I took a girl out on a date and we had a great time. Even capped it off with a hug and kiss. But later I found out she had a boyfriend. I immediately ended the relationship because of my spiritual beliefs. But I'm still insanely attracted to her and I have to see her all the time at work. What should I do
@sog7dc: Okay my first post was a joke, don't go killing people.
If she has a boyfriend and goes out on a date with you, that just shows that if you become the new boyfriend, she's gonna do the same thing to you..... Well, basically what Stegman said.
Break it off and find things that take your mind off of her.
Drop it like a bad habit and give her a reason to seek you out, crave more from you. I wouldn't want some dude messing with a girl I was dating so I'd respect their relationship. In that same token by pulling out like a baoz it gives her more incentive to please you and shed some insecurities/dilemmas she has by not 'meeting YOUR standards'.. but seriously dude, the fact that she's still with the guy and giving you sloppy seconds tells you everything you need to know about her. Don't catch feelings bro. How many other rebound guys do you think she's seen in the past? Surely you haven't been the only one. And another thing, if you meet eyes and she holds her gaze for more than 3 sec, she wants dat D :3
Maybe she's testing you out to see if she wants you to be her next boyfriend? Maybe she'll leave her current boyfriend for you. Maybe she's looking for a good enough reason to leave what she has for something better?
Idk. I've been guilty of this before, and not because I'm not a 'loyal' female (Eyeroll. I'm a woman, not a dog, and my relationship track record is astounding, fyi.), but simply because the love I had for the person I was with faded and I had simply fallen in love with someone else. I was in process of breaking up with them and just ended up transitioning into my next relationship so there was no clear cut single period between the two. That being said, if you like her enough and value and respect her as a person you could talk to her about it and give her a chance to explain herself. If she likes you enough and values and respects you as a person, she'll be upfront with you and you'll find out whether she wants you or if she's just fickle.
Or you could just be an immature ass and not take into consideration any feelings that she may harbor for you, and just run away from the entire situation like a pup with your tail between your legs. Best thing would just be to talk to her about it, like respectful adults.
@theacidskull: Yeah, but if you're terrible at letting people down, like me, that becomes a slow process and sometimes somethings end up overlapping. And you can't dictate when or how you'll develop feelings. It just happens. Sometimes at inconvenient times.
I just keep thinking about what would make that girl date someone, when she has a boyfriend. In my mind, it means she no longer has feelings for her boyfriend, cause if she's anything like me, she can only really care for one person at a time. Which would mean her heart lies with OP. But I know not all girls are like, so she might be a lil player. The only way to find out is if he talks to her.
Why do you like her? Why does she like you? Why does she like her current boyfriend? I agree with ragdollpurps assessment here most, you seem like a mature intelligent person, much of this seems like it could be resolved if you talk to the girl you like honestly and candidly. Tell her you like her and are attracted to her, and find out how interested she is in with you. If she has mutual feelings for you, explain to her that its not in your nature to be involved with someone while they are attached to another person romantically. Then depending on how you feel, you give her time to come to her own conclusions and maker her own decisions. Maybe she was just stringing you along for the attention, maybe she cares about her boyfriend more, maybe she cares about you more, I definitely don't know heh heh.
Thing is you also have to sort out your feelings and thoughts as well, because do you really really like her? Maybe you just like her because you know you can't have her and she is taboo because she is with another guy and that excites you. What happens if you feel differently after she breaks up with the other guy because she likes you more as a person? What happens if she meets another guy that she likes more than you down the line? What happens if you met another girl in another relationship that you are even more attracted to? Lots of what ifs there and that can make decisions hard. Some of these questions only you can answer as well. Some only the girl your attracted to can answer. Some of these things can only be answered with time and they run the risk of much heartbreak, guilt and regret. Those things are also true pretty much no matter what you do (guilt and regret and heartbreak of not taking a different course of action)
I'd say be real with yourself about how much you like this girl. Let her know and also let her know what kind of person you are. presumably she likes you a bit so she has to know you a bit, which should mean she should know that you aren't the kind of person to be romantically attached to her if she is seeing someone else. Puts her in a spot where she has to choose, but presumably you can give her a period of time that you are both comfortable with to sort out your feelings.
Good luck either way.
@ragdollpurps: I relate to the whole falling out of love thing and not wanting to let people down. Typically I end up stuck and wanting the relationship to end and hopefully they break up with me. It is a pain in the tuchus when you are in a relationship that has become lackluster or stale for you and you like someone else but are kind of too polite to end it.
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