This is me.
After Gothic went up in flames I got moved to NYC. Thought I'd make a new life for myself. Because everybody loves the city of second chances, right? Wrong. I work from 9 to 5, doing a boring desk job in big boring company. Some guys would kill for the position I am in. Some have. Not me.
I make do and do it well enough so that my boss can't fire me. But I also don't overachive so that my morbidly obese, mongoloid boss doesn't think about promoting me. I maintain a steady level of able-bodied incompetence, for the money and the occassional hearsay.
Now, after I clock off is where things get saucy. For me that is. F##k social life, okay? I am not a dog. Domesticated ignorance of spayed men. I am a wolf, throtting at the mouth for some adrenaline. I am a junkie cruisin' for the next bruisin'. You know that one action movie cliché? They give the main character an option: 'You can either run and live or stay and die.'
But they don't mention that it's nothing but witty melodrama intended to give some illusory meaning to all the deaths in the next scene. Living itself is still suicide. Death comes howlin' either way and we are just nature's little monsters with a sense of self. Splinter of nature grown seperate from nature itself. A doctor would call that a tumor. We haven't proven ourselves as anything else.
Me? I embrace death. I welcome it like a distant lover. I rigorously prepare for it every night. The drumbeat I play off of the boxing bag is a sonet striving for her attention. Each osseous crunch in my digits, a rose petal inviting her to my coffin. Why?
Because I die on my own terms.
“Be ashamed to die until you have won some victory for humanity.” Horace Mann said that. And you know what? He was right. My life was wasted long before I was born, into a social cesspool. I tried to be better. I taught myself when the schools shut down but smarts don't save you from a life full of stealing and cheating. Smarts only make it easy. My life should have been another spark lost in the nuclear fires that finally cleansed Gothic City.
But I was selfish and opted to live.
Never again.
I die on my own terms. And I won't die until this city, my city, becomes place worth living for.
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