best joker quotes?

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#1 Posted by crabtree (1704 posts) - - Show Bio

what are some of the best joker quotes?

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#2 Posted by Edamame (30328 posts) - - Show Bio

In comics or movies?

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#3 Edited by johnny_spam (2187 posts) - - Show Bio

  @crabtree:
 
Here are some I think are Joker entirely. 
 
   So... I see you received the free ticket I sent you. I'm glad. I did so want you to be here. You see it doesn't matter if you catch me and send me back to the asylum... Gordon's been driven mad. I've proved my point. I've demonstrated there's no difference between me and everyone else! All it takes is one bad day to reduce the sanest man alive to lunacy. That's how far the world is from where I am. Just one bad day. You had a bad day once, am I right? I know I am. I can tell. You had a bad day and everything changed. Why else would you dress up as a flying rat? You had a bad day, and it drove you as crazy as everybody else... Only you won't admit it! You have to keep pretending that life makes sense, that there's some point to all this struggling! God, you make me want to puke. I mean, what is it with you? What made you what you are? Girlfriend killed by the mob, maybe? Brother carved up by some mugger? Something like that, I bet. Something like that... Something like that happened to me, you know. I... I'm not exactly sure what it was. Sometimes I remember it one way, sometimes another... If I'm going to have a past, I prefer it to be multiple choice! Ha ha ha! But my point is... My point is, I went crazy. When I saw what a black, awful joke the world was, I went crazy as a coot! I admit it! Why can't you? I mean, you're not unintelligent! You must see the reality of the situation. Do you know how many times we've come close to world war three over a flock of geese on a computer screen? Do you know what triggered the last world war? An argument over how many telegraph poles Germany owed it's war dept creditors! Telegraph poles! Ha ha ha ha HA! It's all a joke! Everything anybody ever valued or struggled for... it's all a monstrous, demented gag! So why can't you see the funny side? Why aren't you laughing?- The Killing Joke 
 
 Oh, yes! Fill the churches with dirty thoughts! Introduce honesty to the White House! Write letters in dead languages to people you've never met! Paint filthy words on the foreheads of children! Burn your credit cards and wear high heels! Asylum doors stand open! Fill the suburbs with murder and rape! Divine madness! Let there be ecstasy, ecstasy in the streets! Laugh and the world laughs with you!  -Arkham Asylum

    The guy goes into the hospital, okay? His wife's just had a baby and he can't wait to see them both. So he meets the doctor and he says, 'Oh, Doc, I've been so worried. How are they?' And the doctor smiles and says, 'They're fine. Just fine. Your wife's delivered a healthy baby boy and they're both in tip-top form. You're one lucky guy.' So the guy rushes into the maternity ward with his flowers. But it's empty. His wife's bed is empty. 'Doc?' He says and turns around and the doctor and all the nurses wave their arms and scream in his face. 'April fool! Your wife's dead and the baby's a spastic!!'" (he executes an asylum orderly with a gunshot to the head) "Get it? Oh, what a senseless waste of human life!-Arkham Asylum 
 
 Its true, Batsy.I know Everything. And,kind of like the Kid who peeks at His Christmas Presents,Its sadly Anticlimactic. Behind all the Stern and Batarangs, You're just a little Boy in a Playsuit, crying for Mommy and Daddy.  It'd be Funny if it weren't so Pathetic. What the Heck, I'll laugh anyway...-Return of The Joker    
  
You..You really are incorruptible, aren't you? You won't kill me out of some misplaced sense of self -righteousness, and I won't kill you because you are to much fun. I think you and I are destined to do this forever.-The Dark Knight
 
Joker: Uh... God you disgust me. You have no charm at all all just...Obviousness. Dumb,dull disappointing. Obvious. Shame on you. Obvious...And everybody knows it. You wear your shame like a badge because you don't have the balls to actually put one on. Yes...just look at you...desperate to be feared you want to be perceived as a monster, draped in black. And yet...you leave that little window....Aglimpse at the perfection underneath. Obvious...the chiseled good looks...not the jaw but the mouth of a monster...Why do you let it be seen? Tell me why.  

 Batman: To mock you. (grinning) -The Joker

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#4 Posted by crabtree (1704 posts) - - Show Bio
@Edamame:  both
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#5 Posted by Caligula (12660 posts) - - Show Bio

 "If I weren't crazy, I'd be insane!" - Batman: Dark Detective
 
 "You dirty rat! You killed my brother! My sister! My daughter! She's my sister and my daughter!" - Batman: Dark Victory
 
  "I did it! I finally killed Batman! In front of a bunch of vulnerable, disabled, kids!!!! Now get me Santa Claus!" - Batman #655 
 
 "You think it all breaks down into symbolism and structures and hints and clues. No, Batman, that's just Wikipedia. You actually believed all it would take is a few chemicals, a couple of days of drug-induced isolation and a cheap little nervous breakdown and you'd have me all figured out? Like there was some rabbit hole you could follow me down to understanding?" - Batman #681 

 

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#6 Posted by Zoom (14751 posts) - - Show Bio

   
I don't have a lot of Joker comics scanned but I do have Killing Joker and Soft Targets. 
 

My personal favorite
My personal favorite


 
 




 
 


 
 

 
 
"Madness is the emergency exit.  You can just step outside and close the door on all those dreadful things that happened.   
You can lock them all away...forever."
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#7 Posted by Mutant X (1584 posts) - - Show Bio

"All it takes is one bad day to reduce the sanest man alive to lunacy. That's how far the world is from where I am. Just one bad day. You had a bad day once. Am I right? You had a bad day and everything changed."

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#8 Posted by Zoom (14751 posts) - - Show Bio


 
 
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#9 Posted by crabtree (1704 posts) - - Show Bio

those are some good ones.

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#10 Edited by Edamame (30328 posts) - - Show Bio

"Do you want to know why .... I use a knife? Guns are too quick. You can't savor  ...  all  the little ... emotions.   You see, in their last moments, people show you who they really are. So, in a way I knew your friends better than you ever did.    Would you like to know which of them were cowards?"  - Joker.

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#11 Posted by DeathpooltheT1000 (18985 posts) - - Show Bio

Parting is such sweet sorrow, dearest. Still, you can't say we didn't show you a good time. Enjoy yourself out there... in the asylum. Just don't forget -- if it ever gets too tough... there's always a place for you here.  

And he didn't die all at once. It was hours before the screaming stopped. I almost didn't get to sleep that night. That was the last time I'd used crushed glass... 
 
More powerful than a locomotive, and just about as subtle. 
 
Lady, you're harder to kill than a cockroach on steroids 
 
If I weren't insane: I couldn't be so brilliant! 
 
A very Underrated one: 
Aw... Jeez... I hit Jason a lot harder than that. (Pause) His name was Jason, right?

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#12 Posted by ComicStooge (21706 posts) - - Show Bio

"What are you really scared of Bats? Not being able to save Commissioner Gordon in time? failing to save this cesspool of a city? Me...IN A THONG?" 
-Joker in Batan: Arkham Asylum
 

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#13 Posted by JackWhite (8 posts) - - Show Bio

"there is a bunny in the moon for anyone willing to see it!"  -of lovers and madmen

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#14 Posted by FadeToBlackBolt (23390 posts) - - Show Bio

This is a good one; 
 "In my dream, the world had suffered a terrible disaster. A black haze shut out the sun, and the darkness was alive with the moans and screams of wounded people. Suddenly, a small light glowed. A candle flickered into life, symbol of hope for millions. A single tiny candle, shining in the ugly dark. I laughed and blew it out." 

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#15 Posted by the_nightwalker (176 posts) - - Show Bio

"as the snake said to the dying girl, you knew what i was when you saved me."

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#16 Posted by Retro_Metro (381 posts) - - Show Bio

"Let the good times roll!"

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#17 Posted by Daredevilwithoutfear (97 posts) - - Show Bio

" Makes you want to Laugh.. Doesn't it Artie"
 
"Hello Hello Operator I believe my Party has been Disconnected"
 
From Mask of the Phantasm
 
"What are you looking for Bat Car Keys, Bat Breath-mints??"

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#18 Posted by Duo_forbidden (1815 posts) - - Show Bio

"It's a funny world we live in. Speaking of which, do you know how I got these scars? "

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#19 Posted by messiah1994 (23 posts) - - Show Bio

"Ladies and Gentlemen! You've read about it in the papers! Now witness, before your very eyes, that most rare and tragic of nature's mistakes! I give you: the average man. Physically unremarkable, it instead possesses a deformed set of values. Notice the hideously bloated sense of humanity's importance. Also note the club-footed social conscience and the withered optimism. It's certainly not for the squeamish, is it? Most repulsive of all, are its frail and useless notions of order and sanity. If too much weight is placed upon them... they snap. How does it live, I hear you ask? How does this poor pathetic specimen survive in today's harsh and irrational environment? I'm afraid the sad answer is, "Not very well". Faced with the inescapable fact that human existence is mad, random, and pointless, one in eight of them crack up and go stark slavering buggo! Who can blame them? In a world as psychotic as this... any other response would be crazy!"    
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#20 Posted by mrtrickster (2394 posts) - - Show Bio

this is the best joker's quote

 
 


 
 
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#21 Posted by Grubich (400 posts) - - Show Bio

"Have you ever danced with the devil in the pale moon light?"
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#22 Posted by damswedon (545 posts) - - Show Bio

Batman #66 Folks
Batman #66 Folks
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#23 Posted by mrtrickster (2394 posts) - - Show Bio
@damswedon said:
"
Batman #66 Folks
Batman #66 Folks
"

lmao
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#24 Posted by enterthejoker (26 posts) - - Show Bio

talking to lex luthor:
 I sense we are kindred spirits, you and I. Oh, there are differences, to be sure... like hair.
[Chuckles and pat's Luthor's bald head

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#25 Edited by Skewer (348 posts) - - Show Bio

grundy to lex- you're crazy! joker- and what's wrong with that, its done wonders for me

batgirl shows up oooo something new has been added, major improvement over the boy blunder

superman crashes through ceiling- more powerful than a locomotive and just about as subtle

joker to terry- boy are you a tatle tail, ratting me out to the cops before I can have my fun, pappa spank!

batman and robin crash through glass ceiling- curious, either you never heard of the door or you like pulling glass out of your shorts.

there are just so many!

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#26 Posted by Red_Jack (318 posts) - - Show Bio

This moment genuinely made me laugh. It's not one specific quote here: it's just what he says and how he reacts.

2664020-hilarious.jpg

Then again, maybe you'd have to read the whole comic to understand what makes this moment so funny.

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#27 Posted by PaperDemon (685 posts) - - Show Bio

WHY SO SERIOUS?

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#28 Posted by GrandSymbiote94 (12283 posts) - - Show Bio

@Red_Jack: I don't think that's the real Joker.

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#29 Posted by sunhawk (650 posts) - - Show Bio

from the Batman TAS episode the last laugh - Justice is best served hot, Batman! You're going to melt just like a grilled cheese sandwich

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#30 Posted by SmashBrawler (6032 posts) - - Show Bio

Not my favorite, but one of my favorites:

2703317-jokerimabat.jpg
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#31 Posted by Loki2u (325 posts) - - Show Bio

My Favorite:

"I'm not exactly sure what happened. Sometimes I remember it one way, sometimes another... If I'm going to have a past, I prefer it to be multiple choice!"

-The Joker- A Killing Joke by Alan Moore.

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#32 Posted by Xorion (447 posts) - - Show Bio

''HahAhaHahAhaHahAHaHahaHahA'' that one was the best

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#33 Edited by WWAJfan (269 posts) - - Show Bio
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#34 Posted by WWAJfan (269 posts) - - Show Bio

Not my favorite, but one of my favorites:

2703317-jokerimabat.jpg

which issue?

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#35 Posted by SmashBrawler (6032 posts) - - Show Bio
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#36 Posted by WWAJfan (269 posts) - - Show Bio
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#37 Posted by batmannflash (6294 posts) - - Show Bio

@johnny_spam: this is a really old comment but I never got the joke about the baby and wife in Arkham Asylum. it is simply because they died? this may sound stupid but is there something kind of clever catch or am i just over thinking it?

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#38 Posted by azraelmorphyne (2 posts) - - Show Bio

(Shoots Jimmy Olsen point blank)

Ew... I got some Jimmy on my shoe. - Joker, Injustice: Gods Among Us. comics.

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#39 Posted by RaggedScarecrow (1142 posts) - - Show Bio

Batman "Filthy degenerate!"

Joker "Flatter will get you nowhere. You're in the real world now and the lunatics have taken over the asylum. April sweet is coming..."

From Arkham Asylum: A Serious House on Serious Earth

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#40 Posted by patrat18 (11634 posts) - - Show Bio

“You… you just couldn’t let me go could you? This is what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object. You are truly incorruptible aren’t you. You won’t kill me because of some misplaced sense of self-righteousness. And I won’t kill you because… you’re just too much fun. I get the feeling that you and I are destined to do this forever.”

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#41 Posted by ShaoKahn (812 posts) - - Show Bio

It's ok to die bats , I'll be here to protect Gotham HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

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#42 Posted by AgentofChaos1 (2579 posts) - - Show Bio

You killed Captain clown !

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#43 Posted by ComicBatReader (36 posts) - - Show Bio

@crabtree:

Here are some I think are Joker entirely.

So... I see you received the free ticket I sent you. I'm glad. I did so want you to be here. You see it doesn't matter if you catch me and send me back to the asylum... Gordon's been driven mad. I've proved my point. I've demonstrated there's no difference between me and everyone else! All it takes is one bad day to reduce the sanest man alive to lunacy. That's how far the world is from where I am. Just one bad day. You had a bad day once, am I right? I know I am. I can tell. You had a bad day and everything changed. Why else would you dress up as a flying rat? You had a bad day, and it drove you as crazy as everybody else... Only you won't admit it! You have to keep pretending that life makes sense, that there's some point to all this struggling! God, you make me want to puke. I mean, what is it with you? What made you what you are? Girlfriend killed by the mob, maybe? Brother carved up by some mugger? Something like that, I bet. Something like that... Something like that happened to me, you know. I... I'm not exactly sure what it was. Sometimes I remember it one way, sometimes another... If I'm going to have a past, I prefer it to be multiple choice! Ha ha ha! But my point is... My point is, I went crazy. When I saw what a black, awful joke the world was, I went crazy as a coot! I admit it! Why can't you? I mean, you're not unintelligent! You must see the reality of the situation. Do you know how many times we've come close to world war three over a flock of geese on a computer screen? Do you know what triggered the last world war? An argument over how many telegraph poles Germany owed it's war dept creditors! Telegraph poles! Ha ha ha ha HA! It's all a joke! Everything anybody ever valued or struggled for... it's all a monstrous, demented gag! So why can't you see the funny side? Why aren't you laughing?- The Killing Joke

Oh, yes! Fill the churches with dirty thoughts! Introduce honesty to the White House! Write letters in dead languages to people you've never met! Paint filthy words on the foreheads of children! Burn your credit cards and wear high heels! Asylum doors stand open! Fill the suburbs with murder and rape! Divine madness! Let there be ecstasy, ecstasy in the streets! Laugh and the world laughs with you! -Arkham Asylum

The guy goes into the hospital, okay? His wife's just had a baby and he can't wait to see them both. So he meets the doctor and he says, 'Oh, Doc, I've been so worried. How are they?' And the doctor smiles and says, 'They're fine. Just fine. Your wife's delivered a healthy baby boy and they're both in tip-top form. You're one lucky guy.' So the guy rushes into the maternity ward with his flowers. But it's empty. His wife's bed is empty. 'Doc?' He says and turns around and the doctor and all the nurses wave their arms and scream in his face. 'April fool! Your wife's dead and the baby's a spastic!!'" (he executes an asylum orderly with a gunshot to the head) "Get it? Oh, what a senseless waste of human life!-Arkham Asylum

Its true, Batsy.I know Everything. And,kind of like the Kid who peeks at His Christmas Presents,Its sadly Anticlimactic. Behind all the Stern and Batarangs, You're just a little Boy in a Playsuit, crying for Mommy and Daddy. It'd be Funny if it weren't so Pathetic. What the Heck, I'll laugh anyway...-Return of The Joker

You..You really are incorruptible, aren't you? You won't kill me out of some misplaced sense of self -righteousness, and I won't kill you because you are to much fun. I think you and I are destined to do this forever.-The Dark Knight

Joker: Uh... God you disgust me. You have no charm at all all just...Obviousness. Dumb,dull disappointing. Obvious. Shame on you. Obvious...And everybody knows it. You wear your shame like a badge because you don't have the balls to actually put one on. Yes...just look at you...desperate to be feared you want to be perceived as a monster, draped in black. And yet...you leave that little window....Aglimpse at the perfection underneath. Obvious...the chiseled good looks...not the jaw but the mouth of a monster...Why do you let it be seen? Tell me why.

Batman: To mock you. (grinning) -The Joker

Love these.

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