@mynamewasdeleted:
I agree about changing up the questions -- makes a difference. I wish I was aware of this thread sooner -- but what I have read up to now has been enlightening.
1) Do you think that a Trans gender women has the responsibility of telling their potential partner/suitor of their medical history?
I wouldn't call it a responsibility -- no one should feel they HAVE to share something so intimate with a potential partner/suitor. Outside of the first few dates, I wouldn't think so and it if turns out there is a real connection happening, then maybe? For me, personally -- they wouldn't have to tell me -- I hate to think they would feel they needed to. There is enough gamble when starting a relationship -- do you tell someone everything about you asap -- just to avoid potential pitfalls? Some people feel they should and so they do, expecting the same in return and that's fair I suppose. For me, not at all. Something about that person was attractive to me, something about that person made me want to get to know them better. That's all that matters to me.
Again, I wouldn't expect them to tell me. This goes for trans gender men as well. I would be more focused on making the first few dates enjoyable and not awkward.
2) Would you continue dating them if this fact was established early on in the relationship? Even if you really liked them.
If I really liked them, then I would absolutely keep on dating them. This question is a bit weird to me because if you do really like them, then why would you stop liking them? Did something dramatically change? They are still who they are, they are still the person you were attracted to and someone who you developed feelings for. Maybe it's just me but when someone shares intimate information about themselves to me, I am very touched and humbled and grateful I was found to be someone who they felt safe enough with to be so open and forthcoming about themselves -- whether they were trans gender or anything else of which they felt hesitant to reveal.
So yes, I would continue dating them. I would be more excited about finding someone I really liked to be honest.
3) If you were in a long relationship with a trans person and figured out about the op later, what would be your thoughts and what would you do?
This is what I find some difficulty with. A long relationship with someone translates to me a mutual trust and a shared sense of safety between two people. If someone I am involved with for a long time genuinely believed them being trans gender is of no consequence -- then reacting as though it IS a big deal would be wrong on my part. It's not wrong of me to ask a million questions, it's not wrong of me to express my disappointment in that I would have wanted to have known about the difficulties they may endured because of being trans gender but I wouldn't leave them? I still love them (I am assuming) so I wouldn't want to lose them. I am not saying it would be simple but knowing who I am, I am comfortable stating I would be very open with my long time partner so a discussion about it would happen. It wouldn't determine the outcome of whether or not the relationship ends -- at least on my part.
Where it gets tricky is if this was hidden from me specifically because they felt I would react negatively. How do you recover from that? If someone who cares about me believes it possible I would stop loving them because of them being trans gender, it would really, really hurt me. I would question myself for not making them feel safe enough to be able to share it with me -- that I would judge them and reject them -- this is what will hurt me, maybe irrevocably. I would still be their friend and be in their lives, but it would be a huge blow to our relationship romantically. I would be open to attempting a fix of some sort -- there is so much to consider which could explain why it was never shared with me, like a previous experience where someone they loved rejected them and so it scarring them. Much like say an abused person may flinch or react with genuine fear when someone raises their voice -- or begs someone to not hurt them despite there never being evidence to substantiate such a response? We are all not clean slates -- most of us anyway -- so revealing anything about yourself can be potentially nerve-wracking.
Sorry for the non-answer, I really thought about this and the above is pretty much how I approach this. I can understand how people might feel deceived -- especially if a relationship turns romantic and/or sexual. Hopefully those who are trans gender don't find themselves attracted to only superficial people and seek instead true connections with another person. I think there would be less chance of this being an issue than if you are pursuing a relationship with someone you feel only a physical attraction to and nothing else.
Log in to comment