What is your opinion on ethical non-monogamy?

What other people do in their bedrooms with other people is none of my business. That's between them and their maker.

The fourth one. Around here, historically it was quite common for a man to have more than one wife till laws were made against it. Wouldn't have much to say about what others do, just not something I see myself doing.

The only way I'd consider having more than one wife is if I were a king or feudal lord who married to unite kingdoms and needed an army of children as back up, lol.

@princearagorn1: 15 broads like the King of Norway LOL?

@thepreface:

Why not King Soloman and his 700 wives? Aim higher :p

I'm monogamous myself, but I don't really see anything wrong with non-monogamous relationships.

I would never ever ever ever do it myself, but other people can do whatever they want.

Monogamy is insane. Either be celibate or screw everything in sight.

I'm still thrown by the fact you decided to call this "ethical non-monogamy." Why not call it.... consensual polygamy?

That's like asking.... what's your opinion on moral killings, defined as killing for morally right reasons....are they morally justified?

Whatever rocks your boat as a consenting adult

I have no opinion on the matter. People can do whatever they want.

@luna_joestar said:

An' it harm none, do what ye will.

No idea what the hell you are even talking about so I don't give a damn.

@princearagorn1: The more kids you have, the more likely one will betray you and/or their siblings.

I think it's kind of good that polygamy isn't allowed in most countries, I don't have any problems with people having multiple lovers or sharing lovers or open relationships (only if it's consensual of course) but if a guy or girl marries more than one person then it can become really problematic, like say person A is married to B, C, D and D is married to X, Y, Z and same with B and C and X, Y, Z and others, it will be a huge mess, better to marry only one person and have an open relationship agreement.

Because polygamy implies marriage, because gamy comes from the ancient greek word gamos, which means marriage. That is why a lot of people choose the term polyamory or ethical non-monogamy to differentiate between someone who is non-monogamous and someone who is married to multiple people. The former is a relationship preference, the latter is a marriage set up.

I mostly agree with this. I am non-monogamous myself but I don't support polygamy, mostly because I don't support the institute that is marriage and secondly because it just paves the way for more trouble than its worth.

That's a way to look at it.

@batman242: @zetsumoto:

Psh. If one betrays, the other 100 will take care of it. :p

When/how did this shit become GoT?

Yeah. I don't really care what trips your trigger as long as it's consensual.

My energy is far better spent elsewhere than worrying about what makes other people happy

Shhh...just let it happen...

Let's not.

Back on topic, there is a nice GoT thread out there.

I think polygamy is disgusting and immoral

@khael: how so?

@lpnq: @thepreface: So it's also none of their wives business? That's stupid.

Wait, what are you even saying?

@cpt_nice: Replying to post #1 and #2

@khael: I don't understand what you're saying Khael. Be more specific please.

No that's not what i said.

I said "What other people do in their bedrooms with other people is none of my business. That's between them and their maker."

Meaning i dont care about what people do behind closed scenes. And it is the wive's business or else it wouldn't be happening in the first place.

@lpnq said:

So it's also none of their wives business? That's stupid.

It doesn't hurt you, it hurts someone else.

Polygamy is a form of affair no matter how you look at it, do you really think women like being played or two timed like that? I've seen a LOT of polygamists case in my country, it never ended well for the first wife. Even if they pretend to be happy, jealousy is still unavoidable unless they probably don't actually love each other, well one of them obviously is

@khael:

So it's also none of their wives business? That's stupid.

It doesn't hurt you, it hurts someone else.

First off, this thread is not specifically about polygamy but non-monogamy in general.

Secondly, polygamous marriages also happen with one woman and several men.

Thirdly, if this set up is decided with consensual adults, how is it hurtful.

Polygamy is a form of affair no matter how you look at it, do you really think women like being played or two timed like that?

How is anyone being two timed if everyone is aware? The whole thing about ETHICAL non monogamy is the fact that everyone is informed and willing. Otherwise it would be cheating.

I admit I misread the statements. You weren't being clear regardless

@khael: If a man can support his wives and children finacially and emotionally and all parties are aware what is exactly the problem?

What's being discussed in this thread is consensual. No deception or duplicity.

@cpt_nice:

First off, this thread is not specifically about polygamy but non-monogamy in general.

Non-monogamy is polygamy if I'm not mistaken, or single. There's nothing wrong of being single tho

Secondly, polygamous marriages also happen with one woman and several men.

It's just a reverse scenario, same thing

Thirdly, if this set up is decided with consensual adults, how is it hurtful.

Like I said, jealousy is unavoidable.

How is anyone being two timed if everyone is aware? The whole thing about ETHICAL non monogamy is the fact that everyone is informed and willing. Otherwise it would be cheating.

Dude, do you realize that there's a lot of coercion polygamy even though it remains unexposed most of the time? Love requires affection, faithfulness, and trust. I don't even want to debate this anymore. *sigh

No deception, doesn't mean no jealousy. And no, at the best scenario, polygamist can only support their family financially

@khael:

Non-monogamy is polygamy if I'm not mistaken, or single. There's nothing wrong of being single tho

They are not interchangeable. Non-monogamy is an umbrella term for dozens of different set-ups, including swinging, open relationships and polygamy, which is specifically a marriage involving 3 or more people.

It's just a reverse scenario, same thing

Ok, I was just saying because you specifically mentioned the one man and multiple wives.

Like I said, jealousy is unavoidable.

I disagree, some people do not feel jealousy, or do but have their ways of dealing with it. One of the ways society perpetuates monogamy as the sole way of doing relationships is by saying jealousy is an emotion in which one needs to cater to the wishes of the one feeling jealous, and does not expect the one feeling jealous to do some introspection.

Dude, do you realize that there's a lot of coercion polygamy even though it remains unexposed most of the time?

In religious polygamy, undoubtely. That is not the main focus of this thread though. In fact, if you read the OP I barely mention it. You make this thread solely about polygamy. I do not even support the act of marriage myself, but people need to do what they want.

Love requires affection, faithfulness, and trust. I don't even want to debate this anymore.

That is up to you.

This is about sex rather than love. It takes all of me to love my partner fully. I couldn't love two partners the way I want to love my current partner.

@cpt_nice:

They are not interchangeable. Non-monogamy is an umbrella term for dozens of different set-ups, including swinging, open relationships and polygamy, which is specifically a marriage involving 3 or more people.

In other word: Polygamy

disagree, some people do not feel jealousy, or do but have their ways of dealing with it. One of the ways society perpetuates monogamy as the sole alternative of doing relationships is by saying jealousy is an emotion in which one needs to cater to the wishes of the one feeling jealous, and does not expect the one feeling jealous to do some introspection.

Uh oh, jealousy is natural. Literally everyone has this feeling unless they don't actually love one another. Even a known polygamist admits this fact. I don't think it's about dealing with it, it's more on living through it.

Still wondering why would a married man/woman date others knowing they have a wife/husband. Having the thought of it or even doing it is already a proof of unfaithfulness

@khael:

In other word: Polygamy

In other words, read what I just said. It really is not hard.

Uh oh, jealousy is natural.

How?

Literally everyone has this feeling unless they don't actually love one another.

Yet I don't, and I know plenty of other people who don't or rarely feel this particular emotion. What evidence do you have for this?

Even a known polygamist admits this fact.

I am going to say again, we are not talking just about polygamy here, I feel you are being obtuse for the sake of it. Also, because one person shares their views, does not make it so.

Still wondering why would a married man/woman date others knowing they have a wife/husband. Having the thought of it or even doing it is already a proof of unfaithfulness

Depends on your definition of unfaithfulness I presume.

@cpt_nice:

In other words, read what I just said. It really is not hard.

I did. You were like describing polygamy :/

How?

Well, even psychologists confirm this fact. This isn't even debatable

Yet I don't, and I know plenty of other people who don't or rarely feel this particular emotion. What evidence do you have for this?

Yes, have you ever loved someone then she rejected you horribly and married another guy? Did you feel happy about it or did you feel something in your chest instead? That's jealousy, you stated you don't support marriage itself so I don't expect you to understand.

I am going to say again, we are not talking just about polygamy here, I feel you are being obtuse for the sake of it. Also, because one person shares their views, does not make it so.

So none of your evidence is legit either. I'd say all polygamists are wrong and if people stated their view that supports it, I don't care because one person shares their views, does not make it so.

Depends on your definition of unfaithfulness I presume.

Faithful in my language only has one meaning, literally

@khael:

I did. You were like describing polygamy :/

Once more, non-monogamy is an umbrella term describing every non-monogamous relationship form, including those with no marriage, at all. Polygamy is limited to marriages involving more than 2 people. This thread is about non-monogamy, not polygamy specifically, and I feel you are derailing things by making it about that exclusively.

Well, even psychologists confirm this fact. This isn't even debatable

That is a bold claim, so proof please.

Yes, have you ever loved someone then she rejected you horribly and married another guy? Did you feel happy about it or did you feel something in your chest instead? That's jealousy, you stated you don't support marriage itself so I don't expect you to understand.

So because I don't support marriage I can't know what it feels like to be rejected? Seriously, how old are you?

http://www.bentley.edu/impact/articles/nowuknow-why-millennials-refuse-get-married

Millenials are moving away from marriage, it literally is at an all time low. Does that mean these people do not have loving relationships?

Anyway, when I get rejected, I feel sad, not jealous. Two totally different emotions.

So none of your evidence is legit either. I'd say all polygamists are wrong and if people stated their view that supports it, I don't care because one person shares their views, does not make it so.

I am not the one claiming that all people this or that, you are the one doing that, without providing a shred of evidence. Generalisation usually is not the way to go.

Faithful in my language only has one meaning, literally

Good for you. Faithfulness in my eyes has nothing to do with monogamy, but with honesty and consent.

@cpt_nice:

That is a bold claim, so proof please.

Google it. Anything about jealousy from psychologist's article

I am not the one claiming that all people this or that, you are the one doing that, without providing a shred of evidence. Generalisation usually is not the way to go.

Should I need to? There are already too many cases about this, you just need to open your eyes even though most of them don't write articles on internet

Anyway, when I get rejected, I feel sad, not jealous.

I wasn't only talking about being rejected

Good for you. Faithfulness in my eyes has nothing to do with monogamy, but with honesty and consent.

This is literally the most absurd thing I've ever heard. Monogamy is mainly based on faithfulness, you can google this as well

I'm done here

Okay, I'm willing to accept the connotations of the term, though I feel it could still be clarified by saying polygamy(in terms of relationships, not marriage), but non-monogamy seems just as efficient a word. Learn something new every day.

I'm still confused about why history coined the term "ethical" non-monogamy. Seems like "non-monogamy" in and of itself clarifies the meaning in the same way---though neither version overtly clarifies that its not referring to marriage. Throwing ethical in front of it does not modify the behavior into being ethical----ethics usually has the connotations of rules of society or underlying rules. So, its strange to use it to modify some sort of personal type of relationship to mean its more open.

Not saying non-monogamy is unethical, just saying throwing "ethical" in front of it to somehow make it more open than "non-monogamy" doesn't make sense, conceptually, for whoever created the term, far as I can presently tell.

@khael:

Google it. Anything about jealousy from psychologist's article

Nah, you are the one making bold claims, prove them or refrain from saying stuff you can't back up.

Should I need to? There are already too many cases about this, you just need to open your eyes even though most of them don't write articles on internet

That sounds a lot like, "I am just saying whatever, trust me on this".

I wasn't only talking about being rejected

What were you talking about then?

This is literally the most absurd thing I've ever heard. Monogamy is mainly based on faithfulness, you can google this as well

http://www.dictionary.com/browse/faithfulness

Faithful,

strict or thorough in the performance of duty:

true to one's word, promises, vows, etc.

So in other words, if my partner and I have a series of rules within our non-monogamous relationship, and we stick to them, we are being faithful. Faithfulness as in sexual exclusivity is one way to be faithful. I do not follow said believe.

I'm done here

Ok

@jezer:

Okay, I'm willing to accept the connotations of the term, though I feel it could still be clarified by saying polygamy(in terms of relationships, not marriage), but non-monogamy seems just as efficient a word. Learn something new every day.

Indeed.

I'm still confused about why history coined the term "ethical" non-monogamy. Seems like "non-monogamy" in and of itself clarifies the meaning in the same way. ethics usually has the connotations of rules of society or underlying rules. So, its strange to use it to modify some sort of personal type of relationship to mean its more open. Not saying non-monogamy is unethical, just saying throwing "ethical" in front of it to somehow make it more open than "non-monogamy" doesn't make conceptual sense for whoever created the term, far as I can presently tell.

I understand your point. I don't always use the term ethical non-monogamy in full, because that is a mouthful and I also agree the term clarifies the meaning. I did so in the OP because people not familiar with the concept tend to say things like "Oh so like cheating?" or "Oh so like cheating but with permission?". The idea is that the fact that there is clear consent and knowledge makes it ethical, as to make a clear distinction between non-consensual non-monogamy (cheating and forced polygamy as happens in some nations) and other forms.

I picked the fourth one.

I don't know how people do it, but I certainly wasn't able to do it, and I should have known better than to have tried.

I DID try the polyamory thing because my ex wife wanted it so badly and everything, However, she's not to blame because I made the choice to say yes, even though it went against my principles and how I've always felt about things. Point is, told her we'd try it, with the option to say "Nope, didn't like it, we're out" The option wasn't given to me when I took it until I say the "D" word, by that time it was too late.

Anybody reading...I'm NOT saying people are wrong for doing anything like this, I'm saying be SURE of what you're doing, and WHY before you get involved with anything like this. I'm not saying it's wrong AT ALL.

I AM saying think about this... Think about how complicated a relationship is with ONE other person. The ups and downs, the traumas, heartaches, and all that. Now throw a third person into the mix. Not saying it's BAD just it can be very VERY complicated. Just be careful folks. Also...I've seen people do it, and do very well at it...with kids and everything...yep..two husbands two wives..buncha kids. So...it CAN work..just not me :)

EDIT PS: Point of interest...that four person family I mentioned...only the actual "couples" of husband and wife were actually "legally married" I hope I explained that right.

@cpt_nice: It isn't hard to google something, you know and you lack common sense. Not arguing about polygamy tho, this argument is literally the definition pointless