s Shaw character was really good. The screaming young Erik was a little lame, but hey, so far so good. Charles Xavier was engaging and charismatic. Dare I say I am enjoying this? Holy crap! Magneto Nazi Hunter, I could watch an entire movie of this! I dig deeper into my bucket of popcorn and settle in. Hey, looks, it’s Moira McTaggert. As an American. CIA agent….oh well I can overlook that. Man, January Jones is a really wooden actor. No..no…give it a chance Gibson.

Hey, Hank McCoy! Cool…. And he already built a device for a psychic without having met one, huh….ok. Ok I will not let this get me down. Hey a few cameos that’s cool.

Oh Crap. Are we going to get a montage of recruitment, followed by a montage of power training? Yup.

Oh look. All Beast needed to do was believe in himself and take of his shoes. Let me repeat: TAKE OFF HIS SHOES.  <<sigh>> And we were doing so well.

And therein lays the problem with X Men First Class. It took a bold leap ignoring comic cannon. And in some degree it worked. But, like the Star Wars prequels, we all knew lil Anakin was going to become Vader. So we knew Erik was going to become Magneto, and that he and Charles were going to be at odds. And when the bulk of the audience knows the outcome of your movie before seeing it, it is up to the movie making team to dazzle the audience and make them forget. To enjoy the journey.

The first half of the movie did just that. But then some numb nuts producer got a hold of this and made the movie follow predictable movie plot formula. Enlist team of youngsters. Don’t give them many lines of plot development. Montage. Kill one at least. Seriously Marvel, did you have to kill the black guy like a damn horror movie cliché? And Magneto is super distraught over the guy he has known for like 9 weeks getting hurt because of him?

And that is why I feel the movie fell flat. It fought the odds to make its own voice heard. And then it fell victim to cliché and formula. And in hindsight the little things add up. Crap supporting mutants who are not realized as characters, used only as plot forwarding devices. White Queen who is not sexy, smart or empowered. Magneto’s contrived heel turn. The list goes on.

This movie could have been great, and we had to settle for ok to good. So I have to wonder, why was it done this way? Does the studio not trust the viewers to accept a movie like this if it didn’t follow the standard summer movie plot, pacing formula?

Well maybe the next Wolverine movie will be good……………aww who am I kidding.

 
Catchy title isn’t it? I am sure that everything I am about to write has been written before. Yet, I still feel compelled to write it. Perhaps I am just being a contrarian, because he is just beloved at this time, but Geoff Johns really pisses me off.

I am sure he is a wonderful person, I do not know him, nor does he owe me money. And I honestly do like his writing. Yet his incessant need to take huge leaps backwards baffles and infuriates me. What I am referring to is the huge back seat given to Kyle Rayner (and Wally West for the same matter).

There I was, a hyperactive comic kid. And since I was able to read and grasp concepts, I knew a few adamantine rules: Wrestling was 100% real, Han Solo was the coolest man in the galaxy and Green Lantern was the best superhero ever (with only Thor coming in a very close 2). I grew up reading the adventures of Hal Jordan, be it solo, with the JLA, or the Corp. And all this hero worship culminated in the destruction of Coast City and the rise of Parallax.

I.

Was.

Crushed.

Then you get this punk, Kyle Rayner, slinging the ring. Like this right-place-right-time idiot could ever compare to Hal freaking Jordan?!

And I will be damned if the strangest thing didn’t happen to me. He won me over. Like the original Spiderman, here is this young man, not much more than a boy, granted these amazing abilities. And he was fallible. He was relatable. He made mistakes and came back from them. He suffered loss. He fought, tooth and nail to come out of Jordan’s shadow and grow into his own hero. And through the years Kyle became more and more my favorite Green Lantern. Whether he was fighting crime or taking learning lessons from the Lanterns of old over a beer at Warriors, Kyle was a hero through and through.

He won the respect of his peers, and even Batman. He has juggled cosmic power and his freelance art.

He rebuilt the Corp. He brought back the Guardians. He kept the emerald beacon light burning.

He was a hero I wanted to read and know. And then came along Geoff bloody Johns, and his rebirth of Jordan.

I was not like the other comic nerds, I did not rejoice when Jordan came back. Because I knew there was no way ‘they’ would allow Jordan to be around but not the spotlight like Alan Scott. I knew it was only a matter of time. They would not just let Jordan be the Specter. So, Jordan is back and gets the Green Lantern book. And Kyle gets put in the Green Lantern Corp. Sure they call him “Torch Bearer” and Honor Guard. But through the Sinestro War, the War of the Light, and Blackest Night, little by little all that was Kyle got stripped away. He was given lateral promotion and work titles, which in time led to nothing. People dropped the honorifics. They forgot the land they stood upon, the power in the rings, their very lives and existence was due to this back alley rat.  

Now he is back to being the kid. Gardner, Stewart, Jordan, all see him as “the kid” again. There was a scene in the rebirth when Jordan is commenting on the other Earth Lanterns style. And Kyle was perceived a kid and artist who was never happy with his constructs, always fixing. And it made Kyle look like a joke.

So here we are. Kyle is the wishy washy second or third stringer little brother tagging along. Not the man who inherited Ion’s Godhood. Not the Man who brought back which was once lost. Nor any of his other worthy and heroic accolades. Nope, he is just the whipping boy who had the misfortune to not be Geoff Johns favorite. And the same can be said for Wally West. Wally was great, but he was not Barry. So you better move over, because here comes Geoff John’s mighty pen of yesteryear. 

Do I love Hal and Barry? Yes. But there comes a time when things must progress, not regress. And the last few years of DC feels like the 50 reunion tour of the Rolling Stones or Hulk Hogan’s 100 come back to wrestling.

Lord only knows what is going to happen during the reboot. I just hope Tony Bedard champions Kyle and gives him the proper respect he is owed. I hope Green Lantern: New Guardians is worth it. I hope it portrays the hero that Kyle is.

I hope.

Dark Knight:

Noun – A motion picture by Chris Nolan. Sequel to Batman Begins. Recognized by general nerdom as the top tier Holy Grail of comic book movies

Dark Knighted:

Verb – To be convinced by popular belief a comic movie is better than it is

                *************************************

Dark Knighted is a term I use within my circle of friends. And it has become part of our vocabulary. Let me explain (and many comic nerds will vilify me for this) but: I really do not think The Dark Knight was that great a film. Oh, it was good and I enjoyed it a lot. But, the more I think about the movie the more I have to be honest and call it for what it was: good, not great. In fact, Batman Begins was probably better, but I digress….

What everybody loved about The Dark Knight was what I loved: Heath Ledger’s Joker performance. Aaaaaaaaand that’s about it. People will say the same generic things about Nolan movies: cinematography, realism, dark gritty nature etc. But again, that is just lip service which translates to “When Joker killed that guy with a pencil it was friggin awesome! He flipped a Semi truck!!” So, let’s look at a few things from the flick:

•          The bat voice was ridiculous. Everyone knows it. Many web sites have parodied the extreme humor of Bale’s “Grrr Where is Rachel Daaaaaawes?!!”
•          Batman goes into communist China (illegally), kidnaps a Chinese citizen (who left America on a legal visa/passport), and drops him off at Gotham central. Really. So China was cool with that?  So Gotham cops said “Hmmm…well shucks, since he is here and all, might as well question him, State department won’t mind.” Oh, and do you think Batman perch on the C-130 seats, stare at everyone and his bat voice say “I’m Batman. More peanuts please. What’s the in-flight movie?” for the 13hr flight back? Love that Nolan realism.
•          Eric Roberts and Michael Jai White’s ‘academy performances’ as mob bosses….sigh
•          Lucius Fox has the gall complain about cell phone sonar after supplying Wayne with tech and gear to perform vigilante justice for years AND assisting in the illegal kidnapping of a Chinese national.
•         Harvey Dent and his oh so quick heel turn to Two face. A point of contention. Some folks really like this. I thought it was kinda contrived. And the burned face was less than ‘real’. Kinda cartoony.
•        Batman/Wayne being emo over a girl. Why does Batman always do this in Bat flicks? Rachel Dawes, Vicki Vale, Selina Kyle, Chase Meridian.
•        Flipping the truck…ok that was awesome!
•        Christian Bale…I know I know. I like him as an actor as well. But he isn’t a good Batman. Arguably best so far, but still not Batman. Which is odd because he was a great American Psycho. But again, does Batman sit around and pine about his lack of love?
•        So the prisoner boat, decided NOT to kill the civilians to live huh?….Hmmm…..

So, what really have is a movie that is a collection of OK to good parts. It was shot well, and Michael Cain, Gary Oldman, and Morgan Freeman were excellent in their supporting roles. And of course Heath Ledger and a Joker performance that blew Jack Nicholson’s out of the water. So, why are we convincing ourselves that this flick was the comic movie Jesus and it walked on water?

I know we comic fans crave good interpretations of our beloved icons. And we have been burned before (Superman Returns, Iron Man 2, Spider Man 3, Elektra, Ang Lee’s Hulk, X-Men 3,). But please be honest, The Dark Knight was a very well shot and well produced collection of OK stuff with a kick ass villain.

So, when people yell at me for this opinion and call me crazy I have to ask: If you were to skip all the Joker scenes from the movie, just fast forward right on through them, would you still like it so much? Does Bales throaty Batman, Aaron Eckhart’s 9 min of villain time and 1 Semi truck flip still do it for you? Probably not.

Comic friends, this movie was good. But don’t deify it yet. Make the studios work harder to make an even better product. Batman Begins and Dark Knight are both good movies. But are they Batman movie you would make? Or are they just the best Batman we have been given so far.

But hey, I am just a dude with a different opinion. And I never made over a billion dollars, so what the hell do I know ;-)