I could not believe it. Manhattan. He didn't kill me. He teleported me. I wasn't sure where I was. But I wasn't known here. People did not recognise my costume. Here, nobody knew Superman. It was a city that looked similar to Gotham, or Metropolis. I couldn't quite tell which one. Almost like it was the two, blended together. I had a chance to do whatever I wanted, Lois Lane did not exist here, and so, I had nothing to worry about. Although I felt bad killing ordinary, unmasked humans. I had to find someone with powers. I had to find the best this universe has to offer. I started off as boring old Clark Kent again. I got a job as a reporter, just like before. This time at a paper called The Daily Bugle. The top story was almost always about someone called "The Spider-Man" and how he constantly saves the day. I had found my man.
I had done my research on this guy and discovered 2 things. The first, he has a tough time balancing heroism and a civilian life. The second, his name is Peter Parker. I followed him around at a safe distance long enough to figure it out. It was time to launch my attack. I set a building on fire with my heat vision, and just waited. It took about 10 minutes, but the hero had arrived. He came swinging through the city, majestically, like a true American hero. Until I intercepted him and drove him into the burning building. There I stood. Face to face with this universes best. "Good afternoon, Peter" I said calmly and arrogantly. The fact that I used his name seemed to have scared him. He was shaken. "Who are you and how do you know my name?!" he replied. I laughed. "Oh, Parker. I am everything you're not. I am faster, smarter, stronger, and better. I, am Superman, and it's time for you to die."
He shot that stupid web over my mouth and cockily spoke "Oh, just shut up! Do you know how many people have tried that same old crap on me? People like Venom, Doc Ock, Green Goblin, Kingpin. The list goes on. What makes you different, pal?" It seems like I have new names added to my list, providing Spider-Man hasn't already killed them. "What makes me different, Pete. Is I could kill them all as well. I plan to, in fact. Consider this a declaration of war. You, and your superpowered friends, Parker. Are finished." The building was still on fire and coming closer to collapsing. In the interest of showing off, I put out the fire with my breath and then began beating the hell out of Spider-Man. The man can fight. He put up even more of a fight than Captain Marvel did! Had me trapped in that web of his for abit, and repeatedly struck my face. He's fast, but once I stopped humouring him and broke the web, it was all but over. I grabbed him by the throat and flew off. I'm taking this one to help me find the next one.
We flew around the city for little over an hour, he refused to tell me where the next strongest was. He just kept saying I need to talk to "The Merc With The Mouth." Hmm. I didn't know who that was. Or how annoying he would be. But nevertheless I needed to find him. I broke 3 of Pete's limbs and threatened his family, that's all it took to find this guy. We were on our way to meet Wade Wilson. Deadpool. Parker said he was the most annoying man in the universe. But on the way we were interrupted. By a monster that Parker simply called "The Sandman" He appears to have control over sand, and uses it to shape shift. He reminds me of a more human version of Clayface. This is going to be fun.
Sandman was a tough one. Not only does he shapeshift, and size change, but he has control over his density aswell. This made him physically stronger than even me! After the first shot, with his hand in the form of a giant hammer hit me in the head. I wasn't thinking straight. Nobody had hit me that hard since Doomsday. I was rushing and fighting sloppily. In short. I was getting my ass kicked. I needed to relax and collect my thoughts, so I threw Spider-Man in the way and let him deal with it for a while. While Sandman was wiping the floor with Spider-Man it hit me. He was like Clayface, and the best way to be Clayface was by freezing him. I used the freeze breath but didn't cover everything. Then I had the definitive idea, something I should have thought of to begin with. Heat vision. Duh. I heated his face up until it was glassed. Then simply smashed it. He regenerated. I needed the good old Joker and Marvel method. It annoyed me that I had to use this again, as it began to bore me. But then I had a better idea. "Spider-Man. Can this guy breath in space?" I asked the bug. "I highly doubt it." Was the reply. Brilliant. Solitary confinement it was for Sandman. I froze him, and took him to Mercury. He can stay there. I headed back to Earth, picked up Parker and continued in pursuit of Deadpool.
It took a while, even for me. But we found him. He reminded me of Spider-Man. He seemed unusually calm when I told him what I had done to Spider-Man and Sandman. He really was annoying. 'Hey big guy. They call me Deadpool. Whassup brosef? I'm not to be confused with that geek you just pummelled. I'm far more dangerous, and not to mention, I'm far more handsome than he is." He said almost happily, before rasing his mask to wink at me. He has holes in his head, at least they look like holes. "Well, Deadpool. They call me Superman and I am in no mood for games. Speaking of which. Spider-Man, you successfully lead me to this idiot. You are no longer required." That was the end of Spider-Man. I snapped his body in two. after pummelling him, breaking 3 appendages then making him fight Sandman. Peter Parker, was dead.
"You know, there was a famous story about me killing alot of the superheroes in our universe. It had like 5 whole issues. Great, great reads." He said, baffling me. "I already told you, Wade. I am in. No mood. For games!" I felt a rage burning inside me I hadn't felt since being back in Metropolis. I dashed towards him at near light speed, took his own sword from off his back, and sliced that annoying buffoon in two. Deadpool, was dead. Or so I thought. He got up. He got up, and he healed himself. "Haha, yeah. Not gonna work, dude. you see. I can't die. No matter how much I want to, I just can't. I have a healing factor far beyond anything you're capable of, oh and that mean, half dead lunch lady lookin dude Thanos won't let me enter the realm of death. So yep. Immortal." He couldn't die. I couldn't win. He went on to explain that he can travel dimensions and universes. I thought if you can't beat them. Join them. I hired him, to help me find and kill every other hero and villain in this universe, and then, we would move on to another universe. And another, until I was no longer angry, or I had killed everything.
The fun...
Was just beginning...
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